Writing MtheW: Red's Journey

[MtheW]

In a little bit of a prelude, I just want to explain some things. First of all, this story will be 90% based on the basic plot of Red Version. I am going to try and play through the game again as I write this to help me remember what goes on. Some of the dialogue will also come from the game. However, because of the general lack of dialogue for a lot of the game, I will be supplementing my own thoughts on what the characters would say. Also, obviously the main character talks in this story. So that is different from the game. Hopefully this concept isn’t overdone. Also, if anyone is interested, I am trying to come up with a good way to make up his team. So I have seen that a lot of the time people will have other members vote in the thread for this kind of thing. So should I do that? Or should I pick a certain number of pokemon that will be caught, larger than the number of routes available, and then randomize the number of and which Pokemon I catch from each area? Or maybe whatever fits the story best? I dunno. Anyway, advice on this and criticism/advice in general appreciated. (Also, this my end up being similar to a nuzlocke run, minus the rules, which I hope isn't a bad thing.)
Thanks!

I take no ownership of content taken directly from the pokemon games or the tv show

Spoiler: Red Version

Red's Journey​

"Now all I need to do is grab my backpack and put on my belt before I can leave. There we go! Hey Mom, I’m headed for Oak’s lab now, ok? See you later!”

With this, our hero has started his journey through the Kanto region. It is a world inhabited by fascinating and dangerous creatures called Pokemon, which are sure to fill his adventure with billions of laughs, heart-pounding peril, and endless excitement. After all, there’s no guessing what could happen when Pokemon are involved.

"....Dang, the professor wasn’t at his lab. Where could he be?” Downtrodden at not being able to get his Pokemon right away, Red was thinking this to himself when suddenly... “Wait! What was that!” He spotted movement in the grass north of town, and it looked like a Pokemon! He immediately dashed off to try and catch up to it, and just as he entered the grass a hand swiftly reached out and clutched his shoulder.

“Red, what do you think you’re doing? You know it isn’t safe out there without your own Pokemon.” It was Professor Oak, and he was looking down at our young hero with a very stern expression.

“I know that,” snapped Red, upset for his own reasons, “but you weren’t in the lab like you said you’d be and I was bored. Besides, I’ve played on Route 1 plenty of times without getting into trouble.”

“Now now,” said Oak, “let’s not get snippy. Just follow me back to the lab and you can pick your first companion.”

Excited all over again, Red happily obliged. However, as they entered the lab, he spotted a somewhat unwelcome guest.

“Gramps, what took you so long? I’m fed up with waiting.”

This was Blue, being obnoxious as ever. Even though, and probably because, he was the grandson of Professor Oak, he never treated the professor with near the respect he deserved.

With a somewhat disgruntled look on his face, Oak turned to him and asked “Blue? Why are you here? Let me think…. oh that’s right, you’re here for a Pokemon too. Very well then. Red, please pick your partner from the three pokeballs on the table.”

Blue instantly snapped “Gramps, what about me!?”

“Be patient,” Oak responded, “you can have one too.”

Red quickly walked over to the table, looking at the pokeballs with wonder in his eyes. Any of the three starters would be a good choice, but Red had already made his decision.

“I choose you, Bulbasaur!” He threw the ball and there was a brief flash of red plasma, then Bulbasaur was squatting on the ground in front of him.

Oak immediately quipped, “So, you want the grass Pokemon, Bulbasaur?”

Red responded with a definite yes, and then lowered himself to the creatures level so he could pet it.

As he was doing this, Blue sauntered over to the table. After taking a cursory glance at Red’s Bulbasaur, he knew which of them he would pick.

“I’ll take this one then!” He dropped the ball on the floor button down, and a Charmander popped out. Upon release, it emitted a low snarl and glared at Bulbasaur intently. Blue liked it already.

“Now then,” said Professor Oak, “would either of you like to nickname your Pokemon?”

Red honestly hadn’t thought of that yet, but it didn’t take him very long to come up with a meaningful name.

“I’ll call him Proxy.”

Blue snears, and then says: “Ha, is that the best you can come up with? I’m going to name mine Dusty!”

Red, slightly off-put by Blue’s confrontational mood, gets up to leave, with Proxy in tow. However, he doesn’t make it very far before....

