Writing The Tournament

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DBT
Member
THE TOURNAMENT
Rating: PG-13 for Violence
Genre: Fantasy
Credits to: Scizorliscious - Ideas
Argetlam - Proofreading
Dark Void- Proofreading

This story contains aspects from a large variety of video games. I will list all video games referenced below and will add more as they are integrated into the story.
Current Video Games Referenced: Pokemon, Zenonia 3



Prologue:

Xavier was thrown backward by the bolt of energy that hit him. His head exploded in pain as he hit the wall of the stadium. He immediately rolled to the side, barely managing to avoid a Thunder that was launched at him. The reinforced titanium floor of the stadium absorbed the Thunder, sending jolts of electricity up Xavier’s body. Battered and exhausted from the battle that had been going on for nearly two hours, he managed to pull himself up to his enemy, who was floating with ease in the air, once again.

"A commendable effort, Xavier," the man said smugly. "But such feeble moves cannot scratch great Gimmick."

Xavier said nothing. He didn't have much energy left and didn't want to waste any talking. He needed to focus. All it would take was one hit, and Gimmick was finished. An extremely lucky one-in-a-million hit at that, but he held on to the hope that he could pull it off and save the world from the tyrannical rule Gimmick had imposed on them. He prepared to launch one, final attack to try and pull it off.

"Stone Edge!" cried out Xavier. Pointed stones materialized in the air in front of him as Xavier concentrated. With perfect precision, Xavier launched the stones towards Gimmick.

Gimmick floated there, looking on without any worry. He knew that Stone Edge, especially in Xavier's current state, could never break through his protective wards. He watched the stones fly towards him and didn't even bother to dodge. The stones hit him, as expected, with very little force. He laughed as he prepared his finishing move. He was still laughing when the stones came back around and slammed into his back. Gimmick, extremely surprised, immediately stopped focusing on charging his move and re-strengthened his protective wards. What was Xavier doing? With the amount of energy Xavier was expending, he was going to kill himself from lack of strength.

Xavier continued striking Gimmick with the stones. He felt more resistance and pushed even harder as Gimmick's wards strengthened. He could feel his energy draining, but he had to find it. He had to find Gimmick's weak spot and hit it just once. He looked down at the gem attached to his belt. Don't fail me now, Xavier thought. Just activate once please. He could feel himself weakening even further, but continued nonetheless. With a final burst of energy, he hit Gimmick with the stones one last time. And just as he thought all was lost, he felt the stones clink against something harder then normal. The weak spot! He just had to move the stones a little bit more and then-

It was at that moment that Gimmick decided to stop wasting time and used Gravity.

Xavier was slammed into the metal floor with more force than his already weak body could handle. Several of his bones broke on impact and sadness flooded through him. He was so close, but now all was lost. He looked at the gem, now useless to him. It contained massive power, able to defeat almost anyone if used correctly. He knew he had to get it to safety. But as he reached for it, Gimmick swooped down and slammed his foot onto Xavier's hand, stopping him from reaching it.

"So that was what you were going for the whole time," said Gimmick. "I thought that had been destroyed long ago. Nonetheless, the outcome is the same. I've won, you've lost. So sad to such great talent go to waste also. You would have made a nice addition to my court."

Xavier nearly laughed. "Your court?" Xavier spat out. "You mean your group of slaves who serve you in your royal palace, tending to your every need while at the rest of society suffers."

Gimmick smiled sadly. "My court is much greater than you would ever believe. Also, I'm afraid I've very much earned my palace and position as leader. To the victor goes the spoils, you see. I give you all a fair chance. If you win, you get to be leader. It just seems that none of you can win."

Gimmick raised his hand, charging energy for his final blow. As he did so, the sleeve on his cloak rolled back, revealing a small glowing white symbol underneath.

Gimmick immediately pulled up the sleeve, but it was too late. "To the victor goes the spoils..." stated Xavier as he suddenly realized the implication of the statement. Xavier's eyes widened in horror. “You,” he whispered. “It was you this whole time.”

"So you know," Gimmick hissed into Xavier's ear. "Then I’m afraid my secret dies with you."

