Writing Jerrey... An upcoming Pokemon Master!

Is this a good Fanfic

  • This is a great fanfic

    Votes: 1 50.0%
  • I'd rather watch the tubbies( please explain why)

    Votes: 1 50.0%

  • Total voters
    2

Furroshi

HAMMERFALL 3/6/10!!!
Member
Chapter one
Jerrey, a regular 10 year old boy in Cheljanya Town walked down to Professor Maplewood's lab. Jerrey had no idea about what adventures lay ahead of him. He finally got to professor Maplewood's lab and walked inside. He walked up to the professor and said "hi! I came to get a starter pokemon." Professor Maplewood takes out 3 pokeballs. "I'll take Charmander!" "taken yesterday" said the prof. Ok then Squirtle! WHAT!!!!" also nothing there. "Well then, Bulbasaur, I choose you! WHAT!!! nothing there either. " do you have any pokemon?" asked Jerrey. "Well I do have one that I just caught in the woods yesterday." "well i'll take it!" replied Jerrey. "Ok. Here." Whoah! Awesome, a Sentret!" Yelled Jerrey....
if you want a character created by you to appear sometime in the story, fill out this form
Name:
Age:
Gender:
team:
also please rate this first chapter.
 
RE: Jerrey... A Pokemon Master( Well not the master part...yet)

Chapter 2
"Wow, we're gonna have a great time!" yelled Jerrey as he set off on his adventure to become a pokemon master. He always let Sentret feel free by being out of it's pokeball unless it was hurt. "WAIT!" yelled the professor. "you forgot your pokeballs and pokedex." "Thanks professor" said Jerrey and he was off like the wind.He ran to the Chitvoll forest and the second he walked in, an Eevee apeared. "Go Sentret" yelled Jerrey and his first battle had begun...
 
The chapters are too short and the grammer and such detracts from the story. Please use the English language correctly. I understand if English is not your first language, but at least seperate paragraphs. The story is confusing and hard to understand otherwise.

The actual plot seems very fast-paced and not detailed enough. The idea of getting a Sentret in the beginning is different and fun. You should describe a bit of backstory to Jerrey and history to the new region you are including. As of now we know nothing other than his name and his first Pokemon. I hope to see your story grow better.
 
Back
Top