Writing Luna and the dark soul: Chapter Three up!

Cortel II

I am the Doom master
Member
OK, I'm kinda new to writing but here is the Prologue to my Fan Fic. the prologue is probably PG-13,
Prologue in this post
Chapter one: http://www.pokebeach.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=74169&pid=1472002#pid1472002
Chapter two: http://www.pokebeach.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=74169&pid=1477531#pid1477531
Chapter Three http://www.pokebeach.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=74169&pid=1481929#pid1481929
Prologue:

The sky was clear; her mane blowing in the wind, her long horn glistening in the moonlight, the Absol flicked her tail back and forth, her eyes staring out over the vast hills and flowing rivers. The ground dropped off a few feet in front of her. She enjoyed standing on the cliff to survey over the entire valley that she was charged with protecting.

The full moon rose in the sky, casting its pale light over the tranquil landscape, suddenly the sound of a branch snapping behind her made Absol turn to see what was coming up from behind. The wind picked up slightly causing Absol’s hair to blow across its face, coming up from behind her was Celebi, the little fairy Pokémon looked at Absol for a long time, waiting for something to happen, finally Absol lowered its head and knelt down on one knee.

Celebi looked for a long minute then seemed satisfied and winked out of time. Absol stood up from its kneeling and stared calmly at the space that Celebi had occupied, it never liked it when Celebi ordered her around, but Absol knew what had to be done, she turned and walked back to the edge of the cliff and looked back over her lands.

Suddenly the shadows behind Absol started to shift, a presence ran through the shadows, something evil. Something that meant Absol harm, in a blinding flash Absol whirled and snapped at the shadows, but her jaws closed on thin air, the shadows rose up behind her and took on the form of a monster, it raised a shadowy claw and struck at Absol, the hideous thing knocked her to the ground from the force of the strike.

Absol was back on her feet in a second ready to attack, she glanced from side to side trying to spot the monster that had attacked her. A hiss from behind caused Absol to turn, right into another strike from the shadowy construct, Absol tried to stand, but yelped as pain ran up her side, she looked at her ribs and saw three long lines of crimson blood running down her snow white fur. She grimaced in pain and stood up ready to bite anything she could, the shadow peeled off the rocks behind her and raised its shadowy claw yet again, this time Absol expected it and leapt out of the way, the shadowy claw barely missing her. Absol stared at the thing that had been attacking her.

The shadow rose and rose until it was close to ten feet tall, the bottom of it billowed out like a robe in the wind as the upper half resembled more of a man, but twisted and deformed. Above its shoulders was what slightly resembled a head, pure white hair streamed straight out of the top, flowing in the wind, what looked like blades sprouted from its shoulders, and it its other claw hand she controlled a blue ball of energy.

From the hand that had hit Absol, blood dripped splashing on the ground. The shadow bore its gaze into Absol’s eyes, the shadows icy blue versus Absol’s red. Absol never blinked, as the shadows glare bore into her soul, the pain grew in Absol’s chest she slumped to her knees but never broke her stare. Slowly the shadow twisted its bloody hand and a long shadowy blade extended from it. Absol continued to hold the shadows gaze, never blinking knowing full well what was likely to come next. The shadow raised the blade above its head and brought it down in a sweeping arc, slashing across Absol’s neck.

Absol’s lifeless body dropped to the ground, blood pooling from its severed head, the shadow stared for a moment then slowly disappeared into the shadows from the moonlight, slowly out of the cave crept the young Absol, its face, horn and tail where a blood red. It crept slowly towards the body of its mother, the scent of blood thick in the night air, it nosed her lifeless body, then slowly turned its head to the full moon and gave a long anguished howl of pain and rage.
 
RE: Dark Soul

Welcome to the Writing Corner. I'm Zyflair, pretty much the only harsh critic besides Crystal Hikara.

Let's get this started, but before we do, I like to say that I was motivated to write the critique because there's much promise and potential in this fanfic. I hope that when you finished reading this, you'll have a good idea on both how to improve your current submission and how to continue.

The very first issue at first glance is that there's no visual organization, AKA paragraph organization; the one thing a read hates is how there's no paragraph for them to keep track of where they are. Paragraphs also let ideas flow from one to another. A good key for paragraphs is when something different is happening; for your fiction, a possible new paragraph can start at "The full moon was rising in the sky and casting its pale light..." since the description moves away from the Absol.

An interesting thing I see is your use of the semicolon. I have to say that I don't exactly like its position, because the purpose of a semicolon is link two sentences if they're related. However, the relation is rather weak in this case.

Right after that, your description - with the use of modifying phrase surrounding the main clause - was great, but just one tiny problem. First, let's look at it again:
... her mane blowing in the wind, Absol’s long horn glistened in the moonlight, she flicked her tail back and forth, her eyes staring out over the vast hills and flowing rivers.
Why do one of the modifying phrases get the important noun and not the main clause? This variation:
... her mane blowing in the wind, her long horn glistening [you used the wrong form of the verb] in the moonlight, the Absol flicked her tail back and forth, her eyes staring out over the vast hills and flowing rivers.
Flows quite a bit more smoothly.

Ugh, I want to see paragraphs so badly. Not having them there is a shame because it keeps distracting me from the decent description.

Actually. May you please do me a favor? I really can't read clearly with the block of text. It's like trying to eat a whole meal in a bite. Can you split it in new paragraphs first before I move on? It would be much appreciated.
 
RE: Dark Soul

>_> I see what you did there, Zyflair.

Anyways, before I can even really look at that thing, I share the same 'unable to read giant blocks of textitus' that Zy has. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, use that enter key!

Pretend this is like a TV show. Each time the camera moves to a new subject, hit the enter key twice. Trust me, it WILL help. A lot more people will be willing to read through that block if there are enter spaces. Just looking at it, I could say 4-5 enters may do the trick. I'm not sure; my eyes refuse to make sense of the letters and words before me :/ But most important is keeping a paragraph anywhere between 2-6 sentences long. Granted, there are exceptions, but if you are new at writing, I highly suggest going by that rule.

Yeah that's all I got so far >>
 
RE: Dark Soul

Thanks for all the great advice, I made some changes, mainly wording and spacing. And I used the ENTER key. :)
 
Dark Soul: Chapter 1

Ok, I finished the first Chapter and here it is. Hope you like it!

Chapter One:
Heartbreak of a child

20 years later.
Rain pounded on her face as her soaking, limp body was carried in the arms of Gardevoir. Feelings of fear, hunger and panic rushed over her. She glanced up at Gardevior as she continued through the pounding rain, hoping for someplace that she could rest and recover. The town had been destroyed by a massive earthquake.

