Writing War of Chinthe [New Original Story!!! Great for all!!!]

Achmetha

Yes. This is a custom title... I think..
Member
This is a story I just started because I am tired of Pokemon Stories. This is meant to be a fantasy story for all ages.

mheqlu.png

Thank you to Berry for the banner!

Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two

Prologue

On the first day of the first month of the first year of the wars of Ainsford Drayas I, a child was born. The boy, to be exact, was born to a farmer's wife in the village of Hidesdale in the eastern mountains. So small and tucked away was Hidesdale from the rest of Chinthe, that wind of the war did not reach their ears until two years after the war began. The news trickled down like water in a stream, and, also like that water, began to collect dirt and lies. The people heard that the war was between all races: humans, elves, dragons, and even the forest nymphs. Of course this was false because, like all sensible creatures, elves knew to stay away from wars, dragons never busied themselves with mortal affairs, and the forest nymphs were content to dance peacefully in the meadows. However, in the secluded village, none had ever seen so much as an elephant, let alone one of those rare creatures, and knew nothing of the nature of such things.

Most of the farmers and the lot knew to stay away from trouble and hardly mentioned the war, for they were practical people and only bothered with things concerning them, such as when dinner was coming or how the season’s crops would do. The aforementioned boy was young when he began dreaming. He felt he was far more significant than the life given to him. Often the boy looked to the sky, hoping an eagle or even a dragon would swoop down and whisk him away to fight in the war. His parents and elders told him to stop thinking such nonsense and look down at the earth where he would be for the rest of his life. Still, his dreams lived on as he grew.

"Now, Kall, be careful with that bucket, you don't want to drop it like last time."

"I know, I know!" replied Kall indignantly. He was a muscular boy of seventeen, tall for his age.

"Well, boy, I was just making sure, because everything we lose is profit gone," croaked an old man with long grey beard and feeble bones. "This year's crop isn't going to be the greatest, so we must gather as much as we can from the animals."

Kall worked on his father's farm so that it would one day be his. Or at least, that is what his father always said. The real reason that Kall worked so hard on that farm was because there was nothing else to do. There was little hope of ever leaving the village, the last time that had happened had been twenty years ago, and nobody had come since. He had no friends his age either, meaning that there was nothing to distract him from working on the farm. Even if he were to leave, he would get very far. He had no training as anything but a farm hand and there was little work for a person like that in the royal army. He knew that those rights came of birth, not of want or willingness.

As night fell on that day, Kall's life would change ever so drastically. He looked deep into the mirror above his small bed, hating everything he saw. His mid-length blond hair fell over his blue eyes, which, peeking out, showed wear. Though muscular and strong, he was still growing into his body. His feet were too large, his hands too small. Even his nose seemed to jut out too much. He went to sleep not knowing what the next day held in store for him


Pronunciation Guide:
Chinthe: Chǐn-tā
Anisford Drayas: Īns-fōrd Drā-äs
Kall: Käl
Mur: Mûr
Mak: Măk
 
RE: War of Chinthe

I have a question: why don't people reply? I know you are reading this judging from the number of views. Is it because there isn't enough to judge it by? Is it because you hate it? Or maybe it is because it isn't Pokemon. Could you please explain why, because I never get comments on this even on the numerous forums I post this on?
 
RE: War of Chinthe [New Original Story!! Great for all!!]

Well, I dunno.. I HAVE read it, as you say. It's either that I dunno what to make of it immediately, or I've been lazy in my lack of replies, or I really just dunno. It IS a good story from what I've seen - nice build-up work going on. Perhaps it'll just take a while before you get into it more and people post more often.
 
RE: War of Chinthe [New Original Story!! Great for all!!]

LOL, I posted on acanthite, but I'll say it again here, brilliant story :)
 
RE: War of Chinthe [New Original Story!! Great for all!!]

Thank you, MK and Gamercal! I added a pronunciation guide in the first post.
Chapter one, which MK has read:


Chapter 1

As he awoke, Kall was swept over with joy. That day was the hunting day. He rose and sauntered over to his chest. Within, he kept his finest hunting clothes and his bow. The quiver of arrows hung on the wall. Kall had always been arrogant and a braggart, yet today he had something to brag about. Kall, though he didn’t know it, was the best archer in the entire eastern region of Mur.

Kall started down the steps, fully dressed in his light clothing for hunting. When he alighted to the ground he made way for the door but was stopped by a middle-aged woman sitting by the fire.

