Coming Out

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Celever

Celever

Wheeeee~
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So, I have some news. I'm gay. I know that I don't know many of you very well, but the internet is a place where I can be myself with the blessing of anonymity. I've got some close internet friends on the other site which I've talked to already, but I still need advice. Let me fill you in on a couple of things first...

No one IRL knows that I'm gay. None of them really have any idea. My parents will be cool with it (my Dad moreso than my Mum, but she'll be really supportive after a while) but that's not what I'm really scared about. My Mum's side of the family is mormon (except for my Mum, who's atheist/agnostic) and they probably won't accept me. They barely accept the fact that I'm vegetarian. My Dad's side of the family will be completely fine with it besides my uncle (who's this big macho man), but we're really not that close anyway.

My friends have a running gag with me that I'm gay, because I "don't have a crush" (I do, but why would I tell anyone? Right now I'm straight to them) so I feel like if I come out to them they'll think it's all some big joke and not take me seriously, which would just be a huge nightmare.

Things WILL change between me and everyone else in my life should I come out, which is the only thing I'm scared of really.

My advice on my other site was just about support and not telling people until you're ready and all that, but really I need some more opinions, since I've only told my close friends on Smogon, and this site is in general more welcoming. Just, does anyone have any advice on coming out? Does anyone have any experience with it, even? I just need some help.

(Is this a bit heavy for a PG13 Pokemon fansite? :p)
 
cool.

Tell people you trust at first, whether it's friends or your dad or a pastor if you're into that sort of thing. Then you can tell everyone else when you're ready. It's not really something you have to advertise to everyone you meet, so don't worry about it. (If you dress like a stereotypical gay dude then they will probably figure it out on their own).

Things shouldn't change as much as you think they will. If your friends don't accept you, they were never your friends and it's time to get better friends. It's really as simple as that.
 
I can't relate to anything like this and I look up to your bravery for doing this. My advice is the same as PMJ's, tell people who you are close to first then let everyone else know. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of and you should not fear their disapproval. If they can't support you being gay then they don't deserve your presence. Tell people when you are ready. It takes a lot to take that step but I think your life will become so much better because you get it out.
 
PMJ said:
Things shouldn't change as much as you think they will. If your friends don't accept you, they were never your friends and it's time to get better friends. It's really as simple as that.
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That's good to hear, darling, and I think that is the best advice anyone could ever give you; it sounds like the close and more important people in your family will already support you (maybe even you big macho uncle, who knows?), and that's all that really matters; blood is nowhere near as a big deal as people make it out be. (not to mention that many of those people who make it a big deal are the kind of people that worries you).

Also, the second best advice anyone could ever give you: pink boas and leather are unflattering and tacky. Never use them.
I'm kidding; as if anyone could ever stop a gay man from using that if they want to. No matter how tacky they look, sadly; I'm serious, please don't use those.
 
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Thanks for the advice guys. I texted my two best friends and told them, because I wouldn't have the confidence to do it in person. They said that it's fine which is good, but I still haven't seen them in person yet and I won't until Monday. I've told them to tell everyone else, so I'm p much content rn. I guess only time will tell who's OK with it and who's not.

I haven't told any of my family yet. I'm sorta hoping one of my friends will let it slip by accident sometime and I won't have to tell the. I really don't know how I would go about it.

Once again, thanks for the advice, it was a big help! :]
 
I think it would be best if you tell your parents. If you don't feel comfortable telling them yet then don't but if you do simply tell them that you have something very important to tell them and break the news. This is a difficult step but is something that should be done sometime. I don't think that putting it off will make you feel better. You could even pull aside one of your parents and tell them. I can't relate to anything like this but when I talk to my parents (like an adult) they tend to respect what I have to say and accept it.
 
