Writing Sakura's Pokémon adventure in Johto.

[Light Venusaur]

Sakura's Pokémon adventure in Johto.
(I'm going to be semi-trueful for this one)
This is my Very 1st Fan Fic.

Credit:
Pokedex enteries: Serebii.net
Eeveelution Sprites: Official ones-Pokebeach & D/P. Fake's-SaturnGrl from SPPF, Also Pokesho.com

Pokemon & Moves:[/i]
Prevee/Eevee moves

• Tackle
• Tail Whip
• Helping Hand
• Quick Attack

Pichu/Pikachu Moves:
Old:

• Thunder Wave
• Thunder Shock
• Sweet Kiss
• Thunderbolt

New:

• Volt Tackle
• Thunder Shock
• Sweet Kiss
• Thunderbolt

Totodlie's Moves:

• Scratch
• Leer
• Water Gun

Prologue
One fine summer morning, I went to Proffesor Elm's lab & asked if I could get a Pokemon to start my adventure.
He had:
Chikorita
Cyndaquil
Totodile
Prevee

So I chose the Prevee (not knowing what it was).

Chapter 1
My Items so far:
5x Pokeball
3x Quick Ball
2x Fast Ball
Expoler Kit

Trainer Card so far:

I was walking on route 29, when I ran into a wild Pichu (which I didn't realy want).
So I sent my Prevee out to battle it.

So, I choose to do Tackle on the wild Pichu, then the Pichu used Sweet Kiss which made my Prevee confused.
So I threw a Pokeball at the Pichu, after a few shakes I caught it.
Shortly after I caught the Pichu, I found an item which was a Dawn Stone, so I put the Dwan Stone into my bag.
While walking along the same route I also found a house that was selling Honey, so I brought three jars of it. Then I desided to try to find an Ice type pokemon as I was heading to Violet City, after watching Ash's battle with Falkner earlier on in the year.
When I reached Cherrygrove City, I wanted to try my hands at some fishing, but sadly I didn't have a fishing rod. But I did have my Honey on me, so I went to find some Honey Trees to try to find eaither a Combee (female) or a Munchlax, I found a tree, as I was walking up to the tree when a Totodile jumped out of the bushes, so I desided the a Totodile would do great againest Falkner, as it's a Water type but it can also learn Ice moves.
So I choose my Pichu.
So I started out by useing Sweet Kiss, but it missed & Totodile retailated by using Scratch, but because of Pichu's ablility (which is "Static") it became paralyzed, so I recalled the Pichu & sent out Prevee, Just then Prevee evolved into an Eevee she also gained a new move, which was Quick Attack.
Trainer Card So Far:

So I used Eevee's Quick attack which almost KO'd the Totodile, then I remembered that I had a Fast Ball with me, which I threw & caught the Totodile.
Trainer Card so far:

When I made it to the Honey Tree, I found a sick Cherubi, so I ran back to Cherrygrove City only to find out that they didn't have a Pokemon Centre only a Pokemon Market (PokeMart). They didn't have the right things to help out the sick Pokemon, but they did have some Potions, so I used my last 200p to help out the sick pokemon until I could get it to Violet City's pokemon centre.

On my way to Violet City, a younger trainer (who was a Bug Catcher) came up to me saying "Would you like to have a battle"?
I said "Sure why not."

Battle:
Sakura Vs. Bug Catcher - Deen
I said to Deen would he like to go 1st.
He sent out a Burmy, so naturally I wanted to see what it was.
Burmy, The Bagworm Pokemon:
If its cloack is broken in battle, it quickly remakes the cloak with materials nearby.
Then I said it's a bug type, Totodile would be helpful for battling it, as I wanted to rasie it up anyways. So I started out by using Water Gun, which KO's the Burmy (as it was in: Sandy Cloak). Then Deen choose his Weedle, so I recalled Totodile for Pichu.
Pichu started to use Thunder Shock, when it became stronger in other words Pichu had learned how to use Thunderbolt, which KO'ed the Weedle. HUH? Pichu evolved into a Pikachu & wanted to learn Volt Tackle. So took off Thunder Wave in order to let Pikachu learn the new move.
Deen was out of usable pokemon.
End of Battle

End of Chapter 1

 

[gamercal]

RE: Sakura's Pokémon adventure in Johto.

I'm none too sure what to make of this actually. It's pretty good in terms of accuracy (everything done here is done in games too), but something is missing for me...

I think that the only thing I reckon might be up (on first glance) is the sentence structure... you let some sentences run on when they should stop. I'll give a brief couple of examples and corrections:

Pichu started to use Thunder Shock, when it became stronger in other words Pichu had learned how to use Thunderbolt, which KO's the Weedle.

Pichu started to use Thunder Shock. When it became stronger, it was clear that words Pichu had learned how to use Thunderbolt. This KO's the Weedle.

But I did have my Honey on me, so I went to find some Honey Trees to try to find eaither a Combee (female) or a Munchlax, I found a tree, as I was walking up to the tree when a Totodile jumped out of the bushes, so I desided the a Totodile would do great againest Falkner, as it's a Water type but it can also learn Ice moves.

But I did have my Honey on me, so I went to find some Honey Trees to try to find eaither a Combee (female) or a Munchlax. I found a tree, and as I was walking up to the tree a Totodile jumped out of the bushes! I decided the a Totodile would do great againest Falkner, as it's a Water type but it can also learn Ice moves.

There's probably a couple more, but those were the best examples I could find. Your spelling isn't too bad at all though, but have you thought about writing this in word to make use of spellchecker? That would eliminate the rest of the "problems" you have here.

Overall, it's good, but I can't help but think that something is missing... oh well, I'm sure it'll become apparent as you go.

 

[Light Venusaur]

RE: Sakura's Pokémon adventure in Johto.

*Slaps her face*
Thanx for the help.
I don't have Word on the laptop that I'm useing ATM.
So for Chapter 2, I might use the one that does have it on it, or just use the one from the Risembool Rangers forums for any spelling errors.