Xavier looked around frantically. There had to be something he could do. He looked back to the gem, still out of reach from his arm, which was under Gimmick's foot. He remembered the legends, and realized just how important that gem really was. In desperation, he tried with no avail to move his arm. He looked around, knowing he had to do something or Gimmick would rule the world forever. In one final, frantic movement, he raised his head up in an attempt to hit Gimmick's knee to knock him over. The action took Gimmick by surprise and he stumbled off of Xavier's arm. Xavier had no time to think about what he had to do, for he only had a second to do it before all was lost. He leaped towards the gem, twisting and completely disfiguring his ankle in the process. The bone made a sharp cracking sound as it shattered, leaving Xavier in extreme agony. It didn’t matter though, because Xavier's hand closed around the gem, the only hope that was left in the world. Gimmick turned around, his hand glowing white.

"Too late, Xavier." he said. "LUSTER PURGE!!!"

Xavier saw the bolt of light coming towards him. He closed his eyes and knew what he had to do. Channeling his life energy into one final move, he tossed the gem in the air as high as he could and screamed,

“MASTER TELEPORT!!!”
 
Whoa, wait, what? Could you introduce the characters, not just by their names? And what Pokemon is Xavier?

It really felt very rushed. Could you please change the issue?
 
:(

Alright, sorry about it feeling rushed. It was meant to be confusing. Most stuff will get explained in chapter one.
 
Just to clarify, Xavier is a human and not a Pokemon. Everyone in this story is human unless otherwise mentioned.
 
Ah. I assumed Xavier was a Pokemon, because he used moves. You could make that concept more clearer. :p
 
Didn't know you also had the knack for writing!
So let's get to the point here. Firstly, I definitely like the way you started with the action.
It really got me hooked almost instantly to your story when I saw Xavier striking another character and evading his attacks also. Your descriptions and details of the environment are excellent, it really felt like I was right in the middle of the action, taking unexpected turns and each moment you did that, it built intensity and the amount of action that occurred. Not to mention that your pacing was balanced too.

Word choice of your prologue is very good. It really makes your starting chapter more professional, descriptive and catchy as well.
You've also added space formatting and your prologue is over a thousand words, so that is checked off as well.
But it's intriguing as well. Why start with an action scene right here rather than proceed slowly and describe the place and characters first? It would have beenso much more better if the prologue was longer, describing firstly the place. Honestly, I was just a bit confused at how we ended up in the stadium, with a fight going on. It really helps clear up some confusion a bit.
What was Gimmick's motives? What did Xavier not know about Gimmick?I know you explained to Lucky Fire it would be explained in the next chapter, why not reveal it in the beginning of the prologue at how they both really end up in the stadium, what their conflicts were?
I don't know about you,but I think it would have been more interesting when you did it.

But overall, I really liked the prologue, your word choice, your pacing and the way you put adrenaline and excitement to it.
Looking forward to seeing more chapters from you, I would love to see where the story takes off. :D

Wish you luck!

Typhlo over.
 
Thanks for the comment Typhlo.

I'm glad you asked those questions, because that's exactly what this prologue is meant to do. If your asking that, then I did my job XD.

I'm in the middle of writing Chapter 1, so I'll get that up ASAP. It explains a lot of what's going on, mainly why Xavier and Gimmick are fighting.
 
I like the story actually. It does a fine job of setting up the story (or at least what we know of the story) and leaves readers wanting to know more yet it still actually gives some info. For example, it can be inferred that Gimmick is some evil tyrant and Xavier is fighting him to save the world, as all heroes do. Based on their little dialogue, we can guess that the glowing white symbol is Gimmick's weak point, although it isn't for sure, and Gimmick appears to have conquered the world in a way that Xavier views as unjust, likely an assassination or duel with previous leader(s)? I'll be keeping an eye on this story, I like it so far. Someone like Zyflair could probably give you a much better proofread than myself, but the only mistake I saw was a minor one:

Xavier continued striking Gimmick with the stones. He felt more resistance and pushed even harder as Gimmick's wards strengthened. He could feel his energy draining, but he had to find it. He had to find Gimmick's weak spot and hit it just once. He looked down at the gem attached to his belt. Don't fail me now, Xavier thought. Just activate once please. He could feel himself weakening even further, but continued nonetheless. With a final burst of energy, he hit gimmick CAPS CAPS CAPS with the stones one last time. And just as he thought all was lost, he felt the stones clink against something harder then normal. The weak spot! He just had to move the stones a little bit more and then-
Click to expand...
 
