Writing Trump Card

Fancy

Aristocrat
Member
Hello! Today I'll be starting this story called Trump Card. I hope you enjoy it!

Trump Card
[animate]victini[/animate]​

♣ Chapter 1: Elusive Victory

The sun was shining and it blanketed the pokemon habitat with a warmth that shone on its occupant's very hearts. The greenery of the grass was healthy and bright. The forest was overall placid and calm, to the dismay of Jake, one of the pokemon trainers in the habitat.

"Saith, do you want to have a pokemon battle?" Jake asked. "I've got this new pokemon I want to test out," he said trying to keep from laughing.

Saith looked at Jake, "Sure, Growlithe, come on," he said as the Growlithe beside him stepped forward; Jake wasn't the only one who wanted a change of pace. Growlithe barked in excitement.

Jake threw his pokeball and in a flash a Charizard was now towering over Growlithe. Saith was shocked and began trying to think of any way to counter their formidable opponent.

"Charizard! Dragon Rush!" Jake said as Charizard took into the sky and was enveloped in dragon-shaped energy as he charged toward Growlithe. Growlithe began running and dashing, but it couldn't outspeed Charizard, who had now slammed into Growlithe knocking it out.

"Man, If I had known you were going for such an easy win, I wouldn't have played" Saith said as he took Growlithe into his arms.

"It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I just wanted to test out my new pokemon. Besides, you shouldn't be mad at me, you should get some new pokemon to battle with. If you keep using the same old cards, then I'll know how to beat you," Jake said with a grin.

"Yes, by brute force," Saith said.

"Come on, get over it, I'm going to head out to town, I'll be back! Make sure nothing happens while I'm gone," Jake said as he began rushing off, clearly retreating from boredom.


"You're all patched up, Growlithe," Saith said. It had taken a while, but Growlithe had finally woken up.

"I hope Jake brings back some more medicine when he gets here. We're going to need a lot if we're having these many pokemon battles, we've battled at least four times yesterday" Saith said.

Growlithe just looked at Saith with his playful eyes and reassuring face. Looking at Growlithe, Saith just knew that everything would turn out well. He petted him and put out a dish for him full of pokemon food.

"Now, if I can just find something for my own dinner," he said as he began to look through cabinets to find food for him and for the rest of the trainers. Everything in the cabinets turned out to be pokemon food. Once Saith shut the cabinets he heard footsteps and considered calling out to someone to ask where the food was, but they seemed to just pass by the room too quickly.

"Man, Jake has to bring back some human food" Saith said. "A burger or a ice cream cone would be nice" Saith said to himself. "Gotta stop talking about food, I'm going to make myself hungry" Saith said. "What is in pokemon food anyway?" he asked himself as he watched Growlithe eat.

Muffled conversations could be heard from above them. From what Saith could tell, there were talks about Victory, strong winds, and psychic pokemon.

"Team Gale will have absolutely nothing to stand in its way when we get the Legendary Pokemon here." the voice said. "Now go out and interrogate everyone and every pokemon you see," Saith heard from just beyond the door.

Growlithe had stopped eating and was, too, listening near the wall to hear what was being said.

"Growlithe, I think some bad guys are here, feel like helping me?" Saith asked.

Growlithe barked. "I'll take that as a yes!" Saith exclaimed.


Saith opened the door and looked around, as did Growlithe, mimicking its leader. "I don't think we should go upstairs, if those were grunts we heard earlier, its best we not run into a lot of them all at once," Saith reasoned "Lets search on the ground floor, just to keep it safe" Saith whispered.

Saith had searched left and right but had found nothing. "Maybe some pokemon are outside that we can get to help us clear the upper floor," he said. Growlithe barked happily in return.

Saith went to the door and looked out through the peephole and he saw a black van with the words 'Gale' on it. He opened the door and ran out to the van to see someone in the driver's seat dressed in black clothing.

"Who are you?" Saith asked.

"I'm Xavier, of Team Gale," he said.

"So, what are you doing here? Doesn't Team Gale have important business or things to do?" Saith asked.

"Yes, we do" Xavier said. We're interrogating you, we're looking for the Legendary Pokemon Vic-"

Saith had stopped him midway through the name. "We're not harboring any Legendary pokemon,"

"Our psychic pokemon will make sure of that," he said. "Now, why don't you be a good boy and sit down for your mind reading" he chuckled.

Saith looked at Xavier and then glanced at the van. "Growlithe, use Flamethrower!"

Growlithe gushed out flames from its mouth onto the van. "What!?" Xavier said as he looked at the flames and darted out of the truck.

"That was a bad move on your part; messing with me knowing that we have Team Gale agents all over this place," Xavier said glaring at Saith.

"That was a bad move on your part, messing with the habitat in the first place!" Saith said.

"Rhydon, Go!" Xavier said as he threw his pokeball and a Rhydon appeared glaring at Growlithe.

"Growlithe, you can do this, stay strong!" Saith encouraged. "Now, use Flamethrower!" Growlithe spouted flames from its mouth toward Rhydon.

"Rhydon! Use Horn Attack!" Xavier yelled. Rhydon rushed through the flames and threw Growlithe upward with its horn and watched Growlithe slam into the ground.

"Growlithe!" Saith yelled. He wanted to pick him up but the Rhydon was blocking his way.

"Now Rhydon, why don't you use Horn Attack on him? Show him what Team Gale is made of" Xavier said with a chuckle.

Saith clutched his hands, turned around, and dashed.


