Writing The Giligas region

[Hookshot]

Prolouge​

It was a stormy night that sunday evening as I lay my head on the car window. I was completely undisturbed by the windscreen wipers that my brother had left on. Sleeping peacefully I thought of my new journey that I woud face, new pokemon I would meet and badges I would discover. I heared that the elite four are
Tiffany, the Electric Cat
Adam, the Flying Couger
Ashley, the Ice Bear
And Caol, the Ground Dragon.
And I couldn't wait to meet them or even battle them.
I also Superfluously dreamt about a special type of pokemon that I had never seen before. A Cragryou, standing at 7ft high with a spectacular wind span of 5ft on each side. Before I knew it I as being shaken by my brother, Jasper, who told me that we were at the village were we moved to.
I looked around and I saw kids running around playing with there pokemon, hisdose's they were common around here and they had big bushey fur they always jumped on guests and thre owners, the perfext pokemn for a pet.
I didn't join because being at age 14 I was a bit old and shy.
"Don't worry, the trucks will be here with all our things in", Jasper mentioned as he unlocked the door and invited me in like a guest. As I stept in I felt radiating waves of a new life here in the giligas region.
I took a deep breath and breathed out
"Great"

I never really showed all my work out on he internet before only to my freinds, I hope you like it.

 

[ShayminSky]

Ummm..., this story is okay. I would add more detail and legnth to the chapters. To know what I am talking about, check out some fanfics that have gotten good reviews. Here is a perfect example: Seven Days of Terror. It has awesome reviews and it is a good example. Don't worry, you have the right idea, just help people feel the Pokemon or post a link to the Pokémon so that we know what you are talking about. My fanfics used to be like this too,(no offense) but then I had reviews and checked out other fanfics and look at them now. Also, I am not telling you to be a grammar expert, but please work on your commas and how you write some things. I see some places where colons are needed. You are also rushing your story kind of. Well, that is enough negative reviews, so here are some positive ones: Your story can be one of the best out there, you just have to make it the best. Listen to your readers, they determine whether it is the best or not. Finally, have fun!