PMJ
Silhouette Gloom of the Sundown Lands
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There are character and stage spoilers ahead so stop reading right now if you care at all.
RULE NUMBER ONE: DO NOT QUOTE THIS POST. EVER. If you do, well, you won't like what happens.
All right... so this is my first time back in the PB smash community since the Japanese release, and I'd like to welcome myself back with a GIANT RANT about the stuff about Brawl... that I hate. Now, before you all go running your mouths off at light speed about how totally awesome this game is, I'd like to go on record saying that this game rocks. I love this game. But certain aspects of this game really make me just want to strangle the development team. Most of this stuff is fairly minor anyway, but it's fresh in my mind since my friend and I were discussing it. So, without further ado, for your reading and discussion pleasure, PMJ Productions proudly presents...
I will do my best to explain each point so hopefully y'all can see things how I do. Now, this is all based on personal experience, so chances are some of y'all are gonna disagree with what I have to say. And that's what the discussion's for, you know? So, with that said, in no particular order:
1. Toon Link is a failure. This is probably my biggest gripe. Toon Link got dumped on, same with Peach and Samus (more on that later). No matter how you slice it, Toon Link is a direct clone of Link. His voice, looks, win poses, and a taunt may pay homage to Wind Waker, but you get down to it, the most important part is how he fares in battle. They jacked Toon Link straight from Wind Waker. Where's all the Wind Waker moves? This is how it should have been: B move - Deku Leaf, charge it up for more wind blowing. Think F.L.U.D.D., except useful. Up B is still Deku Leaf, you guys who have played WW know what I mean. Forward B could have been the Skull Hammer, whaCRACK something dies, think Ike's forward smash. Down B can stay as bombs since there's really nothing else that's WW-exclusive to put there... and his grab oughta be replaced with the Grappling Hook. It's from WW and there's no reason why it couldn't wrap around the foe quickly and then have Toon Link yank them towards him. Final Smash? Two words: Great Spin. Toon Link spins in a crazy whirly cyclone of up B action, except, well, more extreme, and you can mash some button to go into the air with it and stuff. It would have rocked. And just to be extra cool, as the FS ends, do that googly teeter dance that happens if you don't hit anything, or hit a wall, or however it happened.
Toon Link could have been super aweseome, but unfortunately he's just a super clone.
2. Final Destination has the most unforgiving ledge in the game. Raise your hand if you've tried to recover on FD only to be caught just under the ledge and die? I've never seen a level with a ledge that ruthless. I can't think of any other level like it. It's stupid. Change that garbage.
3. New Pork City has no real places to fight. I hate New Pork City mainly because it's super huge. I hate Hyrule Temple, too, but unlike Hyrule Temple, NPC is filled with a bunch of small platforms and no real places for melee combat. At least Hyrule Temple has long, straight paths for you to run on and actually do battle without having to jump all over the place trying to chase your opponent down. NPC... doesn't. It actually looks smaller than HT, but it's just way too stupid because 85% of it is wide open space, 10% of it are tiny platforms, and the other 5% is fight space. And god I hate that chimera, stupid computer partner who goes out of his way to pet it, GAAAAAAH. It's like fighting at 75m, except 75m is a lot smaller (I hate fighting there too for the exact same reason I hate NPC).
4. Peach and Samus got screwed. Has anyone else noticed how much Peach and Samus got nerfed? Peach's forward throw is no longer that monstrous slap of DEATH it was in Melee, and her second jump may as well not even be there. Samus's blast was cut down, and her missiles don't pack as much punch as they did before. What happened? I'm disappointed.
5. Falco + Landmaster = ??? Anyone else catch what Falco says as he performs his FS? Lemme clue you in:
"Personally, I prefer the air."
... well what are you doing in the Landmaster then, Falco??? Man. I don't get it. If Falco hates the Landmaster so much, what's he doing getting in one and killing stuff with it? Falco's Final Smash should have been the Arwing, do an air raid or crash it into the field if you want, just do something air-related. The Landmaster is Fox's thing, which brings me to my next point...
6. Wolf needs his own FS. Now, I will admit I have only played Star Fox 64 and don't really know Wolf's character, or what he's doing with the Landmaster in the first place, albeit a cooler-looking, more awesome version. But this is just like Pichu and Pikachu. Changing the effects of the same move does not make a character unique. Just because Wolf's Landmaster is red and can move better and shoot stronger than Fox's does not mean Wolf's FS is unique. It's still the Landmaster. Get your own trick, Wolf.
7. Stage Builder as a whole. More pieces, more backgrounds, more everything. It has potential but seeing the same pieces on every level is stupid.
