Writing New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up. Working on chapter 1.

PokeKid Brandon

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Prolouge​

“Mommy Look Professor rowan is coming here to Eterna city to give out Pokémon!” A blonde, 9 year old girl named Jen blurted out frantically waiving around the flyer that she had found.

Jen’s mom quickly snatched up the flyer and began to read through it. “Jen, he wants $1000 for the Pokémon, you know that we can’t afford that right now.”

“But mom I REALLY want a Pokémon and have been wanting one for a while now.”

“Jen I would love to get you a Pokémon, but we just don’t have that kind of money right now. So unless you can come up with $1000 by the end of this week I don’t see how you will be able to get a Pokémon from professor rowan.”

“How am I gonna make that much in 3 days?”


“Well Mr. Tom at the bike shop can always use help washing those bikes. He has had Ken cleaning the bikes but I think that he left a couple of weeks ago to go Kanto to do some research with professor oak. So I think that Mr. Tom would love to have you work for him a little bit.”

“Ok I will go see if I can work there,” but before her mom had a chance to say anything Jen was already out of the door racing up the street to the bike shop.

“NO, it closed 10 minutes ago.”

“Jen I thought that you already had a bike,” Said a balding and tired looking Mr. Tom.

“Well I already have a bike, but I was kinda wondering if I could work here for a little bit because Professor Rowan is coming too Eterna city on Saturday and he is selling Pokémon for $1000.”

“So you want a pokemon?”
“Yes, I have been wanting one for a while.”
“Well I can defiantly give you a job but even if you started tomorrow that would only give you 3 days to earn up all that money. You also have to remember that you also have to have money to but potions and other items to take care of your Pokémon. “

“Well do you think that I will be able to at least save up $1000 before Saturday?”

“If you work really hard then for sure you can, because I pay $50 for each bike that you wash, so that is about 20 bikes to get what you need for the Pokémon and then you also need some money for the items to take care of your Pokémon also. So I think that $500 is enough for the basics of taking care of your Pokémon. So you need to clean about 30 bikes to have enough for all the stuff that you need.”
“Hmm, ok so can I start tomorrow?”

“Well I think that you would have too, if you want to have enough time to clean all those bikes.”

“Ok thanks Mr. Tom I will be here nice and early tomorrow.

“Ok bye, see you tomorrow.”

So Jen goes rushing down the street back to her house and runs in the door screaming that she would be able to earn enough to get here Pokémon.

“Good job Jen. Also you do know that you will need more than $1000 because you will need to also buy items to take care of your Pokémon?”

“Yes Mom Mr. Tom told me. He said that an extra $500 should be enough to get me started.”

“That sounds good Jen. Make sure you get to bed nice and early, because you have a couple of full days ahead of yourself.”

“Ok mom, let me go shower then I will go off to bed.”

“Good night honey. Like usual I will be off working so I will see you when I get home.

So Jen went to Mr. Tom’s shop for the rest of the week, working very hard to get enough to get that Pokémon that she had wanted for so long. Finally that wonderful Friday afternoon came when she was supposed to get payed.

“Well Jen, you have worked very hard and now I think that I best give you what you deserve.” So Mr. Tom quickly handed over the money that Jen had worked so hard for.

“Thanks so much Mr. Tom now I can finally get a Pokémon.” Jen shouted with glee.

“Thanks for working Jen. After you get your Pokémon bring him over to my house and I can teach you some about Pokémon. “

“Ok I will Mr. Tom” So with that Jen went home and waited for that long awaited day to come, the day that she would get here Pokémon.

So I hoped that you enjoyed the prolouge. I know that it was kinda short but the main story should be longer. I also need a title!
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

1. Why so many spaces? :S really confusing.
2. Is this girl 6 years old? Let me go shower! lol.
3. A few grammar mistakes, missed out a few commas.
4. Like the plot and the storyline.

Title: A Babies Dream!

xD
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

This is littered with mistakes. You should proofread your work before posting it.
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

I enjoyed it, slight grammar and typos here and there, but other than that it was great!
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

Ok I will proofread it and I will also add in a little more detail.
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

goodgood. I look forward to a proofread 1st chapter
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

i know <_< im not that thick you know.

Im looking forward to a proofread 1st chapter OK!? lol
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

Well I think that you would have to too, if you want to have enough time to clean all those bikes.”
Dont really get that bit!^

Two and possibly more spelling mistakes still there and one speech mark left out lol.
 
RE: New Fanfic~ Still needs a title. Prolouge up.

Yaya! lol thankyou, have fun writing next chap. but proofread it! lol
 
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