Writing A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 5 is up!)

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Squirtle101

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Here's Chapter 1. If there are changes to be made, please notify me. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Volkner

Volkner stood on a platform 30 feet above the ground. He looked down at the battle taking place below him. He watched his prized Pokémon, Luxuray, use an Iron Tail to deflect a Bubble Beam from his opponent’s Empoleon. Luxuray looked like a lion, had a long tail with blue streaks running down his black fur, angry red eyes, and sharp teeth. Empoleon was a blue and white penguin with a vest-like collar on and had a crown on the top of his head. Both Pokémon tried to keep their balance on the many conveyor belts that formed Volkner’s battle field. Volkner had straight, blond hair, a blue jacket, a white undershirt, and jeans.

Then Volkner looked across from him to his opponent, Reggie. The boy had jet-black, spiky hair, a green jacket, a grey undershirt and jeans. He also wore a green baseball cap that he turned sideways, making ready for his next move. Volkner smiled to himself after looking over the battlefield again. We need to shock them with the element of surprise. Like bolts of lightning we’ll strike! He looked at Reggie again. He looked as if he was talking to him when he commanded, “Luxury, Double Team! Then use Shadow Ball!”

Empoleon was confused and didn’t know how to react quickly enough. It glanced all around, frantically searching for the true Luxuray. “Now, we shall electrify you!” Volkner shouted. “Do it, Luxuray!” Empoleon looked panicky. It immediately began slicing at all the Luxuray, but the Shadow Balls were already bombarding Empoleon. It let out a howl of pain, rocked back and forth, and back and forth…

“Empoleon?” Reggie asked, hopefully. But the Pokémon collapsed onto the conveyors and its body began moving in many directions due to the force of the spinning belts. Volkner sighed with admiration. His gym had been built well. He deserved a thumbs-up. Reggie glanced up at the electronic scoreboard installed into the wall. The way Volkner programmed the battlefield was cool to him and many trainers had admitted that they’d seen nothing like it. He smiled then looked up at his opponent.

Reggie was glaring with anger and determination. “Ah, now this is the fiery spirit in you I’ve been waiting to see. Volkner said, grinning. “Shall we continue?” All he received in answer was a determined nod. “All right, then,” Volkner said, running his fingers through his straight, blond hair. “Reveal your next Pokémon.” His opponent took up a red and white Poke-ball and threw it high in the air. “Are you ready for this?” He challenged.

A Machamp, a grey, four-armed creature with boxers on that looked like a professional wrestler appeared on the battle field, but was instantly knocked off its feet by the sudden lack of control over movement. He was carried in circles across the battlefield, going from conveyor to conveyor, every once in a while changing direction. “Ah, now this is amusing.” Volkner chuckled in spite of his opponent’s anger. He emitted a soft growl of rage. “I’m not giving up! You will lose to me. I will walk out of this gym with the Thunder Badge in my hands.”

“Very determined, aren’t you?” Volkner inquired, with a laugh of amusement. “Then, this battle should be very interesting. Luxuray, get up on your feet and use Iron Tail!” Luxuray, who had been lying on the conveyors, bored with the conversation going on between the two, suddenly got up, ready for battle. “You too, Machamp!” The boy commanded. “Use Double Punch!” Machamp struggled to rise, and finally did just in time to deflect the Iron Tail and bombard Luxuray with punches.

“Luxuray, use Iron Tail once more and jump!” Volkner commanded. Reggie hadn’t the slightest idea what Volkner was up to, but he was ready to put up a fight. “Okay, Machamp, follow Luxuray!” He commanded. Volkner smiled to himself. Be my guest, Machamp… Now Luxuray was up towards the roof. “Double Punch, Machamp!” Reggie ordered. Volkner had prepared for this. All he had to do was measure the velocity of the fall, calculate the distance… “MOVE, LUXURAY!” The order was too sharp and urgent for Luxuray to not have heard. It was time.

The thunder-lion Pokémon moved swiftly and precisely. The exact time Luxuray acted was the perfect moment. Machamp threw a punch that went straight through the wall. No matter how much he struggled, he could not get his arm free. Volkner admired this tactic of his and said to Luxuray, “Would you be so kind as to put Machamp out of his misery?” Luxuray nodded. He jumped high in the sky again. Reggie glared at Volkner.