Saith had reached a clearing in the forest, he was way past the habitat. He sat on a rock and began thinking.

"I wish Growlithe was here, I should've caught him in my pokeball," Saith said. He got out the one pokeball that he had, the one reserved for Growlithe. He didn't catch him because he instinctively knew that parting a pokemon with its habitat, friends, and family seemed harsh.

"Maybe it's true, I can't keep playing with the same old deck that I used to," Saith said.

A wind kicked in and blew the bountiful leaves up, they twisted and twirled as if in some nature-like dance. Saith had made a game out of this before, to predict where the leaves would go. He concentrated on the leaves so much that he hadn't realized a pokemon had taken a seat beside him on the rock.

"Tini tini.." The pokemon said. "Oh!" Saith was startled. He took out his pokedex and scanned the pokemon.

"Victini, The Victory Pokemon. This Pokemon brings victory. It is said that Trainers with Victini always win, regardless of the type of encounter," the pokedex spoke.

"Victini! You are what they are after! I guess then I have no choice but to..."

Saith tapped Victini lightly with the pokeball and immediately Victini was swept up into the pokeball. The pokeball moved sideways once. Twice. Three times, and it was caught.

"I can defeat them! Heck, I can defeat anything! I can win!" Saith exclaimed. Saith ran through the forest back to the Pokemon Habitat.


Saith arrived back at the Pokemon habitat to see Jake and his Charizard looking at the Team Gale grunts. They all seemed to be intimidated by the Charizard.

"We'll be back, and we'll search your mind too," Xavier said.

"Oh, and when you're back, do you prefer to be fried or roasted?" Jake scoffed as they left.

"Oh, Saith. I was wondering where you were. Everyone's fine, though, we're going to need to heal a lot of pokemon," Jake said.

Saith looked dismayed. "I had just gotten a new pokemon that I wanted to try out. I think he and I can win against anything," Saith said.

"We'll battle tomorrow, then," Jake said.

"Okay," Saith said thrilled.

♣​

Above the pokeball's middle circle, he put a Diamond sticker, for eternity.
A Heart Sticker, for friendship. And a Spade Sticker, for strength. Saith took a pokeball-seal that looked like a Club and put it on Victini's pokeball, to symbolize all three of the other stickers.

After he was done decorating the pokeball, he went to sleep.
 
I already gave you my feedback, but I'll post here too! This story got me really caught up in it! I'm excited to find out how the bonds between Saith and Victini will develop and what Team Gale's plan is! :D

I can't wait for the next chapter! :)
 
Alright, I'm [mod]Colress[/mod], and I am here to critique your work.

First off, I noticed one thing -- punctuation in quotations. Now, in your quotes, you must not place a period at the end of the quote, like you have been doing. Example:
"Maybe it's true, I can't keep playing with the same old deck that I used to." Saith said.

Instead of a period, use a comma. Example:
"Maybe it's true; I can't keep playing with the same old deck that I used to," Saith said.

Another thing I noticed right off is this:
"Man, Jake has to bring back some human food. A burger or a ice cream cone would be nice." Saith said to himself.

"Gotta stop talking about food, going to make myself hungry." Saith said. "What is in pokemon food anyway?" he asked himself as he watched Growlithe eat.

When the same character is speaking, it is not imperative that you begin a new paragraph; only begin a new paragraph when a new character is speaking. Example:
"Man, Jake has to bring back some human food. A burger or a ice cream cone would be nice. I've got to stop talking about food; I'm going to make myself hungry," Saith said. "What is in pokemon food anyway?" he asked himself as he watched Growlithe eat.

Other than minor punctuation errors, I did not notice anything else, except the way your story flows. To me, it seems too abrupt and not properly thought out. I don't mean to discourage you, or anything, but perhaps you could work on trying to be more descriptive. Description is everything. Make me feel like I am in the story! Your story certainly has potential, and I await to see what you have in store for Saith. :)

I look forward to reading your next chapter, and with time, you will certainly improve! If there is anything else with which I may be of assistance, just send me a PM, and I will be happy to help you.

Oh, and by the way, I love the little text symbols that you've inserted into the body of the story! I've been doing the same with my fanfic, too.
 
Thanks Drohn!

Thanks for the Critique, Colress! Fixed the Punctuation in Quotation problems, And I was unsure about the one character speaking quotes, I'll collide them from now on.

Yep! I use the text symbols to symbolize when a good amount of time has gone by, thought it was pretty nifty. Say, do you feel that I should do that? Should I include all of those parts, too? It may help to alleviate the abruptness.
 
Would be perfect only if not for one thing. Despite your noticing of punctuation mistakes as Colress stated, the story was littered with a lot of dialogue that didn't end in a comma or period. My eyes. xD
 
Time for a new Chapter!

Chapter 2: A Fairy Tale


Saith woke up from his sleep, it was a brand new day; a day that he had anticipated so much he thought he had spent an eternity sleeping and waiting for it to come. He looked around his room. His room was a tad small to him, and he would sometimes feel confined but he didn't speak a word of it. He enjoyed the habitat too much to complain. His attention flew to the dresser. Victini's pokeball was opened. He searched and scrambled to find Victini.

"Tini! Tini!" he heard. Victini was apparently sleeping beside him and was woken up by the search.

"Oh, there you are Victini. Sleeping in a bed beats a pokeball, huh?" Saith smiled. "Today, we have a big battle ahead of us. It's against Jake's Charizard. It'll also be a good chance to show you off to the habitat's community,"

A breeze blew in from the windows and a chill ran through Saith and Victini. He went to go close the window but as he did he got a glance outside and had found that some of the trainers had already gotten a fresh start on the day.