No one could have predicted it. One moment she was walking down the street like she did everyday from school, when out of the corner of her eye she saw a dog-like Pokémon. She glanced over and saw it clearly, flowing white fur, blodd red face, tail and a red horn out of the side of its head. It was Absol, The disaster Pokémon. Her heart skipped a beat, and she knew what his appearance heralded, a great disaster. She glanced both ways up and down the street, but no one was around, so she looked back at Absol, but it was gone too. Suddenly the ground started shaking; the whole town was collapsing around them.

Her heart pounded as she raced through the town streets, looking for her parents. When she reached her house, she was decimated by what she saw. Her house was falling apart from the earth’s heaves. She ran into the ruined house. Her parents were trapped by falling debris, her younger sister was lying next to her mother, under the main beam that supported the second floor, but her brother wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

She rushed to her mother’s side and franticly tried to move the beam off of her. Her mother’s eyes flickered open as she gasped out a few faint words,

“Get out, Luna; I won’t lose all my children in one night.”

“Nooo, Mother! I have to get you out of here! I can’t leave you!”

A faint smile slipped across her mother’s lips as she whispered,

“Gardevoir, take her. And protect her”
Her mother’s hand went limp and dropped to the ground. Tears welled up in Luna’s eyes as she looked at her mother lying on the floor, but she couldn’t force herself to move, she just sat there, staring blankly at her mother’s pale face as she cried openly. Suddenly she felt light headed and dizzy, the last thing she remembered was falling to the floor and losing consciousness.

Luna’s eyes snapped open as the rain beat at her face and cloths; she was being carried by Gardevior. She tried to move but she was too weak, so she just let her body go limp and drifted back into darkness.

When she awoke again, she was out of the pounding rain. Her clothes were soaking wet, her hair a tangled mess, and she was starving. She hadn’t eaten since lunch that day at school, then the earthquake struck and there defiantly wasn’t any chance after that to get something to eat. Her stomach grumbled angrily at her to give it something. She looked around trying to get her bearings. She was in the trunk of an old oak, and outside the wind howled and the rain continued to pour. To her left Gardevior was standing watching her.

“Thank you,” said Luna, to Gardevior.

Gardevior didn’t say anything but Luna sensed her feelings of welcome. Luna stared out at the falling rain for a long time, reflecting on how she had lost everything in just one brief moment. The emotions came rushing back over her like a tidal wave, the feelings she felt right before the earthquake struck, the feeling when she found her mother and sister trapped under the beam, the feelings she felt when her mother’s limp hand fell from her own and dropped to the ground, never to move again. It was all too much; she simply curled up and cried herself asleep.

The next morning, Luna woke to see that the rain had stopped and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful sight, as the sun glistened off the morning dew and birds sang in the tree above her. She looked at Gardevior and noticed that she was not looking very well.

“What’s wrong?” asked Luna slowly, walking over to Gardevior.

Even though Gardevior didn’t speak in words, Luna sensed her emotions and understood them as easily as if Gardevior had been speaking.

“I have not long to live, the death of your mother, my trainer, has
been too much of a tax on me. Her emotions when she died, gave me strength enough to get you out of harm’s way, but I am afraid that I will not last much longer, please forgive me. Your mother was a unique woman, she made me promise that when you where old enough to tell you of your power. Your mother, like me, could sense others emotions and take them upon ourselves, although it is very taxing. She used it on you when you were a baby, if you got hurt she would take the pain and emotions upon herself. It is a gift that has been passed down through your family for generations, since people first started working with Pokémon. Now you posses this gift, use it wisely.”

“Bu-bu-but you can’t die! You have to live!” sobbed Luna.

“It is too late. Be true to yourself and your friends, for a true friend is
worth more than any amount of gold. Farewell, Luna…”

Gardevior’s eyes closed, as her body slowly faded away and finally disappeared. “Everything I know and loved has been taken away from me in one night, what am I supposed to do now!?” thought Luna. She stepped outside of the tree and glanced around off in the direction of her town, which lay only ruins.

“No sense going back there, too many bad memories,” she said to herself.

She turned east and started walking towards the rising sun. After a day a and a half of walking to her absolute delight she saw a small town it consisted of a few houses a small white building and a lake was just outside it. She stumbled through the streets and to the white building. She reached the door and raised her hand to know when the door swung open and a tall man with white hair in a white lab coat was standing there. He looked at Luna and said,

“You look starved and half dead, please come in!”

Luna took one step forwards, then collapsed in the man’s arms and blacked
out from exhaustion. When Luna woke up, she was lying in a bed; the covers were nice and fluffy and she didn’t want to wake up, she simply wanted to drift back into the endless darkness of her dream and remain there forever.

She was awakened by a loud bustling outside the door. Suddenly the door burst open and a large Pokémon crouched in the doorway. It was an Absol, his long white fur waved from the breeze coming through the open door, his horn as sharp as a sword and as red as blood. It stared at Luna for a long minute, then tilted its head and ran back out of the room. The man that had invited Luna in the night before came running through the door and slid to a stop, gasping as he asked,

“Was that Absol, the disaster Pokémon? What did it want, did it hurt you? ”

“N-no, it just sat there for a second t-then ran off,” stammered Luna.

“Good.” He sounded relieved. “So are you feeling better, today?”

“Yes, thank you. You are very kind. But who are you?”

“Ah! Ha-ha, I totally forgot to introduce myself. Please forgive me, I
am Professor Honeycutt. I study Pokémon. But you must be hungry, when
was the last time you ate?” he asked.

“Almost three days ago,” said Luna quietly.

“THREE DAYS!” exclaimed Professor Honeycutt, then, composing
himself he said, “goodness gracious me, you must be starving, can you walk? Come down stairs and I’ll give you some food.”

The Professor turned and walked out of the room, his white lab coat flowing behind him. Luna threw back the covers and climbed out of bed; she stumbled a little but then got her balance and walked downstairs. She sat at the table and the man set a bowl of soup and a sandwich in front of her.

“Please eat; there is more if you want.”

Luna wolfed down the sandwich and drained the soup bowl. It might just have been her hunger, but she believed that was the best soup and sandwich she had ever eaten. When the Professor asked if she wanted more, she nodded vigorously. He left for a second and then returned with another bowl of soup and another sandwich. She ate these a little slower, when she was finished, she pushed the plate and bowl away and thanked the Professor.

