Writing Johto Region Adventures

What pokemon should Alexya catch next?

  • Pichu

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Chikorita

    Votes: 3 75.0%

  • Vulpix

    Votes: 1 25.0%
  • Total voters
    4
  • Poll closed .
mickmon95

mickmon95

The hero trio!
Member
I had just received my pokeball with my new Cyndaquil in it I ran out as I said "Bye mom and thanks for the pokemon!". "Cyndaquil come on out!" exclaimed Jack. "Let's go catch our new friend and battle member!" exclaimed Jack. Cyndaquil and Jack walked down to the end of route 2 and walked into the forest to catch a new pokemon.
Jack looked around to see a Poliwag. "We have a disadvantage but we can catch it!" said Jack. "Use quick attack!" shouted Jack. Cyndaquil hit Poliwag and knocked it out. "Go pokeball!" shouted Jack.
"I caught a Poliwag!" Jack exclaimed. Jack ran to next town and looked for a trainer to battle. He saw a girl shouting "Who wants to battle me Alexya the trainer from Sinnoh!" shouted Alexya. "I do!" I shouted. "I choose you Piplup!" shouted Alexya. "Go Cyndaquil and use quick attack!" I commaned. A direct hit ,but Piplup didn't budge.
"Use peck Piplup!" shouted Alexya. One hit and Cyndaquil was knocked out. "What!" exclaimed Jack. "Let's travel together so you can learn from me!" exclaimed Alexya. "OK!" Jack exclaimed.

Name:
Starter:
Final Team:
Friend/Rival:
Hobby:
 
RE: Johto Region Adventures Ch1 Present Pokemon

Name:Bonsly
Starter:Bonsly
Final Team:Sudowoodo, Sudowoodo, Sudowoodo, Sudowoodo, Sudowoodo
Friend/Rival: Rival
Hobby: Likes teasing Jack.
 
RE: Johto Region Adventures Ch1 Present Pokemon

Name: Smith
Starter: Magby
Final Team: Magmortar, Electivire, Gyarados, Armaldo, Floatzel
Friend/Rival: Friend
Hobby: Flirtitng with Alexya asking her out.
 
RE: Johto Region Adventures Ch1 Present Pokemon

Name:Seth
Starter:Aipom
Final Team:Ambipom, Flaffy, Blastoise, Salamance, Banette, and Rhyperior
Friend/Rival:Rival
Hobby: Like to pwn Jack's face
 
RE: Johto Region Adventures Ch1 Present Pokemon

Name: D.T.
Starter: Riolu
Final Team: Lucario, Weavile, Skarmory, Heracross, Metagross , Dusknoir
Friend/Rival: Friend
Hobby: Pwns anyone that dares insult his or Jack's pokemon.
 
RE: Johto Region Adventures Ch1 Present Pokemon

Name: Ray
Starter: Nidoran
Final Team: Nidoqueen, Nidoking, Typhlosion, Ampharos, Magmar, Buizel
Friend/Rival: Both(sometimes friend to take out big fat jerk(ultra hard enemies) sometimes they fight each other)
Hobby: Gym beating.
 
RE: Johto Region Adventures Ch1 Present Pokemon

Ch2 Lover Boy Smith
Our two new trainers Jack and Alexya are walking around the forest looking for the way out. Then a trainer comes up to Alexy and says "Do you want to go out?". "How about we have a battle if you win I'll go on a date with you but if I win you must tell us the way out of the forest?" asked Alexya. "Sure, Go Magby!" shouted Smith. "Piplup it's time to shine!" shouted Alexya. "Use Ember!" exclaimed Smith. "Use whirlpool!" yawned Alexya. Magby was knocked out. Alexya got in front of Smith and slapped him leaving a red mark. Alexya and Jack ran away while Smith lay on the floor confused. "A girl has never turned me down before, and she will be mine!" shouted Smith. "That was weird", said Jack "I know he'll be back so I have got to my pokemon in tip top shape!" exclaimed Alexya. Our two heroes escape the forest with Smith right behind them.
 
RE: Johto Region Adventures Ch1 Present Pokemon

Ch3 Arrival of a rival and a friend.
Today our trainer of the first gym. Now Jack wants to battle.He found a trainer named Seth. "Go, Poliwag!" yelled Jack. "Go Aipom!" shouted Seth. "Use Bubblebeam!" exclaimed Jack. A direct and strong hit. "Use focus punch!" shouted Seth. "use Water Gun!" exclaimed Jack. Aipom is knocked out. "Return, how could I have lost to weakling like you!" shouted Seth. "It doesn't matter I will keep trying until I beat your little butt!" shouted Seth. Seth ran out of town in the forest to train. Will you go out with me?" asked Smith. "No!" shouted Alexya as she slapped so hard he flew into the forest. "Hi I'm D.T. Seth's big brother and I was wondering if I could travel with you to protect you from him?" asked D.T. "Sure, we already have one cook on our tail we will need help to deal with the other one" said Alexya. Our three heroes walk to the gym as they don't notice Smith following them to the gym with Seth on his tail.
Next Chapter is Gym Battle Blitz.
 