“You’re not getting away with this!” He declared angrily. But Volkner kept his cool as he watched Luxuray smack Machamp with an Iron Tail. The impact released Machamp and, to Reggie’s horror, he went plummeting towards the battlefield. SLAM! A cloud of smoke burst out from the force of impact. Reggie turned away from Volkner, pulling his jacket over his face and coughing madly. He watched hopefully as the smoke cleared. To his utter disappointment, Machamp was out cold.
Reggie’s face turned bright red as he glanced at the scoreboard. One Pokémon was all he had left. “Giving up?” Volkner asked, cheerily. The boy was enraged now. His face was so hot and red, Volkner thought he would throw a temper-tantrum. But, thankfully, the boy did not, but he responded angrily. “NEVER!”

Volkner was glad to hear this. “You know, I’m coming to enjoy you. I love that fiery temper you have. It shows you’re never willing to give up on anything. Now, please select your third and final Pokémon. The boy returned Machamp to its Poke-ball and shouted, “Go Hippowdon!” In a burst of light a brown, hippo-like Pokémon with a shell on its back and holes in it to fire sand, emerged on the conveyor filled battlefield.
When Reggie thought about this, he had an idea. “Hippowdon, dig under the conveyors!” He ordered. It was now Volkner’s turn to be confused. What’s that kid up to? As he was thinking this, the conveyors started to move incredibly fast. Luxuray couldn’t keep his balance he fell face-first onto the conveyors just as Hippowdon emerged from the underground.

He slammed into Luxuray with amazing force and power.
Smart kid. Volkner thought. He must have given Hippowdon specific instructions on how to reset the conveyors from underground by mix-matching the wires. Volkner smiled at Reggie with admiration. He smirked playfully, saying, “See look at that. You defeated my Luxuray. It’s a shame you won’t get the same chance with this Pokémon.” After returning Luxuray to its Poke-ball he revealed a Riachu, the lightning-mouse Pokémon. It had yellow cheeks, orange fur, and a lightning bolt tail.

“Hippowdon, use-“ Reggie started. But Volkner cut him off by mistake, having already begun his own command, “Riachu, thunder!” The entire gym shook, lightning flashed, everywhere and the scoreboard was flashing madly. Everything in the gym was going haywire just as Volkner had planned. The conveyors went wild. Hippowdon couldn’t take it. It got too dizzy and collapsed. “Stop, Riachu.” Volkner said calmly and everything was back to normal. “I believe I’ve won.” He remarked. “I can tell you have trained your Pokémon with the utmost care. Good luck on your journey.” The boy left without a word, slamming the door as hard as he could to punctuate his anger.

Volkner smiled after him; however, thinking over the battle he had just fought. What an amazing gym he had and what an amazing thing it was to be a Gym Leader, one of many. Many came to him for a Thunder Badge, but few earned it. Also, of those few there were many like Reggie; those who end up enraged due to their loss.

He sighed and sat down on the bleachers where people could watch battles. If only anyone had been there for that one. What an amazing victory! He reached into his bag and removed most of the contents, looking for his cell phone. There was so much inside his bag, that at first he could not locate it. Then there was a sudden beeping from his phone, indicating he had a new call. This made it easier to find.

He couldn’t find it fast enough before a message was left. He could tell by the voice of the caller who it was. The message was: “Hello, Volkner. I hope you are not busy with any of your battles and have been interrupted so terribly rudely by my call, but my dear mistress Kaitlin has been cruelly imprisoned by some brutes in black uniforms. I fear she is being treated just horribly and she does need her morning shots. Why, without them-“ BEEP!

There was no room left for a conclusion, but Volkner knew just what to do. Darach had been the caller. He was one of the Frontier Brains in the Battle Frontier in Sinnoh, unlike Volkner who was a Gym Leader. He had a mistress named Lady Kaitlin and she was Darach’s pride and joy. Now, as he said, she had been captured and that make Darach too sorrowful for Volkner to handle. Whenever Darach got emotional, he couldn’t think straight.