8. No 2-player Wi-Fi. As in, two people from the same Wii can't go vs other people online. That would have been cool.
9. Masterpieces are a waste of time. You get thrust into the game with no advance knowledge of the controls, or even what you're supposed to be doing. People who have never played some of these games are going to spend a good chunk of time learning how to play before getting kicked out. How are we supposed to know if we like a game or not if you're giving us 40 seconds to play it? The F-Zero demo is 40 seconds long, which is barely enough time to finish a single lap, that is if you run the course almost perfectly, don't hit any cars, gray line things, or walls, and you automatically know that you have to hold B to go. Even the longer demos, they're not long enough for you to even do anything worthwhile. Add a control screen that ISN'T part of my 40 seconds so I can at least know what I'm doing once I get in there. Make the demos longer, 40 seconds is not long enough to get a lasting impression of ANY game.
10. No global My Music. After beating the game, you should have an option to play any music on any stage you want. A perfect example for me - New Pork City. It has some cool music, but I would rather drink curdled milk than fight there. Other cool-music-stupid-stages are Rumble Falls and Mario Bros. I like Flat Zone 2 and love the music, but my bro hates it because we always get wrecked by the zoo keepers or whatever those dudes are by the cages. So, an option to take the game's music into any stage would have been awesome, and Stage Builder doesn't count because Stage Builder can't give me an exact replica of, say, Smashville, but have Meta Knight's Revenge playing in the background. I will say, however, that having more than one option of music on the stages is a very good idea and I'm glad it was included.
Custom stages should have had 4-5 songs alloted of your choice for the stage. That would have rocked.
11. Bowser, Wolf, Ganondorf, and King Dedede needed their own victory music. Meta Knight got the COOLEST victory music in the entire game, exclusive to him. Kirby gets the typical Kirby win music, and D3 is forced to share it. Why play favorites with Meta Knight? In Nightmare in Dream Land, when playing as MK you get Kirby's win music, not some super-rockin' rock theme. So where's this new, awesome sound coming from? Bowser, Wolf, and Ganondorf are villains in their respective series. Why should they have to have the happy happy yay I won music their good-natured enemies have? There's no reason to give it only to Meta Knight. And while I'm on the subject of villains...
12. There aren't any villain home stages. I don't know about you, but Bowser's Castle would have made a GREAT stage. They could have made Mushroomy Kingdom randomly select 1-4 to pay homage to Bowser, complete with a cool remix of the castle music, but I guess not. Ganon's Tower would have made a good stage, too. One could argue that the stages are better generalized by series (like Halberd is the only stage representative of the Kirby series), and I could find myself agreeing with that. But I still think stages specifically for the villains would have been awesome.
13. Fighting music? More like chilling music. Some of the music selections are not meant to be played during an intense brawl. For example, on Delfino Plaza, you can listen to "Main Theme (Super Mario 64)", also known as that awesome tunage you hear while exploring Bob-omb Battlefield. Now, that is a cool song, but try brawling to it. It's the worst. This doesn't make me want to smash my opponents into oblivion, it makes me want to shut off this game and whip out my N64 and this game, run around with a bomb that pops a coin out when it explodes, and tease a Chain Chomp before setting it free and getting a star for it. Other pieces of music that are most definitely not suited for fighting: "Calling to the Night" (Shadow Moses Island); "Town Hall and Tom Nook's Store" (Smashville); "The Roost" (Smashville); "Forest/Nature Area" (Halberd); "Wild Pokemon Battle! Ruby/Sapphire" (Pokemon Stadium 2); "Wild Pokemon Battle! Diamond/Pearl" (Spear Pillar); and my favorite non-battle tune, "Route 209" (Spear Pillar). Give 'em a listen.
14. Names... Hooray for five letters maximum, but I'm pretty sure people named Rachel, Harley, Taylor, Dakota, Sharon, or other people with unshortenable 6-letter names are still pretty miffed. Up it to like 8 or something. I'm lucky and have a name that fits in only 4 spots, so I'm not griping about this because my own name doesn't fit.
15. Luigi's behavior in general. For the record, I have accepted Luigi's behavior and odd mannerisms just fine, but I have to bring this up. Seriously, is half this stuff necessary? Where's the real man from Strikers (which I have and will vs anyone in just PM me) that I know? That's just messed up.
16. Who remembers a boiling Mario? I do. What happened to that? That was so cool, watching Mario get boiled alive, his face twisted in agony. At least we can watch the movie it happens in, but I think it would have been kinda neat to have your lone opponent cry out in pain if he was the only one sucked up by Cook.