Personally, I thought your character was a joke.
Pwetty Please make Alexya go out with Smith, and not in a dream, or you could make Smith ask Alexya out so many times she finally falls for him.
 
Bonsly is a gym leader because Falkner is an old man now so Bonsly is now the gym leader and she will get tired of him asking her so she will go out with so he can stop asking her already in other words she is going out with him for pity.
 
Wow. This sucks. Sorry to say, but this isn't really a fan-fic. It is more like a series of words put together in a mix with a lacking number of periods and commas.

The chapters are way to short, and the story isn't really good either.
There is so to speak no descriptions, and no paragraphs either! And by the way, the smartest thing to do, is to write the story as a narrator, not as the main character.
And where is Johto? Route 2? Forest? What?

Let me take a try at re-writing your first chapter:

Chapter 1: (Insert stupid pun here)

Jack, a young boy from New Bark Town (can be changed, of course) had just received his first Pokémon.
He ran out of his house with a bag on his back and his new Pokéball in his hand.

"Bye, Mom! Oh, and thanks again for the Pokémon!" he shouted to his mother.

When he had entered Route 29, he released his Pokémon, and watched a Cyndaquil come out of the red-and-white sphere.

"Hi, Cyndaquil! How would you like some training? Maybe we'll catch a new friend as well." Jack said to the little Fire Mouse. The Cyndaquil nodded, and after training for a while, they moved on to the end of Route 29. They walked into the (Insert stupid name for a forest, which wasn't there originally) Forest to catch a new member for the team.

Being inside the forest, which was quite large, Jack looked around for some wild Pokémon. He found a small Poliwag by a little pond.

"We have a disadvantage, but I think we should be fine," Jack told his Pokémon. "Run it down with a Quick Attack!"

The Cyndaquil did as his trainer said, and rammed into the Poliwag, who - surprisingly enough - fainted of the impact.

"What?" Jack said to himself. "It must have been damaged from before, I guess..."

Jack threw a Pokéball at the Poliwag, and caught it.

"I caught a Poliwag!" Jack shouted.

Jack ran to Cherrygrove Town and healed his Pokémon at the Pokémon Center. After coming out, he saw a girl shouting "Who wants to battle me, the great Alexya from Sinnoh?!"

"I do!" Jack shouted.

"Very Well. I choose you Piplup!" shouted Alexya.

"Go Cyndaquil, and use Quick Attack!" Jack commanded. The attack hit straight on, but Piplup didn't even budge!

"Use Peck, Piplup!" shouted Alexya. After one hit, Cyndaquil was knocked out!

"What!" exclaimed Jack.

"Why don't we travel together? I can even give you some battling tips." Alexya said.

"OK!" Jack shouted, happy to get a new friend.

-----

Wasn't that better? Even though it's still way to short, I hope you learned something about writing a fan-fic.
 
FireMeowth: Don't insult him like that!!! If you think this fan-fic sucks so bad then why are you reading it??

I understand that your trying to help him, but you don't have to say it so meanly!!!

If you don't have anything nice to post then don't post at all.
 
INFERNAPE said:
FireMeowth: Don't insult him like that!!! If you think this fan-fic sucks so bad then why are you reading it??

I understand that your trying to help him, but you don't have to say it so meanly!!!

If you don't have anything nice to post then don't post at all.
Click to expand...

Some advice has to be given this way. I have given this sort of advice to thousands of others, but it was only after I begun saying it... meanly, that people actually took notice of it.

I think that with some edits, this fic will become pretty good, and wanted him(/her) to listen to my advice, and therefore, I might have said it quite meanly. But it was for a good cause... I guess...

Sorry if I... offended you, or something. :(
 
I understan, i just thought you could have said it in a nicer way.

Instead of like "Wow this sucks"

It's mickmon95's fan-fic so you didn't offened me.

Also sorry if i souned mean.
 
firemeowth the only reason your is longer is because you skip lines, I want mine to be short so it won't make the reader tired of reading, and if you don't like it than tough and your take your little critic butt off of this thread. Thanks for helping infernape.
 
Yup everyone if you have comments then you should make them positive critique sort of like being nice but at the same time critiquing them. FireMeowth this is off topic but you should get an avatar it just sort of makes you look amateur even though you're a higher level than me. Plus you should critique my fanfic i bet there's not anything you can critique on.
 
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