“Come child, rest with your mother for a while; you have long before the light is up.” She was a kindly woman and traces of beauty were left in her face. Her brunette hair shone in the firelight as she held out an arm, knitting needles at her lap.

“Mother, truly I wish I could, but the hunt is best at dawn. Father is already out, preparing the horse, I must ready my bow,” Kall explained. Then, after a pause he began again, “Why are you up so early, mother?”

“I was haunted by nightmares and found it hard to shake them, so I came down to keep my mind off such things. I feel, afraid; like you shouldn’t go lest a terrible fate befall you.” At this the woman began to cry. “Oh listen to the silly ramblings of a frightened mother! But do promise you will be back safely.”

“I swear it, mother! I’ll bring back the largest boar in the forest!” he promised. Grinning, Kall stepped towards the door leaving the crackle of the fire and the click-clack of shoes on the wooden floor behind him. Out in the cool mist, moonlight lit his work as he strung his bow and waxed his arrow. His father stepped lightly from a stable leading a horse, noble yet humble. Upon the horse he saddled bags filled with water and meat preserver.

After the horse was saddled and the bow was strung, Kall’s father gave to him a long curved knife for skinning and cutting the meat. At his own side was a short sword, though nobody in the village had any sort of training in swordsmanship. From a nearby cottage, out stepped a young man in his twenties, dark hair much in the same fashion as Kall’s own hair, but with a much older face.

“Hey, Mak!” called Kall in a half-hushed tone. “What took you so long?” He was laughing while saying this as everyone knew that Mak was never on time for anything. He was laughing also because Mak was his dearest friend, with whom he had shared many times. It was Mak who was Kall’s closest in age and as such they promptly made friendship when they were of a proper age to understand such things.

“Oh shut your gob,” replied Mak lovingly. With his arrival, the hunting party was set. Kall glanced back at the stone cabin which had long been his only life, not knowing that for a long time, this would be his last sight of it.

* * * * * * * *

The sun crept up behind the hunters as they hiked down the mountainside into the steep valley. As the forest below them grew larger in their sight, they began to make out small animals darting about between treetops. Further down, single stones were visible, as well as the beginning of a path. Finally as they stood at the edge of the forest, Mak spoke:

“Well, let’s get going. How much do we need, Barm?”

Barm (Kall’s father of course) replied, “We need enough to last us a month I’d say. Planting schedule will be too tight to come back for a while.” And, as all people with a respectable knowledge of farming would know, he was exactly right. Spring was planting season and for a farmer, it was a busy time.

Around midday, they had collected enough for a weeks worth. Tired and disheartened, they were feeling that the best thing to do was to go back home. Kall was skinning one of the 10 brown rabbits he had shot when he spotted something of great interest to him (though if he had bothered to spin his head around he would have seen something of slightly greater interest); a large buck was grazing near a pond. Because it was mating season, the buck was large and had magnificent antlers. Kall slowly brought an arrow to the bowstring without alerting his father and friend lest he scare the buck. As he let the arrow slip from his fingers a wooden shaft flew past his head whizzing through his hair and struck the horse, felling it.

Kall spun around as he heard voices say, “Ha, ha! I did it! I got the horse! We’re eating good tonight!” The voice was strangely gravely and low, it sounded nothing like any voice he had heard before.

“You fool! What if you shot a person’s horse? We’re getting closer and closer to the village and you up and shoot a horse?” another incredulous voice shouted. This voice had the same odd qualities.

The other voice defended itself, “C’mon, the village is high up there in the mountain. Besides, there are plenty of wild horses here, you know that! Chances are it wasn’t a person’s horse. You’re hungry, I’m hungry, we gotta’ eat!”

For a while the voices were silent, and Kall heard crickets chirp their sad melody; for some reason it seemed to sing despair. Bram edged his hand towards the blade at his side and whispered, rather loudly I might add, “There are only two, we can take them.”

“Hey, it was a person’s horse!” the first voice came again, seeming to be a bit embarrassed.

The other voice called out loudly, forgetting the anger, “Did you hear that men? ‘Only two’?” Kall felt his heart sink below his stomach.
 
Here: I tried to incorperate good word choice and punctuation use. I hope my grammar is correct and the story interesting.

Chapter 2

A round of laughs ensued from the bushes following that comment, or at least, they were meant to be laughs. To Kall it was the most horrid sound he had ever heard; the best I can describe it as (in this restricting language) would be taking various internal organs, placing them into a paper bag, and pounding repeatedly on a metal trashcan then jumping upon said organs with all your weight, squelching around in the flesh and blood until you are thoroughly satisfied. If you find it hard to imagine this, I suggest you try it for yourself.