"Come here, Victini," Saith said as he gestured toward the window. Victini flew over and looked out the window with him to see two people working to feed twelve pokemon. "You see, the one in the red shirt is Alex. He is the habitat manager; he handles some important business," Saith said.

"The one in the blue shirt is Gary, he is like an advisor for Alex, and he is in charge of getting new pokemon to join the habitat or generally taking care of the ones already here," he said. Victini nodded as he studied the two of them from afar.

"And you have to meet my Buddy, Jake. He can play unfair at times, but he's a good guy. I'm sure he'll love you, after, of course, we beat his Charizard. He'll probably be fighting to have you as his pokemon," Saith grinned.

A bark from beyond the door had interrupted them. Saith opened the door and Growlithe came running out of it barking in excitement. "You were strong for me yesterday, thanks," Saith said kneeling down and petting Growlithe in joy. "You have to meet my friend, his name is Vict-" Saith had looked around him but Victini had disappeared.

"Victini, come on out! Growlithe won't bite," Saith said as he searched around the room yet again for Victini. Growlithe looked around and started barking.

"Your barking is probably scaring it, Growlithe. Please, quiet down for our friend," Saith said.

Growlithe stopped making noise and only looked around the room. Victini had faded back into sight once again. "There you are, Victini. This is Growlithe, my personal pokemon buddy," Saith introduced. Victini had gotten closer toward Growlithe and studied it. "Tini tini," the pokemon said.

Growlithe moved toward Victini and it jumped back in fright. Victini didn't seem so comfortable. "Alright, Growlithe. I think thats enough for today. We'll have to let Victini adjust," Saith said. With that, Growlithe decided to go back and play outside.

"Okay, Victini. Now how are we going to battle if you're shy?" Saith asked himself. Victini had reappeared yet again and had taken a seat on the bed. Saith walked over to the dresser where he had placed the pokeball and decided to return Victini.

"We'll be able to have some fun time together, later. Just you and me if that's what you want," he said as he put Victini back in his pokeball.


Saith had started his day at the pokemon habitat and decided to talk to the other pokemon trainers to ask them about that Team Gale that they had dealt with yesterday.

"I haven't really heard of them before. But, why would they interrogate us?" Saith asked.

"Well," Steve, one of the pokemon trainers in the habitat, began. "They were formed a long a time ago, I heard. There was a fairy tale about them, it escapes me at the moment," Steven said.

"But why would they question us? And worse, use psychic pokemon to do it? It just screams shady. I think we should report this to Officer Jenny," he said.

"I just hear it's what some organizations do, you just can't trust people to tell the truth. So, they use pokemon to find the truth. Team Gale is gone now, and I don't think they are coming back. It's best to just leave them alone," Steven said.

"Speaking of which, I have something for you to do, anyway. I want you to go out into the forest, I think I saw a Charizard there. It's time you catch something powerful, it's the thing to do if you want to be a strong trainer," Steven said as he handed him three pokeballs. "It's on me this time, personally, I really want to see you exceed," Steven said.

"Thanks," Saith said as he tried to put the pokeballs in his pocket. He was already carrying Victini's pokeball, his space had been limited but he managed to put them in.

"Okay, I'm off!" Saith said as he ran out the door to go investigating into the forest.


Saith had spent five minutes running through the forest and was out of breath. "Now, I just need to find a Charizard. You with me, Victini?" he said as he let Victini out of its pokeball. Victini looked around at the forest and was pleased with the new change of scenery. "Okay, so I'm going to need you to help me. Can you battle for me?" Saith asked.

Victini looked curiously at Saith before shaking its head up and down, a yes. "Tini," the pokemon said.

"Great! Now, let's go hunting for a Charizard," Saith said. A Roar thundered throughout the forest and Saith smiled, "I think we got our lead," Saith said and began running off further into the forest, with Victini following.

As Saith ran through the forest the pokemon began to scatter, but he was unsure if it was because of the roar; or because they didn't want to get run over by him. Finally, they had reached a clearing in the forest and Jake was there with his Charizard staring at another Charizard.

"No, You can't have this Charizard, this one is mine!" Saith said.

"Relax, would ya? What are you even going to battle it with? I don't see Growlithe around," Jake said.

"I have a pokemon, he's right here!" Saith said as he looked around him for Victini, but yet again, he was nowhere to be seen.

"You having a moment, Saith?" Jake asked. The wild Charizard looked around as well for the pokemon and then looked at Saith.

"Well, I don't need a pokemon to try, I can just use this pokeball!" Saith said as he reached into his pocket, pulled out a pokeball and threw it. The pokeball hit the Charizard and as it did there was a flashy swirl of pink. The pokeball twitched once. twice. It was caught.

"Did you see that pink flash?" Jake asked.

"Who cares! I got a Charizard!" Saith went to his pokeball and released the pokemon out of the pokeball.

"But Strong pokemon never come that easy.." Jake said.

Out of the pokeball emerged a charcoal black and red fox, the fox laughed. "What? Where's my Charizard? What's this pokemon?" Saith asked. He had also heard Victini somewhere near him. Saith got out the pokedex and scanned his new pokemon.

"Zorua, the tricky fox pokemon. To protect themselves from danger, they hide their true identities by transforming into people and Pokémon," The pokedex spoke.

