Writing Volt and Follow: Please close for the time being...

HolyMackerel

been here forevs yo
Member
Well, I have had this idea stuck in my head for around 5 years. I decided to write some of it down three months ago, and I am currently at the third chapter.

But, for now I will only post the first chapter, because, not only is it a giant wall of writing on it's own, it is the only one I feel comfortable with posting for the moment. (this is probably because I have quintuple-checked it.)

So, I hope you like it, and for the sake of your eyes, yes, I will post it in black.

-aggs



Chapters Posted so far:
Chapter One: Gifts are Given in Many Ways ( http://www.pokebeach.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=80690&page=2 )





Gifts are Given in Many Ways

I walked to my locker and started reorganizing the fresh new materials that I had out in this morning. It was the first day of school, and I was giddy all day.

I was finally an 8th grader; I was on top of the middle school food chain. It felt good to not be afraid.

I grabbed my pokeball from my locker and put it in my bag.
The pokeball held Iris, my Evee who I loved more than any other thing besides my mother. I caught her when I was ten, and have been friends with her ever since. I wasn’t sure I what I wanted to evolve her into then, but later the decision was made for me.

My two friends walked up behind me, they were less optimistic then I was.
“Hey Martis; are you reorganizing your locker again?” Theo asked me. I turned to see him. He knew I was very tidy; I never kept one thing out of place. The question he was asking was more of a friendly tease than an actual question. I decided to say something witty and funny back.

“Yes, that makes me look like I have OCD, doesn’t it?” I asked them.

“No, not quite, your mother is a perfectionist though; don’t you ever notice how often she cleans her office?” Mika asked. I got my tidiness from my mother. Like me, she triple checks almost everything. I wasn’t ashamed of being tidy; I knew that it would pay up eventually.

I gave Mika some eye lasers then grabbed my bag, which now held only a few ounces of weight. I took one last look to check the cleaniness of my locker, then, closed it.

“So, how did you guys enjoy your first day?” I asked. Theo groaned and Mika got a faraway look in her eyes. That was their way of saying “Awful.”

“Was it really that bad?”

“Martis,” Mika started “we may be at the top of the food chain, but other 8th graders still bully us. Our position really hasn’t changed too much in the past few years.”

Maybe I was too optimistic, I didn’t really know, but what she said seemed to be really negative. We may be friends, but we don’t have too much in common, even if we do bond.

“I think you guys are taking this with a negative attitude.” I said, hoping they would be a little more positive if I told them what I thought.

Theo argued. “You’re lucky though Martis! You get too have an awesome birthday this weekend!”

It was true, I was turning fourteen that weekend, but would that really make someone optimistic or not? I thought that I would still be optimistic, birthday party or not.

“Maybe I am just being happy because of that, I don’t really know.” I admitted “I meet you guys outside. I have to use the restroom.”

Destinee was waiting for me in the bathroom. I don’t mean Destiny, I mean a bully, named Destinee. Funny. Right?

Not so much when she is punching you in the face, or duct-taping you to the wall.

“Hi, Destinee.” I said “How are you?” I try my best to look innocent when around her, maybe that made her go easy on me. She replied by dragging me into the bathroom, and shoving my head into one of the toilets.

Thankfully, Mr. President wasn’t in the Oval Office, if you know what I mean.

“I’m doing great now, loser, how about you?” She said.

I let her walk away before pulling my face out of the toilet. I rinsed my hair in the sink, then, I grabbed some paper towels to dry my face and hair. I didn’t have a brush, so the best I could do was comb my hair with my fingers. I looked average. I could maybe pass off telling Mika and Theo that I was fine, and that I hadn’t been bullied. I didn’t want them to worry about me because of some silly bully.

I walked out of the building after using the restroom. Mika and Theo looked at my hair for a moment confused, but disregarded it as we started talking.

Walking home was an issue though, it was pouring in rain. I ran home with Iris by my side. On our way home Iris slipped into the mud. I laughed so hard I fell in with her. It was a good thing I didn’t have any fragile items in my bag.

We came home soaking, and laughing. Mom got some towels as soon as she saw us.

After scolding us, she told me to take off my shoes and socks and to go take a bath with Iris. As I walked into the air conditioning, I realized how cold and sticky I was. I headed quickly to the bathroom with Iris.

Once we were done, dinner was ready. I served Iris her poke-food. I gladly ate up the fried chicken mom served me, and had some small talk, but really, it all went in a flash. I was just so excited for my birthday.

Saturday finally came. I got up to go do some errands with Iris early in the morning.

First stop; pick up Mika. She came out with her Ralts, nicknamed Violet. She put Violet in her poke-ball, then grabbed her bike and started riding beside me.

“So, first, we have to go to that party store to go get supplies. Is that okay?” I asked. She nodded.

I didn’t say anything to try and wake her up, Mika is not a morning person. The last I had woke her up she pimp-slapped me.