Chapter 1: The Beginning

Will was awakened by the harsh sound of his alarm. The noise seemed to come from all directions and Will, still half asleep, reached his hand over to his desk to stop the alarm. He succeeded only in knocking the alarm off of the desk, causing the vibrating clock to skid around his floor. Will groaned and picked himself up from his bed. He stamped on the runaway alarm clock to finally stop the racket.

“Stupid thing” he muttered as he stood up. He stumbled over to his window to open it and let in some fresh air. The sun was shining beautifully, making the grass in his small but well-kept backyard gleam. “At least it’s a nice day,” he said to himself as he got dressed. He picked his favorite shirt, the pure white one with a small insignia on it. The insignia was a black shape that almost looked like a hollowed out sun, with a black swirl in the middle of it. It seemed to calm him when he wore it, making him more relaxed throughout the day.

"Honey, breakfast's ready," his mom called from downstairs.

"Coming Mom," he called back. He grabbed his backpack for school and ran down the stairs.

"Did you hear the news?" his mom asked.

Will sat down and ate the stale toast his mom had prepared for him. "Nah, I haven't heard anything. What happened?"

"Xavier was defeated yesterday in the tournament."

Will choked on the piece of toast he was eating, partially because of the news and partially because it tasted terrible. "WHAT!?" exclaimed Will. "But I thought everyone said he was going to win!"

"Well, he had never lost a fight against anyone, so yes, everyone excepted him to win. It's a pity too. He was probably the best battler in the world."

Will forced down the rest of his toast and drank the suspiciously brownish colored water next to him. "How will we ever defeat Gimmick if someone as strong as Xavier couldn't?"

His mother looked at him sadly. "It's best you get to school so you're not late. Don't forget to practice all of the skills and techniques you've been learning after school today"

Will sighed. "Alright Mom, see you later." he said as he got up. Will waved and walked out the door, which squeaked loudly and rattled as if it were about to fall.

***​

Glaring Drought, the city where Will lived, also the capitol and the home of Gimmick, was bustling with activity as always, with everyone rushing about to their battles or off to work. Battles typically started very early in the morning and several were already going on. The hum of Simulator machines filled the areas around where the battles were going on. Will jumped to the side as a holographic Fire Blast came whirling by next to him. Will breathed a sigh of relief. The holograms looked unbelievably real.

Big electronic billboards on the side of the buildings conveyed the news:

"CHALLENGER 120 XAVIER DEFEATED BY GIMMICK."

It was sad news. Xavier had historically been the best battler in the world, and his defeat meant one step further away from ending Gimmick's reign. Will saw people looking up at the billboards in shock, some even crying. Will felt a sudden surge of anger. He wanted to kill Gimmick for the way he ruled. Every person in the world was poor with run down houses, and Gimmick lived in his royal palace that could have held thousands of people. Not to mention that Gimmick killed people that he didn’t like without any trial, and that he took kid's parents away as slaves. Will pushed the thought out of his mind. He knew he would never come close to the strength required to battle the Tournament, so there was no point in thinking about it. He just had to make the best of his life.

***​

Will arrived at school just on time and ran into the classroom. His first class was math, and he barely payed attention. The only class Will actually cared about was battle class, and that unfortunately for him was at the end of the day. After math was science, then history. Everyone knew history was dumb because Gimmick had designed it to what he wanted it to be, but everyone had to sit at listen to it anyway. Finally, after lunch, was battle class. Will ran in excitedly and saw his Scizor friend Billy had saved a seat for him. Will hurried to the seat.

The metallic bug leaned over. "You hear the news?" he whispered.

"How couldn't I have? It's what everyone's talking about." Will responded in a equally low voice.

"Talk to me after school. I have an idea on how to defeat Gimmick."

Will looked at Billy as if he were crazy. "Defeat Gimmick? Are you out of your mind? That guy could kill you in his sleep."