All Volkner had to do was calm Darach down, and then he could take care of the rest himself. But, what exactly was he facing? Could it be Team Galactic, the team of evil-doers plotting to take over the world and control time and space? But, what could they possibly want with a proper, teenaged girl? To lure Darach into a trap? They know he loves her dearly. But why?

Many possibilities whirled in Volkner’s mind. Then he wondered what if it was something worse?
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye

very interesting story, albeit slightly rushed but besides that great, I'll be looking forward to the rest.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye

Hmm... pretty good, your descriptions on the people are good, but describing the pokemon lacked a bit. Machamp looked like a proffessional wrestler. OK, what colour is he? Is he wearing some shorts like the wrestlers that I know of? I know all this of course, but others may not. So the plot is good, but you have to know pokemon pretty well.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye

Thank you both for the comments. You two gave me the courage to move on with this story. Thanks for the great advice. I'll definately work on it. Expect Chapter 2 in two or three days. :)
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye

Please forgive me for the double-post, but I have made some very small changes to the chapter, mostly about the Pokemon's colors.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye

Ah, I read it over, much better on the descriptions.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye

I like the story line, but properly forming the story structure would make it easier to read. Keep up the good work.
 
Okay, this chapter was a bit rushed. If there are changes to be made, alert me. If you like it, please say so. :)

Here's Chapter 2: Wake:

Wake, Water-type Pokemon Gym Leader, woke bright and early the next morning. His eyes were only partially open, when he was blinded by sunlight pouring through the window next to his bed. He rolled over, avoiding the sun’s rays. He had been so used to the darkness of the night before, even his own lamp-light made his eyes sting.

He groaned, putting his feet on the cold, hardwood floor. He looked about him. His room was a mess; clothes strewn carelessly on the floor, cards of famous divers on top of an old bin, and his very own, limited edition Poliwrath trophy sitting in the middle of the mess. Wearing only his everyday boxer shorts, he staggered towards the trophy and put it on his desk. He put on some sweat pants and shaved.

Now, he grabbed his wallet off of his desk and shoved it into his right pants-pocket. Then he turned to leave the room. He opened the door and bustled down the stairs with sleepy grunts and huffs. He made his way into the kitchen finally and began to prepare a snack for himself.

He grabbed some broccoli from the fridge and some carrots. He put these into a glass bowl that he retrieved from the dishwasher next to his sink. Being here, he quickly washed his hands and brushed his teeth. After this, he cut up some strawberries and put them in with the vegetables. When this was done, he added grapes.
Now he entered his Living Room. It had a mantle and a fireplace at the very back of it, two mahogany tables in the middle, a couch to the far right, a reading lamp and a desk in a corner, and finally, his favorite part, TV 10 feet in front of the couch. Wake slouched down onto the couch and threw a piece of strawberry from his giant palm into his mouth. As he ate, he used his free hand to flick on the TV.

The screen flickered to life, revealing a slender woman in a uniform in front of a map of Sinnoh. “And here around the Eterna Forest, we are going to be experiencing some heavy rain and some scattered thunderstorms all around the region. I’m Sunny Day, and this is-big, bolded words shoot to the front of the screen, reading: Regional Weather Report.

Wake sighs gruffly and changes the channel at least three times before sighing and turning the TV off.
Within a fraction of a second, Wake had devoured the last of his snack. He went back to his kitchen and searched the cupboard, grabbing a coffee mug and setting it on the counter. He took some coffee beans and coffee mix from his gym storage room and made himself some coffee, which he drank thirstily. Now he heard a knock on the door. He returned to the storage room, grabbing three poke-balls in preparation for battle. This could be an eager trainer who had come to visit. If he had expected this, he was disappointed.

Standing in the doorway was Fantina, Ghost-type Pokemon Gym Leader. Her hair was in loops and her original warm smile was vanquished by a depressed frown spread across her face. “Hello, Wake.” She said, her purple dress waving softly in the light morning breeze. “I have something to tell you. You have known of my research on the legendary Cryptothon?”

“Of course. And?”

“And, it proved a success.” Fantina remarked, although she seemed none too happy about it. Wake was suddenly concerned. He looked her in the eyes and asked, “What’s wrong?” Fantina entered the house, looking for a place to sit. Wake was very hospitable and enjoyed company.