17. Sonic's outfits = FAIL All the other characters have colorful variations of their outfits. Sonic's outfits are all blue with tinges of different coloring. This, to me, seems pretty stupid, although I will admit that the black one looks pretty spiffy. If Mario can have a Wario outfit (and vice versa), Luigi can have a Waluigi outfit, and Peach can have a Daisy outfit, why can't Sonic, at the very least, have a Shadow outfit? He could copy Silver, or Knuckles, or some other loser from some dumb Sonic game I don't know. But man, having the same outfit with minor differences like that is just plain stupid. More on everyone else's outfits later.
18. The Soccer Ball is broken. I don't care what anyone says, I hate this thing. I like hitting people with it, but god this is the most unfair item in this game, right next to Dragoon. "WELL PMJ JUST TURN THEM OFF THEN!!!!" That isn't my point. I always play with Dragoon, Maxim Tomatoes, Heart Containers, Superspicy Curry, Beam Sword, Ray Gun, Lip's Stick, both Hammers, and Lightning off since in a 1v1 fight (which is what I usually do) then they all give one guy a completely unfair advantage. Lip's Stick isn't so broken, it's only off because I absolutely hate it more than any item in this game. URGH.
19. No special outfits. I think it would have been super awesome to have everyone, not just Wario, have special outfits. For example, Mario's special outfit could be Dr. Mario. Luigi definitely should have got Mr. L from Super Paper Mario. Peach, I dunno, Paper Peach? You see what I'm getting at? It was a cool idea to give Wario his old-school clothes and his WarioWare outfit, and I don't see why they couldn't have done that for everyone else, too.
20. No SSB stages. This one I really did not like and I can't believe I didn't think of it before. They should have brought SSB stages back like Kongo Jungle, Saffron City, and Mushroom Kingdom. Man those stages rocked. But there aren't any, and that really sucks.
And finally... (remember this is in no particular order and it's just as I think of them)
21. Where's the SSB Masterpiece??? This game is screaming for a Masterpiece of Super Smash Bros. for the N64. Give like a 5-minute demo of that and you are good as gold. That would have been sooooooo perfect. AGH.
So, there you have it. A simple list of 21 things I don't particularly like about this game. Again, disclaimer, I love this game and I'm not trying to find a reason to hate it. I love this game and if you give me your fc sometime (just find me in the chat) I'd be glad to fight ya.
These are just some things that I don't really like and think oughta been changed. Discuss!
RULE NUMBER ONE: DO NOT QUOTE THIS POST. EVER. If you do, well, you won't like what happens.
All right... so this is my first time back in the PB smash community since the Japanese release, and I'd like to welcome myself back with a GIANT RANT about the stuff about Brawl... that I hate. Now, before you all go running your mouths off at light speed about how totally awesome this game is, I'd like to go on record saying that this game rocks. I love this game. But certain aspects of this game really make me just want to strangle the development team. Most of this stuff is fairly minor anyway, but it's fresh in my mind since my friend and I were discussing it. So, without further ado, for your reading and discussion pleasure, PMJ Productions proudly presents...
21 Things I Hate About Brawl
I will do my best to explain each point so hopefully y'all can see things how I do. Now, this is all based on personal experience, so chances are some of y'all are gonna disagree with what I have to say. And that's what the discussion's for, you know? So, with that said, in no particular order:
1. Toon Link is a failure. This is probably my biggest gripe. Toon Link got dumped on, same with Peach and Samus (more on that later). No matter how you slice it, Toon Link is a direct clone of Link. His voice, looks, win poses, and a taunt may pay homage to Wind Waker, but you get down to it, the most important part is how he fares in battle. They jacked Toon Link straight from Wind Waker. Where's all the Wind Waker moves? This is how it should have been: B move - Deku Leaf, charge it up for more wind blowing. Think F.L.U.D.D., except useful. Up B is still Deku Leaf, you guys who have played WW know what I mean. Forward B could have been the Skull Hammer, whaCRACK something dies, think Ike's forward smash. Down B can stay as bombs since there's really nothing else that's WW-exclusive to put there... and his grab oughta be replaced with the Grappling Hook. It's from WW and there's no reason why it couldn't wrap around the foe quickly and then have Toon Link yank them towards him. Final Smash? Two words: Great Spin. Toon Link spins in a crazy whirly cyclone of up B action, except, well, more extreme, and you can mash some button to go into the air with it and stuff. It would have rocked. And just to be extra cool, as the FS ends, do that googly teeter dance that happens if you don't hit anything, or hit a wall, or however it happened.
Toon Link could have been super aweseome, but unfortunately he's just a super clone.
