Writing pokemon sinnoh journey with me! (chapter 1 should be up soon!)

[Dark Marc]

hi this is my second fan-fic, I hope that this one will be a bit more successful then my other one.
So let's start with the prologue.
Prologue

"Go Turtwig!" shouted the trainer by the name of Ollie throwing the red pokeball. A flash of red light appeared and then out came a green Pokemon with a single green leaf on its head. The Turtwig used magical leaf on a standing Groudon. Loads of multicoloured leafs hit the Groudon making the Groudon angry. Groudon went in to slash the Turtwig but the Turtwig tripped over the Groudon with a single rope of vine. Groudon fainted!

"Go Cimchar!" shouted Ollie again throwing another pokeball but with another flash of red light a red monkey came out with a small flame on its tail. The Cimchar used fireblast on a Celebi floating in midair. The Celei dodged, Ollie winced usedolar beam on Chimchar the powerfull beam hitting chimchar, but chimchar didn't even flinch. When the beam was other, chimchar cloaked itself in fire and jumped onto celebi igniting the celebi on fire. Celebi fainted!

"Go Piplup!" shouted Ollie the third time throwing yet another red pokeball but this time out of the brilliant red flash, out came a blue penguin with a yellow beak with black, beady eyes. The Piplup used Hydro pump on a Rayqwaza, the Hydro pump hit the Rayqwaza but it didn't do anything do the rayquaza in fact it came back on the Piplup making it very wet.
***
Ollie awoke with a start with saliva on his face; a lickitung was on the other end of the bed him smiling at him. "Ahhh Marc, how many more times have I told you, don't lick me!" Marc jumped off the bed and waddled off out of the bedroom. Ollie lay back down on the pillow and turned over to look at the alarm clock, he read 2.00, 2.00! Ollie shouted he quickly jumped out of bed and hastily put on his top and gloves and red & black chekered beanie hat with the vans logo at the side . "I got to get to Prof Rowan" he said, "All the way from Jubilife city!"

Will Ollie get there in time?, please vote on the poll.

 

[Zyflair]

Use Microsoft Word. Your spelling and punctuation mistakes tell me that you don't.

Please spell and capitalize the Pokemon names correctly... otherwise, I don't think they are good nicknames. The plot line is pretty good though.

 

[Dark Marc]

Ok sorry about that Zyflair. Mods can you please move this for me to fan fictions!

 

[Amt]

Yeah, sure. But next time, be sure to post in the right forum.

*Move*

 

[ShayminSky]

Don't rush your stories. Let them come to you naturally. You must know what the character would do in a situation that is really bad or good. That was wisdom that you can use later. Yes, please use Microsoft Word as your spelling and grammar is bad, no offense. I would add more detail and feel to your story. I understand that it is just a preview but you want good ratings, right? So add more detail and feel. Ask anyone on the forums, my first fanfic always needed detail and feel. Now look at my other one. There is a big difference in detail isn't there? You have the right idea, so keep that in mind.

 

[Dark Marc]

Ok thanks i will use Mircrosoft word from now on, please bear in mind that this is my 1/2 fan-fic ok. This is just on what pokemon Ollie wants to start off with ok.

 

[Dark Marc]

*Chapter 1* *THE PLAN*

Ollie ran down the stairs whilst carrying Marc down. Tripping over is mum’s Flareon, it was a beautiful pokemon with a red body and yellow coat on it; it looked like a dog on fire. Ollie frantically picked up Marc and ran to his mum (I know it sounds Feline). He quickly told him mum he’s sorry that he overslept while keeping his eye one the clock, he needed to be at the professors lab by 9.00.But the kitchen clock red 6.30 and it looked like he wasn’t talking to his mum it was her Glaceon. He fell to the floor bewildered. Ollie thought to him I might swell just stay down here than know. Apart from Glaceon and Flareon all of his mum’s pokemon were sleeping in the massive basket, they were: Evee- 3 ribbons winner Espeon: 4 ribbons winner Umbreon: 2 ribbons winner Vaporeon: 1 ribbons winner Leafeon: 4 ribbons winner Jolteon: 1 ribbons winner. As you can see Ollie’s mum’s a pokemon co-ordinator and she loves Evees.
“Right than, get the new recruits: Matt and Comet” boomed Team Galactic’s Cyrus to commander Mars.

“Yes sir” she said, scared and excited at the same time. For everyone at Team galactic new what was happening today, it was the capturing of Marc!

