How do you deal with Death?

Elite Stride

Elite Stride

♫ I'm on the road to Viridian City ♫
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My grandmother (father's side) passed away about two weeks ago. We had her funeral services on Good Friday, and all the family came from far reaches of the state to be there. It wasn't a sudden or unexpected death, she had actually been in pretty bad shape with her overall health for the past few years and when she finally passed, the family was already emotionally prepared to let her go. I didn't have the closest of relationships with her, and although it was very saddening for all of us, I felt even more sorry for my father and how he must be feeling. My parents mean a lot to me, and the thought of one of them dying is actually quite frightening, yet this is the very same thing that was happening to him. I'm now down to one grandparent, who I am pretty close to. He's in good health, but he is getting old, and I can only imagine the pain we will experience when he too leaves us. It really gets you thinking about life, and about how big of a deal it is to make the most of the time you have with the people around you, because death is often unannounced. The older a person gets, the more they understand that "Life's too short" is more than just a phrase.

It seems like there has been a lot of death lately, and it tends to really drain you mentally (especially when dealing with all the other worries of life). Even so, there are people who have it much worse. I know a woman who lost her parents and two siblings in a matter of just a few months (from just random events and complications). I suspect there may be a few people on these forums who have experienced, or are currently experiencing the loss of a loved one, and may be searching for a sense of connection or comfort. Maybe they are looking for a sign that they aren't the only ones going through this, because really, this is something that we all have to come to terms with at some point.

Everyone grieves differently, so community, have you ever experienced the loss of someone you knew? How did/do you personally cope with their passing? How was it different from those around you? Is there a right/wrong way, is it a process, and does time factor in? Has it in some way made you better as a person? What kinds of things would you have to say to someone who is experiencing these things? If it doesn't apply, you can express your current thoughts on the topic or talk about the other aspects and psychology surrounding death. This is all very open-ended.

"IN OUR HEARTS, WE ALL KNOW THAT DEATH IS A PART OF LIFE. IN FACT, DEATH GIVES MEANING TO OUR EXISTENCE BECAUSE IT REMINDS US HOW PRECIOUS LIFE IS."​
 
I think the grieving experience ultimately comes down to 3 things: personal connections with the dead person, personal experiences prior to the event, and mindset. Personally, I might be one of the coldest people around, but I can't help it. My grandpa died a few years ago and I was the only one not crying, simply because I did not share that much with him. However, I feel like this doesn't cover the entire emotion. My father never having much to do with me and the rough emotional life I was having between multiple people at school may have something to do with it.

For those who actually have a heart, I feel it takes about 3 months for every year you knew them. Using my grandpa as an example, I knew him consciously for about 7 years, so it may have taken little under 2 years to get over it.
 
That sucks to hear that, ES. My Great grandmother died last year at the beginning of Summer vacation. I had a great relationship with her, but of course as with the past three deaths in the last 10 years, I was the one who never shed a tear. I guess it's probably because I accept death quite well compared to most. I accept it as a means to end a story. It's the perfect relief, natural death. It ends suffering, and provides closure.
I might sound like a heartless person, but it's just how I see the world. Death is inescapeable, and a cold fact of life. When my grandma passed, I never shed a tear. I was affected by it, but I wasn't saddened or whatever by it.
 
When my grandmother died I simply ignored it. I never cried over anything, no matter the loss. I deal with it by knowing death is going to happen and simply prepare myself beforehand. My little cousin who has a form of cancer along with a learning disability is no doubt going to die, but I don't personally know her, so I doubt when she passes it will affect me at all. When somebody is in poor health realize it is going to happen and simply know that it will happen to everyone, even you. But sometimes death can occur at any time, without warning.
 
When my 101 year old nana died, I was prepared as she went through multiple surgeries before. At the wake (I think), I cried a little bit, and was very saddened to witness my Nani crying over her mothers death. I understand why, and felt bad. She is still tramautized from this event from what I heard. I had a somewhat deep connection with her, and at the funeral, after saying my last goodbyes. My emotions came out of me, and I cried and cried.