Anyways, we arrived at the store, got some wrapper and silly string, (for the heck of it) and came to the outside market to get some food.

First, we went to Chef John’s. He served the pizza for the party. Normally, I would be working this week with him, but he told me to take the week off, due to my birthday. We picked up the pizza and headed for Theo’s house.

I dropped off the stuff at the house and left to pick up Theo. He came along with his Totodile. But before he even made it out the door, a woman who looked just like him ran out, I thought I recognized the woman from somewhere, I just couldn’t remember.

“Come on! Just let me work with him for a little while, Thee-thee!” I realized who the girl was by the nickname. It was Theo’s older sister, Annie. But she left to become a gym leader… I thought.

Theo never liked his sister because she was so talented. His parents always expected him to be as smart and talented as Annie, but it just didn’t happen. Annie didn’t quite understand that problem yet.

Theo groaned at the nickname.
“I need Tommy incase I run into a battle or something! You should know that!” He yelled at Annie “Now buzz off!”

He got on his bike as his sister slammed the door. Tommy was the nickname for his Totodile.

“Why is your sister here?” I asked.

Mika groaned. “She’s even louder then I remember…”

“Annie is having a…family visit.” He said. I didn’t bother asking, he seemed upset that his sister was here. Personally, I was jealous. It would be nice to have a sibling, especially one as smart and creative as Annie. My mom and Theo’s parents had different ways of showing love, though. I think if Theo’s parents understood his feelings, they would stop pushing him so hard.

But, it was not my argument. We fed our pokemon and ate from our lunch boxes at the picnic tables by the Old House.

Groville is the small town that I lived in. It was in the clearing of a large forest.

Long ago, before people were able to fly on pokemon, a man decided that when people are walking through the forest, there should be a place to rest. That was the creation of Groville. The forest was sacred, so no one has cut through it for room. Groville was a small town that has stayed a small town. The Old House was the very first house built here. It was a small cottage, only one room inside it. Now we use it as a museum. It had a nice picnic area beside it. We finished our lunches and stared at the dark clouds in the sky.

“Martis, would you like to battle?” Theo asked. I said accepted the request and asked Iris to come to my side. Theo said we we’re going to battle with one pokemon only, since that was all we had. I let Theo go first.

“Come on, Tommy; let’s start this off with a Water Gun!” The blast of water started to head for Iris.

“Iris, please dodge this attack!” Iris easily slipped to the side. She was very good with evasiveness. I then requested her to use Growl, so that later Theo’s attacks wouldn’t be as dangerous.

Theo answered with Bite. I let the bite hit Iris; she wouldn’t be easily weakened now. I told her to use Tail Whip; to get the Totodile off her.

The Totodile scrunched in pain. I took this moment to have Iris use Quick Attack. As my pokemon started to charge, Tommy got up. Theo immediately ordered Tommy to use Water Gun. The blast of water made

Iris slid on the new mud, and crash into Tommy. They both looked exhausted.

Beside me, I heard a laugh. I turned to see it was an older woman. She had blue hair that she wore a snow cap over, a black tank-top, and a pink miniskirt. She looked to be eighteen or so.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I just thought you and your friends pokemon battle ended in a funny way. My name is Dawn, it’s nice to meet you!” The woman held out her hand. I couldn’t believe who this woman was though! This was the girl who traveled with the one and only Ash! She must have been legendary!

“Ni-nice to meet you…” I managed to breathe out “I’m Martis, an-and this is m-m-my friend Th-theo.”

She smiled and told us that she was there to judge a contest the next day. I knew what contest she was talking about, it was the “Growing Groville Contest!” contestants had to enter with grass pokemon.

I turned to see Mika reaction to this situation, only to see that she was gone.

“It was very nice to meet you Dawn, really, I mean…you’re famous, you know? But, I have to go home to get ready for a party.”

“Oh, alright! I hope to see you later, Theo and Martis!” She said as we headed for the pokemon center.

Nurse Joy was done with our pokemon pretty quickly; in fact she was done with them within five minutes. Only some washing and potions, and our pokemon were healed.

“Have a nice day!” she said as we walked out with our pokeballs.

Mika was at our house when we came back. She said that my mother had called my PokeNav, but she had to answer, because I was going out in battle. Mom had her help set things up.

My grandparents were talking in the kitchen. They seemed to both be excited and happy, which looked kind of sweet, for people their age, anyways.

“Oh, Martis and her friends are here Mother!” my mom exclaimed. She ran to hug me.

I hugged my mother back tightly, then my grandparents. After some talking, they brought out the cake.

“Happy Birthday Martis!”

I blew out the candles quickly, since it was making the ice cream melt.
I wish that I can stay with my friends and family forever… I wished. The party continued as I opened my eyes.