"Looks like you caught a bluff! It's all yours buddy. I was wondering why that Charizard never roared," Jake laughed.

"I want to have a battle!" Saith said.

"With what? Are you going to use that fox? I think you'd be better off using Growlithe," Jake said.

"Victini! You have to come out now, please," Saith said. Victini appeared flying right beside Saith.

"Tini," The pokemon said. Zorua was shocked at the new pokemon.

Jake seemed puzzled. He had never seen that pokemon before. "Okay, you ready Jake?" Saith asked.

"Sure, this is the pokemon that you said you can win against anything with? I'll test that," Jake said.

"Charizard, Dragon Rush!" Jake commanded. Immediately, Charizard was enveloped in a powerful aura and began flying toward Victini.

"Victini, use--" Saith had realized he didn't know what moves Victini knew. "Overpower it with a move, any move you know!" Saith commanded.

Victini enveloped itself in blue electricity and collided with the Dragon Rush, the clashing forces caused an explosion. The trees had shaken and more pokemon had began to scatter from the clearing, Zorua was pushed away by fierce wind. Victini had fallen back to the ground as did Charizard, only Charizard had fainted. The attack was super-effective.

"What was that?" Jake asked as he put his Charizard back in its pokeball.

"You won, Victini!" Saith said happily. Saith had decided to return Zorua and Victini to their pokeballs.

"That pokemon, it's really strong. I didn't think it could take down my Charizard, or handle a Dragon Rush like that. You weren't kidding," Jake said.

"Yeah, It's the Victory Pokemon! We can win against anything, it's my trump card," Saith said.

"Nice card," Jake said. "Now, I'm going to head off back to the pokemon habitat to heal my Charizard. Nice battling with ya!" Jake said as he began to run off. Saith decided to follow him back to the pokemon habitat as well.


Saith had rushed to the habitat to find Team Gale yet again, Alex and Jake were talking to the police, but in front of all of the goons and cops was a teenage boy; he was about the same age as Saith; he had bright blonde hair, and was dressed in a black formal suit. Next to him was a Gardevoir.

"What's going on here?" Saith asked.

"It's an evacuation of the pokemon habitat effective Immediately,"
 
I love the new chapter! Now I also know why the story is called Trump Card. :D It was nice to see Saith beat Jake as well. I'm especially curious about Team Gale and their ambitions. And why would everyone have to evacuate?! I wonder what happened! I'll send a PM with some grammatical errors I found.
 
Yikes, just noticed the mistake I made at the end of the chapter as you said that. It's fixed now.

Thank you Drohn, and yes, something big is happening. You'll see exactly what in part 2 of this chapter. ^_^

Edit: Thanks, Drohn. I think I've corrected all the "Its and It's" mistakes and the "lets instead of let's."
 
♠Chapter 3: A Fairy Tale II

"Who are you?" Saith asked.

"I'm Leonardo, heir of Team Gale; and I've come for the benefit of your well-being as well as mine." he said calmly.

"Shutting down the pokemon habitat would never benefit me, why are you doing this?" Saith asked.

"There was a dangerous pokemon sighted here that we wish to capture. I believe my men came here yesterday to question you all? From what they told me you met them with rage instead of open arms; so it'd be best to close down the pokemon habitat before any of you get hurt, yourselves," Leonardo said.

"Are you serious? You're Team Gale. You're obviously the bad guys," Saith said.

"On the contrary, we're the good guys. Haven't you heard the stories of our great origins?" He asked.

Saith stopped for a moment. "I've never heard of you until yesterday," he said.

"Well, I'll educate you on the matter. A long time ago the world was dominated by pokemon beasts. There was one pokemon that humans went to war with in this very region. A group of "knights" emerged and stormed the area where the pokemon made its home and captured it, so it would never reign over the land again." Leonardo explained.

"The knights split into two groups. One to secure the other beasts, and one to deal with humanly affairs. They protected the region and the region itself went on rejoicing, living in peace. A peace we seek to maintain." Leonardo said, his Gardevoir's eyes glowed blue as it stared at Saith.

Saith was skeptic of Leonardo, he had seemed so confident in what he was saying, as if he could never possibly be in the wrong; he was sure of himself.

"Our region must be cleansed of all threats that endanger humanity, so we and our pokemon can live in peace, that is what Team Gale strives for. That is what we ensure to the Kaito region, the region we govern." he said.

"So, what do you do with the pokemon that you secure?" Saith asked. He still didn't trust letting them be in charge of a pokemon, even if it was 'dangerous'.

"We cannot tell a no-name trainer that. Rather, shouldn't you be helping us? If these forests harbored a dangerous pokemon, wouldn't you be doing all that you can to make sure that we secure it?" Leonardo asked. His Gardevoir turned to him and its eyes glowed blue yet again.

"I see. Now, I know that you have a Zorua in that pokeball. But we don't know what is in that other pokeball of yours, mind shedding some light, Saith?" Leonardo asked.

Saith had grew fearful, Leonardo knew his name and that he had caught Zorua. He wondered if he was beating around the bush, knowing that he had Victini in the other pokeball.

"I, i..." Saith began, he was hesitant to say anything. Leonardo had completely astonished him and made him fearful as well.

"Yes? I would like to hear what you have to say," Leonardo said.
 
♠Chapter 3: A Fairy Tale II

"Who are you?" Saith asked.

"I'm Leonardo, heir of Team Gale; and I've come for the benefit of your well-being as well as mine." he said calmly.