Camoclone said:
I think it would be best if you tell your parents. If you don't feel comfortable telling them yet then don't but if you do simply tell them that you have something very important to tell them and break the news. This is a difficult step but is something that should be done sometime. I don't think that putting it off will make you feel better. You could even pull aside one of your parents and tell them. I can't relate to anything like this but when I talk to my parents (like an adult) they tend to respect what I have to say and accept it.
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Yeah, they'll have to find out at some point, but this isn't a good time. My Mum's finishing up her final year at Uni (and Uni is being really difficult) and one of my Dad's best friends died of pancreatic cancer last week. I know that my Mum will be able to handle it better if she doesn't find out directly from me because we set each other off crying too much, which is why I don't really want to tell her myself.

Eventually I'll have to at some point though, because I can't hide it from them for my whole life. I just need to wait a bit. I am only 14 (my age on here is wrong) so I'm pretty sure they'll think I'm "too young to know" or something, but I am. Telling all of my friends is a big enough step for now IMO.

Once again, thanks for the advice though. I'll think it over more x____x.
 
Celever,

I commend you for your bravery in coming out. It's not an easy thing to do. LGBTQ people all over the world have struggled in doing this, but know there is just as much if not more support for you out there than there is hate and rejection. Do not ever shy away from being yourself because of one or a few people's opinions of you.

As for your parents, I would personally tell them when the timing is right. It could be months from now until things are calmer, or until a conversation with them feels right. Without a doubt telling your parents is the hardest part of coming out, and it'll likely cause a stir of emotion. So don't pick a time that is stressful already. As for me, I told my dad when we were both in the car (after it was stopped of course) and he said something like he didn't care that people were gay, because if they were mostly good people thats all that mattered. That's all the assurance I needed things would be okay between him and me. My mom wasn't as open minded, me and my Dad agreed to tell her later. It was emotional and stressful, but in the end, everything was fine. My friends didn't care. I had a few strange comments out of lack of understanding, but that was about it. lol

Celever said:
I'm pretty sure they'll think I'm "too young to know" or something, but I am. Telling all of my friends is a big enough step for now IMO.
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I responded to this with "I've thought about this for a long time now, and I will continue to. But I'm sure this is how I am. It's not a phase."
 
I agree with what everyone else has said. I've been with my girlfriend for over two and a half years now and it took a month before I told my parents that I had a girlfriend (because I've never dated anyone before). Timing is pretty key though. If things are stressful for your parents, I would suggest waiting it out until it's calm. I told my friends first about my girlfriend, and then my family afterwards.
I didn't tell any of my family, minus my parents. My mom asked me if I wanted to tell everyone else, or if I didn't feel comfortable enough then she said that she would tell any family member that I was comfortable with knowing. So I let her tell everyone else in the family.
For your mom's side of the family, it'll take time for them to accept you. My girlfriend's grandparents are devout Catholic and they don't accept our relationship, so I've not been able to go to any family gatherings on her side. Her other grandparents are accepting of us though. And luckily, both my grandparents love my girlfriend, so she's always welcome at my family gatherings.
But it's been over two years and her grandparents still don't accept me and I'm not sure when and if they ever will. But you just learn to live with it, because who you're with makes you happy. That's what makes it worth it to me. I'm hoping they end up accepting our relationship, but only time will tell.
As for my friends, they were all pretty accepting.
Hopefully that helped, and sorry if it didn't >.<
If you have any more questions or anything, you can always drop me a PM or something. :)
 
It's certainly not something to be rushed, but if you have confidence in your family's acceptance then it seems something you can ease into. Close friends tend to have inklings regardless of how opaque the closet is.
 
I know I'm super late but I wanted to point something else I feel is important. Even if your Mormon relatives don't accept you, please don't get the idea that Christians are all homophobic bigots because that's not who they is. I'm not gonna go into too much detail or commit the "No true Scotsman Fallacy". Westboro Baptist Church is certainly not Christian because they speak hate, not love and seem to insist on everyone converting instead of making a personal choice. Other "Christians" who say they hate gays probably aren't Christians either. They are supposed to love others even if they don't agree with they lifestyle nom sayin'?

What I'm trying to say is, don't look at a group of people and always think "well they're like this; all of them!".
 
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