“Aw, that is so sweet!” My mother exclaimed as I pulled out the jacket Theo gave me. It was really cool. Light blue, almost white, with a lightning bolt in the middle.

“Thank you Theo! This is awesome!”

He grinned and said “Oh, no problem. I thought you would like it.”

I picked up an orange box. Inside it held a card and a package. First, I read the card.

“Only use this when you need it. For now, wear it as a necklace.
-Mika.”

Inside the package was a black gem attached to a string. I knew what
it was as soon as I saw it.

“No, Mika, this is way to-“

“No arguing, I don’t have an Evee to use it on, so I gave it to you. Take it. That way you can have an Umbreon someday.” She argued. I hugged her and tied the necklace around my neck.

It made my red hair look somewhat devilish, but that was okay.

Then, I saw a purple bag. Inside, it held a trainer bag, complete with the six poke-ball holders, and a pokedex.
“Wow…thank you so much Granny and Papa…” I was amazed. This had to cost hundreds of dollars!
“You were worth it, Martis! Now you will be prepared when you graduate Pokémon School!” Granny said. I hugged them both, and then looked at the last box. Inside, was a card. “Happy Birthday!” it said, and inside the rest of the box was some clothing, and on the very bottom was a note.
“Look outside.” It said. I walked outside with my mom. There was my bike, with a basket on the front, the perfect size for an Evee or an Eveelution. It was there so I would be able to ride my bike around without having Iris in her pokeball.

“Thanks, Mom!” I hugged her tightly.

Then it was time to go to bed. I picked up all of the present wrappers with my mom and said goodbye to Mika, Theo, and my grandparents.

“Happy birthday, Martis. Good night.” My mother said. She kissed my forehead and went into her bedroom.

“Good night.” It was just me and Iris in my bedroom. I clutched the gem against my neck. I knew there would be a day that I would need it. For the time being though, I decided to keep the gem under my pajama shirt.

“Martis!” said a harsh whisper. I turned to see Theo outside my window.

“What are you doing here, Theo?!”

“Come on, I need to play a prank on my sister!” he pleaded.

“Okay, we aren’t hurting her, are we?” When Theo asked me to join his pranks, I always made sure that I wouldn’t hurt anyone. I never liked to physically hurt people. A pacifist, you could have called me.

“Not physically.” He answered. That had been good enough for me.

“Okay.” I climbed out the window quietly.

We walked into the back door of his house, and into his sister’s lab.

It was filled with strange devices that she came up with, the Rattata were in their tiny playground that she made, sleeping. She was really an extraordinary inventor. The inventor herself was sleeping with her head on the desk, cover in paper of research and data.

“What are we going to do to her?” I whispered.

“We are going to give her a magic marker moustache.”

I decided that this wasn’t going to get me killed, or make me feel guilty, at least for a while.

He started to do his work with the magic marker while I took cover. I walked just outside the house, so that I could see if there was movement I his parents bedroom. The lights were still off when Theo yelled and ran past me. That was then I saw one of the scariest moments of my life.

Annie, with half of a magic marker moustache on her face, running with rage towards me.

She screamed “THEO! YOU STUPID BAKA!”

I ran for dear life, cursing in different languages is generally a bad sign. I saw Theo run into the forest. I had to follow him. I ran into the forest. I knew it was dangerous, but a friend has to do what a friend has to do.

I caught up with him and laughed. He smiled back, and we slowed down.

“Okay, so what should we do now?” I asked.

“Well, she will probably wait for us to come out for a while. Let’s wait for a bit before coming out.” He stated. “In the meantime, let’s explore!”

He started to walk away from the clearing.

“But what if we get lost?” I questioned.

“We won’t go far, don’t be such a dweeb Martis.” He continued. I was reluctant to follow, but I did. After all, if I left him alone, he might get lost.

***
I looked at my watch and saw that we had been walking around in the forest for thirty minutes.

“Okay, it’s time to get out of here.” I announced.

“Alright then.” Theo and I started to walk back the way we came. Then, we heard a cry. Suddenly, I wish a brought my new pokedex.

“Theo, do you think that was a wild pokemon?”

“Nah, they only say those things to scare new trainers into being careful. Wild pokemon don’t run around and attack people.”

His argument was proved wrong by a Haunter floating towards Theo and I. With only one pokemon and no weapons, we were hopeless. Theo left Tommy home.

We looked at eachother, and then at the Haunter. We ran, not caring
which direction we went, as long as we went together. We ran and ran, the Haunter always continued to chase us no matter where we went.

After giving up on turning back, we started to tire.

It started to rain, hard. I tried my best to keep my balance, but Theo couldn’t. He slipped on the mud and his head hit a glass shard on the ground. The first thing I did was check if we were still being pursued. No, the Haunter was long gone. I looked down and saw that Theo was still on the ground, he had not moved.

