Writing Sophie`s pokemon adventure

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PikachuFanForever

Pikachu kid(female)
Member
This is ment to be me on my pokemon journey. I want to become a pokemon master!

Chapter 1 I choose you!
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It was Saturday morning and Sophie woke up she looked at her alarm clock and saw it was eight o`clock. It was a bit early to go to the Professors lab but she had to go. So she got her breakfast, got dressed, brushed her teeth, brushed her hair and packed her bag. She thought of what she needed."Ok, so I need clean clothes, PJ`s, a picture of my mum and dad and.." Sophie stoped talking when she saw the clock it was half past she only had half an hour to get there and it was very far away. So she stoped unpacking and ran to her mum to say goodbye and then ran outside on her bike. She had to get to Professor Elm`s lab quickly. She couldn`t find the lab and her only way was to go in the tall grass. So Sophie went in the tall grass and a shinx jumped up at her, she screamed and ran away but it followed her. She tripped and fell on the hard ground and hurt her leg, she coludn`t run, luckly a young boy about ten ran over to her and made his Chimchar use flame thrower on the wild Shinx. The Shinx fainted with the tough move, Sophie was shocked. "Thank you so much for saving my life!" Sophie said,"No problem you don`t have Pokemon do you? Follow me, take my hand and we will go in the tall grass together since I have Pokemon" Sophie sighed, "I would if I could but my leg hurts and I can`t walk. The boy lifted her up and carried her over to the lab, Sophie was happy that he was helping her.

They finally got there and by then she could walk but she limped, the boy told Professor Elm about the insident. Sophie could choose between Cyndiquil, Chickorita and Todidle. "I choose you..Chikorita!" Sophie shouted. Now she had her own Pokemon. Professor Elm gave her five poke balls and a Pokedex.

Chapter 2 The Journey begins
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"Wow, thanks professor!" Sophie said looking at the Pokedex. Professor Elm went over to the young boy and wispered in his ear,"Take care of her, she doesn`t really know what she is doing" the boy noded and replied,"I will do professor!". Sophie and the boy went out of the professors lab. "So, I am Sophie whats your name?"
"I`m Marc! I just got my Pokemon today too, so I only have one pokemon aswell, and thats my chimchar!" Sophie looked at his Chimchar, " He is very powerful, watching him defeat that shinx was awesome!" Sophie said slowly. Marc smiled at her, "Want to travel with me?" Sophie paused, "Well erm..ok" Marc said,"Your Chikorita can stay out of her Poke ball you know" Sophie smiled, "Really? Like yours?"
"Yeah!"
"Cool! I hope we can become great mates!"
"Yeah!"
"I want to be a Pokemon master what bout you?"
"I do too, but my mum said since I am male I must have more courage!" Sophie looked at him blankley, "You have courage" Marc replied,"Not much though" They both walked off together.

Marc saw a Sheldon in the grass. "Marc told Sophie, they both watched it run away but Marc made his Chimchar use flame wheel. The Sheldon got damaged and used rock smash and it hit chimchar "Chimchar!" Marc shouted." Ok Chimchar use fury swipes!" Marc said pointing, Sophie just watched him admiring him. The sheldon finally fainted and Marc threw a poke ball at it. The Ball tilted to one side then the other, then the other and then the other then the poke ball lit up, he caught it! Marc and chimchar jumped up and down with joy. Sophie smiled, "Well done you two, your first sucsessful catch!" Sophie wondered what pokemon she would catch." Will Chimchar need to go to a pokemon centre?" Sophie asked."Nah, he will be fine wont ya chimchar" Chimchar said, "chimchar!" They all laughed." Next battling will be you, Sophie!" Sophie stoped, "Huh?" just then a Jolton zoomed up to them. "Aww so cute!" Sophie said. "Why don`t you catch it Soph?" Sophie looked at him then Chikorita and grinned. "Ok Chikorita it is your time!" Sophie yelled. Chikorita used Razor leaf and the Jolton dodged and used thunder bolt. It hit Chikorita, she nearly fainted but never, "Ok use Magic leaf!" it hit Jolton and it`s HP went way down. Jolted used bolt tackle but Chikorita dodged and used light screen so she was protected. Every time Jolton attacked it hurt itself and finally fainted. "Go Poke ball!" and she caught it! "You did it!" Marc yelled. Sophie blushed and tickled Chikorita. Marc asked, "Is it alright if I call you Soph?"
"Sure!" Sophie giggled.