My tips: If they are undergoing a surgery, and are old/in bad condition, prepare for the worst, this doesn't mean they will die, there is hope, just if you put ALL your hope into the person surviving, and they don't, it will be more devastating.
 
The first death I experienced was of my grandpa. I was only 8 years old, but he was my best friend. He and my grandma lived right next door to me so I would see them everyday. His death was sudden and unexpected; died of a heart attack. To this day I still tear up thinking about him. My grandma followed him in death a few years later. Her death was more expected, as her health started to decline after she had broken a hip, making it somewhat easier.

It's still difficult for me to accept death. One would think I would have come to terms with it by now, after losing my grandpa, grandma, cousin, uncle, and aunt all in under 10 years' time. I dread the day when I'll find out that one of my parents has died. I see them aging right before my eyes. You're right about the "life's too short" phrase. It really does mean something to me now. Weeks go by like days anymore. I'm surrounded by death with my job. I deliver medical equipment to dying people, and I pick up the equipment when they pass. Again, you'd think this would desensitize me to death, but it seems it's just something that will forever be hard for me to cope with.

Wishing you the best.
 
At least something that assures me they are at peace after death is, thankfully, the story of my father almost dying at a young age (10-ish). He told me that he suddenly flew up out of water while he was drowning in a muddy whirlpool. His entire life up to that point flashed before his eyes. He saw Heaven, and almost stepped over the line when a telepathic voice told him to not cross, or he wouldn't return to Life. He'd already seen too much (even the future events of his life that he wasn't supposed to see!). Then he came back to reality and got rescued.

Remember, at least those who used to live are in a good place. But I wonder if Hell also exists- actually nevermind.
 
I've had a lot of death in my life, but the hardest one for me was my grandfather who passed away when I was 20. My mother divorced when I was just a baby and moved back home to live with her parents, so my grandfather was like a father to me growing up and we were very close, even after my mother remarried and we moved out of the house. My grandfather was always very lively and active (I used to go to the gym with him when I was in high school), but was slammed with heart problems and cancer at the same time and his body failed him relatively quickly. He died in his home, surrounded by loved ones, myself included.

I couldn't help but notice that my grief at the time was different than some of my other family members. My family has always been very emotional and close, something that was compounded exponentially during such a rough time, whereas I found myself standing apart from them, aloof and alone. It wasn't that my grief was less than theirs, just different. I didn't surround myself in others to share my grief, I expressed it in my own way, the way I was comfortable with. At the time, my family didn't really understand; there were actually arguments because I chose to leave the wake instead of staying the whole time with the rest of the immediate family. They thought I was doing something disrespectful, and in the end we agreed to disagree.

Now, it's been quite a few years since he died, and it's bittersweet. I don't think the people that you are really, truly close to ever leave your mind and heart. I still find myself thinking of him and wishing he was here, but not in a sad way, more just a desire to share my life with him the way I used to. He never got a chance to meet the man that will become my husband, or see me make something of my life. He would have thought the hoopla about the end of the world on Dec 21st was hilarious.

I don't think there's really a "right" way to deal with death, though there are many "wrong" ways. Everyone processes their thoughts and feelings in a way that is unique for them and only they understand. I would no more attempt to tell someone how to grieve than I would go leaping on the back of a lion to charge into a safari adventure (though the latter sounds much more fun than the former, at least).
 