"Yeah, but I saw something that most people didn't. Xavier had some kind of secret. I think if we find that, he might actually be beatable."

"Dude, where did this idea even come from? I want Gimmick dead as much as you, but it's not happening. For starters, we're 15. And second, how could you have seen something that no one else did?"

The door of the classroom closed, signaling the start of class. "Just meet me in the training area after school," Billy replied. "I told Celine to meet us there too, so don't keep us both waiting."

Celine was an angel from the heavenly tribe who was good friends with Billy and Will. Will sighed and focused on the teacher.

"Today is the day you will be learning how to use weapons," the teacher, Mr. Gregory, announced to the class. Excited whispers were exchanged by nearly everyone. Most of them had never held a sword in their life and couldn't wait to use one.

"Remember, some people are better without a weapon. This is simply a day to see whether you like to use one and if you do, which one suits you best. Everyone, please come to the front of the room so I can explain them."

Everyone shuffled to the front of the room, where there were 4 weapons laid out. Boxes of each of the weapons lay nearby.

Mr. Gregory lifted the first weapon, which was a simple sword. "This is the Longsword. It is favored by many close range fighters and fighters that don't use a lot of magical techniques. It is normally better used by those are aren't the speediest of fighters also. If you would like to try it out, please raise your hand."

Several students raised their hands, including a Rhyperior and a Bisharp who liked the idea of "not for the speediest of fighters." The students were each handed a Longsword.

Mr. Gregory picked up the second weapon, which appeared to be some sort of scythe. "This is known as the Searing Edge, normally due to the fact that most who use it enjoy surrounding it in flames. It is favored by people who like implementing magic into their combat because of the weapons' amazing ability to amplify any magic and incorporate it within the swords swings. If you would like the Searing Edge, please raise your hand."

Several more hands went up, including a heavenly tribe member and a Gengar.

Will turned to Billy. "Which one are you going to take?" he asked.

"Probably nothing. My pincers are more than enough for me." Billy stated as he clopped them together menacingly. "What are you going to take?"

"Not sure yet, but those blades at the end sure look cool." as he pointed to the end of the table that the weapons were lying on.

Billy leaned over, looking at where Will was pointing. A shining set of twin blades, both relatively short compared to the Longsword, lay there. "Man, those really do look cool. I wonder why no one else seems interested in them."

Will shrugged and turned his attention back the teacher, who had already picked up the next weapon and was explaining it. "These are the Blasting Grips." he said, holding up two objects that looked like gloves. "These are used by pure ranged and magical fighters only, for they amplify techniques to astronomical levels and they also serve as a last resort tactic if the enemy gets in too close to you." Several more students got up and took the Blasting Grips. The only ones left were him, Billy, and two Mienshao who were obviously not taking any weapons.

"Alright kids, let's go outside so we can begin practicing with them. Be careful with these, they are real weapons and are not to fool around with. Those of you without weapons, please come outside anyway to help practice with the other students."

Will went up to the teacher who was leading kids outdoors. "Mr. Gregory, can I use those twin blades over there?"

Mr. Gregory turned around with a shocked expression. "You really want those?" he said in a surprised voice.

Will was confused. "Yes sir, they seem to suit me."

"Well then, take them. You don't notice a creepy feeling coming from them, almost as if they were cursed?

"No sir, not at all. Is that why no one wants them?"

"Yes, of course that's why. Good riddance, we're glad to get rid of them. It's your lucky day son. Feel free to take them and keep them forever."

Will was ecstatic. "Thank you so much!" he exclaimed as he ran over to grab the weapon.

Will picked them up delicately. They seemed brand new, with not a scratch on either of them. The swords seemed to shine with a dull metallic gleam, almost as if the sun glaring off them had been inverted into a dark glare. The handles were pure black and perfectly balanced, so Will picked them up with ease. Then he noticed something peculiar.

"Huh, that's odd," Will muttered. "The swords have the same symbol engraved into them as the one on my shirt. Must've been made by the same company or something."

Mr. Gregory called out from outside. "Hurry up Will! Don't forget the sheathes by my cabinet!"
Will shook himself away from his thoughts and ran over to the cabinet to grab the sheathes. They were also pitch black, as was the leather that was designed to hold the swords in place on the wielder's back.

