Writing The Gathering

S

SinRaven

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Member
This is just a short fanfic, it won't probably be more than a few chapters. It also won't be the most wonderful story. I just write this fanfic so that I can get used to writing in English, to prepare for another story I have in mind. Normally I write stories in my language, Dutch, in which I have become rather good.
Please don't have too much criticism, because this is my first English story. I'm not really good in English grammar, so please correct any mistakes I make.
I hope you will enjoy reading ;)

---

Chapters:

Prologue: Mysterious Happenings
Chapter One: Unexpected results
Chapter Two: Pondering
Chapter Three: Old friends and new friends

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< The Gathering >

< Prologue : Mysterious Happenings >

It was night. Apart from the white moon, there was not a single light to be seen in the ink black sky hovering over the Sinnoh region. The ever so bright streets of Hearthome City were now as silent as the night itself. Save from a few Rattatas crawling in the small alleys, there wasn't any life to be seen.

Avery was sleeping on a very comfortable bed, the kind that would let him relax in it all day long. It had been a long, busy day and he had been glad they could find a place to stay. It was a mere coincidence that his Aunt Ruth, the famous pokémon co-ordinator, was in town that day and that she had offered him shelter.

Pachirisu was sleeping on Avery's chest, as peaceful as always. Growlithe, on the other hand, was still awake and was watching the full moon. It was like it was awaiting something. Something good, something bad, it didn't know. Avery's other pokémon, Lumineon, Vespiquen, Togetic and Sunkern, were all resting in their Pokéballs, preparing for the day tomorrow.

Growlithe was feeling a little tired too, by now. Yet it wouldn't rest, stubborn as it was. Its small ears suddenly picked up a sound. It was silent, yet very threatening. Growlithe resisted its sleepiness and was more alarmed than ever. A sudden, slight movement crossed the window and although it didn't last more than a second, Growlithe knew it wasn't anything innocent. Its senses were ready to pick up every next sign. Before Growlithe could react, another movement passed the window. That exact moment Growlithe felt like all his fears were being realised. Losing Avery and all of his other friends he had met since he was catched. Never to see them again, hear them again, smell them again. He wanted that feeling to go away as quickly as it could. Growlithe felt the thing causing it coming closer and when Growlithe decided to react, it was gone again.

Growlithe patiently waited for it to come back. It waited seconds, minutes and even hours, but the 'thing' wouldn't come back. When Growlithe finally decided to sleep, it was morning again.


---

Sorry for making this prologue so short, but as I've already said, it's just practice. The next chapter will come soon!

I'll bet everybody knows what 'the thing' is.
 
Welcome to the Writing Corner. I'm Zyflair, one of the few people that live here.

There is actually a suggested formatting for paragraphs: one extra line space in between each paragraph (as I am doing right now). This is so it looks neater and actually becomes easily to read. So use that Enter/Return button often!

For a non-native writer, this is actually good (despite the short quantity of it). Your grammar is remarkably (or is it...?) better than alot of the writers I've seen around here. The biggest issue is the lack of a few commas, but I'm not going to bother with such trivial things.

To improve your fiction, you definitely need to write more; try to describe more of what happened so we can see it better. Such as:
-What was the night like? Pitch-dark? Starry? Bright with the full moon?
-What was the place that Avery sleeping at like? Was it cozy for a fortunate traveler? Or was it the better-that-nothing kind of place?
-Where exactly was Growlithe? Can you describe how exactly he felt his fear of the 'thing'?

There could be so many more questions. It's your job to find them and answer them.

Happy writing,
~Zyflair
 
Thank you for your tips ;). I've updated the prologue with the things you said and a few others. I'm currently working on chapter 1, but it isn't as easy as I expected. I didn't prepare it as much as I would do with my other stories.
 
This is very good Sin Raven! I had no idea you were billangual!

Some people on this forum are just so talented, along with you!
 
Here's my first chapter!

--

< Chapter One: Unexpected results >

Avery stood on the rough battle terrain overshadowed by tall trees. A small breeze blew into his face, making him more observant. His opponent, the dark haired gentleman, stood on a little circular platform surrounded by light blue water.

"Growlithe, use Flamethrower!", shouted the fanatic, blonde boy.

While Growlithe was preparing, Avery's opponent questioned his actions.

