Writing Excerpt

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Umbreot

Banner Making Master
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Hello Pokebeach, I hope you all are well. Today, I come to you with a tiny excerpt from my upcoming Fan Fic.

The small girl walked around the park, holding her mommies hand. She wore a curious smile upon her small, youthful face. A smile that stretched her freckles, and went past those beautiful teeth. Her read hair sparkled beautifully in the shining light that streamed past the trees.

She and her mommy, who was so protective and yet so loving, strolled past the gardens of the lush green park. "MOMMY! Mommy mommy look!" With her other hand she pointed to a poochyena that was lying beneath an old, rust bench, whimpering.

The Mother followed her young daughters gaze. She felt something was wrong, something... wasn't right. The girl yanked her mothers hand. Hard. She broke free of her grasp and ran towards the dog. "Sally, no!," her mother yelled.

Sally ran towards the poochyena, her mother running after her, calling "Come here widdle poochyena!". The poochyena did nothing, it just lay there, quivering. Sally got onto her knees and crawled under the bench. She touched the dog's fur. It was wet. Damp. Sticky with some sort of grimy liquid.

The poochyena turned its head. Foam dripped from its mouth. Its eyes were sunken black pears that gleamed with madness.

"Mommy?," The girl cried, backing away. The mother bent down to snatch up her little girl. Too late. The rabid poochyena snapped into a crouching position. Then it leaped, jaws outstretched, a yellow liquid streaming through the air from its gaping maws.

The poochyena's missed. It wanted to bit the girl's face, maybe her nose. But it fell a few inches lower. Sharp jagged teeth sunk into little Sally's throat. A scream that had started slowly died away as the blood ran down...

down....

and down..."


Think of this as a small taste of what is to come. Expect more soon.
 
Wow, this is great! I can't wait to read the story itself. It seems promising from the excerpt. It kept me wanting for more, even though it was only a small part. Great read and good luck writing the rest of the story.
 
What a fanfic should be.

Very impressive. I can tell you put a lot of care into writing it. I will be following along with the story as it progresses.
Good luck with this. =]
 
Very nice and also sort of scary ^^
Maybe it would have been better if you'd stopped the exert just befor the dog ripped her throat ?
 
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