Writing the strangest zone (chapter 2 is up)

what do you think of the fan-fic up to now

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mixedxlife

where the heck is my brain today
Member
HI this is 1 of my first Fan-fictions and it's about being different (in al kind of ways) this story is about accepting people and getting to know the're vision if you don't like my vision on different people well then this isn't a story for you

here is the main character's sprite to show a little how he looks
untitled.jpg

cameron
15 years old
male

PROLOGUE:
08:32.
The sun was shining through the window when a 15 year old boy woke up.
He had dark brown hear and grey eye's .He wasn't small but not to tall either. He thought that he was pretty normal, but this was just the opposite of what he would learn on his adventures that were about to come. He quickly got dressed he had a grey t-shirt, jeans a flashy yellow sweater and some white sneakers. he just woke up so he was still a little tired. He yawned and went to the bathroom. There he brushed his teeth, did his hair and washed his face. He went out of the bathroom and ran downstairs. He almost tripped over the box that was standing on the floor he jumped over it and ran to the kitchen.
There his mom was waiting for him "Good morning cameron" she said.
"good morning mom" Cam replied. He began eating a ham sandwhich and drank some milk. He jumped out of the chair and said "bye mom I'm of to school". He arrived at school and saw the rest of the group. He walked up to them but before he knew it he got bumped by a guy who was a year older then him "Oh sorry I didn't mean to push you. You alright??" he asked. Cam couldn't say a thing while the other boy pulled him up from the ground. "Well I'll see you later sometime." the other boy said and Cam walked to his friends.

Chapter 1:

Cam saw a girl who was a year younger then he was. She ran up to him and hugged him as hard as she could.
“Hi cam welcome back, what did you do yesterday” she asked. Cam was a little startled by the hug but quickly replied “well I watched some TV and then I went to bed". "By the way did you make your part of our science homework” he asked. Cam lived in a world were Pokémon existed but teh place where he lived not many people had them. A couple of people had a Pokémon and the best trainer of his school was Cam’s best friend Lina. She had 3 Pokémon a Vaporeon, a Raichu and a Breloom. Nobody in the school could beat her mostly because she had to many Pokémon. She had three pokemon and almost every one else who had a Pokémon only had one. Cam also had a Pokémon he got it from his uncle who lived in sinnoh. It was a cute eevee. Lina often asked him if he wanted a stone to evolve eevee but Cam didn’t want that.

Lina was searching her bag to find her part of the homework but she couldn’t find it “I think I left it at home” she said. Cam grabbed his bag and got a piece of paper out he said “ what would you do without me”. The bell rang and they both went to there classes Cam and Lina had P.E. So they were split up the boys in the first part of the gymnasium and the girls in the other. Today they got to here the news that they would have P.E. with the class above them. Meaning they would get beaten by some guys who were 1 year older then them. The bell rang and the sports began first it was baseball then hockey and after that dodge ball. Dodge ball wasn’t over yet when an other student came in. It was the same guy that cam bumped into this morning. “Gianni your late again” the coach yelled at him “go get dressed and come to the field were going to do tennis now”. Gianni got dressed and he and an other guy got picked to choose teams. Gianni got to pick first and he said “I want Cameron in my team”. Cameron was confused "how did he know my name and why doesn’t he pick someone from his own class?" After that the class was split in two groups they needed to split in pairs. Cameron didn’t find any partners cause al of his classmates were in the other group, then Gianni came to Cameron and said “ I see you don’t have a partner, maybe you could team up with me” Cameron didn’t have a lot of other choices so he accepted. The tennis matches began and there were tennis balls flying everywhere. Then the bell rang and P.E. was over. All the boys went to the dressing room to get changed for there next class. Just when Cam wanted to leave Gianni jumped in front of the door and opened it for him. “Here you go, what class do you have now??” he asked. Cameron found it a little strange, but he thought it was nice of him “I have science class now and you” Cam replied.” Well I have math now so I better get going I’ll see you again some time I think” he said and Gianni ran to his class leaving Cam in the hallway.