"Shutting down the pokemon habitat would never benefit me, why are you doing this?" Saith asked.

"There was a dangerous pokemon sighted here that we wish to capture. I believe my men came here yesterday to question you all? From what they told me you met them with rage instead of open arms; so it'd be best to close down the pokemon habitat before any of you get hurt, yourselves," Leonardo said.

"Are you serious? You're Team Gale. You're obviously the bad guys," Saith said.

"On the contrary, we're the good guys. Haven't you heard the stories of our great origins?" He asked.

Saith stopped for a moment. "I've never heard of you until yesterday," he said.

"Well, I'll educate you on the matter. A long time ago the world was dominated by pokemon beasts. There was one pokemon that humans went to war with in this very region. A group of "knights" emerged and stormed the area where the pokemon made its home and captured it, so it would never reign over the land again." Leonardo explained.

"The knights split into two groups. One to secure the other beasts, and one to deal with humanly affairs. They protected the region and the region itself went on rejoicing, living in peace. A peace we seek to maintain." Leonardo said, his Gardevoir's eyes glowed blue as it stared at Saith.

Saith was skeptic of Leonardo, he had seemed so confident in what he was saying, as if he could never possibly be in the wrong; he was sure of himself.

"Our region must be cleansed of all threats that endanger humanity, so we and our pokemon can live in peace, that is what Team Gale strives for. That is what we ensure to the Kaito region, the region we govern." he said.

"So, what do you do with the pokemon that you secure?" Saith asked. He still didn't trust letting them be in charge of a pokemon, even if it was 'dangerous'.

"We cannot tell a no-name trainer that. Rather, shouldn't you be helping us? If these forests harbored a dangerous pokemon, wouldn't you be doing all that you can to make sure that we secure it?" Leonardo asked. The Gardevoir turned to Leonardo and its eyes glowed blue yet again.

"I see. Now, I know that you have a Zorua in one of your pokeballs. But we don't know what is in that other pokeball of yours, mind shedding some light, Saith?" Leonardo asked.

Saith had grew fearful, Leonardo knew his name and that he had caught Zorua. He wondered if he was beating around the bush, knowing that he had Victini in the other pokeball.

"I, i..." Saith began, he was hesitant to say anything. Leonardo had completely astonished him, he didn't know if his mind was being read at that very moment.

"Yes? I would like to hear what you have to say," Leonardo said.

"Stop right there, Team Gale!" A feminine voice called out. There was a brunette girl that came from out of the forest, right beside her was a bidoof.

"That's her, that's the rebel that stopped us in our previous investigations. Don't let your eyes fool you, her bidoof is tough!" Xavier cried out from the crowd of goons.

Saith had felt the smart-aleck rising up in him, "Hey, Xavier! Does it hurt worse when you get your butt handed to you by a Bidoof? I'm just asking, because I've never had that happen to me and--"

"Thats the same guy who burned my van, he should arrested as well as this rebel." Xavier said.

"Thats enough, Xavier. Gardevoir, please handle this," Leonardo said and Gardevoir swiftly went toward the girl.

"Now Saith, I believe we were having a conversation?" Leonardo asked trying to get back on topic.

Saith turned around and threw out his pokeball, and Zorua emerged ready to fight. "Zorua, use Foul Play!" Saith said as Zorua tackled into the gardevoir. The gardevoir was pushed back and Bidoof hit it with Aqua Tail, swinging it back to Zorua. The Gardevoir fainted.

"Thanks, but we could've handled it, Saith, is it? My name is Serena," she said.

"Nice to meet you," Saith replied cheerfully.

Leonardo returned his pokemon. "Saith, is there any chance we can continue to have our talk?" Leonardo asked.

"No," Saith said. He had felt assured now, he and the habitat wasn't the only one standing up to Team Gale.

"Very well, Gale Knights, seize them." Leonardo said as six Team Gale members had stepped forward and thrown out their pokemon. Before they knew it, they were facing a Blastoise, Charizard, Rhyperior, Steelix, Rhydon, and Infernape. They began to close in on them but Jake stepped in between them.

"Jake!" Saith said.

"Let an expert handle this, will ya?" Jake said as he sent out his Vaporeon. "Use Mist!" Jake commanded and the Pokemon habitat was filled with a misty fog.

"Follow me, guys!" Serena said. They all stuck together and managed to escape the pokemon habitat.


The mist had finally cleared. "What are we going to do now? They escaped," Xavier said.

"Has everyone been evacuated from the habitat?" Leonardo asked Alex, the habitat manager.

"Yes, we're all accounted for, pokemon and humans," Alex said.

"Gale Knights, burn it down!" Leonardo commanded. Infernape and Charizard started using flamethrower on the house until all of it was set ablaze. Leonardo looked at the pokemon habitat in flames and grinned at the sight. The peaceful and beautiful home that they had come to know had succumbed to the fire and was deformed. The pokemon trainers' hearts sunk at the atrocity that their home had become.

"This is the only path for those that dare not follow Team Gale. Evacuate the area, now," Leonardo commanded the goons and so the police and Team Gale evacuated the pokemon trainers.

Leonardo watched the flames for a while and then ordered Blastoise to water the house down so it wouldn't spread to the forest. The house was left charred and broken, just how they wanted it to be for the rebels. The habitat trainers heart were divided, some had liked that Saith rebelled, while some hated him for it. With this division they all scattered and returned to their homes in the town.
 
Yes! Another chapter in the same day!