"You're going to use Flamethrower against my Slowking?"

"Just watch", Avery replied, waiting in all exitement for his next move.

Growlithe ran across the terrain, in a straight line towards the water. The water was now waving more rapidly than it did before. Avery knew what was going on.

"Just as I expected", he thought.

He watched the Slowking preparing to use a powerful water attack. The Slowking was laughing, overconvinced of its victory, as did his tall trainer. By this time Growlithe reached the water. Its fur-covored mouth opened wide after which a small flame emerged from it. The small flame soon merged into a large, destructive fire serpent. It dashed straight into the swimming Pokémon, leaving a path of levitating flames behind. The Slowking waited slowly until the heath caused its toes to warm up.
By then it used its own attack, as its trainer shouted "Now Slowking, use Surf!"

The water that surrounded the intelligent Pokémon rised as it raised its paws. The large, intimidating wave went straight into the flame, which it extinguished without trouble, and the Pokémon that created it.

"I think you're about to lose", the arrogant trainer of the Slowking shouted at Avery.

The wave reached the shore and landed upon it with a destructive force. The Slowking now stood on the land, looking for its dense opponent. Yet all it could see was the wet, muddy shore. All of sudden it felt a painful feeling in its right shoulder. Did it get hit by the Flamethrower nevertheless?

"Nicely done Growlithe, you can let go now."

The dog-like Pokémon let go of the Slowking. The latter went down to its knees, only to fall down completely next.

"So it was a distraction? I should've known better", the suited gentleman said. He was now next to Avery, being brought by his Pidgeot. "Slowking, come back."

The Slowking transformed into a bright red light, shooting straight into the Pokéball its master held.

"It indeed was. Growlithe may be weak to your water attacks, it can always counter your Slowking with Crunch."

"I know", said the man, turning his back against the Avery. It slowly walked away from the battlefield, leaving Avery alone with his Pokémon.

Growlithe suddenly fell to the surprise of Avery. Avery rushed towards his beloved Pokémon, being followed Pachirisu, who had been quiet of exitement all the time.

"Yo, Growlithe, what's wrong? It hadn't been that long of a battle, had it? And you were never hit."

Growlithe made a brief, light sound. Although Avery didn't know, it had been up all night. And it still was terrified of the thoughts it met then. The horrifying idea of losing Avery. Even if it could speak human language, it wouldn't have the courage to explain it all to Avery.

"Come on, I'll take you to the Pokécenter."

Avery held up his Pokéball, giving Growlithe the opportunity to rest in it.

"Pachirisu, you too!"

Pachirisu too went in its Pokéball. Although Growlithe and Pachirisu didn't like to stay in their Pokéballs, Avery preferred to keep them in while traveling. Especially when not on foot.

He ran towards bicycle, only to rush onto Hearthome City in continue. Not only were his friends and aunt Ruth awaiting him to tell them the conclusion of his battle, he also needed to know what was wrong with Growlithe. It hadn't been just the sudden collapsing of it after the battle, it also didn't wake up until this afternoon and was more quiet than usual.

"Growlithe..."
 
Chapter two is up.
Don't get your hopes up to high (like you even will), it sucks.

--

< Chapter Two: Pondering >

A long-haired blonde boy, wearing baggy clothes like every modern day teenager, rushed into the Pokécenter. His hands were firmly holding a white and red colored ball as if it could vanish away every second. After him a bunch of other teenagers and an older woman came in, following him while closely watching every step he took. The woman seemed worried, yet she didn’t know what was going on.

“Could someone please help me?”, Avery shouted.

People quickly turned their heads toward him, motioning he should be more quiet. Avery didn’t care though, as he shouted the same thing again. Still no response, besides the other visitors.

His aunt Ruth hastily stepped towards him. She laid her left hand on his shoulder and could feel some of his sweat. Normally she would be disgusted by even the sight of a drop, but since her nephew was in trouble, she couldn’t care less.

“Avery, calm down!”, she said before Avery could shout again, “Tell me what’s going on. Did your Pokémon got badly injured in that battle?”

The young boy didn’t have the time to reply, as he anxiously waited for a doctor or nurse to show up. Where could they all be?

One of his friends, Mary-sue, seemed to have forgotten the whole situation, since the girly girl only had eye for her playful Gastly. The two could easily lose an entire day playing around and it looked like times of panic were no exception.