I'm a crier. I cry during even somewhat sad scenes during movies. When I lost my grandma last summer it was one of the most painful experiences I've ever had. I still cannot think of her without crying. My dad, while I've been alive, has been a semi-truck driver (he goes all over the U.S.) so he was not home a lot when I was a kid. My mom would be at work for a few hours after my brother and I got out of school (elementary school), so we had to go to my grandma's for a while after school until my mom could get us. Even in junior high, we spent a lot of time there in the mornings because my mom started working a different shift. And we always went there for Christmas. She lived with my great grandpa (her father) in a trailer at a trailer park. After my great grandpa died at age 89, she really stopped taking care of both herself and the trailer. Last summer, my grandma told my mom she was having blurry vision and headaches. At first, she refused to go to the hospital. Eventually, she was taken by an ambulance (I believe she had passed out or something serious like that). Soon afterwards (a few days), my grandma had a life-altering stroke. It affected her brain stem. She could no longer walk without aid, speak very well, or eat very well, and her memory was severely affected. She would have crying fits and sleep for long periods of time. I'm glad I got to see her at least once during her final days, but at the same time I wish I hadn't. It was so awful to see her like that, and whenever i think of her i always have to watch her struggle. Such an awful way to go. I am crying as I type this. I should go visit her grave. I loved her so much. I guess i deal with it by crying and letting out my feelings. I don't see why that's so bad.
 
My grandma passed away last August. It was something we expected, yet it was sad for all of us. However, as cruel as it may sound, I didn't feel so sad. Death is something inevitable. Crying over a loved one's death isn't gonna bring him/her back. The best one can do is always remember them and otherwise carry on with their lives. At least, if I died, that's how I'd want people to react.
 
It isn't about bringing them back. If you feel like crying, you shouldn't stifle it. Bottling up your emotions isn't healthy. :/
 
My cousin passed away in the summer. I didn't cry during anything. And I don't feel a little sadness anymore; I just moved on. Luckily, I also haven't had to deal with a lot a death, as they people that died in my family were people I didn't know, or I was too young. I guess I didn't feel as much pain because we weren't connected that well, as we only saw each other once in my whole life.
 
To be honest, I'm more worried about finding a job than my own death.

Death is predictable, what really scares people is how they will die.
 
How exactly is death predictable? Sure, you know that you'll die someday, but that doesn't mean you know when that someday is.
 
I think he's referring to death as being an inevitable part of life, not 'predictability' as being a certain date.
 
Well, when my Grandad died I was 16. I was of an age to understand death, I mourned but It didn't take as long as I had thought, I am quite rash when it comes to death. You have your few days to mourn, then I say move on. I know it's a hard realisation but it's reality,we die it's the only thing that is certain in life. I believe though, that everyone should mourn over the death of someone, if you don't you will be upset for a lot longer. I'd rather him be alive, because he was a great person and very special to me . I just don't get upset anymore, because I know that he is better off where he is. Though I am sorry for your loss .
 
My first brush with death was my paternal grandfather, lung cancer, spooked me away from smoking for life. I wasn't even six years old.

I lost a childhood dog three days after that, and over time, three hamsters, six leopard geckos, my maternal grandfather (my mom feels guilty about this for some reason), and my 102 year old great grandmother (she fell on Superbowl Sunday, and didn't go to the hospital because she wanted to see whether the Patriots won or not, which they didn't, in 2012, dying a month later.)

I also lost several virtual pets to death, like some Digimon V-Pets (I lost a kickass Ultimate level (Can't remember if it was MetalGreymon, Monzaemon [who was called Teddymon back then], or Mamemon, but it was the first V-Pet of Digimon released, and had Agumon) because my parents didn't want me playing with my Digimon at the time because we were on vacation for the week in Spring 1998), countless Chao in my Sonic Adventure and Sonic Adventure 2, some due to my sisters sneaking in and abusing them. I got upset much more over those (even though they aren't real living things) when I was much younger...

When I was younger, I handled death in say.. cartoon movies like The Land Before Time when Littlefoot's mother died, or when Scar killed Mufasa in The Lion King, pretty well. I mean, Mufasa, we actually saw him lying there, dead, as opposed to merely hearing Bambi's mother get shot by hunters.

I honestly don't believe in Heaven or Hell, and reincarnation is somewhat unlikely as well. But if I died tomorrow, and was given a choice to come back as any living animal other than a human, I'd come back as either a jaguar or a hippopotamus.
 
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