Writing FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *Chapter 3 Now Up! Need Character Requests!

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Nigel

Nigel

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Oh, before you read this story, fyi Gabe is my real name and NO I am not mental.
The Gabe in this story might be mental I guess, because he was raised by Pokemon in the wild. Of course he's not going to know anything about the world if he was raised by Pokemon!
The only reason he even knows how to talk is because of Professor Juniper!



----------------------------------------


12 year old Gabe had grown up with Pokemon. He had never known
his parents, and for all he cared, he could care less if he even had parents!
He was as happy as any other ordinary child would be. He didn't have toys,
though; He had Pokemon! Gabe had grown up with many kinds of Pokemon.
From Shikijika to Minezumi, he loved them all.

Gabe wanted to accomplish something with his love for Pokemon.He wanted to become a Pokemon trainer!



Gabe raced into Professor Juniper's lab.

"Professor Juniper! I decided I want to become a Pokemon trainer!"

The Professor was unsure Gabe could take the responsibility of becoming a trainer, but she decided to let him.

"That's great, Gabe! But before you go on a journey with Pokemon,
you need to have a Pokemon!" Professor Juniper noted.

"But Prof-"

"Don't worry, Gabe! I've got three Pokemon here you can choose from!"

Professor Juniper held out three PokeBalls.

"Really, Professor? You mean it?" asked Gabe.

"Sure! All beginning trainers get a Pokemon from me!"

By this time, Gabe was jumping up and down in excitement.

"That's great, Professor, thanks! Can I have a Dialga to start with?"

Professor Juniper let out a little chuckle. She smiled and said,
"Dialga is a legendary Pokemon, silly! No one can capture a legendary
Pokemon! I only have three Pokemon, and you can have one of them!
These Pokemon are Snivy the grass snake Pokemon, Tepig the fire pig
Pokemon, and Oshawott the water otter Pokemon!"

"Hehe! Water and otter rhyme! That's funny! I want to go with Oshawott!"

The Professor handed Gabe a PokeBall. He looked at it in confusion.

"What do I do with it?" Gabe asked.

The Professor answered, "You can throw it, and the Pokemon comes out!
Or you can simply press the button in the middle. You throw a PokeBall at a
wild Pokemon to catch it! You can also use them to have Pokemon battles
with other people!"

"Cool!" Gabe barked, "Can you eat it?"

"I don't think that would be a wise idea," said Professor Juniper,
"But you could always get some Castelia Ice Cream!"

"Castelia? Ice Cream? What's that?"

"Once you get to Castelia City you'll try some. It tastes delicious!"

"What's a cit--"

"Well," said the Professor as she walked towards the laboratory door, "You better get going on your Pokemon journey, or you're not going to find out! You also better take this PokeDex! You use a PokeDex
to record and obtain data about Pokemon! It will be a fun little extra on your journey"

Professor Juniper gave Gabe a PokeDex and Oshawott's PokeBall, and followed him out of the lab. As
soon as she opened the door, Gabe raced out.

"Bye, Professor! Hope to see you later!" hollered Gabe as he zipped away.

"Goodbye, Gabe. I am certain that I'll meet you again on your journey!"

Gabe merrily hurried out of Professor Juniper's lab. He was ready for his Pokemon journey!

---------

As Gabe paced out of Kanoko town, he ran straight into a teenage boy with glasses.

"Watch where you are going!" said the boy.

"I-I'm s-sorr-"

"Go, Snivy!"

A Snivy popped out of the boy's PokeBall.

"This must be what Professor Juniper meant by Pokemon battle!" said Gabe as he threw his PokeBall. Oshawott came out.

Gabe took out his PokeDex and pointed it towards Oshawott. The PokeDex said that Oshawott knew the moves Boiling Water, Tackle, and Shell Blade. Gabe wondered which each of the moves did! They sounded so interesting!

"Oshawott, use Shell Blade!" demanded Gabe.

Oshawott took its shell off of its stomach. The shell sharpened. It looked like a knife. Gripping it tightly, Oshawott charged towards Snivy. He took his shell and slashed it across the snake. It fell back. Oshwott jumped up and delivered a finishing move to Snivy.