His other friend sat on the tip of the seat she just took. The plain girl was strongly observing the current events. As much as she would’ve liked to just grab the Pokéball Avery was holding, trample into the doctor’s office and smash the Pokéball in his face, Charlotte knew she just couldn’t do it.

When Avery was about to shout another time, a nurse came in. He resisted himself from making smart comments like “Finally” or ”Taking the time, are we?” and just laid his Pokéball on the counter.

The nurse smoothly asked: “How can I help you, young man?”.

Avery didn’t know how to reply, since he himself didn’t know what was going on. He just looked to the Pokéball and made motions that something was wrong with it.

“It’s your Pokémon, isn’t it?”, the lovely nurse replied, “Well, I’ll take a look at it. Would you mind calling it out for me?”

Avery did as she told. The ball opened up slightly and spawned the familiar red light, which soon transformed into a dog-like Pokémon, which was now standing right on the counter. Instead of his usual barks of happiness, Growlithe immediately collapsed. Ruth didn’t expect the dog to be hurt, as did Avery’s other companions. Growlithe normally was the though Pokémon of Avery’s team.

“What could’ve happened?”, they all thought simultaneously, even the careless Mary-sue.

The pink-haired nurse immediately picked up Growlithe and hurried into the treatment room. Avery was told he couldn’t follow, but he didn’t even intended to do. Seeing his Pokémon in pain gave him nightmares.

~

“And then was the moment Growlithe fell.” Avery told, being scared by the same feeling all over again. He looked down to his knees.

His aunt carefully placed her hand on his shoulder, as she did earlier. She didn’t need to say anything, as everybody could understand what should’ve been said. The nurse said Growlithe needed some rest and Avery could pick it up by the end of the day.

They were all sitting in the park by now. The cheerful Mary-sue was running around with her Gastly, Pachirisu following them playfully. Charlotte only had eyes for Avery, she never thought he could be so sad over his Pokémon. Sure, she had seen him worried a time or two, but seeing him like this was nothing she could ever imagine. She couldn’t even imagine herself being like this over her Pokémon.

Even though the nurse said everything was going to be alright, Avery still wasn’t set at ease. It just couldn’t have been the battle. Not only was Growlithe a though Pokémon, being able to hold itself up in a battle for a long time, he was acting strange that morning already.

As Mary-sue was still running around the field, being followed by Gastly and Pachirisu, she suddenly tripped over something. She stood up as if nothing had happened and ran further even quicker, but Pachirisu noticed something strange.

It was a some sort of leek, definitely the type Farfetche’d always cling on. But how could a Pokémon just leave something behind that had been the most important in its life?

As Pachirisu pondered a minute, it just came up with that it wouldn’t be that much of importance and continued playing.

~

“Growlithe was mainly overtired. Are you sure he had a good night rest?”

“I believe the same as always, although it had trouble getting up this morning.” Avery responded to the doctor, being reassured by Growlithe’s recovery.

“Well, it could be something else. Keep an eye on him and be sure to return when you notice something again.” The keen doctor said.

“I most definitely will! I won’t allow something to happen to it again.”

Avery left the Pokécenter, carrying Growlithe in his hands. Growlithe seemed all better, but it still had the events of last night in the back of his head. Best not to worry Avery again.
 
SinRaven said:
Don't get your hopes up to high (like you even will), it sucks.
Click to expand...
No it didn't, I liked it!


The only issue I found is that you had such small things going on in each chapter. The only that happened in Chapter One was a battle where Growlithe fainted mysteriously. Chapter 2 was Avery going to the pokecenter, getting Growlithe healed, and wondering what was really wrong with his pokemon.
I would think that it would be better to have that as one big Chapter, you know?

SinRaven said:
As much as she would’ve liked to just grab the Pokéball Avery was holding, trample into the doctor’s office and smash the Pokéball in his face, Charlotte knew she just couldn’t do(it).
Click to expand...

Okay, this was justa little thing I was annoyed with. As you can see there was the little it I added.

Besides those two things, it was AWESOME!

I look forward to many stories from you!
^_^
 
aggiegwyn said:
The only issue I found is that you had such small things going on in each chapter. The only that happened in Chapter One was a battle where Growlithe fainted mysteriously. Chapter 2 was Avery going to the pokecenter, getting Growlithe healed, and wondering what was really wrong with his pokemon.
I would think that it would be better to have that as one big Chapter, you know?
Click to expand...