♠Chapter 3: A Fairy Tale II

"Who are you?" Saith asked.

"I'm Leonardo, heir of Team Gale; and I've come for the benefit of your well-being as well as mine," he said calmly.

"Shutting down the pokemon habitat would never benefit me, why are you doing this?" Saith asked.

"There was a dangerous pokemon sighted here that we wish to capture. I believe my men came here yesterday to question you all? From what they told me you met them with rage instead of open arms; so it'd be best to close down the pokemon habitat before any of you get hurt, yourselves," Leonardo said.

"Are you serious? You're Team Gale. You're obviously the bad guys!" Saith said.

"On the contrary, we're the good guys. Haven't you heard the stories of our great origins?" He asked.

Saith stopped for a moment. "I've never heard of you until yesterday," he said.

"Well, I'll educate you on the matter. A long time ago the world was dominated by pokemon beasts. There was one pokemon that humans went to war with in this very region. A group of "knights" emerged and stormed the area where the pokemon made its home and captured it, so it would never reign over the land again," Leonardo explained.

"The knights split into two groups. One to secure the other beasts, and one to deal with humanly affairs. They protected the region and the region itself went on rejoicing, living in peace. A peace we seek to maintain," Leonardo said, his Gardevoir's eyes glowed blue as it stared at Saith.

Saith was skeptic of Leonardo, he had seemed so confident in what he was saying, as if he could never possibly be in the wrong; he was sure of himself.

"Our region must be cleansed of all threats that endanger humanity, so we and our pokemon can live in peace, that is what Team Gale strives for. That is what we ensure to the Kaito region, the region we govern." he said.

"So, what do you do with the pokemon that you secure?" Saith asked. He still didn't trust letting them be in charge of a pokemon, even if it was 'dangerous'.

"We cannot tell a no-name trainer that. Rather, shouldn't you be helping us? If these forests harbored a dangerous pokemon, wouldn't you be doing all that you can to make sure that we secure it?" Leonardo asked. The Gardevoir turned to Leonardo and its eyes glowed blue yet again.

"I see. Now, I know that you have a Zorua in one of your pokeballs. But we don't know what is in that other pokeball of yours, mind shedding some light, Saith?" Leonardo asked.

Saith had grew fearful, Leonardo knew his name and that he had caught Zorua. He wondered if he was beating around the bush, knowing that he had Victini in the other pokeball.

"I, i..." Saith began, he was hesitant to say anything. Leonardo had completely astonished him, he didn't know if his mind was being read at that very moment.

"Yes? I would like to hear what you have to say," Leonardo said.

"Stop right there, Team Gale!" A feminine voice called out. There was a brunette girl that came from out of the forest, right beside her was a bidoof.

"That's her, that's the rebel that stopped us in our previous investigations. Don't let your eyes fool you, her bidoof is tough!" Xavier cried out from the crowd of goons.

Saith had felt the smart-aleck rising up in him, "Hey, Xavier! How did it feel getting your butt handed to you by a bidoof? I'm just wondering,"

"Thats the same guy who burned my van, he should be arrested with the rebel!" Xavier said.

"Thats enough, Xavier. Gardevoir, please handle this," Leonardo said and Gardevoir swiftly went toward the girl.

"Now Saith, I believe we were having a conversation?" Leonardo asked trying to get back on topic.

Saith turned around and threw out his pokeball, and Zorua emerged ready to fight. "Zorua, use Foul Play!" Saith said as Zorua tackled into the gardevoir. The gardevoir was pushed back and Bidoof hit it with Aqua Tail, swinging it back to Zorua. The Gardevoir fainted.

"Thanks, but we could've handled it, Saith, is it? My name is Serena," she said.

"Nice to meet you," Saith replied cheerfully.

Leonardo returned his pokemon. "Saith, is there any chance we can continue to have our talk?" Leonardo asked.

"No," Saith said. He had felt assured now, he and the habitat wasn't the only ones standing up to Team Gale.

"Very well, Gale Knights, seize them." Leonardo said as six Team Gale members had stepped forward and thrown out their pokemon. Before they knew it, they were facing a Blastoise, Charizard, Rhyperior, Steelix, Rhydon, and Infernape. They began to close in on them but Jake stepped in between them.

"Jake!" Saith said.

"Let an expert handle this, will ya?" Jake said as he sent out his Vaporeon. "Use Mist!" Jake commanded and the Pokemon habitat was filled with a misty fog.

"Follow me, guys!" Serena said. They all stuck together and managed to escape the pokemon habitat.


The mist had finally cleared. "What are we going to do now? They escaped," Xavier said.

"Has everyone been evacuated from the habitat?" Leonardo asked Alex, the habitat manager.

"Yes, we're all accounted for, pokemon and humans," Alex said.

"Gale Knights, burn it down!" Leonardo commanded. Infernape and Charizard started using flamethrower on the house until all of it was set ablaze. Leonardo looked at the pokemon habitat in flames and grinned at the sight. The peaceful and beautiful home that they had come to know had succumbed to the fire and was deformed. The pokemon trainers' hearts sunk at the atrocity that their home had become.

"This is the only path for those that dare not follow Team Gale. Evacuate the area, now," Leonardo commanded the goons and so the police and Team Gale evacuated the pokemon trainers.

Leonardo watched the flames for a while and then ordered Blastoise to water the house down so it wouldn't spread to the forest. The house was left charred and broken, just how they wanted it to be for the rebels. The habitat trainers' hearts were divided, some had liked that Saith rebelled, while some hated him for it. With this division they all scattered and returned to their homes in the town.
 