“Oh, no thanks necessary, but would you mind telling me who you are and why you were walking across the plains half starved in tattered clothes?”

“My name is Luna. I used to live in Larpenter city. You’ve heard about the great earthquake?”

“Yes, were you there?” asked the man, a little shocked.

“Yes, I lost my whole…”

she chocked back a sob of grief, than she
tried again with a much stronger tone and told the whole story about her escape and her travel with Gardevior. But she kept her power a secret. When she was done, the professor sat back in his chair and thought for a long time, finally Luna asked,

“Are you okay?”

The Professor looked at her, then responded,

“Oh, yes, sorry. I was deep in thought, I was thinking of Absol, it senses coming disasters and appears before people only to warn them of impending danger.”

“But when I saw him today, I got the feeling that he wasn’t trying to warn me as much as simply seeing me alive, like he knew me or something.”

“It is odd that you put it that way, because he forced his way into the house in order to get to your room. Strange, I’ll bring it up with my colleagues and see what they think; you’re welcome to stay here for a while, seeing as you have nowhere to go, unless you do?”

Luna looked at the ground before saying in a low voice,

“No.”

“Well, you are welcome here as long as you like. I am at the lab most
of the day anyways, so you shouldn’t be disturbed.”

“Thank you. You are too generous,” said Luna.

“Oh, don’t bother, I have to go to the lab it’s just across the street, so if you need anything don’t hesitate to drop by.”

With that, the professor turned and walked out of the house, leaving Luna sitting at the table to ponder her thoughts. After a few minutes she decided to go back to her room and lay down for a while. As she laid down a wave of drowsiness washed over her, and she closed her eyes and fell to sleep.

She was awakened by the sense that someone or something was watching her. She opened her eyes, expecting to see the professor, but what she saw was Absol again, sitting in the door, head tilted, staring at her with those black eyes, never blinking, just staring.

“What… do you want?” she asked hesitantly.

Absol continued to stare at her, never blinking, never moving. Luna threw back the covers of the bed and sat up, but Absol continued to watch her cautiously. She placed her feet on the floor; it was cold to the touch as she slowly stood up and took one step towards Absol. It continued to watch her.

“Why are you here? Are you trying to warn me of a disaster?”

Luna turned back to look at the window, as the events of the past several days washed over her, suddenly she turned and shouted at Absol,

“Well, you’re a little late! You stupid thing! You should have warned us before the earthquake struck! I may have been able to save my family! Get out of here, you stupid thing!”

She threw a pillow at Absol, but it dashed out of the room before the pillow had barely left her hand. She slumped to the floor, leaning against the bed and started to cry. She wept for half an hour before she finally dried her eyes and stood up.

“Maybe I should see the professor, it sure would beat staying here and feeling sorry for myself. I have to get on with my life,” she said to herself.

She rubbed her eyes and walked out of the room. When she stepped out of the house, a light breeze blew across her face, blowing her hair around and cooling her hot cheeks. She looked around gathering in the scenery. Across the street like the professor had said was the white building that she had seen the night before. She strolled across the street and reached for the handle. As soon as her hand touched the handle she caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye. When she turned to look it was gone.

She shook her head to clear it and opened the door. Inside was a bustle of commotion; people in white lab coats hustled and bustled around, carrying things, talking, looking at computers and doing various other tasks. Luna tapped the nearest man on the shoulder and asked,

“Excuse me, where is Professor Honeycutt?”

“Oh, sure he is over there, but he is probably busy, so I don’t know if
he will have time to talk,” said the man.

“Thanks,” said Luna.

She walked over to Professor Honeycutt and tapped him on the shoulder.
He jumped slightly at her touch, then turned and said,

“Oh! Hello Luna, what can I do for you?”

“Um, I was wondering what you do in the lab?”

“Oh that is easy to answer, we study Pokémon here. Various trainers bring their Pokémon here and we study to see how they live, grow and evolve. Like take this Pokémon for example, this is Eevee. It evolves to adapt to its habitat. No one is really sure how or why Pokémon evolve it has been one of those mysteries that we may never figure out. So far we have seen six evolutions of this Pokémon.”

“Six? I thought most Pokémon had one or two evolutions,” said Luna.

“Ordinarily this is a true fact, but it seems that this little fella decided
to brake that rule and have more, it really is quite fascinating.”

“Can I hold it?” asked Luna quietly.

“Sure go ahead,” said Professor Honeycutt cheerfully.

Luna stepped forward and reached her hand towards Eevee. It didn’t move; she sensed its anxiety, and instinctively tried to calm it with her mind. It seemed to relax then became let her touch it.

“Wow, I haven’t seen it this friendly to anyone, it must really like you. You seem to have a knack for Pokémon,” commented Professor Honeycutt.
Suddenly, a lab assistant came rushing in and in his arms he carried a fox-like Pokémon, but it had nine tails. The assistant hurried over to the professor and gently set the Pokémon down on the lab table and said in a frantic voice,

“Professor, we have an emergency. I was outside looking for our
Squirtle that is playing hide and seek, and I saw a bunch of mean-looking people crowded around something and shouted at them and they ran away, then I saw her lying there.” The assistant motioned towards the Pokémon on the table and continued talking, “I think she’s hurt bad, but I didn’t know what to do so I brought her in here.”

“You did the right thing, Mark. Now I need you to run across town and grab Eric, the Poke doctor. He’ll know what to do, and for goodness sake, hurry!”

Mark ran out of the lab while the Professor looked over the fox Pokémon.

“What kind of Pokémon is it, Professor?” asked Luna.

“A Ninetails, its nine tails are said to be imbued with a mystic power.
It can live for a thousand years. Some legends claim that each of its nine tails has its own unique type of special mystical power. But no one has ever studied it up close like this. We must keep it alive.”
Luna closed her eyes and reached out her hand to touch Ninetails. She could feel waves of emotions wash over her, pain, hate, fear and others that she couldn’t translate into human terms but she felt them all the same. She tried to block out all the bad and leave only the good, but there was so much, she exerted her will to shut out the feelings, when suddenly the feelings where gone and replaced by feelings of calm, then a new feeling entered her. It reminded her of Gardevoir’s last feelings.

“No! I won’t let you die like my Gardevoir, I know what I can do, and I know I can help you! But you have to fight!” she thought.

“Child, you have a great destiny to fulfill. I was coming to bring you, but I was attacked by Ruffians. They beat me and tried to take my tails. The fools believed that a magical power is stored in them, little do they know. But I will have my revenge—I will place terrible curses on them if I ever lay eyes on them again. But you have a sorrowful presence about you, what is wrong child.”