While you could be right on this one, I prefer to have it stay this way. The only reason why there's so few things happening every chapter until now, is that it's mainly an introduction to the rest of the events.

And: Thank you very much! Glad you liked it! (Fixed the 'it' problem, btw!)
 
SinRaven said:
While you could be right on this one, I prefer to have it stay this way. The only reason why there's so few things happening every chapter until now, is that it's mainly an introduction to the rest of the events.

And: Thank you very much! Glad you liked it! (Fixed the 'it' problem, btw!)
Click to expand...

Yah, I can understand that. Looking forward to more chapters!
 
Just posting to say that my next chapter will be up tomorrow, maybe a day later. The reason for the delay is that in this chapter, I'll be working with things I'm not used to (you'll see when I'll get there).
 
A new Chapter approached, and quite a long one too. Note: This may sounds confusing but in the first part of this chapter I will be refering to Growlithe as 'it', like I always did, but in the second part I will be refering to it as 'he'. I can't explain the reasoning in English :/

--

< Chapter Three: Old friends and new friends. >

Freedom. What defines true freedom? Is it having the chance to choose by yourself, whenever and wherever? Is it the ability to go wherever you want? Is it thinking by yourself and yourself only? Or is it just the feeling of being uncontrolled?

Whatever it is, Growlithe never had it. For the last year it had been 'controlled' by Avery. And even though Growlithe liked following Avery, it didn't had the ability to do what he want and to go where he want. Actually, it never had that.

Ever since Growlithe was born he was being controlled. Nowadays it's under the trainership of Avery, but it used to be a wild Growlithe. It was born in a Growlithe pack under the leadership of his its uncle. It's pack had a hierarchy with strict rules. Even though Growlithe was the leader's nephew, it was of the lowest class due to his father being an outcast. Life wasn't easy.

~

"Son, wake up already!"

"Just let me sleep a little longer."

"You've slept enough, besides, the Leader wants you to gather berries and you don't want to make him angry."

Growlithe stoop up from his nice and comfy spot in the field and started, even though still half asleep, walking to the forest.

"And hurry up a little!" His mother called him after.

While walking through the forest, thoughts scattered through his mind. He now had the chance to just run away, like he had a million times. He could travel a thousands of miles without his unhonorable uncle ordering him around. Maybe he would meet his father, so he could finally learn of the reason he left.

No, he couldn't. Now a little more awake he rushed through the forest picking up every berry along the way. On his way back he even rushed a little more, so he couldn't be scolded at. He might've dropped a few berries, but he didn't care and he knew the Leader also didn't. The reason he was sent away was to get rid of the bother of a lower classed. They always did things like that. Usually, when Growlithe got back, they all collected food for themselves already and he had to throw away half of the berries.

When Growlithe got back at the field, this time there was something he didn't expect. There was no single Growlithe to be seen and all the remnants of Growlithe living there had been erased. He sure got back at the right place because his favourite landmark, the big tree that shadowed over his sleeping place, stood right there. What could've happened?

All frightened that everybody forgot about him, even his mother, he didn't have any hunger and so he threw away the berries. He even smashed some, out of anger towards his uncle. When finally tired of worrying, he tried to sleep. He surprisingly got to sleep immediatly.

~

"Son, wake up already!" the familiar voice said.

"Just let me sleep a little longer." Growlithe replied out of habit.

"Wake up or I'll burn your face." another voice, but still familiar, yelled.

Growlithe jumped up immediatly and recognized the two in front of him. See! His mother and Leader didn't forget about him. He made a sound of relief. "Phew, I almost wor-"

"Shut up and come with me." the Leader interupted.

"Please don't me so ha-"

"That applies to you too, woman." he interupted again.

Growlithe, and his newly angered mother, followed the Leader through the field. He never heard his uncle calling his mother like that and he expected to never hear it too, especially since she was upper class. There were a lot of questions and crazy theories running through his head.

