Writing Cynthia's Childhood (Part 2)

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MightyMightyena

Aspiring Trainer
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Continued from part 1. Sorry for the delay.

Cynthia swerved, but then just jumped off when she saw her bike heading for the bushes. Landing nimbly on her feet, she saw the Gible was injured on its back and had collapsed in the street. She rushed over and examined the wound. It was made by a Starly, judging by the marks. Cynthia rummaged through her pack and found the anitseptic her Grandmother insisted she carry around, useful in humans and Pokemon. Unfortunately, she couldn't find anything to use as a bandage. She lathered on the antiseptic and the Gible relaxed a bit.

Thinking quickly, she took off her bandanna and wrapped it around the injured Pokemon. Gible made a sort of squeak, and it took Cynthia a while to realize it was happy. She picked up the Gible and walked over to her bike, lugging out of the bushes. The chain had fallen off, so she wrestled it back on and wiped her greasy hands on the grass. Gently placing Gible in the basket on the handlebars, she rode quickly home.

Later, Cynthia fed Gible some berries she had found. It was partial to the spicy berries, so she mainly fed it Pomeg and Cheri berries. Gible made the happy squeak again and fell asleep. Cynthia sighed, if only she had obtained a starter.

The front door opened and her Grandmother Carolina walked in. Eying the Gible, she said: "I thought Professor Rowan gave out Chimchar Piplup and Turtwig."

"Oh, Gible isn't my Pokemon." Cynthia said quickly. "I found it injured on the road. I went to the Museum too late for a starter."

Carolina shook her head. "Reading again?" She said teasingly.

Cynthia winced. "Yes..." She admitted. "I found a nice book on legends in the attic."

Carolina smiled. "Well, that Gible looks like it likes you. Why not make it your starter?"

Cynthia turned and saw the Gible eying her adoringly. "Well? What do you think?" She asked.

Gible made a happy squeak and leapt into her arms. Carolina laughed and opened a drawer, taking out a few Pokeballs and an old Pokedex. "These were mine. Don't worry about the Pokedex, I upgrade it regularly."

Cynthia thanked her and took the items. She bopped one of the Pokeballs on Gible's head and it disappeared inside the capsule. Cynthia smiled. "Well, let the adventures begin!"
 
Nice Extended intro. You might want to slow down the pace.

In a book, this wouldn't even take a page, an Intro is usually 3-6 pages:



Cynthia swerved, but then just jumped off when she saw her bike heading for the bushes. Landing nimbly on her feet, she saw the Gible was injured on its back and had collapsed in the street. She rushed over and examined the wound. It was made by a Starly, judging by the marks. Cynthia rummaged through her pack and found the anitseptic her Grandmother insisted she carry around, useful in humans and Pokemon. Unfortunately, she couldn't find anything to use as a bandage. She lathered on the antiseptic and the Gible relaxed a bit.
Thinking quickly, she took off her bandanna and wrapped it around the injured Pokemon. Gible made a sort of squeak, and it took Cynthia a while to realize it was happy. She picked up the Gible and walked over to her bike, lugging out of the bushes. The chain had fallen off, so she wrestled it back on and wiped her greasy hands on the grass. Gently placing Gible in the basket on the handlebars, she rode quickly home.
Later, Cynthia fed Gible some berries she had found. It was partial to the spicy berries, so she mainly fed it Pomeg and Cheri berries. Gible made the happy squeak again and fell asleep. Cynthia sighed, if only she had obtained a starter.

The front door opened and her Grandmother Carolina walked in. Eying the Gible, she said: "I thought Professor Rowan gave out Chimchar Piplup and Turtwig."

"Oh, Gible isn't my Pokemon." Cynthia said quickly. "I found it injured on the road. I went to the Museum too late for a starter."

Carolina shook her head. "Reading again?" She said teasingly.

Cynthia winced. "Yes..." She admitted. "I found a nice book on legends in the attic."

Carolina smiled. "Well, that Gible looks like it likes you. Why not make it your starter?"

Cynthia turned and saw the Gible eying her adoringly. "Well? What do you think?" She asked.

Gible made a happy squeak and leapt into her arms. Carolina laughed and opened a drawer, taking out a few Pokeballs and an old Pokedex. "These were mine. Don't worry about the Pokedex, I upgrade it regularly."
Cynthia thanked her and took the items. She bopped one of the Pokeballs on Gible's head and it disappeared inside the capsule. Cynthia smiled. "Well, let the adventures begin!"
 
You really should keep this in one thread, it gets annoying if it is in a separate thread. Really good intro, but it needs to be longer.

~NZ
 
Yeah, just post your chapter 2 in the first thread. You can edit your title by clicking "edit" on your first post.

*lock*
 
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