The feeling that she had felt that night rushed over her Ninetails tried to comfort her, but Luna was not caring, she didn’t want to go through the pain of seeing another Pokémon die, especially one that seemed to know her so well.

“Child, you are not alone in this world, you have friends, you have made new ones and you will always have the spirit of your family with you. Always remember that.”
“Where are you supposed to bring me?”

“To Mt. Starlight, to begin your training.”

“Training, what training?”

“Training to fulfill your fate, to slay a shadow.”
Luna removed her hand from Ninetails; Professor Honeycutt was looking at her quizzically.

“What did you do?” he asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” she asked, looking at the Professor.

He nodded his head towards Ninetails; Luna looked back and saw the Fox sitting up straight, its nine tails flicking back and forth.

“You’re alive!” shouted Luna.

“Yes, you helped though,”

The doors to the lab burst open as Mark and the Poke Doctor came running in.

“Where is Ninetails?” asked the doctor.

“It looks like me may not need a doctor after all,” said Professor Honeycutt.

“Yes, well, may I take a look at her please anyways?” asked the doctor.

Luna and Professor Honeycutt stepped aside as the doctor examined Ninetails. After a few minutes he stepped back and said,

“I don’t fully understand why you called me here; this Pokémon is in perfect health.”

“That can’t be! I saw her myself and she was dying!” exclaimed Mark.

“Well, I’m glad that she is not,” commented the doctor.

“Well, thanks for coming anyways, Eric, it’s always nice to see you.”

“No problem, John, anytime you need me, you know where to find me.”

Eric walked out of the lab and Professor Honeycutt turned back to Luna and Ninetails. He walked over and attempted to touch Ninetails, but she growled and snapped at his hand. He withdrew it quickly and looked at Luna.

“She must be scared, perhaps you can do something she seemed ok to let you touch her.”

“I can try,” said Luna.

She slowly reached out her hand. Ninetails didn’t move but let Luna place her hand on its head and scratched it.

“Amazing, you truly do have an affinity for Pokémon. Do you think she would allow us to study her?”
Ninetails growled at him again, and hopped off the table, she strolled over and sat down on her haunches next to Luna.

“Hmm, I see, she seems to have adopted you as her trainer, Luna. You must feel extremely honored."

“Oh no, I couldn’t, I have no experience as a trainer, the only interaction is with other people’s Pokémon, I have never had my own. I wouldn’t know what to do. “

“Trust me, I used to be a trainer, it comes natural to you once you have a Pokémon in your care. Why don’t you go walk around the town with Ninetails and see how you two fare.”

“I guess, but I don’t know what to do!?”

“Follow your instincts, they seem to be in the right order,” Professor
Honeycutt said with a smile.

Luna smiled back and turned and walked out of the lab, followed closely by Ninetails. They strolled down the street and around a corner. When suddenly Luna heard shouting coming from up ahead. Luna and Ninetails ran forward to see what the commotion was coming from.

They turned a corner and saw two thugs circling a young man. A Rattata was lying on the ground, apparently unconscious. The young man was shouting at the thugs.

“Let me go! You won the battle and I gave you your winnings, you have to let me go!”

“Nah, we don’t have to do nothing! We’re goanna take everything you got, including your Pokémon! Hahaha!” cackled the first thug.

“We have to do something, I can’t just stand by and let them beat up that man!” exclaimed Luna.

Ninetails looked at Luna then nodded her head and growled. Both of them ran towards the thugs. Luna arrived first and landed a full force punch to the nose of the thug, while Ninetails lunged at the other, pinning him to the ground. The one that Luna had punched gripped his nose, screaming in pain. The other didn’t move. Luna glanced over and saw that Ninetails had him pinned to the ground, teeth exposed and snarling at him. Luna turned back to the young man, and asked,

“You OK?”

“I am now, I just lost a battle to these two thugs and they wouldn’t let me go, after you win a battle you have to let the opponent leave so they can heal they’re Pokémon. Thanks, by the way. My name is Luke.”

“I’m Luna. Nice to meet you, but let’s get this messed cleaned up first.”

“Right, I don’t think they’re going to bother us for awhile. Where are you from?” asked Luke.

“Well from a ways away, I’ll tell you later.”
The two strolled back to the town, Luke carrying his Pokémon while Ninetails walked alongside Luna. When they reached the town Luke, walked to the lab and entered. Luna followed him a step behind. Inside Luke said,

“Uncle! I’m home!”

“Oh, good, I was beginning to wonder where you had gotten to, what took you so long?” asked Professor Honeycutt.

“The Professor is your uncle?” asked Luna, a little surprised.

“Yeah, I’m his nephew; he’s my mom’s brother.”

“Oh, Luna! How is Ninetails, how was your little stroll?”

“It was fine, we beat a couple of ruffians that where attacking your nephew.”

The Professor looked at Luke with a quizzical eye then asked,

“You where being attack, why?

“I don’t know! These two guys came up to me and challenged me to a
battle, so I accepted. They beat me pretty bad, then they wouldn’t let me
escape, they surrounded me and where trying to take poor Rattata.”

“Did you see any badges on them?” asked Professor Honeycutt hurriedly

“Um, I don’t think I saw anything.”

“Ok, well if they come around again, give them a good whipping.”

“Will do, uncle!”

The professor turned to Luna and asked in a slightly quieter tone,

“What will you do know?”

“Well, I intend on finding Absol to figure out why it has such an
interest me.”

“Interest in you?” questioned the Professor.

“Yes, after you left, it came back and was staring at me again.”

“Really? What did it do?”

“Nothing really, it just sat in the door staring, always staring, never
blinking, but if I tried to get close, it would run away.”

The professor pondered this for a short while. After a few minutes he said,

“I believe that rumor has it, that Absol has a cave up in Mt. Starlight. But the journey is not an easy one, and is dangerous. You have to pass Full Moon Island. They say a living shadow Pokémon lives there, they also say that it doesn’t like people straying near its island, and it will curse anyone who approaches it with nightmares and endless sleep.”
“I am sure we will manage, but my main priority is to find Absol and figure out what it wants!” said Luna, clenching her fists.

hopefully I will be able to finish the next chapter in a week or so.
 
RE: Dark Soul

No comments at all? Not even grammatical errors pointed out? Wow, the writing corner must really be dead.
 
RE: Dark Soul

I really like the story. I hope you keep writing it.
 