2. Final Destination has the most unforgiving ledge in the game. Raise your hand if you've tried to recover on FD only to be caught just under the ledge and die? I've never seen a level with a ledge that ruthless. I can't think of any other level like it. It's stupid. Change that garbage.
3. New Pork City has no real places to fight. I hate New Pork City mainly because it's super huge. I hate Hyrule Temple, too, but unlike Hyrule Temple, NPC is filled with a bunch of small platforms and no real places for melee combat. At least Hyrule Temple has long, straight paths for you to run on and actually do battle without having to jump all over the place trying to chase your opponent down. NPC... doesn't. It actually looks smaller than HT, but it's just way too stupid because 85% of it is wide open space, 10% of it are tiny platforms, and the other 5% is fight space. And god I hate that chimera, stupid computer partner who goes out of his way to pet it, GAAAAAAH. It's like fighting at 75m, except 75m is a lot smaller (I hate fighting there too for the exact same reason I hate NPC).
4. Peach and Samus got screwed. Has anyone else noticed how much Peach and Samus got nerfed? Peach's forward throw is no longer that monstrous slap of DEATH it was in Melee, and her second jump may as well not even be there. Samus's blast was cut down, and her missiles don't pack as much punch as they did before. What happened? I'm disappointed.
5. Falco + Landmaster = ??? Anyone else catch what Falco says as he performs his FS? Lemme clue you in:
"Personally, I prefer the air."
... well what are you doing in the Landmaster then, Falco??? Man. I don't get it. If Falco hates the Landmaster so much, what's he doing getting in one and killing stuff with it? Falco's Final Smash should have been the Arwing, do an air raid or crash it into the field if you want, just do something air-related. The Landmaster is Fox's thing, which brings me to my next point...
6. Wolf needs his own FS. Now, I will admit I have only played Star Fox 64 and don't really know Wolf's character, or what he's doing with the Landmaster in the first place, albeit a cooler-looking, more awesome version. But this is just like Pichu and Pikachu. Changing the effects of the same move does not make a character unique. Just because Wolf's Landmaster is red and can move better and shoot stronger than Fox's does not mean Wolf's FS is unique. It's still the Landmaster. Get your own trick, Wolf.
7. Stage Builder as a whole. More pieces, more backgrounds, more everything. It has potential but seeing the same pieces on every level is stupid.
8. No 2-player Wi-Fi. As in, two people from the same Wii can't go vs other people online. That would have been cool.
9. Masterpieces are a waste of time. You get thrust into the game with no advance knowledge of the controls, or even what you're supposed to be doing. People who have never played some of these games are going to spend a good chunk of time learning how to play before getting kicked out. How are we supposed to know if we like a game or not if you're giving us 40 seconds to play it? The F-Zero demo is 40 seconds long, which is barely enough time to finish a single lap, that is if you run the course almost perfectly, don't hit any cars, gray line things, or walls, and you automatically know that you have to hold B to go. Even the longer demos, they're not long enough for you to even do anything worthwhile. Add a control screen that ISN'T part of my 40 seconds so I can at least know what I'm doing once I get in there. Make the demos longer, 40 seconds is not long enough to get a lasting impression of ANY game.
10. No global My Music. After beating the game, you should have an option to play any music on any stage you want. A perfect example for me - New Pork City. It has some cool music, but I would rather drink curdled milk than fight there. Other cool-music-stupid-stages are Rumble Falls and Mario Bros. I like Flat Zone 2 and love the music, but my bro hates it because we always get wrecked by the zoo keepers or whatever those dudes are by the cages. So, an option to take the game's music into any stage would have been awesome, and Stage Builder doesn't count because Stage Builder can't give me an exact replica of, say, Smashville, but have Meta Knight's Revenge playing in the background. I will say, however, that having more than one option of music on the stages is a very good idea and I'm glad it was included.
Custom stages should have had 4-5 songs alloted of your choice for the stage. That would have rocked.
11. Bowser, Wolf, Ganondorf, and King Dedede needed their own victory music. Meta Knight got the COOLEST victory music in the entire game, exclusive to him. Kirby gets the typical Kirby win music, and D3 is forced to share it. Why play favorites with Meta Knight? In Nightmare in Dream Land, when playing as MK you get Kirby's win music, not some super-rockin' rock theme. So where's this new, awesome sound coming from? Bowser, Wolf, and Ganondorf are villains in their respective series. Why should they have to have the happy happy yay I won music their good-natured enemies have? There's no reason to give it only to Meta Knight. And while I'm on the subject of villains...