“Theo?” I whispered. He was barely even breathing. I flipped him on to his back to see that not only was there a deep scar across his forehead, but he also was unconscious.

“Theo! Theo! Answer me!” I pleaded. He didn’t respond. I started to cry.

I knew that this wouldn’t help though, and I stood up. I let out Iris, and started walking back in the direction I ran with her, maybe to find the town. Later, I found that our searching was useless. We were stuck in the forest. There was no straight path to take, nothing to recognize, nothing at all to help us on our way. We were lost.

I tried to back to check on Theo. I later realized that I had abandoned Theo, and that I wouldn’t be able to find him. I left him there alone to die.

What kind of friend am I?!

I screamed in rage at myself and sat against a wide tree. It looked to be taller than the rest of the trees around. Iris looked at me with sad, confused eyes.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so awful to you, Iris! I wish I could make it up to you, give you a treat or something, but were lost…You and I are lost all because of me! Theo is really hurt because of me! What kind of monster am I?”

What kind of monster am I?

“I’m so sorry I brought you into this, Iris. I’m so sorry…” As I said that, Iris whimpered.

I felt a warm liquid on my face as the rain patted on my shoulders. I placed my hand on my cheek, and realized that the warm liquid was tears. I picked myself off the ground, and touched the tree I sat upon earlier, and stared.

I have abandoned my best friend….
I have caused my pokemon to suffer…
What kind of monster am I?


Suddenly, I felt a great vibration throughout my whole body. It started through my hand which was on the tree, then went through my whole body. It felt power enriching, great. But yet, I felt pain. Great, unbearable, pain rushed through my body. Suddenly everything went black.

I hope you all liked this story, it's better than anything I have posted before. Chapter Two is a lot better though!


-aggs
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

Would like to let you know that I'm very busy as of late, but I will read this. Possibly by next week.
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

Zyflair said:
Would like to let you know that I'm very busy as of late, but I will read this. Possibly by next week.

Yes! Thank you! :D
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

Not bad, but I saw a few grammar errors here:

“Martis, would you like to battle?” Theo asked. I said accepted the request and asked Iris to come to my side. Theo’s we we’re going to battle with one pokemon only, since that was all we had. I let Theo go first.
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

nabby101 said:
Not bad, but I saw a few grammar errors here:

“Martis, would you like to battle?” Theo asked. I said accepted the request and asked Iris to come to my side. Theo’s we we’re going to battle with one pokemon only, since that was all we had. I let Theo go first.

Whoops, sorry about that! But now, it has been fixed!

I'm working on Chapter 2, but it is really messy, so it might take a while...(Note to Self: Never Write at 2am...)
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

Hey guys! Well, since more than one person has responded to this thread, I'm all like "Hey! Maybe I AM getting better!"

So, this chapter I am about to post, I am warning you, is very depressing.

But, Chapter 3 is going to be like a recovery with a flush of happyness. I am thinking about working on another story, but it is starting to sound a lot more like a manga...so whatever with that for a while..

Zyflair, I hope that your business ends soon, or else your going to have to end up reading like, seven chapters in one day(Trust me, that sucks. I did that with RQO....)

After a certain number of chapters I am going to introduce a new character, and she will have her own story, so I will have to start writing hers, too. It is going to be some BIG work for this gal...;)

Also, would you guys like it if I posted some pictures of the characters?


Anyways, here it goes:


Chapter Two: Guilt and Recovery
I woke feeling sore all over. I couldn’t move, for I feared that it would be too painful. Iris was licking my wrist. I looked to see a scar where she was licking. It was a deep, black red in the palm of my hand, and led up my arm. I tried to tell Iris to stop, that her licking was hurting my wounds, but no sound came from my mouth. I couldn’t even open my mouth. There was nothing I could to do to show that I was more than a vegetable, lying against a tree.


I gave up, and the blackness of sleep came to me again.


The next time I woke up, Iris was gone. It was night, and I was more aware of my surroundings. I turned my head, and tried to call out, but all that came was a whisper.

“Run Iris, save yourself…please.”


I spent the rest of my energy waiting to hear something. I was waiting to hear Iris cry out joy. I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, the Eevee is going to drag her to the pokemon center…” I wish that would have happened. I wish that that could have happened. But it didn’t. I messed it up. Just like everything else.

Like a simple prank that turned into a disaster.

I caused my own pokemon to feel pain.

I caused my best friend to die.



The cry never came. My energy was lost and I fell back asleep.

Was I in heaven? No. This place looked more like Hell. I probably deserved to go there. For abandoning Theo and making Iris suffer. Satan could have me for all I care. He would have been better than facing the guilt of living.


Blurring figures surrounded me and mumbled confusing words. I was trying to understand what they were saying but soon gave up. I was too tired to listen.