“But why does he want Marc, that fat pink piece of lard?” Mars thought to her. Soon enough she reached the door with the sign of “ROOKIES” on it, it was faded and in grey, rusting. She opened the door and she shouted “Matt Comet!”
Out of the shadows came 2 weedy teens one a boy with long blue hair and the other a girl with blue hair tied back in a bun.
“Yes miss”

“Go into Jubilife City and get Marc from the trainer, Ollie.” Said Jupiter

“Jupiter?” Mars shouted at the lady with purple hair.

“Hahahaha” Jupiter chuckled than a Skuntank came and did smokescreen and she disappeared.

“So you know the plan? Good go now” Mars said coughing and spluttering.
“…And today yet another pokemon has gone missing this time from Pastoria City. Apparently it was a Rioulu and it got stolen by Hillbilly: Jackson. Jackson says that his Rioulu would never leave him or desert him anywhere!” Said the man on the news. Ollie was watching the TV while eating hid porridge, Marc at his side licking off peanut butter from his sandwich.

“It’s odd” thought Ollie. “Every night pokemon are going missing, it’s a matter of time before Marc is, and Ollie winced and shed a tear.

After the duo had eaten their breakfast Ollie said goodbye to his mother and she gave him his brown bag. C
“Right than you two, I don’t want you getting hurt so you take care.” Ollie’s mum said with a hint of worry in her voice.
Just when Ollie opened the door to let them set off on their adventure, two teen in spacesuits but with no helmet on stood outside the door. Each with two Zubats at their sides.
“You know what we want, just give it hear” said the male spaceman.

“Yeah just give him hear” screamed the female spaceman looking at Marc. Marc gulped and looked at Ollie. Ollie was too confused to look back.

What’s so special about Marc? Find out in Chapter 2!
D_C[/font][/font]

 

[~Magma King~]

Why are you getting a new pokemon if you already have Marc?
And you stole my insult. LOL.

 

[Zyflair]

Alright. You're filled with grammatical errors now (ok, you're not, but I think you should know a couple of things). Spelling errors and typos are also bolded.

Tripping over is mum’s Flareon, it was a beautiful pokemon with a red body and yellow coat on it; it looked like a dog on fire.

Even with the semicolon, it's a run-on sentence.

He quickly told him mum he’s sorry that he overslept while keeping his eye one the clock, he needed to be at the professors lab by 9.00.

Another run-on.

But the kitchen clock red 6.30, and it looked like he wasn’t talking to his mum it was her Glaceon.

Run-on.

He fell to the floor bewildered Good sentence right there. Ollie thought to him I might swell just stay down here than know. Apart from Glaceon and Flareon, all of his mum’s pokemon were sleeping in the massive basket, they were

Run-on

: Evee- 3 ribbons winner Espeon: 4 ribbons winner Umbreon: 2 ribbons winner Vaporeon: 1 ribbons winner Leafeon: 4 ribbons winner Jolteon: 1 ribbons winner. As you can see, Ollie’s mum’s a pokemon co-ordinator and she loves Evees It's spelled "Eevee".
“Right than, get the new recruits: Matt and Comet” boomed Team Galactic’s Cyrus to commander Mars.

“Yes sir” she said, scared and excited at the same time. For everyone at Team galactic new what was happening today, it was the capturing of Marc!

Link the two sentences with a comma.

Out of the shadows came 2 two, not "2" weedy teens one a boy with long blue hair and the other a girl with blue hair tied back in a bun.
“Yes miss”

“Go into Jubilife City and get Marc from the trainer, Ollie.” Said Jupiter

“Jupiter?” Mars shouted at the lady with purple hair.

“Hahahaha” Jupiter chuckled than a Skuntank came and did smokescreen and she disappeared.

Another run-on.

“So you know the plan? Good. go now” Mars said, coughing and spluttering.
“…And today, yet another pokemon has gone missing this time from Pastoria City. Apparently. it was a Rioulu and it got stolen by Hillbilly: Jackson. Jackson says that his Rioulu would never leave him or desert him anywhere!” Said the man on the news. Ollie was watching the TV while eating hid porridge, Marc at his side licking off peanut butter from his sandwich.

Run-on.

“It’s odd” thought Ollie. “Every night, pokemon are going missing, it’s a matter of time before Marc is, and Ollie winced and shed a tear.

Missing end quotation and another run-on.
D_C