“Oh, yes. Please make yourself comfortable,” He brought her over to the Living Room, seating her on the couch. He fetched some more coffee and sat beside her, placing it in front of her. She continued, sipping the coffee, “I have been doing more research than ever lately because of what my father told me just a few months ago.”

“Have we met each other since than?”

“No. It’s been a while, for sure.” She walked over and placed her coffee mug on the desk near the desk with the lamp on it. She returned saying, “Well, he told me that the Cryptothon was linked to an amazing power. He didn’t tell me what it was until just this morning and I’ve been dying to talk to you for hours.”

“So, what is this power?” Wake asked, although for reasons he could not explain, he felt a chill go down his spine.

“Well, my father told me that the Cryptothon let anyone who possessed it open portals to other dimensions and black holes, as well.” She looked worried. Her every nerve was shaking, and her bones were cold and numb. She felt chills just as Wake did. She rested her head on the cushioned back of the couch.

Wake asked, “Why didn’t your father tell you earlier?”

“He said I was too young to know back then. Typical.”

Wake formed every bad piece of information Fantina had come to relate to him into his own words, “I see. Now, Fantina, tell me, has the object fallen into the wrong hands. Has something happened?”

“You read my mind, Wake. And, yes, as a matter of fact, the Nova Squad has the object.” Fantina continued before Wake could ask any questions. “I didn’t know about them until I looked up the Cryptothon on my computer one day. A headline about the group popped up. Take a look.”

Out of a duffel bag at her feet, she revealed a green laptop and flipped it open. The screen flickered three times, and then remained frozen on a page revealing a picture of a group of men and women in uniforms with big, bold Ns on them. They wore black jeans, black shirts with red streaks, and white undershirts revealed beyond the sleeves of the shirts.

“You say these are the ones who have the Cryptothon?” Wake was shocked by this. The people looked like a group of cut-throats and savages. They also looked as if they knew what they were doing and were smart and intelligent; while still cold and ruthless. A group of evil like that with an object like the Cryptothon…

His thoughts were interrupted by Fantina saying, “Anyway, it says here that within 30 days, the Cryptothon will be powered by the “eye of the storm”-whatever that means-and will be under the control of the one who holds it.” She explained. “There’s no time to loose. We have to hurry and get to Darach’s castle. There, I will tell of my discovery. The other Gym Leaders are already there. We need to go now!”

“Wait a minute,” He said, confused. “Eye of the storm”. What could that mean?”

“No time to think about that. We’ll find out about that soon enough, anyway, I fear.” Fantina inclined her head towards the doorway. Wake nodded, put the coffee mugs into the sink, put on a blue, leather jacket, and escorted Fantina out of the house.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 2 is up!)

Decent again, and as you mentioned before, a bit rushed.
BTW, did Wake rush out of the house with Fantina still only wearing his boxers?
If so...
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 2 is up!)

LOL!

I had completely forgotten. But, I just updated. Do you actually like the second chapter, or not so mutch. I hope its just as good as the first. Or, better! :) I hope you want to read more.


BTW, how do I make a poll?
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 2 is up!)

Personally, Volkner is my favourite gym leader, so I liked ch.1 more. ;)
About the poll, IDK, I've never needed polls before...
 
It took a while, but here's Chapter 3. Please, enjoy!

Chapter 3: Malene

Malene punched and kicked at the battered dummy in front of her repeatedly before huffing and puffing and putting down her boxing gloves and returning to the bleachers on the right side of the Training Room. She grabbed a bottle of water and sipped the crystal-clear water contentedly. She had a blue shirt on, jeans, pink hair, and a bandage on her nose from a battle she had fought against a Rydon when she had been young in her Gym Leading days. She glanced around her gym with a sigh of admiration. Being a Gym Leader was a great honor and she admitted that she had put some hard sweat and toil into getting this far in her years of owning this gym.

She walked over to a set of monkey bars on the left side of the Training Room she was in. She slowly approached a little ramp across from the monkey bars and got back about 10 feet. She stretched her arms out to the side as she chanted, “Five, six, seven, and eight!” She made four outstanding front flips, turned her body to the side and flipped up and over the ramp in a handstand.