RE: Dark Soul

I'm sorry, but you really have to give me time. Unlike "most" of the people around here, I only have limited amount of time to actually read and critique, but if you're too impatient, you can head out to a more lively place to post your fanfic. :)
 
RE: Luna and the dark soul: Chapter one up!

Ok, I t took longer then I wanted, but I finished chapter two! YAY!

Chapter Two:
Old Mates

Luna and her new companion, Ninetails, set out for Mt. Starlight in search of the fabled disaster Pokémon, Absol, said to appear when a great natural event is about to happen. Little do they know that lurking in the shadows is a monster that has lain dormant for a thousand years. Recently awakened, it waits for the eclipse of the moon, which will signify its coming and the destruction of the world.

Luna and Ninetails strolled casually down the road, it was sunny and a cool breeze blew past her face, whisking her raven hair around her head. Luna smiled and said to no one in particular,

“What a glorious day!”

Ninetails glanced at her for a second then turned her head back to the road. Suddenly from up ahead there was the sound of scuffling and fighting. Luna and Ninetails dashed forward to see what was going on around a the bend they saw two young men fighting, one had light sandy hair and the other had black hair like hers, Luna watched for a second, a small crowd had gathered to watch the two men fight, they both held they own pretty well, but the sandy haired man was getting the upper hand. Suddenly the black haired man delivered a flurry of blows knocking the other to the ground bruised and beaten.

The crowd that had gathered slowly dispersed once the fight was over, as two men helped the sandy haired one up left. The black haired man stood up and dusted himself off, and then he grabbed a trench coat hanging on a tree branch and threw it on. He turned and saw Luna staring at him. He walked over and said,

“Ello’ mate! How you doing on this fine day? The names VonBaronah,
Jubilee VonBaronah. But please, call me Ju for short.”

He had a very different accent, something Luna was not used to, but she liked it all the same.

“Hello, I’m Luna, Luna Mcbarugh”

“Pleasures to be sure, mate!” Said Ju bowing slightly.

Luna liked this strange man, she looked at Ninetails, the Ninetails had her head tilted slightly to the right then blinked once and commented to Luna.

“He seems friendly enough, yes, I like him.”

Luna smiled at the comment and turned back to Ju.

“Where are you from, Ju?”

“Oh, I am from far away, over the sea, I am merely to find a certain rare Pokémon, by the name of Absol it was reported to be differently colored then normal Absol’s its face, horn and tail are supposedly blood red. I have heard it has been seen in these parts. You wouldn’t happen to have seen it, would you?”

“What’s your interest in this Pokémon, you don’t mean it harm do you?” asked Luna suddenly a little suspicious.”

“By all the stars above and below, do you think I am a monster!? Of course I mean it no harm! I am a Seeker; I seek out rare Pokémon and
document them.”

Luna looked at Ninetails again and mentally asked,

“Do you think he is telling the truth?”

“Has he given you any reason to doubt that he is telling the truth?”

“No, not really he seems intelligent, honest, smart and handsome.”

“Looks have nothing to do whether he is telling the truth or not.”

“I guess not, but should I tell him of Absol and my quest?”

“That I up to you young one.”

Luna smiled at Ninetails then turned to Ju again and said,

“To be honest, I am seeking the red Absol also, I am heading to its home, and hopefully it is there.”

“So the stories about the red Absol are true. And you have seen him clearly, not just a trick of the light or something?”

“Yes, I have seen it several times, it has a red face, horn and tail, its mane is white as snow, and its claws like razors.”

“Yes, that is the red Absol. But you said you were going to its home, do you know where it lives?”

“Yes, it lives past Full moon Island.”

“Hmmm, I see, I don’t suppose you would mind some company on your journey?”

“I would greatly enjoy some company. You said you where a Seeker, do you battle with Pokémon?”

“I do, I collect and document rare Pokémon, and the ones that truly are rare, or that I really like I travel with. Aren’t you a trainer, mate?” the last question was directed with inclination towards Ninetails.

“No, I have never been a trainer, Ninetails here, is a special friend, she doesn’t have a Pokeball, that I carry her in, she is a free Pokémon that can do and go where she wants when she wants to. I have no holds over her, though she does listen to me sometimes.”

“That is a truly pure relationship between you and your Pokémon. I have never seen a tighter relationship.”

“So, Shall we continue?” asked Luna, a little abashed.

“Aye, mate, let’s do that.”

Luna and Ju walked side by side with Ninetails a few feet behind watching they’re backs. The two humans and Pokémon traveled for several days, passing through a few small towns, on the third day, they saw the city of Wellsburgh. The entered the city through a large archway, the streets bustled with activity, people dashing this way and that, Pokémon moving stuff, whilst others followed people around, to the right as soon as they entered the city was a Poke-mart and Poke-center, down the street a ways, on the left hand side was a Poke-Gym, as they drew near to it Luna read the sign,

“Wellsburgh Gym Leader, Faolan Brennus, ‘He will probe your mind and freeze your Pokémon,’ currently closed to competition.”

“So, this is where ol’ Brennus has gone, well, he has seemed to have made a good name for himself. I’ve got to talk to him sometime,” commented Ju.

“You know the Gym leader?” asked Luna.

“Hmm? Oh yes, me and him go way back, we where mates on a ship long time ago.”

Ju seemed a little distracted when talking; Luna figured he was just reminiscing on old times, or something, suddenly a shout echoed down the bustling street.

“Jubilee VonBaronah!”

Ju turned and glanced down the street, running towards them was a tall, well built man, he wore a trench coat like Ju, and his brown hair was tied back in a Ponytail. He had a huge smile on his face, as he rushed at Luna and Ju. Ju’s face lit up when he saw who had yelled at him.

“Brennus, old mate!”

The two men clash in an embrace, they laughed and bounded each other on the back before finally stepping back and looking at each other.

“Man, you’re getting fat old mate!” exclaimed Ju.

“Yeah, well that’s the cost of being Gym leader, I guess. But it’s really all muscle mate!” Exclaimed Brennus.

He had the same accent as Ju did, the two started trading tales of their past, after a few minutes, Brennus turned and looked at Luna a little harder,

“Wow, Mate, you really picked up a rare one this I time.”

“Nah mate, This here is Luna, she’s seen a red Absol, and she knows
where it’s staying!”

“Are you still seeking them rare Pokémon, mate? But still, a red Absol, that’s got to be one of your bigger hunts isn’t it?”

“Aye, if I can get it, it will make history, and my own personal record.”

“Ah, well, are you goanna be staying long?”

“Don’t know, you offering to put us up for the night mate?”

“Would I be a mate if I didn’t?”

