Writing Forte's Fan-fic Side Chapter is up.

F

fortegoddx

Aspiring Trainer
Member
First time writing so here it is. All grammar and spelling checks done by PMJfan001.


Prologue

Gengar use Shadow Ball. The ball of darkness hit Garchomp knocking him out.
The crowd’s roar was the last thing he heard before going to sleep.

Six years later

Tyler was waiting for the final match to begin. He was finally ten and could leave on his quest to become Pokémon Champion. Being about 4’ 11”, with black hair, a serious face, and a burning passion for Pokémon, he was the most likely in his small town to become a Pokémon trainer. His birthday always fell in the league championship. It was 8 at night and the battle was about to begin.

Contestants send out your Pokémon.

Returning champ Kyle sent out his Metagross and Magnezone. The later was two steel domes fitted together with a steel plate. With 3 eyes, 2 magnets, and 2 screws it was one crazy looking Pokémon. While the first, Metagross, had four legs and an X on its face and was one of the most known powerhouses, and Tyler’s favorite.

Across the field Bob had sent out his 2 Pokémon. The first one out was a peaceful dragon with wings that could somehow support its weight, Dragonite. The final one was another powerful Pokémon, Tyranitar, who wiped up a sandstorm by coming into play.

"Contestants, this match is a double battle. You may now start the battle."

Kyle started with Magnezone’s eyes turning red, locking-on to Dragonite. While Metagross used Meteor Mass on Tyranitar. Tyranitar countered it with an Ice Punch. The collision from the icy fists of Tyranitar and the fast powerful mash from Metagross sent both pokemon into the walls of the stadium. Dragonite launched a Hyper Beam at Magnezone who took the white beam of pure energy head on. Next Magnezone sent a powerful Zap Cannon at Dragonite. Dragonite got knocked out after the the ball of electric energy hit it. Metagross rushed at Tyranitar using Take Down while Tyranitar used another Ice Punch. As Metagross came into contact with Tyranitar it used explosion. The explosion sent dust and debris into the air. As the dust cleared only one pokemon stood. The winner was Kyle with Magnezone still standing.


“I’m going to be that good one day,” declared Tyler. Knowing that his adventure would begin tomorrow, Kyle went to sleep.​


Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Side Chapters
X1
 
RE: Need a title

Well, here comes some constructive criticism. I suggest you look over this because I saw many spelling and grammar mistakes. You put periods in places that weren't needed, making it a phrase rather than a sentence.

Also, you didn't really have any dialogue or any description. All you really did was describe how the Pokemon looked from a small point of view. What I mean by that is you pointed out the obvious description of the Pokemon. We know Dragonite has wings, but describe that in a more captivating way, because it's quite boring reading that.

Also, you didn't capitalize any of the attack names. Each Pokemon using random attacks is not a story. You need dialogue from the trainer and description to show what the effects of the attacks were and how each trainer reacted to it. It's extremely boring reading this:

"Thunderbolt!"
"Returned attack with Hyper Beam!"
-Knocked Out-

You have to show description like:

The Pikachu looked back at it's trainer and nodded while creating small sparks of electricity around his cheeks. He laid his eyes on the enemy Pokemon and raised his small hands into the air. "PIKACHU!" Pikachu screamed as a massive lightning bolt from the sky struck the enemy Magmortar. Magmortar fell backwards from the powerful attacks which left bruises and other painful marks on his body, although he was not knocked out.

The Magmortar stood up and pointed his arm-cannon at Pikachu. A fireball charged inside the small cannon and blasted outwards towards Pikachu. The attack pushed the Pikachu back a few feet before exploding into many flames, causing a lot of smoke in the arena. After the smoke dissipated, Pikachu was seen standing, but only for a few seconds. Then, Pikachu's feet shook and it fell on the ground, completely wiped out.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, and I can see that this maybe be your first or second time writing, but even if its a battle that's being watched on TV, try to add description so the reader can imagine it in his mind and not be bored while reading attacks being used. The reader might not even know what the attack does, and you don't necessarily have to have a name for the attack that's in the games.

I look forward to your next chapter and see if you have improved. Good luck! :]
 
RE: Need a title

Thanks. Yeah. Those are my weaknesses. I'm not the best at literature, and describing things aren't my forte either. You may be wondering why am I writing then? Because it is all in my head. I just need to work on it getting on paper. Still need suggestions for everything. Updated the first post a little bit. And thanks.
 
RE: Need a title

I'd just like to capitilize on the good things in this story:

The battle scenes are inventive, just like the start opf ash's journey but you've tweaked it a biit to make it different. Good pokemon choices and you know their moves well.

It's not bad, Work on the grammar and the mispellings and you'll be fine :)

Cant wait to see the 1st chapter!
 
RE: Need a title

I'll probably write the first chapter tomorrow. Also if anyone wants to do spell checks and grammar for me it would be appreciated.
 
RE: Need a title

fortegoddx said:
First time writing so here it is.