A Ralts walked up to my bedside and started speaking.
“Hello, Martis,” it said “I’m Violet, you know, Mika’s pokemon? Anyways, I was wondering if you were all right. Can you hear me? If you can, blink or something.” Violet anxiously waited for my reaction. I wished I could’ve reacted, but I didn’t have the energy. “Well, maybe you’re too tired. The doctors said you got beat up pretty bad. You have a deep scar the lines throughout your whole body. If Iris didn’t cry for help so loudly, your scar could have been infected, and that would have been some bad stuff. The Dawn herself was the one who listened to Iris’s cry and went to find you. Once she did, she carried you all the way to the Pokecenter, can you believe that?” The pokemon waited for another response. It didn’t come. The Ralts got a sad look on her face, but cleared it up quickly. “Well, I have to go, do my homework, you know?” the Ralts hugged me and left.


There was more mumbling. “Is she awake? Is she awake?” They said. I couldn’t show them anything to prove them right or wrong. I felt so…useless


Then, a Rattata came to my side.

“I’m so sorry…if I didn’t chase you guys then you wouldn’t have to follow Theo. I should have cared more and helped you guys find your way.” Tears started to come out of the pokemon’s eyes.
“It’s my entire fault. My brother is missing! It’s all my fault! I’m so sorry Martis, It’s my fault you’re in this pain. It’s my fault that you are going to be scarred forever, mentally and physically. You have every right to never forgive me, to hate me forever, because everything you just endured was all my fault…” The Rattata faded away as I fell asleep.


***
“Martis? Martis Deniel? It’s Nurse Joy, I need you to wake up please.”

This time, I had the energy to open my eyes, and even sit up.

“Do you need anything, Martis?” the nurse asked. I nodded.

“Water…” I said with a sore throat. She handed me a cup, and I gulped it down quickly.

“Thank you.” I said clearly.

“Are you feeling alright?” she asked.

“Much better than before, mam’” I answered. She looked at a screen showing my heart rate.

“Well, the machine says your good. Do you know what happened to you?”

I shook my head saying no.

“Martis, you endured phenomena only a few have ever faced before.”

“What happened to me?”

“You were struck by lightning. It seemed that you were touching a tree
as it struck, and the electricity channeled from the tree through you.”

The tree, and the feeling of power…was that not an illusion?

Am I having illusions again?


“What did you say?” I asked, to prove my mental questions right or wrong.

“You were struck by lightning, Martis.”

“Oh…my…Arceus…please tell me Iris, my pokemon is okay, right?”

“Oh, your Umbreon, yes, she is fine, waiting for you, in fact.”

“Umbreon?” I tried to come up with a conclusion. Only one answer came to my head. “Did you take a necklace off my neck with my clothes, by any chance?”

“No, did you lose something in the forest?”

I realized then that there was another answer; a desperate one.

That sneaky little pokemon…

“No, I think I know what happened to it. May I see Iris?”

“Yes, I will get her right this second.” Nurse Joy left the room.

Mom came to my side; she had streaks of mascara down her face from crying. She started to hug me really tight, I yelped out in pain from her squeezing my fresh scars. She jumped away.

“I’m sorry baby, I was just so worried about you! You weren’t in your room on Sunday morning and I couldn’t find you and then, then, the-“

“Mom, calm down, I’m fine now, right?”

“Yes, yes you are. Thank you so much for pulling through. I don’t think I could bear losing someone I love so much again…”she smiled brightly with some new tears in her eyes, but I thought those were different; those were tears of joy. I squeezed her hand tightly as Nurse Joy came in with an Umbreon.

The pokemon crawled to my lap. I smelled it’s fur.
Just like syrup… I thought.

“Oh Iris, it really is you!” I hugged her tightly. At least my pokemon didn’t die in one of my screw-ups. All I wanted then was to go home. I didn’t want to be reminded that what I had just gone through wasn’t normal. I wanted to go home, and hope that Theo would come back.

“When can I come home, Nurse Joy?”

“This afternoon in fact you will, Martis. You will need to not do any tiring activities though, such as swimming, hiking, wrestling, or something similar to those.” She answered with her sweet, cheery, voice. “You may go to school, but you will need to take a pass with you saying for people to make sure to not make contact with your scars.” I nodded, and Nurse Joy left the room to respond to a call from a different patient.

“Get some more sleep Martis, I’m going to get some lunch, okay?”

“Yah, go ahead. I’ll be sleeping.”

***
In the nightmare, I was running with Iris in the rain. I was being chased by Theo’s spirit.

“Why did you leave me? You’re such a monster, Martis. Go to hell. You deserve it for leaving me!” The spirit said. I tripped over a tree branch and fell into a sinkhole. I was choking on my own guilt as I was falling.

“So much guilt…
What am I going to do with it?”
said the voice of my mind.

A Ralts appeared on my left side, then a Rattata on my right.

They both looked terribly sad. I first looked at the Ralts and asked what was wrong. As if falling down a giant sinkhole wasn’t enough.

