Writing Left Alone: Chapter One

Omega Soul

Omega Soul

I'm feeling dizzy
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I've decided to start a story. This story is called Left Alone. It is quite dark, but of course will be kept under the PG13 Rating. Let's begin.


I'm Sneasel. I've lived in this shack as long as I can remember. Ever since I came to be here, I forgot about my entire life before I was subjected to my current state of living. Every day I try to remember my early days, but I simply get a sharp pain in my head.

As I have mentioned, I live in a shack. Any person with a decent life would say I'm under torture, but as I say, it's better than life out on the streets. I do essentially live outside, as the smashed wood lets all the air in, but all I need is a blanket to keep warm. The only memory I have that isn't of this shack is my grandfather telling me about a time where people named humans existed, and with their advanced technology, had complete rule over us. But then, about in 2900, A great disaster struck the world. A massive blizzard enveloped the lands. All humans died out, but oddly enough, we had enough of us left to survive today just as we did millions of years ago.

One day I decided to take out into these lands, and find the secrets to my past. That is where my story began. And today I'm sharing it with you.

I'll begin to write chapter one ASAP. Criticism is welcome! I hope you enjoy this story.
 
RE: Left Alone: Prologue

Left alone? By who?
Is this Sneasel an orphan by chance?

This is looking good.
 
RE: Left Alone: Prologue

Edit: Lengthened to 800 words.

TA DA chapter one! Sorry if it is a little on the short side, but I feel enough has happened in this chapter. Enjoy!
I have lived in this shack for many years. This will be the first time I leave it. I turned my head to look up to the stars. This was my first time stepping outside into the lands of our time, a time with no ruler. Was I ready? Do I need the secrets to my past? I shook it off, took a deep breath, and took my first steps into the wilderness. I immediately noticed how deserted it was. No other pokemon showed their faces. Granted, many are trained in the art of stealth, like me, but simply nothing was there. I began to sprint forwards to find a place to have shelter in. Well, the closest to shelter you can get out here. I managed to get a bunch of wood to cover me, held up by... well, more wood. It's really the only recource out here.

I didn't stay in there for long - it's just a place to go back to if I need it. I need to get to somewhere that will be safe all night. As I dashed across the landscape, a great shadow loomed over me. It was a huge mountain. I was going to need some rest to get over that. I went back to the shelter and slept. Once I got up, I made sure I had energy and started to climb the mountain. Every sliver of rock climbed, every rock surmounted sapped my energy, but I had to keep going. I began to try and break away at the stone with my claws to create places to put my feet in. More hard work, but it was the only way to continue scaling. I've lived through far worse than this. As long as you think nearly starving every day and having no company whatsoever are worse punishments than scaling a mountain. And most people would rather scale the mountain, I think.

I then found a cave opening bang in the middle of the mountain. This could be very useful - I need food and this may contain something. I slid in and quickly went into a hunting position in case anything was there. I'm cautious by nature and always check if there's anything in my shack, so this was second nature. Eventually i lowered my claws, but i was still ready to fight back to anything that appeared. I never let my guard down. A loud buzzing echoed through the cave, and I leapt back. I recognise that - it's yanma. They fly past my shack every night. Soon after, I was proved wrong - as the creature making the noise was In fact a... green... bug? It looks similar to yanma. Soon after it flew out of its home, I quickly used ice shard upon it, freezing its wings. I then dashed forward and killed it with slash. I carried the meat with me - I need food at all times. I found that the cave lead right through the mountain and out onto the other side. Wondering how I would get down, I absent-mindedly looked up at the skies and saw that sunrise was coming. I decided to carefully scale down the side of the mountain. I sharpened my claws first - the longer, the better. Decending is easier than climbing, as you don't have the excruciatingly difficult parts when you can't reach something, or those annoying falls, as falls help you in this sense - just don't fall too far or you'll kill yourself. I sprinted the last bit down the mountain and finally got back onto the plains. A forest was on either side of me. The lush green grass swayed in the wind. I suddenly spotted what vaguely looked like the makings of a wooden house. Was this civilization?

I ended up traversing the entire hill to get to this village. My time was well spent - I may not have survived if I had not found this place. When I first got close, I saw I was really at civilization. Those cabins were too well - made to not be inhabited. It had many buildings that seemed to serve different purposes. A hospital, a food store, even a mine. After observing them, I quickly leapt onto the roofs and went to what appears to be their food store. Jumping down from the roof I began to dig under the food store, creating myself a secret base of sorts. I will need to introduce myself before taking food - I may be fighting for my own survival, but I don't want these people as my enemy. I need to get help fast. I have no socializing skills of course, but i can learn. And if these people can help me on my journey, the time will really be well spent.
 
This is a great chapter! I hope you incorporate different characters soon, protagonists or not. I'd love to see how Sneasel interacts with others after being left alone for so long.

Some of your sentences seem basic, and I almost decided to explain how to fix that, but then I come across this:

Every sliver of rock climbed, every rock surmounted sapped my energy, but I had to keep going.
Click to expand...

Before, most sentences started with "I ____" or something along the lines. This sentence, though, was worded differently and really stood out. I think that if you write with sentences like this, it might seem more fluid and less choppy. There weren't many spelling/grammatical errors, so keep up the great work! Can't wait to see another chapter :D
 
Interesting story! I'm a bit confused by the term "people" here; is it used for both Pokémon and humans? You also used the term "Pokémon" so I wasn't sure.

Looking forward to the next chapter!
 
Drohn said:
Interesting story! I'm a bit confused by the term "people" here; is it used for both Pokémon and humans? You also used the term "Pokémon" so I wasn't sure.

Looking forward to the next chapter!
Click to expand...

As this is wrote from sneasel's perspective, 'people' is pokemon, yes, but if he says 'pokemon' he's actually referring to the species.
 
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