"Sorry Mr. Gregory, I'm coming," Will called out. Will sheathed the swords and put them on his back. A weird sense of deja vu flooded over him...as if he had worn these swords before. Will shook the feeling away and ran outside. Most of his classmates were already lined up, ready to begin training.

"The first step in using these weapons is learning how to swing them." Mr. Gregory explained. "Those with the Longsword, please line up here and practice a simple diagonal slash. I will come over and critique you once I have gotten the others set up."

The students with Longswords went to where Mr. Gregory was pointing and began practicing slashes. Most of them had never held a weapon in their life, and therefore were pretty clumsy. Meanwhile, Mr. Gregory got the rest of the class set up, including the people with Searing Edges practicing lighting their blades on fire and the people with Blasting Grips practicing right hooks charged with electricity. Finally, he came over to Will.

"Will, I want you to practice the X-Cross. Try slashing downward, inward and diagonally with both swords." Will reached to his back and pulled out the blades in one swift movement. He raised both hands over his head and did as the teacher instructed; slashed the swords diagonally in towards each other.

The force of the swing brought Will forward unexpectedly. The swords clanged off of each other and will stumbled forward and fell. He got up and brushed himself off, confused on what he had done wrong.

"Ah yes, as expected," Mr. Gregory stated. "Billy, come over here!" he called out. Billy, who was watching the people with Longswords, hurried over.

"Yes, sir?" Billy inquired.

"I want you to help Will here with his technique. Please hold your hands on opposite sides of your head, yes, just like that, and allow Will to swing at them. It will help him gain a better posture when doing his X-Cross. Here, I'll dull down the edges a bit so he doesn't kill you." Mr. Gregory concentrated for a brief moment and the Will's swords were surrounded by a dull glow. "There, that should do it. Be safe." he said as he walked off.

Billy looked admiringly at the swords. "Cool dude. Those look awesome. And hey, look at that. Isn't that the same symbol as the one on your shirt?"

"Yeah, it is. Strange, isn't it? Must be the same company or something."

"What kind of company makes shirts and deadly weapons at the same time? Anyway, let's get practicing."

Will lifted the swords up again and slashed them towards Billy's hands. They clanged off of Billy's pincers harmlessly. Will did this again, and again, and again. Despite having never held them before, he caught his balance very quickly and soon could slash downwards with ease.

"Hey, you seem to be progressing quickly." Billy said. "Why don't we try the actual X-cross now?"
Billy put his arms down and stepped out of the way. Will raised his arms up and once again brought them down in one swift motion, this time knowing where to aim to keep his balance. The blades went smoothly past each other and Will kept his balance.

"Looking good, Will." said a voice. Celine walked over from where she had been standing for the past few minutes. "I was let out early, so I thought I'd come over and see how it's going."
Will watched as his heavenly friend walked over. Celine was a member of the heavenly tribe, who came from a place called the heavenly realm. The heavenly realm had existed thousands of years earlier and had been overrun with monsters, causing them to have migrated here. Celine, at first glance, looked like a normal human. However, at second glance, one would notice she had wings, which proved her ancestry from the heavenly realm.

"Oh, hi Celine." Will responded. "Did you do weapons today also?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want any. Those blasting grips look weird and I'm doing fine without any weapon at the moment. But what do you have? I didn't see any of those in my class..."

"Oh, Mr. Gregory said he wanted to get rid of them because they seemed cursed. I'm not sure what he was talking about though, since I don't feel anything bad radiating off of them."

"That's weird, neither do I. I sense power coming from them...but nothing like a curse."

Billy walked over. "Thanks for including me in the conversation guys." he said sarcastically.

"Oh, sorry Billy." said Celine. "How's that Bullet Punch coming along?"

"Blehhhh....terrible. I seem to lose my focus on keeping Technician up as I punch. Sort of defeats the point if I can't even keep Technician running."

"Well, good luck with that. I don't have pincers so I can't really help...Anyway, you said you wanted to meet with me and Will earlier. Why don't you just tell us now?"