I was planning to sleep, but I just had to read this! I love the story and I since I knew this chapter would reveal more about Team Gale, I couldn't help myself! I like the background story of Team Gale. Great chapter; a job well done! I can't wait to read "Knighted" tomorrow! :D
 
Oh yay, I'm glad I'm not the only one that uses Mist to escape :D

I really like how you make Pokemon that should be weak quite strong, from the Growlithe's pride to the Bidoof's power. The originality of Team Gale is nice as well. I'm excited to see the word 'gale' because, even though there is no link between the two, I just can't help not seeing Miror B. and Gale of Darkness. Which is not a bad thing; I'm able to understand the true evil that lies at hand.

The only thing I'd add is a little more description (though I can't really talk, my own story doesn't have enough of that either :p) in the Pokemon, the moves, etc. I hope you'll continue because I've read all three and can't wait to read the next!
 
[size=x-large]♣[Chapter 4: The Deadwood​

Saith rushed to the forest panting, huffing, and puffing after running two miles from their home. They couldn't stop running, they had to run away from the storm and never look back; the storm engulfs those who look back. Jake was ahead of Saith but behind Serena, they both looked like they could run a lot more; Saith wondered if your stamina for running was tied to being a Pokemon Trainer, his legs were becoming still but his heart was racing.

"We should stop!" Saith said as he temporarily came to a halt to breathe.

"They could be right behind us, and there is no telling what they'll do if they get us. We must press on," Serena said.

"I can't run anymore guys," Saith said.

"Don't sweat it, I wouldn't have expected you to run this long." Jake said implying his superiority over him as a trainer. "Well, if we can't run then lets hide?" He said with a grin. Saith smiled too as he looked around the forest, contemplating where to hide.

"We're in the forest, we can make use of our surroundings," Serena said. "Before we do this, I want to know something about you Saith," She said.

"What is it?" Saith asked puzzled about what she needed to know. But, then again, they had just met; she didn't know anything at all.

"Why are you fighting? Why did you rebel against Team Gale? I need to know," Serena said.

"Why would rebel against Team Gale! First, they come and try to read our minds. Then, they come and evict us out of our home, who wouldn't rebel at that point?" Saith asked.

"I was listening in on the conversation, Saith. I know you have a pokeball that Team Gale is interested in, and I want to know what is in there," She said.

Saith was shocked, now she had wanted to hear what Team Gale wanted. Would it be a crime to show her the pokemon because she was the one who helped? Would it endanger the very pokemon that he was keeping safe? Saith stood silent and refused to answer.

"It's Victini," Jake said. "We battled with it and he used it today, does that answer your question? Because we really need to start hiding right this instant," Jake said.

"It does," Serena smiled. Saith grew pale at his friend's confession, he had forgot that Jake didn't know he was keeping it a secret. How could he keep it a secret that he had Victini after he had showed his friend? He was filled with regret.

"Oh, so that's what it is. Saith, I want you to promise me something," Serena said.

"What?" Saith asked.

"After we make sure Victini will be able to roam the world safely, I want you to release it," Serena said.

"What!?" Saith said in outright shock. He had caught Victini, Victini had freely came to him, he and Victini were friends. The thought of releasing Victini irked him even more than when Jake blabbed that he had Victini in the first place.

"
 
Sorry for the long wait, everyone!

Chapter 4: The Deadwood, Part 1

Saith rushed to the forest panting, huffing, and puffing after running two miles from their home. They couldn't stop running, they had to run away from the storm and never look back; the storm engulfs those who look back. Jake was ahead of Saith but behind Serena, they both looked like they could run a lot more. Saith wondered if your stamina for running was tied to being a Pokemon Trainer, his legs felt like lead, but his heart was racing.

"We should stop!" Saith said as he temporarily came to a halt to breathe.

"They could be right behind us, and there is no telling what they'll do if they get us. We must press on," Serena said.

"I can't run anymore, guys," Saith said.

"Don't sweat it; I wouldn't have expected you to run this long anyway," Jake said, implying his superiority over him as a trainer. "Well, if we can't run then lets hide?" He said as they both exchanged smiles, contemplating where to hide.

"We're in the forest, we can make use of our surroundings," Serena said. "Before we do this, I want to know something about you Saith," She said.

"What is it?" Saith asked puzzled about what she needed to know. But, then again, they had just met; she didn't know anything at all.

"Why are you fighting? Why did you rebel against Team Gale? I need to know," Serena said.

"Why would I rebel against Team Gale? First, they come and try to read our minds. Then, they come and evict us out of our home, who wouldn't rebel at that point?" Saith asked.

"I was listening in on the conversation, Saith. I know you have a pokeball that Team Gale is interested in, and I want to know what is in there," She said.

Saith was shocked, now she had wanted to hear what Team Gale wanted. Would it be a crime to show her the pokemon because she was the one who helped? Would it endanger the very pokemon that he was keeping safe? Saith stood silent and refused to answer.

"It's Victini," Jake said. "We battled with it today, does that answer your question? Because we really need to start hiding right this instant," Jake said.

"It does," Serena smiled. Saith grew pale at his friend's confession, he had forgot that Jake didn't know he was keeping it a secret. How could he keep it a secret that he had Victini after he had showed his friend? He was filled with regret.

"I want you to promise me something," Serena said to Saith.

"What?" Saith asked.

"After we make sure Victini will be able to roam the world safely, I want you to release it," Serena said.