12. There aren't any villain home stages. I don't know about you, but Bowser's Castle would have made a GREAT stage. They could have made Mushroomy Kingdom randomly select 1-4 to pay homage to Bowser, complete with a cool remix of the castle music, but I guess not. Ganon's Tower would have made a good stage, too. One could argue that the stages are better generalized by series (like Halberd is the only stage representative of the Kirby series), and I could find myself agreeing with that. But I still think stages specifically for the villains would have been awesome.
13. Fighting music? More like chilling music. Some of the music selections are not meant to be played during an intense brawl. For example, on Delfino Plaza, you can listen to "Main Theme (Super Mario 64)", also known as that awesome tunage you hear while exploring Bob-omb Battlefield. Now, that is a cool song, but try brawling to it. It's the worst. This doesn't make me want to smash my opponents into oblivion, it makes me want to shut off this game and whip out my N64 and this game, run around with a bomb that pops a coin out when it explodes, and tease a Chain Chomp before setting it free and getting a star for it. Other pieces of music that are most definitely not suited for fighting: "Calling to the Night" (Shadow Moses Island); "Town Hall and Tom Nook's Store" (Smashville); "The Roost" (Smashville); "Forest/Nature Area" (Halberd); "Wild Pokemon Battle! Ruby/Sapphire" (Pokemon Stadium 2); "Wild Pokemon Battle! Diamond/Pearl" (Spear Pillar); and my favorite non-battle tune, "Route 209" (Spear Pillar). Give 'em a listen.
14. Names... Hooray for five letters maximum, but I'm pretty sure people named Rachel, Harley, Taylor, Dakota, Sharon, or other people with unshortenable 6-letter names are still pretty miffed. Up it to like 8 or something. I'm lucky and have a name that fits in only 4 spots, so I'm not griping about this because my own name doesn't fit.
15. Luigi's behavior in general. For the record, I have accepted Luigi's behavior and odd mannerisms just fine, but I have to bring this up. Seriously, is half this stuff necessary? Where's the real man from Strikers (which I have and will vs anyone in just PM me) that I know? That's just messed up.
16. Who remembers a boiling Mario? I do. What happened to that? That was so cool, watching Mario get boiled alive, his face twisted in agony. At least we can watch the movie it happens in, but I think it would have been kinda neat to have your lone opponent cry out in pain if he was the only one sucked up by Cook.
17. Sonic's outfits = FAIL All the other characters have colorful variations of their outfits. Sonic's outfits are all blue with tinges of different coloring. This, to me, seems pretty stupid, although I will admit that the black one looks pretty spiffy. If Mario can have a Wario outfit (and vice versa), Luigi can have a Waluigi outfit, and Peach can have a Daisy outfit, why can't Sonic, at the very least, have a Shadow outfit? He could copy Silver, or Knuckles, or some other loser from some dumb Sonic game I don't know. But man, having the same outfit with minor differences like that is just plain stupid. More on everyone else's outfits later.
18. The Soccer Ball is broken. I don't care what anyone says, I hate this thing. I like hitting people with it, but god this is the most unfair item in this game, right next to Dragoon. "WELL PMJ JUST TURN THEM OFF THEN!!!!" That isn't my point. I always play with Dragoon, Maxim Tomatoes, Heart Containers, Superspicy Curry, Beam Sword, Ray Gun, Lip's Stick, both Hammers, and Lightning off since in a 1v1 fight (which is what I usually do) then they all give one guy a completely unfair advantage. Lip's Stick isn't so broken, it's only off because I absolutely hate it more than any item in this game. URGH.
19. No special outfits. I think it would have been super awesome to have everyone, not just Wario, have special outfits. For example, Mario's special outfit could be Dr. Mario. Luigi definitely should have got Mr. L from Super Paper Mario. Peach, I dunno, Paper Peach? You see what I'm getting at? It was a cool idea to give Wario his old-school clothes and his WarioWare outfit, and I don't see why they couldn't have done that for everyone else, too.
20. No SSB stages. This one I really did not like and I can't believe I didn't think of it before. They should have brought SSB stages back like Kongo Jungle, Saffron City, and Mushroom Kingdom. Man those stages rocked. But there aren't any, and that really sucks.
And finally... (remember this is in no particular order and it's just as I think of them)
21. Where's the SSB Masterpiece??? This game is screaming for a Masterpiece of Super Smash Bros. for the N64. Give like a 5-minute demo of that and you are good as gold. That would have been sooooooo perfect. AGH.
So, there you have it. A simple list of 21 things I don't particularly like about this game. Again, disclaimer, I love this game and I'm not trying to find a reason to hate it. I love this game and if you give me your fc sometime (just find me in the chat) I'd be glad to fight ya.
These are just some things that I don't really like and think oughta been changed. Discuss!