Billy looked around and then leaned in towards his friends. "Yeah, alright. I managed to sneak into the stadium and watch Xavier's match from behind the stands."

Will's and Celine's eyes both bulged out of their head. "WHAT!?" they exclaimed simultaneously.

"Billy, you could have been killed for doing that," said Celine.

"Shhhhhh, keep your voices down. Let me finish. Near the end of the match...well, Gimmick didn't kill Xavier. He kinda killed himself."

Will and Celine were nearly speechless. "What are you talking about?" said Will. "Wouldn't someone else have noticed that?"

"Well, that’s just the thing. After the match ended, a white glow seemed to spread throughout the crowd, and no one could recall that happening at the end of the match except for me. Also, he didn't really kill himself, he simply used up his life energy to complete one more magic technique."

"Well, what was it?" said Will impatiently. "Spit it out already."

"Master Teleport."

"M...Ma...Master Teleport??!!!" said Will. "Do you know how hard that is to do, not to mention how much energy it takes up!?"

"Well, that's why he died directly after using it. Gimmick's Luster Purge hit him about a second later, but he was definitely already dead by that point."

Now it was Celine's turn to question. "So, he used Master Teleport. Since he didn't use it on himself, what exactly did he use it on?"

"Some kind of small black object. I couldn't really tell from where I was standing."

Will decided to get to the point. "So yeah? He used Master Teleport on some small thingy. It’s a powerful technique, but I don't see how this helps anything."

Billy sighed. "Will, Xavier was probably the best battler in the world. He was also one of the smartest. Do you think he would expend his life to save some personal belonging? No, he wouldn't. That object was something important, something powerful. And why do you think everyone’s memory was erased immediately afterward? Gimmick didn't want someone to find it, and Xavier did. If we find it, maybe we can find out how to defeat Gimmick once and for all."
 
I noticed only one mistake, somewhere around the middle of the chapter where a capital was needed. But I loved it. Keep it up!
 
Wow, I really like this story. Great plot idea. However, I don't really understand exactly who is a Pokemon and who is a human. Is this a world where Pokemon and humans co-exist, and have the same powers (which I think is cool)

Also, I noticed a few minor errors:

"These are used my pure ranged and magical fighters only, for they amplify techniques to astronomical levels and they also serve as a last resort tactic if the enemy gets in too close to you." ]I'm not sure if you meant "by my" or "by"...
Click to expand...

Will raised his arms up and once again brought them down in one swift motion, this time knowing where to aim to keep his balance. The blades went smoothly passed each other and Will kept his balance. Should be "past"
Click to expand...

Overall, though, nice job! Keep it up, I want more!
 
Blah said:
Will shrugged and turned his attention back the teacher, who had already picked up the next weapon and was explaining it. "These are the Blasting Grips." he said, holding up two objects that looked like gloves. "These are used my(by, not my) pure ranged and magical fighters only, for they amplify techniques to astronomical levels and they also serve as a last resort tactic if the enemy gets in too close to you." Several more students got up and took the Blasting Grips. The only ones left were him, Billy, and two Mienshao who were obviously not taking any weapons.

Will watched as his heavenly friend walked over. Celine was a member of the heavenly tribe, who came from a place called the heavenly realm. The heavenly realm had existed thousands of years earlier and had been overrun with monsters, causing them to have migrated here. Celine, at first glance, looked like a normal human. However, at second glance, one would notice she had wings, which proved her ancestry from the heavenly realm.

This paragraph. You put heavenly waaaay too much. If this was some poetry thing that uses overwhelming repetition of worlds you would have used heavenly too much. Also, if the name of the place is the heavenly realm, that would make it a proper noun (Heavenly Realm). In addition, you've mentioned that she is from the Heavenly Tribe (or Heavenly tribe, depends on if the word tribe is part of the tribe's name) so you can cut that out altogether.
Click to expand...


Those are the only real errors I noticed. I'm not great at critiquing things so there might be more though. Otherwise, keep it up!
 
Thanks for the comments people. I fixed those mistakes.

I've been really busy, but I'll get to writing Chapter 2 and get it up ASAP. Hope you've all enjoyed it so far :D.

And @Argetlam everyone is human unless otherwise noted.
 
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