Writing The tale of the shiny eevee

[raven4764]

Prologue

In a forest far from civilization a clan of eevee and their evolved forms live together in harmony until one horrible day a black Charizard burned down the forest. Now three years later they are trying to rebuild their homes and their lives.
Chapter 1
Shade and Luna were about to have their first litter. Shade was pacing in front of the nursery when Lidia walked out.
“How is she?” asked shade
“Well she is fine, she is just resting. Are you ready to see them?” asked Lidia
“Yes!” exclaimed Shade
Shade walked into the nursery. There they were his three little kits all snuggled close to their mom.
“They’re beautiful,” Shade said “Hey what’s wrong with that one?”
“Nothing her fur is just grey.” said Lidia
“What should we name them Luna?” said Shade
“Well this little boy with the little flame on his side should be named Blaze.” Said Luna
“Oh and this one with the little stripe should be called Crystal.” said Shade
“What about the gray one?” asked Shade?
“Well I would like to name her Mist, “said Luna “What do you think Shade?”
“Hmm Mist sounds pretty good but what about Lily.” said Shade
“Lily that is the perfect name.” said Luna

 

[raven4764]

Chapter 2
Five years later Lily, Blaze, and Crystal were playing in a field when Lily fell down a large hole.
“Help could someone get me out of here!” Lily screamed
“Crystal quick go get Dad and Lidia, I will stay here and think of a way to get Lily out of there.”
“Blaze there is a tunnel down here!” Lily said
“Don’t move just stay put!”
“I am gonna go check it out.”
“NO! Just stay there!!!”
“Lily?”
“Lily?!”
“Li---ly!!”

Lily walked into the tunnel to her it looked like an adventure! The tunnel glowed with a strange light so she could see. Hmm I wonder were this tunnel leads thought Lily. She soon found a big cave with strange pictures on the walls.”Whoa!”This is so cool!” The pictures she saw were of her clan. There were pictures of vaporeon and jolteon hunting together and espeon studying. There were pictures of flying Pokémon she had never seen before. Then she froze she saw a picture of an eevee that looked just like her it was small with gray fur and long ears and tail. She was amazed at how much it looked like her but before she could get a really good look at it, her father came and got her.
"Dad wait I want to see that painting.” “Please wait!"
"No Lily you shouldn't have been down there only elders are allowed down there."
"Bu-
"NO! Lily You will never go down there again. Do you understand?"
"Yes father I understand."
Chapter 3
A day later it was time for Lily, Blaze, and Crystal’s evolution ceremony, and Lily was fast asleep.
“Lily it’s time to wake up you’re going to be late if you don’t wake up dear.”Luna said gently
“Wha- Oh my gosh it’s today isn’t it?!”Lily exclaimed
“Yes and you’re going to be late if you don’t hurry” said Shade
“Okay dad I’m ready.”Lily said