Chapter 2:
Cam was waiting in the hallway and then Lina finally arrived. “hey Cam how was your 1ste hour??” she asked Cam. Cam replied “it was really strange. you know that guy that bumped in to me this morning don’t you??” . “yeah of course, he’s cute, but what’s wrong with him??” she asked. Cam did the whole story about how he got chosen first how Gianni wanted to pair up with him and hnow Giani opened the door for him. “well actually if that’s what he does then I think he’s in love with you, even though that’s a little weird” she said. “yeah that could be but why do I have such a strange feeling when he’s around, Damn maybe I’m in love with him or something like that. But I have never been in love with another guy before, never, how come it would happen now” . they both didn’t know what to say next so they just went to class.

After science was done Lira and Cam went to the benches with all the rest of there friends Tommy, Ella, Christian and Ralph his best buddy. Ralph knew anything about him and Cam knew everything about Ralph they were buddy’s since kinder garden. Ralph is a black 15 year old boy who always got bullied in primary school and in high school Cameron was the only one who wanted to be friends with him then. Now Ralph has a lot of friends and he’s the best soccer player of his year. Then suddenly 2 17 year olds came to Ralph and the biggest one said “ hey black boy tell your friend that he needs to stay away from people who are older then him. He could get in trouble”. Ralph was shocked but still he had to tell Cameron about it. Cam explained everything that happened and even Ralph came to the conclusion that Giani was falling for Cameron. Knowing this they just started talking until the next bell rang.

3 hour, Cameron and Lira had French even though they both hate French it was a fun class because they always teased the teacher but today Cameron wasn’t taking or writing notes no he was following the lesson. Or that is what most people thought Cameron was thinking very hard about what happened until his teacher French suddenly called his name and said “Cameron can you give me the French word for a kiss”. Cameron knew this one because he had studied for ones “it’s un bisou or un baiser” Cameron said. “well done” his teacher said “Well Cameron I’m glad your finally paying attention to my lessons”. Lira was laughing in herself because she knew what Cam was thinking. The bell rang and the next lesson began

Geography the most boring lesson of them all. The lesson was just started and Cam began thinking again “what if he really loves me, and I love him what would the rest say they would think I’m crazy. They would say that I’m insane, a boy falling in love with a boy what did they call that again ow yeah I know again they call a person like that gay but I’m still in love with girls so that would make Bi or something like that. Well I think I’ll see what will come and even if I’m in love with Giani my friends won’t mind, I hope”. The bell rang and everyone went home for lunch everyone except Lira, Cameron and Ralph they went to the park to eat and to train there pokemon a little. Lira wanted to see how much Ralph has grown in his training so she challenged him to a battle “1 on 1” she said. Ralph agreed and so the battle began. “GO ARCANINE” Ralph shouted. A large dog like Pokemon came in the park. It started roaring and barking wildly. “GO RAICHU” Lira yelled. The mouse like pokemon came in the field with a beautiful red glow and a lot of sparks. The Raichu started charging up his electricity. Cam knew that this would be an exiting battle and began eating his sandwich…

To be continued

I hope you like it and i hope you will keep reading
 
RE: the strangest zone (prologue)

It's a good start but usually Prolouge's just introduce the story. Chapter 1 starts it. And can you check out The Island of Raspin please?
 