Ju turned to Luna and said,

“My mate, Brennus here, says he’ll put us up for the night.”

Luna smiled and said,

“I could hear, thank you,” then turning to Brennus, “I would be happy to accept your hospitality.”

“Excellent! Right mates, follow me,”

Suddenly a young man no older then fifteen ran up to Brennus and said in a hurried voice,

“Brennus! You just left those guys standing there when you hurried off! They told me to come get you so you could finish the battle!”

“Oh my gosh, mate! I totally forgot I was in the middle of a battle,
when I saw you! It totally slipped my mind. Well would you like to come see
me finish this battle?” asked Brennus to Ju and Luna.

Luna and Ju both shrugged and followed Ninetails swished its tails back and forth for a second then also followed. Brennus walked back the way he had come. Standing at the end of the street, was the two thugs that Luna and Ninetails had beaten up a week earlier. Ninetails growled menacingly, Luna nodded and said,

“Yeah, I know. But we already beat them up.”

“You say something mates?” asked Ju.

“No, Nothing, is your friend going to battle?” asked Luna.

“Ahh ha! Right! Brennus! Where you going to battle one of these days?”

“Huh? Oh right, where you boys wanting to finish that battle of ours?” said Brennus.

The two thugs looked at Luna and Ninetails and they’re faces turned pale.

“Uh… n-no, we have to g-g-go. You win. Here you go!” they stammered before dashing off.

“Well, now that you got out of that battle, what says you to taking us to your place and showing us some of that Wellsburgh hospitality, mate?” asked Ju.

“Well, come along then.”
Brennus lead Luna, Ju and Ninetails down the streets of Wellsburgh down a short alleyway and stopped in front of a small house. He pulled out a small key and slipped it into the lock, turned clockwise and pushed the door in. it swung in easily with a slight creak.

“Well, Welcome to my home,” said Brennus.

A high female’s voice called out from the other room.

“Is that you dear?”

“Yes! I brought guests! Please come here.”

A tall brunette woman walked through the door. She had waist long hair; her complexion was a little darker then Brennus’ she had an apron on, but underneath it Luna a silk dress. Luna felt the woman’s gaze examining her from head to toe, then her eyes flicked over to Ju, and examined him, after a pause she said,

“Welcome, please make yourself comfortable.”

“When did this happen? You have some explaining to do mate.” Said Ju.

“Ju, this is my wife, Bernadette. I’m sure you remember her. Dear, this is my very old friend Jubilee VonBaronah! And his close friend, Luna.”

Brennus said the last part with a wink at Ju. Ju extended his hand in a gesture of friendship to Bernadette, Luna followed suit, and was surprised by Benedetti's strength and the firmness of her handshake. When the introductions where finished, Bernadette said,

“Faolan has told me a lot about you mister Jubilee. Please have a seat; dinner won’t be ready for a little while.”

Luna and Ju sat down a large sofa against the east wall of the room, while Brennus took a large armchair against the other wall.

“So tell me mate. When did you two get married? I thought you were never going to settle down.” Commented Ju.

“Well, after our last adventure, I was here in the city for a few days, I was hanging around when out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the most beautiful thing you could imagine. It was Bernadette; she was a young flower, at the time...”

“Oh Come now! We both know that’s popycote! Your only twenty-four, and I doubt that lovely lady of yours is that old, she doesn’t look a day over twenty-two!” interrupted Ju, “Remember, we have met before, you introduced us years ago. Now tell the truth if you can, mate!”

“Fine, we met, as you know, four years ago. About a year and a half ago, while I was out training and capturing some new Pokémon, I had just recently become Gym leader, and we started talking, then we started to hang out, and suddenly what would you know, we’re getting married.” Finished Brennus.

“Well Congratulations’ is in order I guess.”

“Now tell me, what have you been doing for the past four years?”

Bernadette walked through the door and over to Luna and whispered,

“They’ll be yapping like this for hours, come on, I’ll fix you some tea and we can talk.”

“That would be lovely. You goanna come?” said Luna.

The second part was a question directed Ninetails.

“No, I think I’ll listen to these two’s talks for a while and maybe I’ll even take a nap.” commented Ninetails.

“Suit yourself.”

The two women walked through the door into the kitchen and sat at the table. Bernadette, poured two cups of tea then set them on the table and sat down.

“So tell me, Luna, is it?”

“Yes,”

“How long have you and Ju been together?”

Luna’s cheeks got warm at that thought then she said stammering
slightly,

“M-me and Ju? Oh n-no! We only met about a week ago. I was
traveling when I saw him fighting with someone, after he won we started
talking and we’ve been traveling together since. ”

“Oh, that’s nice; you two make a nice couple.” Luna’s face really
turned red at that comment. “So where are you from?”

“Well, I come from a small city named Larpenter, but it was destroyed by an earthquake, my whole family was killed and my life was destroyed in a si-single night…” Her voice choked off as a sob of grief rose in her throat.
Bernadette reached over and said in a low voice,

“It’s okay, your with friend now, you don’t have to talk if you don’t
want to.”

“Thank you.”

With that Luna simply broke down and started crying.
 
RE: Luna and the dark soul: Chapter two up!

In all honesty, you're actually a pretty good writer (I mean it). You have a solid grasp of the language; you can effectively describe a scene, and you can bring out the personal characteristics of each person.

The problem is that you're not doing enough.

The Prologue is beautifully written despite a few places I'd edit (but that's just me). But part of Chapter One and mostly Chapter Two horrible dwindled off to mostly dialogue with bare descriptions. What happened? The only time you ever want dialogue to drive the story and not actions is at a play (and you don't even want to do that in a play either sometimes). I'm reading a story here. I don't want to read a conversation. If you have no clue what on earth to describe, look at your events and see if you can make the place even more real. If you are truly stuck with dialogue, I have a remedy for that in the later on.

But I want to address the second part of your issue: your characters are only backed by dialogue as well. You use no small action to characterize people; I have yet to know a single person who stands completely still when he/she talks. Liven them up!

Below, I have a pretty bad example of what I mean, but I hope it works.
He walked over quickly, as if he was unable take his time to go speak with her. The moment he stopped, he enthusiastically gave his self-introduction with an extended hand.

“Ello’ mate! How you doing on this fine day? The names VonBaronah,
Jubilee VonBaronah. But please, call me Ju for short.”
 
RE: Luna and the dark soul: Chapter two up!