“Wait Red, let’s check out our Pokemon! Come on, I’ll take you on!”

FIN (for now, and probably a while, still thinking about how to write fight scenes)​

Suggestions on nicknames welcome, mostly for inspirational purposes, and as mentioned previously criticism is desired. I just wrote this up in the middle of the night because I was inspired by something to get started on writing it. Anyway, thanks for reading!

Edit: I just realized I forgot about the Pokedexes. I will have to work that in later.

Edit 2: Clarification - This is prologue, because it needs to be to meet word count minimum. Will be editing in Pokedex later though (even though it isn't going to be a large part of the plot, at all) so that may help it reach chapter status.

Edit 3: Ignore everything I said about the Pokedex. He gets it later (facepalm).

 

[Turtwig]

This is a really good prologue you have, and I think it's cool that you're basing it off of a storyline we're already familiar with. If you don't mind my asking, how, in particular, is this going to be different from Pokemon Origins? Is it eventually going to lead into a new plot, or is it just going to follow the storyline?

In my stories, I pick out the Pokemon and write them in as I go. It'll come to you, don't worry. Go with your gut. There is no right answer to your questions; as the writer you get to make these decisions. Unless you want an interactive story of sorts, you just continue it how you want to.

 

[MtheW]

It will differ in a few ways, mostly in that I will be injecting it with my own personality because I get to make up Red's dialogue. Secondly, the pokemon he catches will be different, and there won't be mega evolutions (obviously, it is based on Red Version haha). Also, I will be going into detail on things that Pokemon Origins never really covered, but just kind of skimmed over, such as the majority of the gym battles and side quests. This is hopefully going to be really in depth at some point. Anyway, thanks for your continued help and for posting in here.

 

[MtheW]

I came up with a name for my Bulbasaur and I will be uploading the first actual chapter soon, hopefully tonight or tomorrow. I hope everyone likes Bulbasaur's name, it took me forever to come up with something I was okay with. Anyway, looking forward to more critiques and for people to read chapter 1 when I post it. Thanks!

 

[MtheW]

Here is Chapter 1, hope you guys like it!

Spoiler: The First Battle

It Begins!​

Red turned around reluctantly at the sound of Blue's voice.

"Why do we need to battle already? We haven't even had a chance to train them yet."

Blue gave Red a condescending look and said "That's the only way to find out which one is really stronger, Red. Now let's go!"

Seeing that Blue couldn't be dissuaded, Red turned to Proxy and said, "hey buddy, are you okay with fighting Dusty so soon?"

The Bulbasaur gave a low grunt, as if to indicate a yes.

"Alright then, let's do this Proxy! I'm sure we can take him."

With that, the Pokemon stepped in front of the trainers and locked eyes. The air became very intense, and everything in the lab became still...

"Dusty, use Scratch!" Blue gave the first command, and the Charmander immediately obeyed him. It rushed at Proxy, one arm held back, ready strike.

"Proxy, brace yourself!" The pudgy grass type tensed up in preparation for the attack.

Dusty's claws struck home, leaving three horizontal lines on it's enemies side. Then Red shouted at his Pokemon, "Proxy, tackle it now!"

The Bulbasaur launched himself at the unbalanced Charmander, and his head connected fiercely with Dusty’s jaw, sending him flying across the lab.

"Dusty, what are you doing?" Blue yelled. "You can't let yourself be caught off guard like that. Get up and use a growl attack on that green lump!"

Dusty hopped to his feet, eager to obey Blue's commands. The Charmander then let out a harsh growl in the direction of Proxy, who cringed when the sound reached his ears. He would not be eager to attack again.

Red noticed this, but he knew that Proxy could still pack a punch, and instantly said, "Proxy, follow up with another tackle attack!" The Bulbasaur dashed towards Dusty somewhat tentatively, but Proxy’s attack still packed enough for to knock him off his feet.

"Don't worry Dusty," said Blue, "that was nothing. Just shake it off and hit him with another scratch!" The Charmander got up a little more slowly this time, but still with some energy. It approached Proxy swiftly and lashed out with it's claws once more, scoring three more lines, this time on Proxy's cheek.

“Proxy, hit him with your own growl now!” said Red. Proxy let out a deep and rumbling noise, for such a small Pokemon, and the effect on Dusty was immediate, making him much more coy.