Kall wondered what that sound was until another arrow shot by and- THUNK! –hit Barm in the chest. Then jumping out of the bushes a creature resembling a green hunched over human brandished a sword. All this took place in about one second; Barm hadn’t even time to fall before his head was off. Mak didn’t realize what had happened for a few more seconds and stood like a marionette with no strings. Kall however was quick about his wits and quickly rolled over to his father’s side to draw the sword.

Before I explain what happened next, perhaps it would be helpful to know what Kall and Mak were facing. Goblin is the name given by the humans, eten by the elves. They themselves have no particular name for their own kind as they are quite territorial and will often resort to unwarranted cannibalism when their territory is invaded; most times a goblin conversation goes like this: “Hello, fellow-” and then the goblin’s head is bitten off. They are the hybrid of a human and an elf, one of nature’s cruel ways of showing what happens when you mess with her. Their skin is a mud color as though they have just come from a swamp and is covered with warts and boils. Their eyes glow a deep crimson red, like blood and have no whites. Underneath the dreadful pair of eyes is usually a long crooked nose or sometimes no nose at all. Their ears are pointed like an elf’s yet large like a human’s and are often adorned with various mismatched earrings that were stolen. Long, scaly hands file to a sharp claw-like fingernail. Their teeth a sharper still; because of the meat they eat, their canines have grown extremely large. And, though they seems slow by their appearance, they are strong as anything and quick as an elf; master swordsman as well. They can draw their blade, bound 5 meters and stab you precisely in the heart before you could put draw an arrow to your bow. Quite fearsome creatures, and greedy too. Often men had told tales of great caves, filled with treasure beyond belief; as the caves were large enough for a dragon, humans had thought them to be dragons’ caves. But no, the caves were filled with hordes of goblins’ spoils.

Now, this particular goblin which leaped out was stronger than usual and could have lifted a horse. Kall was ignorant of this fact and was too brave for his own good; he hopped to his feet and lifted the sword in front of him. Kall’s swordsmanship was self taught and unrefined; swinging his sword he brought it upon the fine plate of steel on the goblin’s chest. It was a weak and brittle sword compared to most and promptly cracked upon the breastplate.

“Heh! You think you can play with us?” cackled the goblin sarcastically.

He brought his sword up, a fine decorated blade upon a jewel encrusted golden hilt, and thrust. Quickly, Kall flinched back, drawing the short sword out of his left shoulder. It hadn’t pierced all the way through and Kall was glad for that, but it had gone in enough to draw a deep crimson blood. He screamed in agony. Gasping for breath, he cried, “Run, Mak! You can’t do anything against them!” Mak stumbled back in surprise then quickly shook his head and turned to run for the great flight of stone steps heading up the mountain.

“Boys, come ‘ere and tie this one up,” called the chief goblin. Two more goblins, scrawny and not bearing any armor, shuffled out of the hedges clumsily holding a thick strong rope of lion’s hair. The goblins brought it to Kall’s side (he was clutching his shoulder in pain) and bound his hands and feet. They covered his mouth with a red cloth of the same kind hanging around the necks of the goblin. The chief then ordered, “Go follow the path until you find the other human; he can’t have gotten far. After you find him, bring him to me.”

“But,” began one of the goblins (the smallest one), “what about our orders, sir?”

“We’ll simply say we didn’t find it, our profit will be made on the slave market,” he replied cooly.

The two goblins accepted this and ran down the path quicker than any human could; little did they know that the path wound back and forth. Mak had run straight through the forest cutting across the path, he would make it first no matter how fast they ran.

Kall was trying to sit up and the chief just noticed it. He took his sword and stuck Kall with the flat of the blade with extreme force. Kall fell into the oblivion as darkness surrounded him
 
RE: War of Chinthe [New Original Story!! Great for all!!]

Ouch... brutal goblins D:

Kepp going with this, it's getting really good! I told you it would just take a little bit to get you into it and get people here...
 
RE: War of Chinthe [New Original Story!! Great for all!!]

Wow, crazy. Very interesting, well-written. It's good to see competent fic writers around here.

To be honest I haven't read it yet, just glanced over the prologue a bit. Just want to say that I will read it later, and I'm looking forward to seeing more.
 
RE: War of Chinthe [New Original Story!! Great for all!!]

Wow, most things potray Goblins as weak, pathetic and easily killable creatures, but this makes me think of Fearsome, powerful and Brutal monsters. Fantastic job here Asuran.
 
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