"What!?" Saith said in outright shock. He had caught Victini, Victini had freely come to him, and he and Victini were friends. The thought of releasing Victini irked him even more than when Jake blabbed that he had Victini in the first place.

“Victini is a Pokemon of Legend, and it should be able to see the world. You caught Victini because you heard of the Legend, didn’t you?” Serena asked.

“Well, yes,” Saith admitted.

“What do you intend to do with its power?” Serena asked. Saith thought about it carefully, he was going to use Victini to be a Hero and stop Team Gale, and of course beat Jake in Pokemon Battles, but more than that he wanted a friend, and he thought he had found that in Victini.

“More than anything, I want Victini’s friendship!” Saith declared as he had finally thought up the answer to her question. Serena seemed surprised by Saith’s answer and Jake looked proud, as if he was finally impressed at Saith’s progression as a Pokemon Trainer.

“Then…” Serena began but was immediately interrupted as the sound of footsteps and talking began to fill the vicinity. “We have to press on,” Serena said as the three started sprinting further into the forest.

“Do you have a destination planned?” Jake managed to ask in the middle of his run.

“There is an abandoned house somewhere in this forest,” She mentioned.

“I guess we just have to hope we run into it before the Gale Knights run into us,” Serena said.

“It’s funny; I haven’t heard any footsteps behind us…” Jake said.

“We should still hurry to the house anyway,” Saith said.

♠​

Leonardo stared intently at the forest as he pondered where they could be going, or if they even knew what the forest they entered harbored. The Dark secrets that waited within the forest, waiting to be discovered. His grunts looked dissatisfied ever since they escaped, they stared at the forest with a steely, unmoving gaze.

“Why do we have to wait here? We could’ve captured them already,” Xavier said.

“Haven’t you heard about the stories, Xavier? I’ve witnessed it firsthand…when I saw my deceased father from out of his grave in this very forest. A part of me wonders if this is where Victini wanted to come. For now we wait, patience is key. A vital part in the game of chess is observing the enemy’s actions and learning how to best counter them,” Leonardo said.
 
Awesome chapter! I definitely don't wish for Saith and Victini to lose each other.


So Leonardo saw his deceased father in that forest! I wonder whether they will be seeing ghosts themselves now that they entered it. Can't wait for the next chapter!
 
I definitely loved the story! If I may make a suggestion though, try to find other words instead of the basic 'he said'. Try to make it more like

"I want you to promise me something," Serena said gently whispered to Saith.

It will make dialogue a lot less repetitive and lends more to your story telling.
 
Chapter 5: The Deadwood, Part 2


As the trio ventured deeper into the forest, they noticed that just above the skies where you could peek out through the canopy of the forest, you could see the setting sun. Night was about to fall, as the forest area in itself became more full of shadows and a mysterious darkness.

A misty fog had somehow manifested itself into the forest, clouding Saith's vision of his two teammates, and as he breathed in the mysterious fog he felt chilled to the bone, on the verge of shuttering as he ran. Slowly but steadily, his pace had decreased from the start, while Jake and Serena pushed on as if they had ran many miles before.

"How long do we have to go? It won't help much if we run into them while we're out of energy!" Saith tried muttering with the little breath he had left, but Jake and Serena still ran without a reply, as if his words had fallen on deaf ears. Saith tried to give himself one last burst of energy to catch up with them to get their attention, his legs ached in pain, and his cheeks flushed red as he yelled with every fiber of his being "Guys!" but in his burst he felt something pull at his left leg, causing him to tumble down onto the ground.

"Jake! Serena!" He yelled as he watched them run away and disappear into the mist. He looked around cautiously, expecting to find the perpetrator who pulled at his leg; there was nothing but the mist. Which still caused him to shake uncontrollably, and his skin to be as frigid as ice on a cold winter's night. Fear crept up on him, but he refused to sit still and become a victim for whatever was waiting in the mist, whether it be the Gale Knights or a mischevious pokemon. He tried standing, but his ankle was sprained and it hurt to simply move. He had no choice in the matter though, he had to continue on. Not just for his sake, but for the mythical creature that resided in his possession.

Mysterious eyes peered at him through the forest, which sent additional chills and shivers down his spine, but he slowly trudged on. "I just have to meet them at that abandoned house, if I can find it.." Saith whispered to no one in particular, but himself. In a attempt to calm his nerves, and somehow dispell the unshakable fear at his back, and the cold that he felt. They had spent their time trying to head toward the setting sun, but now all that lay before them was a forest of darkness.

The trees themselves gave off the aroma of rotting wood, it reeked of death and it made Saith want to turn up his nose at the scent, but the aroma permeated throughout the forest; like the mist, it was inescapable. And beyond the mist hidden by the trees, a screaming wail and cry could be heard, snickers and laughter coming closer as Saith walked on constantly looking behind his shoulder.

"I've had enough! Show yourself!" Saith yelled at whatever was in the mist. A snicker emerged from the bush as the black and red fox jumped out of it, revealing himself to be the Zorua Saith had caught earlier that day. Saith's scared disposition, had turned into an embarassed smile as he looked at the fox, laughing and snickering at him.

"I guess I was losing it for a second there, sorry, Zorua." Saith whispered with a happy and relieved tone in his voice, to which the Zorua immediately came over to Saith's leg and nuzzled it. One thing was still on Saith's mind, how had the mist appeared? And what mysterious wailing and crying, where did it come from? And more importantly, who or what?
 
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