Thanks for the constructive criticism, yeah I understand what you are saying, I was re-reading some of my work, and a LOT of it is dialogue, but, I'm trying to rectify that with more descriptive aspects. thanks for the advice and I hope to have the next chapter up in a week or so. (ok, more like 2-3 weeks :p )
 
RE: Luna and the dark soul: Chapter two up!

It took a lot less time then I expected, :) but here it is, chapter 3!

Chapter Three:
A Dark Journey

Luna sat up in her bed, well rested and stretched her arms over her head. She yawned deeply before tossing back the covers and getting out of bed, Ju and her had been staying at Brennus’ house for almost a week. She trotted down stairs with an air that she had not had for many months, she was glad it was a new day, Ninetails joined her at the top of the stairs and followed her down, when Luna walked into the kitchen, Bernadette looked up from what she was doing and said,
“Good morning Luna. My husband and Ju went to the market if you’re looking for them. But, before you leave, would you like some breakfast?”
“Sure, I would love some thank you.”
Luna ate her breakfast quietly while Bernadette finished cleaning the kitchen and straitening up the table. When Luna finished her breakfast, she thanked Bernadette and left the house quickly to search for Ju and Brennus, Ninetails, followed on her heels.

The city was a huge bustling place, people running back and forth, talking on phones, talking to each other, battling in alleyways, playing with Pokémon, and doing various other mundane tasks. Ninetails trotted up beside Luna and nosed her leg, Luna looked at Ninetails and saw her pointing her nose southeast towards a large building. It was painted red and white, over the door was a large sign that read, “Poke Center” standing in front of it was Ju and Brennus talking in low voices they both wore they’re long trench coats, and had glasses on. Luna walked over and tapped Ju on the shoulder; he leapt a foot in the air before clenching his chest and saying,
“Please DO NOT startle me like that again!”
“How’s it going Brennus?” Luna asked politely, then turning back to Ju she said, “Why are you two standing out here with glasses, trying to look cool and intimidating?”
“No, reason, where simply waiting for some people. It would be a good idea if you were not around when they arrive.”
“B-b-but…”
Both Brennus and Ju looked at her sternly. Without saying anything Luna turned and walked away, when she was a ways away, she turned and watched the two men turn and continue to talk in under tones.

After several minutes of waiting Luna saw four men in black suites stroll up and stop next to Brennus and Ju. This peaked her interest and she wanted to know what Ju and Brennus were up to, but they had told her to stay away, and she would obey him, this time. She would give Ju a stern talking to after this meeting was finished, she wasn’t about to let him think that he could order her around like she was some kind of kid.

The six men talked for a few minutes, then Ju and Brennus shook their hands and the four men left. Luna walked over to Ju and tapped him on the shoulder again, he didn’t jump this time but took of his glasses and looked her expectantly.

“Who where those men?” asked Luna.

“You didn’t leave like I told you to.”

“I’m not your daughter to order around! I have a right to know!”

“No, you don’t!” Ju’s voice was stern and commanding. “You have no right to pry into our business and demand answers to question that don’t concern you!”

Tears started to well up in Luna’s eyes, she hated it when people yelled at her, it always reminded her of the times her father would come home after a bad day at work and yell at her mother and her brother and her, on nights like that, she would often slip out of her window and run to her favorite hiding place. But she couldn’t go there anymore, it was destroyed, everything she knew was gone, the tears burst from her eyes. Ju sighed and reached out a hand to put on her shoulder but Luna turned and ran, she ran down the street crying then turned down an alley and disappeared. Ninetails look at Ju for a second then turn and sprinted after Luna.

Ju ran his fingers through his hair and gave a long sigh, he hadn’t meant to sound so annoyed, he was just a little preoccupied with his discussions with the other men. And let his voice get a little loud. He pondered going after Luna, but figured he had better let her cool down before confronting her and apologizing. Brennus walked up from behind and placed his hand on Ju’s shoulder then said,

“You have to temper your words with love, brother.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m still working on that part.”

Brennus smiled then pat Ju on the shoulder and walked back towards his house, Ju sighed again, and then trotted off in the direction that Luna had gone.

On a cliff top overlooking the valley Absol stood, the wind blowing his mane around his face, he stared out at the setting sun. After a minute Absol turned and strode briskly back towards its cave, but he stopped at a darker patch of stone, where the rest of the cliff and plateau was a light gray color, this spot was tinted red. Red like Absol’s horn, face and tail, tinted from the blood of his mother, this was where she had been murdered twenty years ago, not more than a week after he had been born. He remembered what had done that to his mother, a shadow, a blade, the corpse of his lifeless mother. Anger rose in Absol he howled a great cry of pain to the setting sun before it sunk below the horizon.

Ju turned the corner of a building and stopped when he saw Luna sitting with her back against the wall, stroking Ninetails fur. She glanced up as he walked around the corner, but when she saw who it was she said coldly,

“What do you want? I thought you didn’t want me hanging around. I might spoil your precious plans!”

“Ouch!” Said Ju wincing, “I’ve been trying to find you all day, I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like I did, it was wrong of me and I wanted to ask your forgiveness. So… will you forgive me?”

Luna looked at him for a long minute then said slowly,

“Well, I might have been a little childish, but you still didn’t need to be like you where.”

“I said I’m sorry! What do you want me to do? Beg?”
Ju dropped down on one knee and clasped his hands then in a slightly mocking voice but still sincere he said,

“Will you please forgive me for what I said earlier?”
A small smile crossed Luna’s lips and she stood up, Ju stood up from his kneeling and looked at her with a forlorn look on his face. Luna couldn’t help it anymore, her whole face lit up in a smile and a laugh escaped her lips, she threw her arms around Ju and said,

“Yes, I forgive you!”

Ju, Smiled and gave her a big hug and spun her around, then he set her down and motioned for her to walk with him. She smiled, and entwined her arm in his and the strolled down the street happily laughing and talking. Ninetails trotted along behind the two keeping a close watch on the alleyways between buildings. Suddenly Ninetails wriggled in between Luna and Ju, Luna looked down at Ninetails, and asked,

“What’s wrong?”

Ninetails glanced at the alleyway that they were standing across from. Suddenly Luna got a wave of fear and anxiety from Ninetails the smile melted off of her face, Ju looked at her and asked,

“What’s wrong?”

Luna didn’t respond she simply stared at the alleyway; Ju looked to see what she was staring at when all the blood drained from his face, Luna’s hand went cold, as she clenched Ju tightly. Ju slowly reached behind him for his Pokémon to help defend them, he grabbed his first one and drew out of the pouch he carried them in.