RE: the strangest zone (prologue)

HI this is 1 of my first Fan-fictions and it's about being different (in al kind of ways) this story is about accepting people and getting to know the're vision if you don't like my vision on different people well then this isn't a story for you

PROLOGUE:
08:32.
The sun was shining through the window when a 15 year old boy woke up.
He had dark brown hear and grey eye's. He wasn't small but not to tall either. He thought that he was pretty normal but this was just the opposite of what he would learn on his adventures that were about to come. He quickly got dressed he had a grey t-shirt, jeans a flashy yellow sweater and some white sneakers. he just woke up so he was still a little tired. he yawned and went to the bathroom he brushed his teeth brushed his hair washed his face. He went out of the bathroom and ran downstairs, he almost tripped over the box that was sitting on the floor he jumped over it and ran to the kitchen.
there his mom was waiting for him "Good morning cameron" she said.
"good morning mom" Cam replied. He began eating a ham sandwhich and drank some milk. he jumped out of the chair and said "bye mom I'm of to school". He arrived at school and saw the rest of the group he walked up to them but before he knew he he got bumped bye a guy who was a year older then him "Oh sorry I didn't mean to push you. You alright??" Cam couldn't say a thing while the other boy pulled him up from the ground. "Well I'll see you later sometime." the other boy said and Cam walked to his friends.

I hope you liked the prologue
there will follow more so keep this thread active please
[/quote]

um there were some spelling errors other wise it was good i fixed them in my post:D keep writing [/color]:D
 
RE: the strangest zone (prologue)

thx

charidude: i will read it

ravn: thx and i'll keep writing i'm busy with chapter 1
(it's about the guy!! and about one of cam's friends)
 
RE: the strangest zone (prologue)

mixedxlife said:
thx

charidude: I will read it

ravn: thx and I'll keep writing I'm busy with chapter 1
(it's about the guy!! and about one of cam's friends)

No Problem :D Keep up the good work:D:D
 
RE: the strangest zone (prologue)

well here's an update and i'm busy with chapter 1 (almost done)

*update*

Chapter 1:

Cam when a girl who was a year younger then him ran at him and hugged him as hard as she could.
“hi cam welcome back, what did you do yesterday” she asked. Cam still was a little startled by the hug but quickly replied “well I watched some TV and then I went to bed. By the way did you make your part of our science homework”, cam lived in a world were Pokémon existed but were he lived not many people had them. A couple of people had a Pokémon and the best trainer of his school was cam’s best friend Lina. She had 3 Pokémon a Vaporeon, a Raichu and a Breloom nobody in the school could beat her mostly because she had to many Pokémon she had three and almost every one else who had a Pokémon only had one. Cam also had a Pokémon he got it from his uncle who lived in sinnoh. It was a cute eevee. Lina often asked him if he wanted a stone to evolve eevee but Cam didn’t want that.

Lina was searching her bag to find her part of the homework but couldn’t find it “I think I left it at home” she said. Cam grabbed his bag and got a piece of paper out he said “ what would you do without me”. The bell rang and they both went to there classes Cam and Lina had P.E so they were split up the boys in the first part of the gymnasium and the girls in the other. Today they got to here the news that they would have P.E with the class above them meaning they would get beaten by some guys who were 1 year older then them. The bell rang and the sports began first it was baseball then hockey and after that dodge ball. Dodge ball wasn’t over yet when an other student came in it was the same guy that cam bumped into this morning. “Gianni your late again” the coach yelled at him “go get dressed and come to the field were going to do tennis now”. Gianni got dressed and he and an other guy got picked to choose teams. Gianni got to pick first and he said “I want Cameron in my team” Cameron was confused how did he know my name and why doesn’t he pick someone from his own class? After that the class was split in two groups they needed to split in pairs Cameron didn’t find any partners cause al of his classmates were in the other group then Gianni came to Cameron and said “ I see you don’t have a partner, maybe you could team up with me” Cameron didn’t have a lot of other choices so he accepted. The tennis matches began and there were tennis balls flying everywhere. Then the bell rang and P.E was over all the boys went to the dressing room to get changed for there next class. Just when Cam wanted to leave Gianni jumped in front of the door and opened it for Cam “here you go, what class do you have know??” he asked. Cameron found it a little strange but he thought it was nice of him “I have science class now and you” he replied.” Well I have math now so I better get going I’ll see you again some time I think” and Gianni ran to his class leaving Cam in the hallway.

hope you like it!
 