Now they both have two Pokemon and are having a great time. A girl was standing at the edge of a cliff, they went over to her, "Why are you here?" they both asked. The girl just stood there, then turned around and said, "I stand here for trainers to challenge me, I challenge you two!"
"Ok!" they both said. The girl brought out her buizel and her piplup. Sophie brought out Jolton and Marc brought out Chimchar. The battle was on. Chimchar used flame thrower, Jolton used thunder bolt. The buizel and piplup got hurt but just a little. Piplup used Whirl pool on chimchar and buizel used sonic boom on Jolton. Chimchar fainted because it was a water type move. Marc shouted," CHIMCHAR! Ok Chimchar return, and sheldon come out!" Jolton was able to dodge it and then used thunder bolt again and the buizel fainted. Sophie changed pokemon and brought out her Chikorita and then it used light screen, sheldon used rock smash and piplup used bubble beam. Piplup got hit but the other two got protected with light screen. Piplup somewhat became confused at kept hurting itself. Finally the Piplup fainted. "YAY!" Sophie and Marc shouted, they hi fived in the air. " Well done, something is heading good for you in the future" the woman said then in a blink of an eye she was gone. Sophie and Marc were confused but smiled." Where to next, Marc?" Sophie asked, Marc looked at his map," We are going to Hearth Home!" Marc replied pointing to the map, "It will beour first gym battle!"

Chapter 3 comming soon (no nasty comments)
 
I haven't read much (I just skimmed, because I have to go to bed. States tomorrow~), but from what I have seen thus far I have three things to say.

1) Microsoft Works. No, it's not only the biggest oxymoron ever, I highly suggest Word for writing your story in. It has a built-in spelling/grammar check so that you can catch a lot of these spelling errors. If you can't get your hands on Word (I actually think Microsoft has a free trial version on their website!), I also think Firefox has a spellchecker. Or you could also Google for one. Or you could take the time to slow down and re-read your story aloud to yourself. There's so many ways to catch spelling errors these days, even without a dictionary glued to your side, that so many spelling mistakes should be a big no-no in writing. If you take the time to really comb through and fix the obvious ones, you'll find that a lot more people will be willing to read your story, as it makes it easier to follow.

2) "Quite frankly, not hitting the enter key twice when two people are talking back and forth is kinda difficult to read," Crystal muttered.

"Yeah, I definitely agree with you there," Kiyo hummed.

Hit the enter key not once, but twice every time a new dialogue situation starts. If you clump it all together, and you don't separate them, I know I have a hard time of keeping track of which character is talking. If it's the same character, of course you don't have to hit the enter key if there's split dialogue (such as "blah blah blah," the teacher droned. Asa found herself daydreaming again quite quickly as the woman droned on. "De blah de blah blah..." ...bad example but you get the gist.) The last thing you want to do to your readers is confuse them.

3) Whoa there, Sparky! Slooooooow down! Just from the first few sentences, you already had the main character waking up, spending whatever amount of time doing everything that she needs to to prepare for her adventure in a few sparce sentences, then nearly right after she's out the door she's in tall grass and being attacked by a Shinx. I didn't read any further than that, but I think that's plenty.

Ask to yourself: what is the character feeling as she's leaving her childhood home for potentially the last time in a very long time? Is she excited? Is she nervous? Sad? Happy? Angry? A combination of anything? You don't give us any sort of indication as to character, leaving a very flat, very dull character to follow. Try and think of the character as human, like yourself. Even better, if she is a representation of yourself, try and represent yourself in the writing! Are you a messy or neat person, when it comes to packing? What do you eat for breakfast? How do you eat your breakfast? What thoughts would be going through YOUR head if you were leaving to get your first Pokemon?

These are all very, EXTREMELY critical points to storytelling. Do not be afraid of adjectives and adverbs! Describing your character is extremely important and shouldn't be neglected for speed of the story. You have all the time in the world to tell your story, and I know I want to be able to really 'see' what's going on in the story rather than being disconnected from that world by a wall of bland boring words.

I think that's plenty for right now. Goodness I gotta get writing again...
 
Ok, thank you for the information! I will try and change things on it and make the next chapter much better. I will go on Word and use adverbs and adjectives. Thank you!
 
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