Writing Pokemon Allegory Time!

Blackmage96

Herp Derp
Member
In English, we had to write an allegory so i made mine about Pokemon and the Trojan War :p it then continues on to the fall of the Greek Empire and the modern world. I know its not 1000 words but the assignment had to be around 500 words. Suggestions would be helpful!


Once upon a time, way back in the year 1996, the world of Pokemon was divided into 15 different kingdoms, one for each type. There were two kingdoms fighting for the ultimate power though, the Fire Kingdom and Psychic Kingdom. The Fires relied on brute strength, like many of the other kingdoms such as the Fighting Kingdom, however the Psychic Kingdom was unique. They used their minds to win. The Fires had a very strong fortress that the Psychics have been trying to break into for years. It was up to General Mewtwo and King Mew to find a way in.
After many long hours of thought, it would be said that Alakazam, second in command, would be sent to find a rare and elusive Masterball from the world of the Pokemon Trainers, for it is the best of all Pokeballs. Alakazam set off to retrieve this ball and set their plan into motion. After returning home, it was time for the Psychics to prepare for the greatest battle to have ever unfolded.
Mew arrived at Cinnabar Island, where the Fire Kingdom was located. Masterball in hand as a symbol of peace and surrender, Mew glided through the sky to Cinnabar Volcano, the site of the Fire King, Moltres. Moltres was very surprised at the surrender and graciously took the ball as a symbol of surrender. As Moltres held the gleaming ball to the sun, a clicking noise was made. A sudden streak of light blinded all, and when it was over, Mewtwo was standing there waiting for a fight. With a sudden hand movement, Mewtwo conjured a Hyper Beam to get Moltres. Being a critical hit, to say the least Moltres was down. General Charizard of the Fires stood in shock as Mewtwo fired several more blasts at him. With no time to rally the troops, the Psychics stormed in and defeated the many fire Pokemon such as Arcanine and Ninetales. Cinnabar Island was theirs. Mewtwo approached where Moltres was and guided Mew to sit. With superior wit and strategy, the Psychics used their brains inherited from their large Special Stat, to defeat the brute power of the Fires.
However, after many years of reign as the most powerful type of Pokemon, in the year 2000, a new generation of Pokemon arose. Known as the Gold and Silver Generation or simply 2nd Generation, they brought radical changes to the table. The Physics immense Special power was spilt into Special Attack and Special Defense, making many of them glass cannons. And a new threat arose, the Dark Kingdom. None of their Psychic powers worked on them, and it was time for the rise of Tyranitar, the strongest of all dark types, to rise and overthrow the Psychics once and for all. Now in the year 2011, the 5th Generation is here with no complete power with a type, and the world is balanced much better than 15 years ago. Even though certain types may be more powerful, it sets the table for the modern Pokemon World.
 
Your paragraphs should be double-spaced, but otherwise not bad. One-shots such as these are actually exempt from the one-thousand word requirement, so that's not a issue, if you were wondering.
 
Critic time!
You said:
Once upon a time, way back in the year 1996, the world of Pokemon was divided into 15 different kingdoms, one for each type. There were two kingdoms fighting for the ultimate power though, the Fire Kingdom and Psychic Kingdom. The Fires Make it something more like -The Fire Kingdom relied on brute strength, like many of the other kingdoms such as the Fighting Kingdom, however the Psychic Kingdom was unique. , they used their minds to win. The Fires had a very strong fortress that the Psychics have been trying to break into for years. It was up to General Mewtwo and King Mew to find a way in !

This paragraph is a little choppy... You have too many fragments.
I'm surprised your teacher didn't see those!

You said:
After many long hours of thought, it would be said that Alakazam, second in command, would be sent to find a rare and elusive Masterball from the world of the Pokemon Trainers, for it is the best of all Pokeballs. Alakazam set off to retrieve this ball and set their plan into motion. After returning home, it was time for the Psychics to prepare for the greatest battle to have ever unfolded !