“The doctor’s said you got beat up pretty bad…” said the Ralts. I was confused by this statement.

Why should someone feel sorry for me? I thought in the dream. I decided to face the mental problem later and face the Rattata.

“You have every right to never forgive me, to hate me forever, because everything you have endured was all my fault…” the Rattata cried. Once again I was confused at how the two pokemon were sorry for me. They then started to say those same sentences over and over again. Ringing in my head, until the point where I was screaming for them to stop. As they repeated those two awful rings, I fell to the bottom of the pit.

My body was lifted. I was confused because in the dream I was certain I was going to hell. I was suddenly in heaven. Angels surrounded me and sang into my ears.

“Wake up…” the angels sang. “Wake up!”

***
I was woken up by my mother.

“Come on, Martis. The doctors said we could go.”

***
“Martis what are you wearing?! It’s 80 degrees outside!” My mom yelped as I walked downstairs. I had decided to wear long sleeves and jeans so that no one would see my scars. I couldn’t cover up the scars on my face though. They started on my neck and went up and through my face.

“I don’t want anybody to see my scars.”

Then, I did something I had never done to my mother before. I ran out the front door and slammed it behind me before she could argue against me. I knew it would hurt her, but I needed my point to be made; I wanted to be left alone.

At school it was only worse. People stared at me and whispered. Teachers would let me get away with missing or late assignments.
I want to be left alone! I wanted to scream. But, yet I really was alone, and I was miserable.

I stopped sleeping. I couldn’t handle the nightmares. Theo’s desperate face haunted me in my sleep. He kept pleading to me, asking me how I could leave him to die. Telling me everything I got wrong. I would cry out and apologize and beg for forgiveness. In the end of the dream he would get tired from chasing me and fall and die of exhaustion.

Mika was absent for the first three months school after I came back from the hospital. She left with no explanation. Her parents said that they knew where she was, they just couldn’t tell.

“She’ll come back, Martis.” That’s all they would say to me.

Annie and her parents wouldn’t even go outside at the same time as me, much less look me in the eye and tell me what I did was stupid and wrong.

Even Destinee avoided me for those first three months. She didn’t want to get caught beating up a crip.

I wasn’t even invited to Theo’s official funeral on November 7th; Theo would have turned fourteen that day. His parents decided to give up on the search. They just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

That afternoon, on November 7th, something even bigger happened though. As I walked home,and the cold wind slapped my face, Annie looked me in the eye, and nodded.

For three months, the rescue teams continued to come back with empty trucks.

For three months, I wouldn’t sleep a full night.

For three months, I wouldn’t talk to my mother.

For three months, I suffered from my own guilt.


Well, that's the second chapter for you guys...
now it is time to go to bed for Miss Aggie...
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

This is great overall. The storyline with this happy person making one mistake causing Martis hating to hate his/her (can't rember as I am writing) self. The twist with accidental evolution and the death of his/her friend that Martis regrets abandoning his/her friend. This story is completly captivating. I can't wait til chapter 3.
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

Computerhero said:
This is great overall. The storyline with this happy person making one mistake causing Martis hating to hate his/her (can't rember as I am writing) self. The twist with accidental evolution and the death of his/her friend that Martis regrets abandoning his/her friend. This story is completly captivating. I can't wait til chapter 3.

Thanks! I should have it up by next week or so!
^_^!
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

I also realy enjoyed this story, kinda sad that Theo dies(I think....lol I still have hope even though he prolly is dead u know they never did find the body....)
 
RE: Volt and Follow (a story worked on for many years)

Ice_Master said:
I also realy enjoyed this story, kinda sad that Theo dies(I think...lol I still have hope even though he prolly is dead u know they never did find the body....)
Ahaha! Thanks, well, I hope you guys like this chapter...



Chapter 3:
As soon as I walked into school I noticed the change in the atmosphere.

The other students didn’t stare at me with pity anymore. They looked at me with eyes of anticipation. I had no idea why they changed their look of stares until I felt a push, and suddenly I was lying on the ground next to a locker.

It was Destinee. My scars were now just white marks. I was no longer a crip. She kicked me in the ribs; hard.

“I heard you and Theo went into the forest alone that night he went missing. How does it feel to be a murderer? You’re a killer!”

Then, she punched in the face.

“Tell me something. How did it feel? How did it feel to kill your best friend?”

Then, that was it. It was as if, my brain snapped, and my body took control. I grabbed Destinee’s neck and let the power rush through me.

“Look! Her scars! They’re…blue!”

I didn’t pay attention to the comment. I was too busy destroying my enemy. I didn’t want her to hurt me again. I wanted her to feel the pain I felt. She deserved it. The power didn’t want to be kept in the cage I was keeping it in. It deserved to be let free. I let it into Destinee’s throat. The power didn’t help her, like it did me though. It hurt her. I saw as her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and suddenly her neck was very hot. She deserved to get hurt though. I wanted her to feel my pain.