Prologue​

Gengar use Shadow Ball. The ball of darkness hit Garchomp knocking him out.
The crowd’s roar was the last think - THING he heard before going to sleep.

Six years later

Tyler was waiting for the final match to begin. He was finally ten and could leave on his quest to become Pokémon Champion. Being about 4’ 11”, with black hair, a serious face, and a burning passion for Pokémon, he was the most likely in his small town to become a Pokémon trainer. His birthday always fell in the league - NO S championships. It was 8 at night and the battle was about to begin.

Contestants send out your Pokémon.

Returning champ Kyle sent out his Metagross and Magnezone. The latTer - AN EXTRA T was two steel domes fitted together with a steel plate. With 3 eyes, 2 magnets, and 2 screws it was one crazy looking Pokémon. While the former - DOESNT MAKE COMPLETE SENSE, MAYBE "FIRST?", Metagross, had four legs and an X on its face AND was one of the most known powerhouses, and Tyler’s favorite.

Across the field Bob had sent out his 2 Pokémon. The first one out was a peaceful dragon with wings that could somehow support its weighT - LEFT OUT THE T, Dragonite. The final one was another powerful Pokémon, Tyranitar, - COMMA who wiped up a sandstorm by coming into play.

"Contestants, this match is a double battle. You may now start the battle." - SPEECH MARKS COMMA WORDING CORRECTION

Kyle started with Magnezone’s eyes turning red, locking-on to Dragonite. - A FEW GRAMMAR MISTAKES While Metagross usED - NOT ING Meteor Mass on Tyranitar. Tyranitar countered it with an Ice Punch. The collision from the ice - MAYBE "ICY"? fists of Tyranitar and the fast powerful mash from Metagross sent both pokemon into the walls. - WHAT WALLS? Dragonite launched a Hyper Beam at Magnezone who took the white beam of pure energy head on. Next Magnezone sent a powerful Zap Cannon at Dragonite. Dragonite got knocked out after the the ball of electric energy hit it. Metagross rushed at Tyranitar using Take Down while Tyranitar used another Ice Punch. As Metagross hit - MAYBE "CAME INTO CONTACT WITH" Tyranitar it used explosion. The explosion sent dust and debris into the air. As the dust cleared only one pokemon stood. The winner was Kyle with Magnezone still standing.

“I’m going to be that good one day,” said - MAYBE "DECLARED"? OR ANOTHER WORD FOR SAID Tyler. Knowing that his adventure would begin tomorrow, Kyle went to sleep.
​
Click to expand...

There you go! :) The bits ion capitals are the corrections!
 
RE: Need a title

Wow. That was bad. None of it was wrong on spell check and when I read it my mind fixed it.
 
RE: Need a title

lol, just try your best. If you need anymore corrections in the future just pm the next chapter and i can spell check it for you before you put it on :p

Cant wait for next chapetr
 
RE: Need a title

Thanks. I sent you another chapter for grammar check.
To the readers the next chapter was rushed and very short. Chapter two will also be short. Starting on chapter 3 I should start getting into the story. And thank you to all who read it.
 
RE: Need a title

Chapter 1:
The sun rose over Mag town of the Finowe region. Tyler woke up to the rays of light slipping into his room. “Today is the day!” Tyler shouted as he got out of bed. He grabbed his backpack as he ran down the stairs.

“Good morning dear,” said Tyler’s mom, “Here is breakfast.”

Tyler ate the breakfast. Once finishing breakfast, he said good-bye to his mom and left. The day before, Tyler had been given his PokeMech. The PokeMech had a watch, Pokedex, phone, radio, and other apps could be added. The local professors also gave him 5 Pokeballs and 3 potions. As Tyler left he looked back, and said good-bye to Mag.
After a few miles Mt. Neze came into view. He released one of the family pets, Wailord. The blue whale Pokemon was Tyler’s ticket past the mountain. He jumped on Wailords back, and sat there taking in the scenery as the Pokemon went through the water majestically and calmly.
After an hour, Tyler put the Pokeball in Wailords mouth. He knew the Pokemon would make it back ok. He followed the trail leading to the next town. His adventure had begun. It was getting dark, and Tyler knew he had to make it to Caol Town soon. Tyler ran as fast as he could, but while running he didn’t see the danger ahead of him.

Then a Houndour stepped right in front of him. This was his chance. In that moment he sent out his only Pokemon. “Go …."

To be continued.
 
RE: Need a title

Your ideas are good...So chapter 3 is going to be longer?

That could possibly be when you get some new fans :p.

I'm ready for your 2nd chapter in a pm soooo bring it on! lol
 
RE: Need a title

fortegoddx said:
His adventure had begun. It was getting dark, and Tyler knew he had to make it to Caol Town soon. Tyler ran as fast as he could, but while running he didn’t see the danger ahead of him.