She grabbed one bar with one hand, and swung, swung, swung, and flipped upwards. If she could simply time this move correctly… She put her arms flat against her sides and tucked her knees in cannon-ball style. She shot down and grabbed one of the bars and flipped, letting her body unwind in a single movement. She curled once more and rolled down another ramp at the very end of the course.

She jumped high into the air, spinning rapidly and going backwards through the course in flurry of well-coordinated moves. She stretched her limits to the very fullest, straining herself to move on. Sweat was pouring down her face as she grabbed the first bar.

"Swing, swing, swing, and jump!" She said as she flipped high in the air and fell to a set of balance beams. She landed on her feet, steadying herself as she nimbly crossed the beams and landed on the hardwood floor after doing a back flip off of the third beam.

A Pokemon in a corner was watching her performance. His time to strike was now, or he would be too late…

It locked its eyes, targeted Malene, and readied itself; meditating, breathing, feeling the heat of battle rise in the air. A challenge brought on; fought and won.

A ball of blue energy lit up from its palm. Its eyes burned with determination and precision. A miss and his hiding spot would be revealed. A hit and it would be too late for the foe to react. The Pokemon targeted the Gym Leader. NOW! The sphere went flying through the air. It hit Malene dead-on, and she was blown into the wall of the gymnasium.

“Lucario?!” Her time for action was now. She ran towards the blue, fox-like Pokemon at top speed. Lucario, a Pokemon with blue fur, black hands and feet, and small spikes jutting from his palms ducked as she delivered a sky-high kick supposed to hit his jaw. Instead, the attack met empty are and Lucario was already beginning to use a sweeping kick to knock Malene of her feet. She had no time to react.

“Oof!” Malene hit the ground hard with a grunt of pain upon contact with the hardwood floor. Lucario had her now, and his greatest Aura Sphere was charging.

Malene braced for impact…

“Enough, Lucario!” It was the voice of a gruff, heavy-set man. “Malene needs rest. You push her too hard,” He patted Lucario’s head and ran his fingers down its fur. “But, I know you are simply doing your job.”
Lucario nodded. He did a back flip without letting his eyes steer from the man. “Good going, Lucario!” The man was pleased. “Now, go. So you may meditate.” With a single blink, Lucario dove and Malene, clobbering her to the ground. He barreled into her with all his might.

Malene tumbled to the gymnasium floor with a grunt upon impact. “Oh!” She gasped with surprise. She glanced upwards, craning her neck. “Lucario!!” The Gym Leader punched and kicked and tried to free herself from being pinned down.

Laughing, she said, “I surrender, Lucario!” The Pokemon slowly rose and helped Malene to her feet. She brushed herself off and walked back to the bleachers for her water. Just as the first trickle of water oozed down her throat, the doorbell rang.

Malene sighed. “Lucario, could you get that?” The Pokemon was too tired himself to tackle Malene with another surprise attack, so he decided against this when he slowly reached the doorway of the gymnasium.

Lucario opened the door and smiled at the gentleman before him standing in the doorway. “A letter for-he checked the address-Malene, Fighting-type Gym Leader.” The man said. He had a bushy beard, blue eyes, blue jeans, and a trench coat. Lucario nodded, bowed, and took the envelope from the man’s hand.

“My, my, Lucario, you sure have grown since the last time I delivered here.” The man commented, pulling on the edge his beard as if thinking Lucario bowed again as if to say, “Thanks for the compliment.” He excused himself and exited the room.

Malene asked Lucario as she heard the door shut, “Who was that?” Lucario shrugged, snatching the water bottle from Malene’s hands. “Hey, you can’t just-“ But her thoughts were interrupted by a thunderous shaking from below them. They both looked down to their feet, and saw the earth trembling.

They heard shouts from outside the building. Inside, things were getting hectic. Gym equipment was being tossed and turned. The monkey bar set clattered to the ground. The heavy set caged Lucario against the wall. “Lucario, no!” Malene shouted. She tried to come to his rescue, but her balance was lost to the vibration beneath her, causing her to fall to the hardwood floor, out-cold on impact.

The earth stopped shaking. Malene was dead-still on the floor, Lucario was trapped, and the so-called mail-man stepped in. He grabbed the envelope from Malene’s hands that were asleep after the sudden blackout. Lucario growled at the trio standing before him.