The boy held his PokeBall out. Snivy went back into it.

"Go! Pidove!" called the boy. A Pidove emerged from the PokeBall.

Pidove looked like a puny bird, so Gabe figured it could be defeated with only one Shell Blade attack from Oshawott. He was wrong.

As Oshawott attempted a Shell Blade attack, Pidove zoomed above it and gave Oshawott an Aerial Ace right in the back.

Oshawott fell down, though not for long! It arose quickly and gave the Pidove a robust tackle on the back. Pidove fell down injured from the attack. It returned to its PokeBall.

Gabe had won his first battle!



"My name is Cheren," said the Boy, "I'm sorry I got angry at you for running into me before the battle. You're a great trainer! Want to become rivals?"

"Sure thing!" answered Gabe. "I will always beat you, too!"

"Ha! You keep thinking that!" exclaimed Cheren. "You should take on the Gym leader challenge!You might be able to beat them all! They're the best trainers around!"

"You bet I will! Where's the first gym?"

"Sanyou city," said Cheren, "I hope to see you there!"

So Gabe and Cheren parted ways after a short battle. ...But not for long!

TO BE CONTINUED


..I will update this over time, plus I will update it more for spelling, grammar, and revealed English Pokemon names!

I am also in need of characters for this Fan Fiction! If you want to be a character, Fill out the form below and post it on this thread. Everyone will be included in some way or another, unless you don't fill out enough information about your character!

Name:
Pokemon (May include moves, level, natures, special features, etc.):
About Character:
Character role in story:

The more information you fill out, the more likely you are to get in!


Gabe's Team thus far:
Oshawott Lv.7
Jolly Nature
1) Boiling Water
2) Shell Blade
3) Tackle
4) -----

About Gabe (In story):
-12 years old,
-Raised in Kanoko town.
-Jolly, optimistic nature.
-Is NOT retarted, but has no knowledge of the outside world besides Pokemon.
-Rivals with Cheren.
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *

Hm. Well, to start with, this initial submission is 300 words too short - my word count reads it as being only 691 words, which is below the required 1000 for each chapter added. (That and it's much less than 2 pages.)

Second, this entire chapter seems to be nothing but dialogue, and barely seems to describe the plot or the characters at all. All I know is that Gabe is some newbie trainer with an Oshawott and nothing more. I know nothing about his personality, his disposition, his likes and dislikes...I know only the bare minimum, which is not a whole lot. I find it very hard to believe that Gabe doesn't know what a city is either.

All in all, this is not all that impressive...I'd recommend actually describing your characters and their emotions a bit more, and not rely completely on dialogue. Descriptive language has its place as well, and here it's dangerously lacking.
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *

Please install the second chapter of your story very soon, or this will be locked for not meeting writing corner requirements. Thanks :) ~ JC
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *

@DNA I'm working on that, plus I have a lot more to update.

@Juliacoolo It's in progress right now ;)
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *

No offense...but Gabe seems a bit...slow mentally. Asking if he can eat the pokeball is something I would expect out of 2-3 year old..not 12.

also..agreeing with DNA..he should have Some idea of what a city is..even if he's never ever been there,
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *

@mlouden03

What do you expect? He was raised in the wild! The only reason he even knows how to TALK is because of Professor Juniper.
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER :)

(On a time schedule--can't read all of it, but I'll tell you what I think so far)

It's not too bad so far. Gabe kind of reminds me of Hareta from Pokemon DP Adventure. In fact, he's almost exactly the same! Have you ever read it?

For grammar issues, you don't have to use Gabe every time you describe an action or description from him. You can just use "he." Otherwise it just seems like sentences put together, not a story.

Try to go easy on the exclamation points. Try saying the story out loud and you'll notice that some of the exclamation points actually make it sound worse, instead of better.