But Blue didn’t care, he was already sure of his victory. “Come on Dusty, one more scratch for the win!”

Dusty lashed out with his claws from close proximity, but they didn’t contain quite the same power they did the first two times, and he failed to KO Proxy.
“You can do this Proxy,” said Red, “stand strong! Use tackle one last time!” Proxy nodded, and then threw himself bodily into Dusty. The Charmander was lifted off of the ground and thrown into a stack of files across the lab. He didn’t move.

“And the winner is Red!” shouted Oak, choosing this odd interval to interject again after being silent the whole battle.

Blue made a strange noise with his mouth, and then said “Humph, I must have chosen the wrong Pokemon. Dusty, return!”

Red was sitting down and talking with Proxy. “You did such a great job out there! I’m very proud of you, that was a great first battle. Now we just have to get you healed up.” Proxy closed his eyes and nodded in agreement, looking forward to it.

After their Pokemon were healed, Red and Blue left the lab, with Blue taking one final jab at Red.

“Smell you later, punk!”

“Yeah whatever,” replied Red, “see you too.”

Blue stalked off towards his house, where he lived with his sister, while Red had decided to finally check out the grass that Professor Oak was so nervous about him going into alone, and he also wanted to visit Viridian City.

“Well Proxy, I’m thinking we should head into Route 1 and see what that’s all about. Whaddya say?” The Bulbasaur kind of shrugged at him, as if to suggest indifference, and then began munching on some flowers.

“Well aren’t you helpful?” said Red. “Let’s get going buddy, I’d like to reach Viridian City before dark.”

Proxy shrugged again and began following Red at a brisk pace. They continued on through the grass uneventfully, save for being accosted by someone trying to give them a “potion.” Red had been warned not to take drugs from strangers, and this man had seemed shady anyway.

They arrive in Viridian quickly, with plenty of daylight left. Red reads the welcome sign: “Welcome to Viridian City, the gateway to Indigo Plateau!”

“The gateway, huh?” says Red. “Anyway, I wonder if I can access the gym now.”

Red and Proxy head towards the north end of town, but see a man lying on the ground in their way. As they try to step around him, he shouts angrily at them.

“You can’t go through here! This is private property!”

Startled by this, Red and Proxy turn to look at the girl standing nearby, who looks very nervous herself. She notices this and immediately explains to them what is going on.

“I am so sorry about my grandfather, sir! He has become belligerently drunk and he refuses to get up. I apologize, but you half to come back later when he feels better”

Somewhat disheartened that their path to the gym has been blocked, Red and Proxy turn and dejectedly walk away towards the Pokemart, hoping to find something to do there.

 

[MtheW]

I probably won't be posting chapters any time soon, I barely have time to write things that I actually have to be writing. Which is my fault, sure, but that doesn't mean I can make time for this. So sorry if anyone was actually reading/enjoying this.

 

[Gardy]

Dang it, anyways, keep up the good work, I like how you are writing it.

Just some things I found.

"hey buddy, are you okay with fighting Dusty so soon?" The first letter needs to be capitalized.

It rushed at Proxy, one arm held back, ready strike. - Found an area where you forgot a to, right between ready and strike.

on it's enemies side - Just something I saw, when you are using it to describe a person/thing's possession, it is used like its, it's is used when you contract it and is.

I apologize, but you half to come back - Not sure what you are meaning when you say "half to come back", perhaps you can clear it up for me, please?

 

[MtheW]

Yep thanks, I don't proofread my work, too lazy, I usually don't make many mistakes. I might fix it if I ever feel like writing in here again, but I just got sick of it quick.

And on that last thing you mentioned, it was just a simple thought to typing mistake. When I say "have" it sounds like "half," for example when I say "I have to do something," as with most people, I'm too lazy to actually pronounce the v. So it sounds like "half to" or "haf to."

And that's my long convoluted explanation of why I wrote half instead of have.

But otherwise yes, you could just point out the mistakes, no explanation needed. I know my grammar rules, and I'll fix these if I have time. Also, for future reference, quotes are usually used when giving critiques, because this allows me to know the general section of the chapter that I would find these mistakes, but instead you just gave me the sections where the mistakes are. Just a tip for future critiques. I could definitely see you being a critic for the cafe in the future though, thanks for pointing these out.