Then it stopped. I didn’t need to let it go anymore. I just need to sleep. Yes, that is what I needed. Sleep.

***


“Martis. Wake up.” The voice was my mothers. I woke up to see her face smeared with makeup. It was obvious that she had been recently crying.

“Martis, you haven’t talked to me in weeks. You really hurt that girl at school. You are screaming from your nightmares every night. I need you to tell me how to make you heal.”

“I don’t need anything. I’m fine, Mom.”

My mother raised her hand; soon, I felt pain across my face. I didn’t even see it coming. My mother never even threatened me, much less hit me. I looked to see her crying again.

“You are not fine Martis! Stop letting yourself get hurt like this! I will not stand to see my daughter in pain anymore! This is worse than watching you die! Tell me how to help you!”

I looked at my mother. Everything she said was true. I was being hurt. I wasn’t fine. I couldn’t live the rest of my life this way. The only way to fix it would be to do only one thing.

“Mom;I need to find Theo. To find out that he is alive. The rescue teams may have given up, but I won’t. I know he is out there somewhere, dead or alive. I won’t be mentally stable until I do.”

My mom looked into my eyes. Then she looked at my palms, where my deepest scars were, and sighed.

“Martis, I will miss you more than anything. But I need to sleep on this some more…”

I jumped up and hugged her for the first time since my birthday.

“You can head out tomorrow morning. For now, sleep.”

“Thank you Mom. Thank you so much…” I said as tears came out of my eyes. For once, they were tears of joy.

***

I kicked off my slippers and started to change into my pajamas. I paused and looked at the mirror to see all of my scars connecting together. It looked like I was some maze. A puzzle, waiting to be put together.

Maybe that’s what I really am…

***

“Wake up Martis. Wake up.”
I looked up to see a surprising face. It wasn’t my mothers, like I was expecting, but a masked figure. She had this white masking tape or something around her forehead, and later over her mouth. She was sitting on the side of my bed, trying to wake me up. I looked at the rest of her body to see that she was wearing mostly dark clothing that covered most of her body. I then looked outside. It was nighttime.

“Who are you?” I asked the mysterious intruder.

The intruder responded by taking off her mask to reveal her face. I then realized that this was someone I knew. Not an intruder.

“Mika?!” I whispered, careful not to wake my mother.

“Yah…I think there are a few things that I should tell you.”

***

“So…you’re telling me, that you left me to deal with Theo being missing… so that you could train to become a ninja?!”

“Yes, but so that I could come back and help you find him!”

I almost felt like slapping her. She was lying to me?! She abandoned me.

“What do you want now?” I asked.

“Look, do you want to find Theo or not?!”

I just stared at her. She really knew how to get to me. I know how much I wanted to find Theo, but doing it by myself, I realized, was not going to do me any good.

I answered by hugging her.

“Yes, we can leave tomorrow. My mother is even okay with it. What about your parents? How did they react when you left? Also, I have a hard time believing you’re a ninja now.”

“Watch this, then.” She suddenly vanished.

“Where are you?”

“I’m up here, genius.” I looked up to see Mika on my ceiling. She was just standing there, as if it was no problem, then she flashed down beside me. The cap on her head fell off to reveal her hair.

“Y-you cut your hair so short!”

She blushed at the comment, her short hair covering her eyes. Her hair barely even passed her ear.

“It was more…comfortable this way. So, I will see you tomorrow, okay?”
Mika disappeared.

To prove that I wasn’t dreaming, I put one of my t-shirts on my desk, so that if the t-shirt was on my desk when I woke up, I would know that I wasn’t dreaming.

“Bye, Mika.” I said as I went back to sleep.

***

In the morning I looked up to see the t-shirt on my desk.

It was real?

I walked to the kitchen to find my mom cooking. She had a concerned look on her face.

“Don’t worry mom, I will be fine out there. That’s what the 7 years of Pokemon School were for.”

She almost jumped at the sound of me talking. She turned to me and smiled, a real smile.

“Yes, I know, but there can be nothing to stop a worried mother.” With that, she emptied the rest of the bacon into the pan and started setting out the plates. I was about to help her when the doorbell rang.

“Can you get that?” My mom asked. I opened the door to reveal Annie.

“Annie?”

“Yes, it’s me. I just wanted to ask you and your mother, something important, if I may.” I stared at her in shock. I thought that she had hated me enough already, her doing me a favor seemed so unjust.

“Yes, I guess. Come on in.”

She entered the front room. My mom looked at her, then me with a confused face.

“Mom, this is Annie. Annie, this is my mom.”

“Nice to meet you Ms. DeNeil,” Annie said as she leaned over to shake my mother’s hand. “I actually wanted to ask a favor of you guys.”