Don't get too down if people seem to not like it. First drafts don't make the cut (Not even the second draft). All the professionals have there books proofreaded many, many times. Every time I write a paper, I always ask people I know, like my parents of what they think of it. If I wrote something about the length of this, it'd take about a week to edit. Writing takes time, don't give up!
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER :)

@Tyraniking

No, Ive never read Pokemon DP Adventures, though ill have to give it a try sometime :)

Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind for future chapters :D

And I actually LIKE the negative comments, too everyone! They also, not as strongly though, encourage me to do even better :)

CHAPTER 2 IS COMING TOMORROW!
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER :)

Sorry I'm a few days late! I've had some personal problems lately.

Chapter 2

Gabe entered Karakusa Town. By this time, he was tired! So
was his Oshawott! He entered the Pokemon Center. He walked
up to the Nurse Joy in charge of it.

"Hey lady with pink hair," Gabe asked, "I'm tired. Can Oshawott and
I stay here for a while?"

The Nurse Joy replied, "Of course you can! I can heal your Oshawott,
too! This is a Pokemon center after all!"

That made Gabe happy! He never knew he could just go to a place
called a Pokemon center to heal his Pokemon! He thought he had to heal them
himself, by giving them CPR and Oran berries.

Nurse Joy put Gabe's PokeBalls on a machine. They blinked a few times, then
the nurse gave them back to Gabe.

"Thanks a lot, nurse!" said Gabe as he left the Pokemon Center.

Outside, there was a lot of noise. A man in a robe was standing in Karakusa
square, preeching to a large crowd about how Pokemon are tools to humans.
This made Gabe mad, as he knew that Pokemon were not tools! They were
friends.

Gabe listened to what the man was saying. Supposidly his name was
'Geechisu' and he worked for an organization called 'Team Plasma' that was
against raising Pokemon. They wanted to set all Pokemon free.

Gabe rudely and loudly interrupted Geechisu's conversation.

"Hey Geese Dude, you jerk!" Gabe yelled, "You really think that we use
Pokemon? They are our friends!"

Geechisu turned to Gabe. He asked, "Naive youngster, what is your name?"

"My Name? It's Gabe," Gabe replied.

"Gabe," Geechisu started, "you are young. You have a lot to learn and
you know nothing about how people use Pokemon!"

The crowd clapped. Gabe was holding his anger by a string.

"I AM a Pokemon trainer!" said Gabe. "And you know NOTHING about
Pokemon!"

The crowd looked quiet. Geechisu coldly stared at Gabe.

"N!" Geechisu called.

A young boy with long green hair appeared. His menger sponge rattled as
he walked over to Karakusa square.

"Yes?" N answered.

Geechisu pointed his finger towards Gabe. "Take this foolish one away,"
he said.

N grabbed ahold of Gabe and dragged him out of the square.

"I swear," N said as he held a knife at Gabe, "if you meddle with Team Plasma
ever again...you will be slaughtered."

"Slaughtered? I wonder what that means. Go, Oshawott and use Shell Blade!"

Oshawott burst out of its PokeBall! It used it's Shell Blade attack to launch
Gabe away from N and into the air! It seemed forever that Gabe and Oshawott
were propelled, but very soon...

THUD!

----------------------------------------------------------------
And Remember, I'm still accepting Character requests! :D
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER :)

First of all, this is a mere 434 words, not even half of what is required for each installment here in the Writer's Corner. If you actually read the rules, you'd know that in order to keep your fan-fic from getting locked, you have to keep it at a 1000 word minimum per installment. I'm not mini-modding, I'm just telling you this so your thread doesn't get placed on the chopping block :x

Another thing: a good 85% of this is dialogue. Like DNA said, you need more descriptive language. Otherwhise, you're not really really focusing on the emotions and descriptions of the characters. We still don't know much about them.

Also- there's a major plot hole. Chapter one ends with Gabe and Cheren saying goodbye to each other...now at the beginning of chapter two we're in the next city already? You're lacking a bit of plot development. Detail is crucial. Not only will your word count soar up, but the readers will be more familiar with the characters, and the chapters won't seem like a play-by-play.