Just a small recomendation...
Apollo said:
Details are something many young writers overlook, they are simple to add

Details are constantly overlooked. You gotta give some sort of mental picture...

You said:
Mew arrived at Cinnabar Island, where the Fire Kingdom was located. Masterball in hand as a symbol of peace and surrender, Mew glided through the sky to Cinnabar Volcano, the site of the Fire King, Moltres. Moltres was very surprised at the surrender and graciously took the ball as a symbol of surrender. As Moltres held the gleaming ball to the sun, a clicking noise was made. A sudden streak of light blinded all, and when it was over, Mewtwo was standing there waiting for a fight. With a sudden hand movement, Mewtwo conjured a Hyper Beam to get Moltres. Being a critical hit, to say the least Moltres was down. General Charizard of the Fire s stood in shock as Mewtwo fired several more blasts at him. With no time to rally the troops, the Psychics stormed in and defeated the many fire Pokemon such as Arcanine and Ninetales. Cinnabar Island was theirs ! Mewtwo approached where Moltres was and guided Mew to sit. With superior wit and strategy, the Psychics used their brains inherited from their large Special Stat, to defeat the brute power of the Fire s .


BTW it should look like this!

Once upon a time, way back in the year 1996, the world of Pokemon was divided into 15 different kingdoms, one for each type. There were two kingdoms fighting for the ultimate power though, the Fire Kingdom and Psychic Kingdom. The Fires relied on brute strength, like many of the other kingdoms such as the Fighting Kingdom, however the Psychic Kingdom was unique. They used their minds to win. The Fires had a very strong fortress that the Psychics have been trying to break into for years. It was up to General Mewtwo and King Mew to find a way in.
After many long hours of thought, it would be said that Alakazam, second in command, would be sent to find a rare and elusive Masterball from the world of the Pokemon Trainers, for it is the best of all Pokeballs. Alakazam set off to retrieve this ball and set their plan into motion. After returning home, it was time for the Psychics to prepare for the greatest battle to have ever unfolded.


Mew arrived at Cinnabar Island, where the Fire Kingdom was located. Masterball in hand as a symbol of peace and surrender, Mew glided through the sky to Cinnabar Volcano, the site of the Fire King, Moltres. Moltres was very surprised at the surrender and graciously took the ball as a symbol of surrender. As Moltres held the gleaming ball to the sun, a clicking noise was made. A sudden streak of light blinded all, and when it was over, Mewtwo was standing there waiting for a fight. With a sudden hand movement, Mewtwo conjured a Hyper Beam to get Moltres. Being a critical hit, to say the least Moltres was down. General Charizard of the Fires stood in shock as Mewtwo fired several more blasts at him. With no time to rally the troops, the Psychics stormed in and defeated the many fire Pokemon such as Arcanine and Ninetales. Cinnabar Island was theirs. Mewtwo approached where Moltres was and guided Mew to sit. With superior wit and strategy, the Psychics used their brains inherited from their large Special Stat, to defeat the brute power of the Fires.


However, after many years of reign as the most powerful type of Pokemon, in the year 2000, a new generation of Pokemon arose. Known as the Gold and Silver Generation or simply 2nd Generation, they brought radical changes to the table. The Physics immense Special power was spilt into Special Attack and Special Defense, making many of them glass cannons. And a new threat arose, the Dark Kingdom. None of their Psychic powers worked on them, and it was time for the rise of Tyranitar, the strongest of all dark types, to rise and overthrow the Psychics once and for all. Now in the year 2011, the 5th Generation is here with no complete power with a type, and the world is balanced much better than 15 years ago. Even though certain types may be more powerful, it sets the table for the modern Pokemon World.

The final paragraph looks fine to me...
Enjoy!
 
Well he probably didnt catch the fragments because he hasn't seen it yet lol :) but yes, thank you for the feedback, ill definitley take it into consideration when i hand it in and present it tomorrow. Oh and about the details, gonna be a bit hard since i am technically over the word limit, but if there was none, i would definitely beef it up
 
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