One of them was in disguise but the others had outfits with big, bold Ns on the shirts. Lucario strained to lift the object trapping him against the wall, but the piece of equipment was heavier then he thought. The disguise was torn from the man and his uniform was revealed to be identical to the others’.

“Ah, I knew that would work,” The man said, smirking. He paced around the Training Room, looking for something. Even the others were confused. “Um, what are you looking for?” One asked, he had been following the man’s gaze for his whole way around the Training Room. The man stopped, looked at him and gave him a “Duh!” look.

“Malene’s journal!” The man answered, darkly. “She and Fantina are best friends. Fantina studies this right here.” He revealed a small, golden, triangle-like object. “The Cryptothon,” The man continued. “Is the most powerful object in the entire world. With it in our hands, after 25 days the world will be ours to rule!”

Fortunately, Lucario was one step ahead of them. The one thing he had gone after during the earthquake was Malene’s journal. He had saved it and it was trapped with him, safe in his care. If Malene were contious, she would have fought to the death for it. He knew he had to do the same for her sake. One of the men walked over to Lucario. He laughed wickedly. “Well, well. This is an unfortunate state you’ve gotten yourself into.”

Lucario growled at him and readied an Aura Sphere. The man seemed less then intimidated by Lucario’s hard glare or his readied attack. Lucario shot the Aura Sphere at the man. Skillfully, the man dodged it and made a grunt of disapproval. “You’d better wise up if you want to remain alive within the next 25 days,” The man advised a maniacal smirk on his face. “Have fun rotting to death.”

Lucario was angry now. All he needed to do was focus…focus…focus…focus. Determination in his eyes, he readied an Aura Sphere. The pain was great in trying to control such a huge one, but, no, it had to be bigger. Even still, it had to be bigger, bigger, bigger…LAUNCH!

In a burst of light, the monkey bar set exploded before Lucario and went flying into the bleachers. Both objects exploded into blue flames. A ball of blue energy surrounding him, the aura was at Lucario’s command. He swung a punching dummy with a blink of the eye at one of the grunts.

The window smashed as the man fell, his cries getting fainter and fainter. The other grunt was thrown against the wall, falling into the blue fire, yelling at the top of his lungs and being consumed by the lapping flames.

Lucario looked towards the doorway. Their leader was escaping. Lucario could not give chase. His every muscle ached, his arms fell to his sides, and his feet wobbled. He rocked back and forth then collapsed on the ground with a THUD.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 3 is up!)

Good, but the discriptions are still lacking.
The men that came in. What did they look like?
The mailman was good, but Maylene, the grunts, and Lucario looked like what?
I'm not stupid, I've played the games, I know Maylene and Lucario, I'm just trying to be logical.
Otherwise good job!
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 3 is up!)

nabby101 said:
Good, but the discriptions are still lacking.
The men that came in. What did they look like?
The mailman was good, but Maylene, the grunts, and Lucario looked like what?
I'm not stupid, I've played the games, I know Maylene and Lucario, I'm just trying to be logical.
Otherwise good job!

Thanks, nabby. I've fixed things up. (Can you vote on the poll?)
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 3 is up!)

No problem, I voted 'OK' only because of the discriptions, I was kinda torn between that and the first choice.
 
This chapter is very short. However, a mystery is revealed...

Here it is!

Chapter 4: Mars

Mars entered the long hallway that was connected to a set of corridors on either side of her, spiraling deeper and deeper into the guts of the Galactic HQ. Her tensed muscles made her every bone ache. The news that awaited her made her every nerve tremble.

She walked further now, turning once to head down a similar hallway.
Mars had red hair that curved at the sides. She wore a black suit with a bold G in the center of her uniform. The tight, jet-black jeans she wore squeaked slightly as did the soles of her sneakers on the polished marble floor.

She turned again, opening a door and descending a flight of stairs slowly. The stairwell creaked as her feet echoed against the wooden structure. She grasped the railing tightly and slowly went farther downwards. She reached the bottom of the stairs with a light tapping sound.

She exited the room and entered another hallway, this one quite less silent as the previous floor. The hustle and bustle of Galactic grunts rang out as she hurried to avoid getting trapped in the moving crowd in the hallway.