Good luck, and I hope this helped. Like the others said, don't give up. I'm telling this because I want you to improve your writing skills.
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER :)

@SinnohTrainer17

Thanks for the advice. I'll work on it.
The reason there was that small plot hole was because Gabe really didn't do anything on that route. I was thinking of adding a ministory later to Gabe's Route 1 experience if you want.


Remember Guys, I still need Character requests!
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER :)

no offense..I've only read the first few lines of the second part so far..Gabe was raised in the wild..which you used to explain why he had no idea what a city was..yet how does he know CPR? Unless the pidgeys taught it to him..or is Juniper's lab doubling as a Y with cpr classes now?

Also (finished reading), the chapter seems to end totally randomly.."Thud" really? I mean that's not even a cliffhanger..it's just seems like you were too bored/lazy to write anymore and decided to post
 
RE: FD09's FanFic: Life of a Pokemon Trainer *I EDITED THE FIRST CHAPTER :)

@mlouden03
I was not bored nor lazy. I just figured it would be a good way to end the chapter.
Gabe's going to know CPR because Professor Juniper taught it to him....okay I'm not going to give spoilers, because HOW and WHY Gabe knows CPR is going to play a future part in the story.
Thanks for the negative advice. It helped me develop this...er...rather gorey next chapter. ;) (I like positive advice too, btw lol)

How many words is this? I never know because I don't have Microsoft Word and I don't know where I can download it. If anyone has a download link, please tell me. :D

Chapter 3

Gabe fell head first on top of the Shippou City Pokemon
Center. People stared at him interestingly as he fell off.

"That Youngins got some darned skills!" exclaimed an
old man with a missing front tooth.


Gabe woke up in front of Nurse Joy. He wondered where he was.
Nurse Joy then explained to him that he fell right on top of the
Pokemon Center roof, faster than a jet!

"Wow cool! I flew pretty fast! And thank goodness I did, because that
geese dude was a pain!"

"Geese dude? Do you happen to mean your Oshawott?" Nurse Joy
asked.

Gabe conked his head sideways in confusion.

"No, I meant Geechisu--- Oh wait, I forgot about Oshawott!" he said.

Nurse joy Pointed Gabe towards a door. It was a Pokemon playroom in
the Pokemon center! Gabe thought it was cool! He played for a bit, which
ticked the Nurse Joy off, then he returned his Oshawott to its PokeBall
and raced out of the Pokemon center as fast as he could.

As Gabe took an amble around Shippou city, he saw a gym! Professor
Juniper had told Gabe about Gyms many times, so he was very eccentric!
He raced into the Gym and jumped over all of the gym puzzles. Since he
skimped over all of the gym puzzles, he reached the gym leader rather
quickly.

"I want to battle you!" Gabe yelled while doing a martial karate pose.

The gym leader's jaw dropped. 'What a maniac', he thought.

"Nice to meet you," started the gym leader. "My name is Dent. Today
looks like a nice day for a battle, so I will battle you. But you must know
that in other gyms, you will HAVE to do the gym puzzle."

Dent threw out a Pansage while Gabe threw out his Oshawott.

Pansage was commanded to start the battle out with a
quick Bullet Seed attack. Oshawott then blocked the seeds with its
shells and then used a quick Water Gun attack. Pansage
easily blocked the move with one of its hands. It then used Sunny
Day attack.

The Battle field became an arid sunny field.

Pansage then used a quick Solarbeam attack. Oshawott tried to
dodge, but failed as it was quickly bombarded with an array of
light.

Oshawott fell way back and smashed its head against the ground,
numbing it. The otter coughed up blood and pushed itself upwards.
It wasn't going to give up on this fray! It quickly tackled Pansage while
biting it on the face. Pansage howled in pain, but then quickly dodged with a
Dig. Oshawott held onto the Pansage as it dug, and Oshawott went
underground with it!

Suddenly, while Oshawott and Pansage were underground, a bright
light protruded from the hole.

Pansage quickly dug its way out of the hole, with a newly evolved
Futachimaru holding onto it.

"Aww right, Oshawott! You evolved into a Futachimaru!"

Futachimaru tackled Pansage to Dent's side of the field and summoned
a billowing wave. It had learned the attack surf!

