Writing Revealing the Shadows

LuckyLuigi7

Aspiring Trainer
Member
PROLOGUE

Clouds that looked like mounds of smoke began to hover over the peaceful town of Pallet. Lightning began to dash across to sky as rain began to jump from the high cliffs of the sky onto every rooftop along the city. It was the darkest day in years, but not only because of the storm... There was a creature with eyes like lasers lurking through the shadows. His presence was not yet revealed to the human race. His name was Darkrai.

CHAPTER 1

"Hey, wait for me," young trainer James said as he dashed through the meadows. The sun beamed down and relected on his distinguishing blue eyes and golden brown hair. He just turned 10 years old, and he and his starter Pokemon Squirtle were playing in the meadows surrounding Pallet Town. He just recieved Squirtle a few days ago from Professor Oak and today was his first day on his journey as a Pokemon trainer. He was slim figure but he was heavy set on his endurance and stamina escpecially keeping up with his Squirtle's energy that never seemed to stop. "Squirtle, you're running to fast!" he shouted as he tripped down and slid to the ground. Squirtle kept running leaving James with mud and uprooted flowers all over his clothing. "Man, the outrageous storm last night left the ground as damp as can be." He was right indeed. There were some places in the city with a half of foot of water being shoveled from the cement onto the grass beside the city. Water management was poor in Pallet Town. The drains got clogged up after every highlight storm of the season. James sighed as he helped himself up from the grass. He headed home clenching his fists as his Squirtle limped behind him. He was too afraid to admit he might have a been a little carless. But Squirtle doesn't even realize that he is going to have to become responsible sooner or later. There was creature must stronger then him that wasn't too far away. The shadows have enough room for Darkrai...

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS START TO A STORY... REPLY AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND WHAT I SHOULD ADD IN THE FUTURE CHAPTERS.
 

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The Prolouge was amazing with detail. Your Chapter, however....

One: It wasn't a Chapter, but a paragraph.

Two: It wasn't a paragraph so much as a poorly written paragraph.

Three: Learn to use dialogue correctly. If that isn't corrected or attempted to be corrected by your next post, I'll be reporting this thread to be locked for violation of the Grammer and Spelling rule. Please read the Important Thread I've posted in the Writing Corner on this.

Your English Teacher,

Max Shade IV
 
luckyluigi7 said:
Good pointers. I'll look at your thread. Wow, you must be a human mastermind!

I've been playing Pokémon for ten years, writing for eight. I actually came up with the idea for the Writing Corner here. I take pride in what we as authors do. I made the thread for the Spelling Grammer Rule Enforcement (SP?) to help aid people, and now that a mod stickied the thread, I am going to enforce the rule to the extent of my power, and I would rather not report things, but help people. As long as I see improvement, you'll be good. I don't expect you to just go BAM and you are a perfect author, I just expect you to try. It's just like school.
 
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