A man was walking down the street when he saw two people standing and staring at something, he didn’t think anything about it, he continued walking down the street, when he got in front the two people he saw their faces, they where white with terror, he opened his mouth to ask what was wrong but he couldn’t speak, the man and women were shouting something at him, but he seemed to have lost his hearing. He turned around to see what they were screaming about, as his eyes fell on it, the blood drained from his face and pooled on the ground from the gash in his throat.

Luna screamed again this time in horror as the lifeless body of the man dropped to the ground, blood pooling around his lifeless body, his head had nearly been decapitated, it was barely hanging on to his torso, out of the shadows of the alleyway a huge shadow rose and rose until it was close to ten feet tall, the bottom of it draped like a well tailored coat, the upper half resembled more of a man, but twisted and deformed. Above its shoulders was what slightly resembled a head, pure white hair streaming straight out of the top, draped over what looked like blades sprouting from its shoulders, its hand, or at least where its hand should have been was a four foot blade made from shadows, in its other hand a sphere of blue light swirled and spun, suddenly with a lightning fast movement the shadow hurled the blue sphere at Luna, Ju grabbed her and leapt to the side, the sphere swooshed past them missing by inches and struck the wall behind them. The shadow’s eyes flared red, then in a hissing voice it uttered,

“At the eclipse of the moon, shadows will rise, life will fall and the beast of the earth will ascend and conquer this pitiful land you call home.”

With that the shadow drifted backwards and disappeared into the shadows of the alleyway.

Luna glanced at the lifeless body, unable to tear her eyes way from the gruesome sight, she was affixed by the blood pooling and the shadows words, Ju, placed his hand on her shoulder and drew her in close, she didn’t resist him, but welcomed the embrace. She buried her face in his shoulder and wept openly from freight and shock, Ju tried to comfort her with words, but she just kept crying, he held her with one arm while he dug out his phone with the other, he dialed the authorities. The police arrived a minute later, and immediately roped off the area. When they had gotten the body off the street, an officer walked over to Luna and Ju and asked,

“You know, I’m going to have to ask you what happened, so start from the beginning.”

Luna and Ju arrived back at Brennus’ house past 1am; Luna was exhausted, when they walked through the door, Brennus and Bernadette where still waiting up, nothing was said at first, Bernadette simply put an arm around Luna and walked her up stairs, and put her to bed, but as soon as Bernadette started to turn out the lights, Luna screamed in fright and begged her to leave them on. Bernadette walked back over and sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Luna’s hair off her face and said,

“Your ok now, you just need to relax and get some rest, tell you what, I’ll stay here till you’re asleep.”

“Thank you.” Said Luna quietly.

As soon as Luna closed her eyes, exhaustion took over and she drifted off to sleep. Bernadette stood up quietly and walked out of the room leaving the light on. When she got downstairs she found Ju and Brennus still talking, she walked into the living room and sat down then asked,

“What went on tonight Ju? The cops called us and said they had you for questioning, and Luna was in shock, from something. I know your little argument this afternoon had nothing to do with it.”

“There is trouble around here, honey.” Said Brennus quietly.

“Please explain.”

Ju recounted the entire tale of what happened starting with finding Luna in the alley. And ending with being taken to the police station and finally walking through the door, when he was finished Bernadette and Brennus both sat quietly not saying anything, Ju, wrung his hands waiting to hear what they thought of his wild tale. Suddenly without saying a word, Bernadette stood up and left the room, Ju looked at Brennus who shrugged his shoulders with a look of puzzlement on his face. After a few minutes Bernadette returned carrying an old leather bound book, she dusted sat down again and flipped it open.

“What is that dear?” asked Brennus.

“It is my mother’s Journal from her adventures.”

“Your mother had adventures? You mean she wasn’t simply a nice old lady who served me tea when I came to visit you?”

Bernadette glared at Brennus then turned her face back to her book, after a what seemed like hours to Ju, Bernadette said,

“Ah! Here it is, here read this passage,

“June 13th I have stumbled upon a miraculous sight today, I saw an Absol, with her pup, in their cave, the mother guarded the pup when I tried to approach, but after I managed to show that I meant no harm to her or her pup she finally allowed me to get close. I watched the pup and mother for hours, the mother, expressed great love and protection for her pup. So as my studies have shown Absol protect they’re young for a period of about three years before they let them go their own way. I plan on returning in the evening to see how the Absol acts in the evening in the wild.’
“June 14th, I am troubled to write this passage, but last night a tragedy happened. I had returned to the Plateau to observe the Absol’s behavior, when I arrived I saw several amazing sites, the first of which is as I watched, a strange small green Pokémon resembling a leaf appeared. Absol seemed to respect it, then it disappeared. As I watched, the shadows on the rocks begin to move of their own free will and from them a hideous thing emerges, It was close to ten feet tall, the bottom of it billowed out like a robe in the wind as the upper half resembled more of a man, but twisted and deformed. Above its shoulders was what slightly resembled a head, pure white hair streaming straight out of the top, flowing in the wind. What looked like blades sprouted from its shoulders and its other claw hand controlled a blue ball of energy. As I watched the shadow and Absol battled then to my utter horror, the shadow beheaded Absol, right there in front of my eyes. I have no idea what that shadow is, but it is most definitely not a Pokémon.

“See, I knew I had heard the description of that thing before.” Said Bernadette vigorously.

Brennus closed the book slowly before resting his hands on the worn leather cover and saying,

“Yes, well, I’m afraid that it only makes our problem worse, it means that that thing is here for a reason. We need to figure out what that reason is.”

“Right! And I think the answers may be with the red Absol, we’re seeking.” Said Ju confidently.

“Well, if the shadow is here it must be seeking something or someone…” Brennus’ voice trailed off as the realization dawned on all of them.

With a flurry of motion, all three dashed up stairs, when they reached Luna’s door they Ju threw it open, and went stiff with fear. The shadow was towering over Luna’s bed. A long blade extended towards the door where the three stood, the shadow slowly reached down and touched Luna on the forehead. Ju Screamed with fear, hate, anger and a wave of other emotions as soon as the shadows hand touched Luna she stiffened and then went limp. Brennus saw Ninetails laying on the floor perfectly still, Ju tried to rush foreword but a wave of tiredness washed over him and the others and they collapsed on the floor right before Ju blacked out he saw the shadow pick up Luna and sink back into the shadows of the night.
 
PikachuGirl said:
I like the story, but I think the Prologue is too long!

I'm glad you like the story but how is the Prologue too long? Its only like 1 word page. ;p its short compared to a lot of prologues.
 
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