RE: the strangest zone (chapter 1 is up)

It's good. Just make a little longer chapters because not much happened. And it was only 2 paragraphs. A little errors but other than that a nice start.
 
RE: the strangest zone (chapter 1 is up)

*update*

Chapter 2:
Cam was waiting in the hallway and then Lina finally arrived. “hey Cam how was your 1ste hour??” she asked Cam. Cam replied “it was really strange. you know that guy that bumped in to me this morning don’t you??” . “yeah of course, he’s cute, but what’s wrong with him??” she asked. Cam did the whole story about how he got chosen first how Giani wanted to pair up with him and how Giani opened the door for him. “well actually if that’s what he does then I think he’s in love with you, even though that’s a little weird” she said. “yeah that could be but why do I have such a strange feeling when he’s around, Damn maybe I’m in love with him or something like that. But I have never been in love with another guy before, never, how come it would happen now” . they both didn’t know what to say next so they just went to class.

After science was done Lira and Cam went to the benches with all the rest of there friends Tommy, Ella, Christian and Ralph his best buddy. Ralph knew anything about him and Cam knew everything about Ralph they were buddy’s since kinder garden. Ralph is a black 15 year old boy who always got bullied in primary school and in high school Cameron was the only one who wanted to be friends with him then. Now Ralph has a lot of friends and he’s the best soccer player of his year. Then suddenly 2 17 year olds came to Ralph and the biggest one said “ hey black boy tell your friend that he needs to stay away from people who are older then him. He could get in trouble”. Ralph was shocked but still he had to tell Cameron about it. Cam explained everything that happened and even Ralph came to the conclusion that Giani was falling for Cameron. Knowing this they just started talking until the next bell rang.

3 hour, Cameron and Lira had French even though they both hate French it was a fun class because they always teased the teacher but today Cameron wasn’t taking or writing notes no he was following the lesson. Or that is what most people thought Cameron was thinking very hard about what happened until his teacher French suddenly called his name and said “Cameron can you give me the French word for a kiss”. Cameron knew this one because he had studied for ones “it’s un bisou or un baiser” Cameron said. “well done” his teacher said “Well Cameron I’m glad your finally paying attention to my lessons”. Lira was laughing in herself because she knew what Cam was thinking. The bell rang and the next lesson began

Geography the most boring lesson of them all. The lesson was just started and Cam began thinking again “what if he really loves me, and I love him what would the rest say they would think I’m crazy. They would say that I’m insane, a boy falling in love with a boy what did they call that again ow yeah I know again they call a person like that gay but I’m still in love with girls so that would make Bi or something like that. Well I think I’ll see what will come and even if I’m in love with Giani my friends won’t mind, I hope”. The bell rang and everyone went home for lunch everyone except Lira, Cameron and Ralph they went to the park to eat and to train there pokemon a little. Lira wanted to see how much Ralph has grown in his training so she challenged him to a battle “1 on 1” she said. Ralph agreed and so the battle began. “GO ARCANINE” Ralph shouted. A large dog like Pokemon came in the park. It started roaring and barking wildly. “GO RAICHU” Lira yelled. The mouse like pokemon came in the field with a beautiful red glow and a lot of sparks. The Raichu started charging up his electricity. Cam knew that this would be an exiting battle and began eating his sandwich…

To be continued
 
Run-on sentences galore. Good god man. You need to fix this up. Capitalize your sentences, fix the spelling. It's too hard to read right now.
 
Nothing personal man, but I'm an aspiring English teacher, so I don't think I'll finish reading this til this stuff is cleared up. It's my pet peeve.
 
okay but just between records I'll try to do it as good as I can cause like my english isn't like the langauge I speak everyday that's dutch so I'll do my best
__________________________________________________
okay, the prologue and chapter 1 are fixed as far as my knowledge of english let's me if you see any fault please tell me chapter wil get an improvement later on
 
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