“What is it?” My mother questioned as she let Annie and herself sit on her couch.

“I was wondering. You see, the school has given me permission to read the student’s profiles since I plan to be a teacher there in a few years. I read Martis’s file and discovered that she has excelled in school.”

“Well, we both are hard workers.” My mom replied with a grin.

“I plan to take a journey to find genetic discovers in the children of our region, Ms. Deniel. I want to take your daughter, Martis, as my apprentice.”

I looked at her eyes. I couldn’t tell whether she was lying or not.

“Actually, this very morning Martis was off to leave to fin-I mean become a pokemon trainer.” My mother said with a smile “I would love it if she could have an adult escort throughout the journey.”

At this, Annie looked at me, and started crying.

I couldn’t stand seeing her in so much pain, I hugged her. My mother looked at me, confused.

“Theo’s Sister!” I mouthed. She shook her head quickly and headed to her room.

“I am so proud of you, Martis. You have been able to endure all of this pain, and yet you still don’t hate me…” Annie whispered.

“What are you talking about?!” I screeched “You’re the one who should hate me! I got your brother killed!”

She looked at me with confused eyes. Then, she wiped off her tears and looked at me.

“If I hadn’t behaved so immaturely to your prank, he would have survived.” She sighed.

She paused, but then looked away, and stood up.

“I think he is still alive. That’s my real mission. Are you going to help me Martis?”

“Yes. I think I will.”

We grinned at each other, and got ready to leave.










I hope you like it!
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

As a quick comment, it's best to just use a link so we don't have to scroll everywhere to find chapters.

Despite the fact that you did a much better job (and I commend you for it. Just don't be disheartened by what I have to say; I just wish for you to get better), I honestly couldn't enjoy this fanfic. The main problem I have with this is mainly the severe lack of concentration to an event. For example, our main character, Martis, starts eighth grade cheerfully, but hits misfortune after getting lost in the forest. Even worse, her (it's her, right? I couldn't actually tell.) friend Theo trips and falls upon a glass shard which fatally wounds him, and she ends up abandoning him.

And this supposedly sad scene happens in less than four hundred words. No, length is not everything, but if time is not taken to emphasize an event, then the reader glides through it.

You do not want your effort to be skimmed do you?

Consider there are three chapters, I would have thought to be able to critique about more than just description, but that's not possible at this rate. Description is literally key to all fiction, so there's really no way to create a good piece of fiction without having good description.

I bet you think I'm babbling with this, but I really think if you push harder and try to elaborate on your scenes, the fiction will become much better. Let's just go back to your fanfiction. Taking from your latest chapter, which is filled with dialogue, we go to the scene of Martis and her mother. There, we can glimpse a few actions you reveal:
-The voice was my mothers. I woke up to see her face smeared with makeup. It was obvious that she had been recently crying.
-My mother raised her hand; soon, I felt pain across my face. I didn’t even see it coming. My mother never even threatened me, much less hit me. I looked to see her crying again.
-I looked at my mother. Everything she said was true. I was being hurt. I wasn’t fine. I couldn’t live the rest of my life this way. The only way to fix it would be to do only one thing.
-My mom looked into my eyes. Then she looked at my palms, where my deepest scars were, and sighed.
-I jumped up and hugged her for the first time since my birthday.
Read these statements, and you might come to see that although you can see the actions, you're stuck grasping for more. Are tears the only way to show sadness? What about the exaggerated hand emotions to express the frustration of helplessness, the sniffing, the frizzled hair of a distracted perfectionist who is now concentrating on her daughter? Let your imagination run wild and make the scene sharp to stab the reader and leave him/her stunned.

I'd write more, but I don't want to bore you with this. In essence, take your time. Writing is not just talking or action, but it also is made of the meaty descriptions that covers the backbone of the story. Until next time.
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

Uhm.....I LOVED it geez...Cant wait for more Aggie.( IM realy gettin in to this story...)
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

Zyflair Okay. I think I get it. I mean, I think I use "mother" or "mom" was used in that part at least 15 times, which was another thing I noticed. I will come and edit all three of these chapters.

Thanks for the awesome advice!

Ice_Master Thanks! I'm glad to have a little fan girl! (supposing that you are a girl...)
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

Really good Aggie can't wait for more.^_^


Its A Me Mario!
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

I loved it also! As somebody said before, this is very captivating. I meant to be on for a few minutes and read one chapter of a story but it was so AWESOME I read all of it.
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

butui4
Thank you very much!

dragonspit999
Thank you, but I think the only thing that keeping me up is the epic quotes I come up with...
^_^'
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

Oh and you asked if we would want to see the characters. Yes I would like to see pictures of the characters.
 
RE: Volt and Follow: Chapter 3 is up!

dragonspit999
Alright, I will post some but first I need to find my scanner.
grr....
 
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