Pansage was suffocating under the wave, but managed to dig its way
underground and avoid any more damage. It then stealthily dug up behind
Futachimaru, and hit it in the back with a devastating ninja Bullet Seed
attack.

Futachimaru absorbed the attack. The rigorous warrior still wasn't going
to give up! It abducted Pansage while jumping and threw it against the
ground.

Pansage cried as blue blood painfully flew out of its head. Despite this,
the broccoli monkey wasn't going to give up, either. Pansage flew towards
Futachimaru to try a bite attack. As it approached the otter, Futachimaru
sabotaged its fist right through Pansage's chest. Blood flew all over
Futachimaru.

Dent was surprised that Futachimaru was so agressive and strong! He
used a Super Potion on Pansage. Its hole was healed and it used a
Bullet Seed attack. Futachimaru took off its shells and sharpened them.
It then speedily sliced up the Bullet Seeds. And ran towards Pansage
hoping to slice it up, too!

Pansage was very scared! It quickly dodged with a dig attack. Futachimaru
was now too big to fit in Pansage's holes, so it could not follow it, though it
had an idea of how to defeat Pansage. So did Gabe.

"Futachimaru! Try to sense where Pansage will dig out of, and attack it right
as soon as it comes out!" commanded Gabe.

Futachimaru focused its senses on the vibrations in the ground. It then knew
immediately where Pansage was going to dig out of!

As soon as Pansage came out of the hole, Futachimaru confronted Pansage
like a dangerous assailant and sliced it with an adverse blow. Pansage fell back into a puddle of its blood.

Gabe and Futachimaru were victorious!

"Pansage, return," said Dent. "Gabe, that was a very nice battle. Your Futachimaru showed amazing agility and tracking skills! I am very happy
to have been your opponent; I am proud to present to you the Tri Badge!"

Dent gave Gabe his Tri Badge. He held it in his hand and inspected it for a while.

"Cool," he said. "Thanks, Dent dude, you were a good opponent, too!"


As Gabe walked out of the Shippou City gym, he was met by a familiar face. It was Cheren.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Coming Next Chapter:
A rather long battle(longer than this whole chapter!) with Cheren!



I STILL NEED MORE CHARACTERS IN MY FANFIC, POST THE CHARACTER FORMS ON THIS THREAD!
 
Name: Matt
Pokemon (May include moves, level, natures, special features, etc.):
Tauros "War":Earthquake, Return, Giga Impact, Strength (yay hm slave lol) (the tip of one of his horns has broken off and has been replaced with a steel tip)
Houndoom "Death": Flamethrower, Thunder Fang, Crunch, Nasty Plot
Snorlax "Famine": @Chesto Berry Rest, Toxic, Substitute, Block
Gengar "Pestilance": Thunderbolt, shadowball, Dark Pulse,
Tyranitar "Apocalypse": Earthquake, Crunch, Aerial Ace, Giga Impact (Shiny)

All Levels: I'd say 60ish (post elite 4) (Although my real team is 100)
if you only decide to let him have one Pokémon..please choose Ttar and use the nicknames for any you use..thanks

About Character: A traveler from a distant land (Kanto), he ventured to Isshu (Unova) in search of power and new pokemon to command.
Character role in story: An agent of team plasma
(If/when you write me in, please pm me with the section so I could possibly write my own dialog with your approvral)
 
"Geese dude?" First of all, its Geez. Second I don't think Nurse Joy would say that. And go easy on the exclamation points.
 
There are free word count tools like this available online for free. Please try to use them -- your last chapter was closer to the 1000 word minimum, but your second chapter wasn't even half. Before you post your next chapter, please make sure it's very near to or over 1000 words. Also, please try to work on your formatting -- it looks like you're hitting the Enter key too soon; just keep on typing, and the forum will skip to the next line automatically. It's hard to read now. Thanks!
 
I know this is a little belated, but could you go back through and revise this story so the chapters are longer and have more details about things in general. As is, this is just too skimpy, so I have to close it.

Thanks.
~Incinermyn

*locked*
 
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