Writing pokemon world wars.

Status
Not open for further replies.

sharingandac

Shinu Ki no Honoo
Member
pokemon world,a legendary world were the Humans dont exists,only pokemons...

On the biggest city of the pokemon world,pokemon city, the elections was done...
The new mayor was chossen,jis name:Monferno...

And them, the pain would start...

On the seven moon party,the seven eevolutions was doing the lunar dance,our mayor monferno look¨s closely to the moon...And a striking dark force takes him...

He pass out to wake 3 days later...

His eyes was a dark red,and he have a great ambition...Monferno is not anymore monferno,
But a pokemon taked be the darknees....

On his office,a aipom enters on it and start to talk with Monferno:
-My bother,u finnaly worked to turn on mayor how happy I am!
(Monferno was a orphan chinchar,and was raised on a Aipom family)
-You never searched me,why u only coming now after i turned on mayor?
-Stop,i searched u,3 years ago...
-Say what u want...
-I want be in charge on some part of the governament.
-You want that?-monferno ask with a bloddy voice-
-Yes.
-And if i dont want to give you that?
-I will tell who was the responsable for the flamming incident 3 years ago that killed 1000 pokemons,with the proof i have.
-Interresting.But you will not have it
-U wanna be arrest my bother?
-I will not be arrested either...-Monferno get up on his chair-
-Brother?-aipom ask-
-Bye my brother-say monferno,trowing aipom out of the office from the windows,and aipom go down until he reachs the floor,dying with the impact...
Whem the police go to monferno office,monferno says it was a rogue sweallow that doed that,and all believer.
On the night,the blood fo aipom is on the floor,but a mysterious figure daws of the darknees...
-The thing starting to get interresting-

End of chapter 1


Chapter 2:Detective sneasel.

After one month after the death of aipom,the city is calm,but a dark force continue to drawn over the shadows.

And this was uber-know to some persons.On the mortal pokemon world,for the mysterious figure that dawbned on the end of last chapter.A sneasel wering detective cloths,and a sword.He was once respected on the city,but things would drawn bad for him,and now he give enter on the action Ilegaly,with his protege,a trecko.
And the others,the legends of the pokemon world,they religion,they all.
On the top of spear pillar,there was.
All the legendaries pokemon was watching over the earth,and they planned a thing.Make direct contact with detective sneasel.But how,if sneasel dont beliver on it?
Mew,the little pink(but powerfull)pokemon,got the perfect idea.
Lets use "our weapon" he said.
-On the way that detective is,proly we will not achieve him without hurting him,and whats the best opinion to not lose that dumbs pokemon faith on us(if we crush him direct)than using a undiscovered especies,a poke-type that would be mysterious?
-Mew,we didnt tested it.We dont know the extent of its powers.-arceus replied-
Screw that,he is on my royal army,i dont need u "ALL GOD AUTORIZATION".
2 WEEKS LATER:
DETECTIVE SNEASEL was finaly going to talk(interrogate) monferno.
-That marginal app will not escape.
But unfortuleny,a mysterious psich meteor falls on the ground on front of him.
-Trouble?-says sneasel,picking his sword.
A white figure,that resembles mew,but have a humanoid form,drawn of the psich smoke.
-OBLITERATION-says the mysterious figure.
-THE THINGS ARE GETTING DANGEROUS-

End of chapter 2
 
You need to study your grammar, son.
I couldn't even read that without getting a headache. Also- you have some major formatting problems that make your story a huge mess. Besides, this isn't even long enough to be considered a chapter. Did you even bother to read the rules? :/
 
ST17 said:
You need to study your grammar, son.
I couldn't even read that without getting a headache. Also- you have some major formatting problems that make your story a huge mess. Besides, this isn't even long enough to be considered a chapter. Did you even bother to read the rules? :/
What s/he said. You have to have longer chapters and i really couldn't read this and it was boring.
 
I think it's a he. Stick to trading, my friend. Writing is not your style.

I mean, 'U wanna be arrest me brother?'
 
In the span of 541 words, you have already used the daily quota of ellipses and hyphens – that's just sad.

You need to practice your writing skills. I understand that you live in Brazil; English is probably not your native language. I recommend finding someone who is fluent in both Portuguese AND English – they could help translate your story so it makes sense for us.
 
Locked! For all the reasons stated already, please rewrite this and read the rules! Good English skills are a must here.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top