Writing Poem: Lost Souls of the Dead

[CJBlazerX87]

Here is a poem I made.

Souls of the Dead
I hear them in my slumber
Begging to be freed

They wander throughout the night
Seeking their most desired
which is the freedom
in this cold mortal world

How can I hear them?
You may inquire
and wonder if I'm ill.

Lost Souls of the Dead
I hear them in my slumber
Crying for freedom

 

[Incinermyn]

Not bad. I like the theme, but there are some minor edits I'd suggest (mostly, just punctuation suggestions, since it's easy to overlook the fact that even poems still need it).

Here is a poem I made.

Souls of the Dead
I hear them in my slumber
Begging to be freed. (A period still should be placed where you end a sentence, even if the sentence is broken up over several lines.)

They wander throughout the night
Seeking their most desired longing, (Not sure if you really need it, but I feel like there's a word missing here aside from needing a comma anyways to make the sentence correct since it includes the word "which.")
which is the freedom
in this cold mortal world.

How can I hear them?
You may inquire
and wonder if I'm ill.

Lost Souls of the Dead
I hear them in my slumber
Crying for freedom.

Poetry is exempt from some writing rules, but you still need proper punctuation throughout. Otherwise, it's fairly sound.

 

[CJBlazerX87]

Thanks, Apollo. This is a semi-haiku style poem that I started in middle school.

 

[Incinermyn]

I kind of saw that, but as is, it really falls more into the free-verse category. But then, I'm not a poetry expert as opposed to just a hobbyist fiction writer/critic.