They were nearing the lake. Growlithe expected to have it all revealed there, but his uncle had other plans. They actually walked further towards a human road. As soon as they neared it, Growlithe stopped. His uncle didn't had the means to enter a city, right? His uncle turned around and didn't even had to look at Growlithe to make him move further. But he didn't have the intention either, he dashed towards Growlithe and quickly gave him a bite in the neck. Growlithe's mother screamed, but didn't act like she was surprised.

"Attack him too, prove your loyalty!"

The Leader didn't need to say more words to convince the scared dog-like Pokémon. She opened her mouth and a big flame emerged from it. It was the first time Growlithe had seen anything like it and so he didn't know what to expect. He stayed completely still because he just couldn't believe his mother would do him any harm.

~

He woke up at an unfamiliar place. It looked civilized. Humanly civilized. Growlithe turned his head and found out he was in a building full of humans. He jumped up and intended to ran away, but his wounds made him fall back down. Unfamiliar voices spoke in an even more unfamiliar language.

"Now, now. Be calm there boy."

"So, is the Growlithe going to be okay?"

"Well, it needs some recovery. But after a day or two it should be fine enough to return to its pack."

"So I can just leave it here?"

"Yes, we'll release it back into the forests. You can just continue your journey."

"Then I will. Thank you for the help, miss."

"No problem, we're always here to help you and your Pokémon. Good luck on your journey!"

"I'm sure it will come in handy. And you, young Growlithe, be more careful next time, will you? You don't want to run into nasty trainers again!"

~

The next few days Growlithe stayed at that same place. He wanted to stay there forever, being cared for and having no worries at all, but his human caretakers had other plans. He was released at the gates of the human city. Once he stood there, he had no idea what to do. Was he free?

He walked along the road for a moment, thinking of all that had happened. He had been betrayed by his 'Leader' and his very own mother stabbed an even bigger knife in his back. But it all led to his ever wanted freedom, so he guessed he was fine with it. His only problems now were to worry about what to eat and where to sleep, or at least he wanted to believe that. He couldn't lie to himself, could he? How could his mother have done this? How could she? He sweared to himself that he wouldn't die untill the day he would learn the truth. Now he wasn't a slave to his former pack anymore, now he was a slave to his wrath! Out of anger and despair he tried to roar, but instead of sound, flames emerged from his mouth. He wasn't surprised at all, and rushed forward until he couldn't anymore. Once he didn't have the power to think of anything anymore, he fell asleep.

~

"Hey there boy, wake up already!" A slightly familiar voice said. Growlithe tried to growl something back, but knew it wouldn't work.

"Didn't I tell you to be more careful? Now you've run into another trainer. Just good luck it's me."

"You're going to catch him, aren't you?" Another voice said.

"Only if he wants too. This boy is still young and deserves some freedom."

"Heh, aren't we quite the sensitive one." The sceptical voice answered.

"Why must you always be like this?" The conversation soon turned into a heavy discussion which would've looked serious, if it weren't for a higher voice laughing in the background. As soon as Growlithe got enough of this nonsense, he stood up and roared heavily. The three were silent immediately. The boy, which was the one with the slight familiar voice, stepped towards Growlithe and petted him. Both looked each other right in the eye and smiled.

There was an immediate click between the two, who would soon become a perfect duo. Growlithe agreed with Avery to travel with him. There were some troubles first, such as the Pokéball and Growlithe taking, more, commands, but after some time Growlithe got more used to it and got attached to Avery and his friends.

Growlithe didn't care for his past anymore and even started to forget about it. He would've never thought about its horrible history or true freedom again, if it weren't for that day three years and some days later. The day that he had the feeling of losing Avery, the feeling that seemed dreadful for some time. But Growlithe realised something. That feeling wasn't about the loss of his friends, it was about freedom. Something he'd always wanted.
 
I liked this chapter! It's nice how you didn't make it just a Trainer View Story, but also a Pokemon View story! It was very creative of you to put it into two views!
 
You know, I really know that this could be better, despite that you're trying hard at this.

But I just really can't even think of where to begin. It's like... the problems with this fic are avoiding me. =|
I dunno. It might come to me later on. In any case, at Chapter Two, Farfetch'd holds what is called a "leek."
 
Thanks Static Kid and Aggiegwyn! I'm glad the two point of views is liked, while I thought it would cause confusion.

Zyflair, are you being positive, negative, or a bit of both? I don't really understand what you mean. Anyway, thanks, I've edited the minor flaw.
 
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