Writing The Seven Swords of Smash (SSBB) UPDATE: Chapter 1 Is Up!

Shadowblade2

Shadowblade2

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This is a Super Smash Bros. Brawl story, it happens after Tabuu is defeated and about two months of nothing. It is about Seven coloured, transparent swords known as the Seven Swords of Smash, with all of them together one can open the gates of Death and bring back one lost. What they plan to do with it, read to find out.

Prologue
"PK FIIIIRE!!!" Lucas shouted over the roars of the crowd as he let loose a ball of fire from his fingertips. The fire hit marth directly, knocking him into the wall of the Colluseum. 'Here's my chance!" thought Lucas as the rainbow coloured Smash ball floated through the sky "PK THUNDER" Lucas screamed as he tried to direct the ball of energy towards the Smash ball. The Smash ball broke when it came in contact with the lightning. "PK STAAARSTORM!!!" Lucas said as he jumped in the air and brought thousands of metiorites soaring towards the ground. The metiorites unveiled something above the Colluseum. The red clouds!! "Kirby, Ness, get to the Sky Colluseum NOW!" He said into his Walkie-Talkie. Kirby flew in on the Warp Star, with Ness hanging off it a few minutes later, and they flew right through the clouds, taking on a few Primids. Ness PK Fired them off. As they were coming over the Colluseum, Ness jumped off the Warp Star and Kirby nose-dived into the ground, sending Primid's soaring in all directions. Suddenly a Primid came at Lucas with a sword, inches from his face when Mario jumped down and knocked the sword out of his hands. Mario picked the sword up and slashed through the crowd like a knife through butter. Ness and Lucas began fighting them off, Lucas used PK Thunder and spiralled it around him, hurtaing all around him and Ness scorched through them with PK Fire. Kirby sucked some up and spat them at each other. Two R.O.B's flew down and opened what seemed to look like a Subspace Bomb, but it wasn't, it was much bigger. Suddenly, a figure stepped out of the metal orb. GANONDORF! Mario jumped over the Primids and started slashing at Ganondorf, or, trying to anyway. Ganondorf through the sword away and sent him flying with a Warlock Punch. Ganondorf pushed his way through the Primids, grabbed Kirby and jumped back to his Metal Orb. He waved and jumped in as the R.O.B's closed it. The R.O.B's propelled the orb into the air and sent it flying into a huge ship in the sky. "What just happened?" Lucas said, confused. "I think he just kidnapped Kirby, lets go help him!"

EDIT: Finally it stops lagging and I can add to the Prologue, what do you say now? Will add Chapter I once I get some feedback AFTER I added to it
 
RE: The Seven Swords of Smash (SSBB)

Your prologue is not effective at all. Try with more surprise, give standard english, and the story is of the usual. Make it eventful.
 
RE: The Seven Swords of Smash (SSBB)

That's far too short, too much action and not enough description. Try again and improve on these points :)
 
Okay, now I've updated it.

EDIT: Couldn't wait, for it, CHAPTER 1 BELOW (There MAY be a new character that wasn't in Brawl in there somewhere)

Chapter I

When Kirby awoke he was in the middle of some kind of control room. Ganondorf stepped through the door, of course, Kirby saw what happened to Mario and decided to leave Ganondorf be. However, Ganondorf approached Kirby and started asking him questions. "Where have you hidden the Pink Sword of Smash!?!" was one of the ones that got Kirby's attention. "If you do not tell us where it is, we will kill you and your friends!" Ganondorf threatened. Kirby couldn't let that happen. "The Halberd, I stashed it there when I snuck on there" Kirby said. "Let's go!" Ganondorf shouted to someone in the other room. Bowser stepped out with an unfamiliar figure. Suddenly, there was a thump and then some rumbling. The ship they were on had landed, right underneath the Halberd. Suddenly, a huge sword came flying through, nearly slicing Ganondorf's head off. The sword then landed in the ground. Kirby could see it, it was like a huge revolver with a massive blade on it. It gleamed in the sun. Then a figure jumped down and grabbed it. Kirby could see long, black, rough hair. He turned around, took the sword out of the ground and swiped at Bowser, sending him back a bit. He then shot at a Bomb-Omb right next to Bowser, sending him Flying.

A little while ago...

Back at the Colluseum, Ness had managed to grad on to the metal ball, which, the R.O.B's seemed to be carrying into a huge ship. Ness crept away from it before Ganondorf got out. He followed them secretly and listened to what they said.

Ness had heard everything, he snuck onto the Halberd while Ganondorf was dealing with the new guy. "Go, follow your friend!" The mysterious person shouted. Ness threw Kirby the warp star, which Kirby used to get to the Halberd. Kirby crashed into the room where he had hid the Sword. He was about to get it, but he had bigger problems. The sword was gone! There was a note "The Pink Sword of Smash is now in the possession of me, Meta Knight! You will never see it again!"
 
He WAS, it's called a Plot Twist, get used to them, there'll be plenty more to come. Will post Chapter 2 Soon.

Nobody guessed who the guy with the Silver Revolver/Sword is? It's not that hard, he's NOT a Nintendo character
 
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