Then a Houndour stepped right in front of him. This was his chance. In that moment he sent out his only Pokemon. “Go …."
Click to expand...
This was rushed. Take your time writing the story so you can avoid writing something like this.

The story at the point was awfully vague; if there was a danger "ahead of him," then that danger wouldn't need to have "stepped right in front of him." Also, if it came out of nowhere, he would at least have paused or hesitated (or screamed like a little girl) at the sudden threat.

Not only was this part of the story unclear, the whole story could have been written in much more detail. Yes there is action, but there's a great lack of description.

I suggest you pause every now and then and consider if you can make the story more real.
 
RE: Need a title

Ok. Just got back from vacation. Should write chapter 2 soon. Edit: PMJfan empty your pm's.
 
RE: Need a title

Chapter 2:

“Go Beldum,” said Tyler as the small blue-purple steel Pokémon came out. Beldum’s eye showed fear as he looked at the black hound in front of him. “Beldum move out of the way,” shouted Tyler as Houndour sent out small balls of flame. Beldum was toO slow to dodge the Ember. “Take Down,” Tyler declared, knowing that he would have to end this battle quick. Beldum rushed towardS the black dog, which had silver parts on his ankles, back, and head. Houndour was knocked off of his feet as Beldum made contact with its side. “Once again,” Tyler shouted knowing that Beldum could take another hit. This time Houndour’s eyes went a glowing red. The Leer didn’t work thanks to Beldums Clear Body. The impact weakened Houndour to its knees.

“Yeah!” shouted Tyler as he threw the Poke Ball. One wiggle, two wiggles, three wiggles, click. Tyler had caught his second Pokémon. Tyler rushed to the Poke Center at Caol Town, knowing that his adventure had just begun.
 
RE: Forte's Fan-fic Ch. 2 is up.

O_O

That's all? Oh well...

For one, you're still rushing with werid capitalization, such as:
fortegoddx said:
Beldum was toO slow to dodge the Ember.
Click to expand...
While I'm on that sentence, you're hardly descriptive at all. Ok, so it didn't dodge the ember. So it somehow instantly recovers for Tyler to tell it to attack like that?

Please... Take your time. .-.
 
RE: Forte's Fan-fic Ch. 2 is up.

I do admit these chapters got rushed. I promise chapter 3 will be longer and better. It may a bit before it comes.
 
RE: Forte's Fan-fic Ch. 2 is up.

Why not jsut take your time and make 1 long champter instead of making these real short chapters instead?
 
RE: Forte's Fan-fic Ch. 2 is up.

The first two chapters are there to get the story set. Then the real story will begin. Also in August it will go very slow. I have band then school starts.
 
RE: Forte's Fan-fic Ch. 2 is up.

Chapter 3:

“Thank-you and please enjoy your stay in Coal,” said Nurse Jenny as Tyler took his pokemon. It was 10 in the morning, and Tyler was planning on looking around town for a bit. With Beldum floating next to him, Tyler walked aroung Coal Town.

“BOOM!” an explosion shook the whole town. Tyler turned around and yelled, “What was that!” “BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!” three more went off. Tyler ran to downtown. When Tyler arrived, he saw a man about 6 feet tall cOMmanding a Metagross and Magnezone to blast the town. The man wore dark colors with an “F” marked on his uniform in a dark forest green. Then Tyler noticed the grunts. All wearing gray with a “F” marked in a sky blue, stealing other peoples Pokemon. Two of the grunts came up to Tyler and demanded his Pokemon. “NO!” said Tyler.

“Go Plusle and Minun,” yelled two grunts. Tyler sent out Houndour to assist Beldum in the fight. The two electric pokemon had a dark look in their faces. Both of them standing on two feet looked the same. The only major differences being colors and tails. Tyler commanded Houndour to use ember. The two cheerleading Pokemon danced their way around the fire balls. Then the two sent two waves of electricity in the form of Shockwave. Beldum and Houndour tried to dodge the blue electricity but couldn’t. “Beldum use Take Down on Plusle,” says Tyler. The blue robotic pokemon sent him self right at the yellow Pokemon. “Helping Hand,” yells Grunt 2. “Spark,” Grunt 1 commands. Minun helps Plusle charge its self-with electricity, then goes in a praying stance. Then Plusle charges right at Beldum. Both Pokemon meet in air. The collision sends both flying across the street. Beldum lays there not able to get up. The impact with the electric charge was too strong for it. Plusle gets back up as it starts to sparkle. The Wish set up by Minun worked.

Two light beams come right at the pokemon. One hits Minun. The blast carries Minun right into Plusle knocking them both out. The other beam hits Houndour knocking him out. “Come on you two,” commands the man in the dark as he walks to the plane, “We have all that we need.” Tyler returns his Pokemon as they leave. After checking up on everyone Tyler takes his Pokemon to Nurse Joy.

Who are these people? What do they want? Find out next time on “Forte’s Fan-fic

if you have any questions or ideas for chapters please ask or tell.
 
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