The Chronicles of Snivy

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Heatmor

Aspiring Trainer
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When the English names of the starters from Black/White were announced, I thought Snivy was the worst...but that night, saying Snivy's and the other names to myself, I realized that Snivy's name is the best of the three. So I decided to write a fanfic centered around Snivy.

The Chronicles of Snivy

Chapter One: Poison Snivy

“Son, your Snivy is going to put all other Snivy to shame!” exclaimed an excited father in a train station as his son waited for the train that would take him to Missiletown.

“Dad, Juku doesn’t want to put the others to shame. He wants to make friends.”

“How do you know what your Snivy wants? Not like you can understand Pokemon language.”

“I can understand Juku,” said the boy. Juku was in his lap, sleeping peacefully. “And I know he wants friends, not admirers.”

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Snivy, Snivy, Sniveee snive snivee snivysnive.

“What’s he saying Poppa?” a little girl asked. Her father wore a white lab coat and some strange headgear. And he was smiling wickedly, though his young daughter did not know malice was in it.

“He is saying, darling, that he wishes he were part Poison. And that he wants to be the best Snivy of them all.”

“Oh, but Snivy, you are!” the little girl said, turning to the Pokemon.

Snivysnivesnivyivysnive.

“Yes, Snivy. I, Professor Wormlock, can make your dream come true.”


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Juku hopped off of the boy’s lap when it was time to get on the train. It hated Pokeballs. Not to mention that the boy wasn’t skilled enough to call a Pokemon back to its Pokeball yet anyway.

“Don’t get into trouble now, son.”

“Dad, I’m sure Juku will protect me if there’s any danger.”

“He will, won’t he?” the father asked, a bemused expression on his face. Juku was now releasing his vine whips to demonstrate what would happen to anyone who tried to harm the boy.
The father left and Juku led the boy onto the train. Juku went from car to car, looking for the perfect seat for them. He finally found one next to a small girl hugging her Snivy.

“Hello,” the boy said, when he and Juku sat down. “You going to the Snivy Convention too?”

“Yes,” said the girl. “And my Snivy is the best!” she added fiercely.

“I’m sure everyone thinks so, about their own Snivy,” said the boy.

“Oh, but I know so.”

“I guess you do. Anyhow, I’m Darrel.” He held out his hand for her to shake it.

The girl looked at his hand as if she thought it beneath her to accept it. But surely Darrel was just imagining this? After all, she had to be too young to think herself better than everyone else.

She took his hand as the train began to roll and pumped it up and down rapidly. “Cindy.”

Having elicited her name out of her, Darrel looked at the Pokemon in her lap. Juku had been staring at it all this time, his eyes wide open in astonishment.

“Why does your Snivy have a purple tinge?” Darrel asked.

“Because purple is a royal color, and Snivy is royal. Or at least my Snivy is,” she said, frowning at Juku.

“Well, no one will be able to mistake your Snivy for theirs, that’s for sure.”

At that moment, Cindy’s Snivy spit at Juku.

“Hey, tell your Snivy to take that back!”

“Your Snivy deserved it for staring at him so rudely.”

Darrel felt an urge to slap Cindy but remembered what he had been taught about hitting girls. (“Boys who hit girls grow up to be trash collectors,” his father had said once. “I had this friend once named Sid who hit a few girls when they made him angry. While all his classmates were going off to college, he was collecting trash. So unless you love garbage and want to deal with it for the rest of your life, do not, I repeat do not, ever hit a girl.”) So he picked Juku up and carried him to a different compartment.
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“Okay, Snivy, feeding time!”

Snivy came forward and took the feeding tube from Professor Wormlock. It started sucking on the tube, then yelped and dropped it. Then Snivy released its vine whips and started hitting the scientist with them.

“Snivy, stop! It’s the only way to become Poison type. We feed you a little each day till you develop a total immunity to Poison. Then we feed you an extra large amount and you will become Poison. Isn’t that what you wanted? Stop chasing me!”

The Snivy stopped and went over to where it had dropped the feeding tube. It picked it up and started sucking like a maniac. All the while it had a grimace on its face.

“Wait, Snivy, you’re not supposed to drink the whole thing,” said Professor Wormlock. “You’ll make yourself sick.”

Sniveeesniveivysniveivysnive.

Professor Wormlock rushed over to the computer to access the Pokemon Translator that would tell him what Snivy had just said, since he did not have his headgear on.

SNIVY WANT BE POISON MORE THAN CARE ABOUT HEALTH. SNIVY WANT TO LORD OVER OTHER SNIVY.

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Darrel made a couple of friends on the train, Magan and her Snivy nicknamed Limerick, and Josh, a kid who didn’t care about Snivy as much as Tepig, but whose older brother had encouraged him to go since he had had a wonderful time at the convention before his Snivy evolved.

“I think Limerick likes Juku,” Magan said. Limerick kept trying to show Juku how to do the move Flash, but Juku didn’t want to learn any moves that Darrel hadn’t taught him by technical or hidden machine or that he hadn’t learned by leveling up. Juku hated the idea of a Pokemon teacher.

Juku, Limerick, and Josh’s Snivy went to play behind some bushes while their owners approached a desk where they were supposed to fill out information about their Snivy.

After Darrel had filled in the survey, it looked like this:

First name: Darrel Last name: Not saying.

How old you were when you first met your Snivy: 7.

Does your Snivy have a nickname? Yes.

If so, what is it? Jukulele. Juku for short.

If you could trade your Snivy for any other Pokemon, which would it be? None!

After they finished the surveys, Limerick ran over to Magan, but Juku and Josh’s Snivy were not with her. She looked worried.

“We’d better follow her,” Magan said. Darrel and Josh nodded.

Several yards away, hidden in a bush, they found Juku. Darrel pulled him out and what he saw nearly broke his heart. Juku was very ill, and to Darrel’s young eyes, it seemed as though Juku was going to die.

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“Poppa, why is Snivy always so sick?” Cindy asked, weeks after her Snivy had first been fed poison.

“He’s just having some allergic reactions to some vaccinations, that’s all,” Professor Wormlock said.

“I hope it goes away soon,” said the little girl.

“It will, honey. And when it does, Snivy will be the strongest Snivy on the planet!”
The scientist then realized he was getting carried away. “I mean, he’ll have accomplished his utmost desire.”

“He’ll be very happy?”

“Oh yes, extremely.”
 
The big issue for me here is that there's adequate description of the characters (both human and Pokemon) whatsoever... A fundmental part of creative writing in general is developing the ability to vividly portray a fictional world with adequate and artistic prose. Dialogue by itself doesn't do this. The same also goes with pre-existing characters and locations, and just referencing such things alone doesn't always mean people are going to understand what's going on. If it were just the Pokemon acting out a scenario, you might have been able to pull this off without a whole lot describing being needed; however, when you're working with human characters too (especially ones you came up with yourself), readers need more info. What do the Snivy owners all look like? That much alone would have beefed up the visual aids for this tenfold. Additionally, it helps to talk about where things are happening (what buildings and locations look like, not just quick glimpses such as how this started in a train station, and then apparently shifted to a mysterious lab, and next the train, and so on). Not having that stuff to go on leaves things feeling sort of blank... Also, mixing in descriptions of feelings and environment help build to the narration in this, which is just as important as physical description since those things set the mood.

As is, though, this is in need of some serious work...and thus needs to be locked for overall bad quality. Just revise things and then repost.
 
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