Lily, Blaze, and Crystal walked down to the evolution cave. Many of their clan mates were gathered to watch the ceremony. Lily was nervous she had no idea what she wanted to be. Blaze and Crystal knew exactly what they wanted to be. Blaze wanted to be a flareon and Crystal wanted to be either a glaceon or a vaporeon but she was leaning more toward glaceon.
“Let the ceremony begin!”Lidia shouted
“Blaze will go first,” Lidia said “Choose carefully this decision cannot be taken back.”
Blaze entered the cave there were many crystals of many different colors from light blue to deep purple. Blaze was drawn instantly to a flaming red crystal. He walked over and touched it and suddenly he felt warmth spread throughout his body, he looked down at his paws his fur was no longer tawny brown but bright orange. “I am a flareon” he thought. He stepped out of the cave and was welcomed by his clan mates.
“Blaze you have chosen the form of flareon, it suits you well.” said Lidia
Lidia turned to Crystal, “Your turn and remember you can’t turn back if you make the wrong choice.”
Crystal entered the cave and was amazed at all of the different crystals. She was enthralled with two of the blue colored crystals one was a deep watery blue and the other was an icy blue. “Which one I love them both” suddenly she looked at the icy blue crystal it seemed to call to her and she knew it was just for her. She touched it and a sudden chill came over her, and she knew she was a glaceon even before she saw her icy blue paws. She stepped out of the cave to be welcomed by her clan mates.
“Crystal you have chosen the form of glaceon I am so happy for you it matches your name perfectly.” said Lidia
“Lily it is your turn choose wisely.”
Lily walked into the cave “Wow!” she thought
There were so many crystals to choose from, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to be she could be a glaceon like her sister or a flareon like her brother but neither of those seemed like her. She thought about her parents they were both umbreon she could be an umbreon or the clan leader was an espeon but she couldn’t see herself being a wise leader like her. She looked around the cave none of the crystals seemed to draw her, then she spotted a crystal that was silver just like her she was so drawn by it that she ran over and almost bumped into it. She stood there and slowly reached her paw up and touched it. She felt so much strength rush into her at once that she felt dizzy. She looked at her reflection in the crystal and saw that she was an umbreon like her parents but instead of bright yellow rings she had blue rings that glowed like moonlight .
She walked out of the cave nervously not knowing how she would be received by her clan.
“Lily you are an umbreon I am surprised!” Oh but you are not quite the same as your parents it seems you have been given a gift. Use the gifts you have been given wisely.” said Lidia
“Wow we are all evolved now.” said Crystal
“I know I am excited to see what we will be able to do now.” said Blaze
“I am not sure what I am.” Said Lily
“You are an umbreon of course just like mom and dad.” Said Crystal
“I know I look like an umbreon but I don’t really feel like one.” Said Lily
“Well there is nothing you can do about it so why worry.” Said Blaze
“Yeah I guess you’re right.” said Lily
“Of course I’m right, “said Blaze “and tomorrow we get assigned our mentors.”

 

[42 chocolate]

I like the plotline! Maybe add some description in.

Some spelling/grammatical errors I noticed:

Prologue

In a forest far from civilization, a clan of Eevee and their evolved forms live together in harmony until one horrible day a black Charizard burned down the forest. Now three years later they are trying to rebuild their homes and their lives.
Chapter 1
Shade and Luna were about to have their first litter. Shade was pacing in front of the nursery when Lidia walked out.
“How is she?” asked Shade
“Well she is fine, she is just resting. Are you ready to see them?” asked Lidia
“Yes!” exclaimed Shade
Shade walked into the nursery. There they were his three little kits all snuggled close to their mom.
“They’re beautiful,” Shade said “Hey, what’s wrong with that one?”
“Nothing, her fur is just grey.” said Lidia
“What should we name them Luna?” said Shade
“Well, this little boy with the little flame on his side should be named Blaze.” Said Luna
“Oh and this one with the little stripe should be called Crystal.” said Shade
“What about the gray one?” asked Shade?.
“Well I would like to name her Mist, “said Luna “What do you think Shade?”
“Hmm, Mist sounds pretty good, but what about Lily.” said Shade
“Lily. tThat is the perfect name.” said Luna

Etcetera for the next chapters. It's mostly commas, and make sure you add periods at the end of your sentences. Maybe this will help.

 

[raven4764]

thank you for looking at my story

 

[safariblade]

i love it
especially the evolution cave part
you must read warriors... and if you dont, then you should check them out
(shiny umbreon is my favorite XD)
if you need any help with a story idea, just PM me i will be happy to help!!!

 

[raven4764]

I love it
especially the evolution cave part
you must read warriors... and if you don't, then you should check them out
(shiny umbreon is my favorite XD)
if you need any help with a story idea, just PM me I will be happy to help!

I am so glad that you like it and I read alot of warriors books thats what gave me the idea for this story.

 

[safariblade]

i noticed the stye of writing was similar
"kits"
"ceremonies"
"clan leaders"
things like that haha
cant wait for a new chapter
good luck

 

[raven4764]

I noticed the stye of writing was similar
"kits"
"ceremonies"
"clan leaders"
things like that haha
cant wait for a new chapter
good luck

Yeah My favorite series is the warrior series so alt f my ideas came from those books