She ran farther into the complex, her eyes searching for Saturn’s office. She turned a corner, the sound of the crowd dying away with every step she took. Farther and farther she went and didn’t stop until the sound of the crowd was no longer to be heard.

Now she came to a bend in the hallway and, turning immediately left, she began fishing into her bag for a photo. She reached with one arm into her bag and with the other she steadied the strap on her shoulder. The bag flopped as she ran.

She now carried the three photos she had wanted and entered Saturn’s office with a sigh of worry. She sat down with a thud in a padded chair that sat at the far end of his desk. He sat on the opposite side, his expression a mirror image of her own glumness.

“Hello, Mars,” He said, shifting his position in his own chair. He had blue hair with spikes on the end and a uniform identical to Mars’. He looked at her expectantly. “Do you have the photos?”

“I do.” She knew she had what he desired, but the way he looked at her gave her chills; a demanding, threatening look, as if his eyes were saying, “You’d better have them; or else!”

Saturn nodded. He gazed at her, his eyes fixed, his lips portraying no signs of any displeasure or anger. No glare or frown; a blank, impassive face stared at her. She finally spoke, sitting up straight and putting her hands on the mahogany table before her. “I know we’ve been looking for these people for many months now”-she gestured towards the photos of Wake, Fantina, and a square object-“but this object here is what they’re both after. This will be the bait.” She gestured to the third photo, the photo of the Cryptothon.

Saturn nodded. “The two share much and are close. This is our advantage.” He nodded as if agreeing with his own statement. Mars looked at Saturn with fixed eyes and continued, “These two are headed to Darach’s castle. We will surely find them there.”

She turned to go, but she realized Darach was still staring at her. His impassive expression worried her for some reason unbeknown even to her. She shoved the thought out of her mind and continued towards the door. Shutting it behind her, she stepped into the hall. From her bag, she retrieved Malene’s journal.

“Fantina knows more than she herself thinks.” Mars muttered. “Some people have no idea what kind of power they have. Even if they did, most people would be too stupid to use it the right way. This one, however, is a different story.”

Mars sighed, took one last glance at the Cryptothon’s picture, and stuffed the journal back into the bag.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 4 is up!)

I'm liking it so far. Only mistake is Maylene is spelt wrong. Other than that, story is good. 9.75/10.
 
RE: A MUST READ STORY!!! Storm's Eye (Chapter 4 is up!)

Thank you all for the great comments. Chapter 5 is coming soon!
 
This chapter was slightly rushed, but I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 5: The Meeting

Darach’s Castle; 2:00PM

The room was very quiet as everyone sat down at the marble table. All the Gym Leaders wore the same expression; glum and worried; making each a mirror reflection to the others. Volkner stood up, as did Darach.

“We are facing a time of despair.” Volkner said, taking in every Gym Leader around the table. This means we need to hurry and stop the Nova Squad. It is our only chance to take back Lady Katelyn”-he motioned towards Darach-“and stop them from shattering the fabric of space and time.”

“Sounds like something Team Galactic would be up to.” Roark pointed out. He had wavy brown hair, a leather jacket, a white undershirt, glasses, and a mining helmet. He cocked his head from side-to-side.
“It’s about time something be done; within 23 days!”

“What do we do?”

“They’re too powerful!”

“Not for us as a team, they’re not!”

“QUIET!!!!”

Everyone hushed. “This cannot be done if we are bickering. We have to do this as a team! We cannot be quarreling.” The remark came from Wake as he stood with Volkner and Darach. Everyone nodded. Almost everyone…

“Okay,” Volkner said. “Here’s how this is going to work. He reached into Fantina’s duffel and removed her laptop. Opening it, they all saw a set of blueprints mapping out the entire Nova Squad.

“Fantina, how did you find-“

“On Google. But, it…doesn’t matter. Here, we need to find Lady Katelyn in the dungeon on the fourth floor. Some of us…uh, I, Wake, and Thorton will find the Cryptothon. The rest of you; Byron, Roark, Candice; find Lady Katelyn and set her free. But we’ll need these.”
Uniforms for the Nova Squad were taken out of her duffel.

“How-“

“Wall Mart. Now, listen…we need to hurry! Move! Get dressed,
everyone!!!”

“Coming, Fantina?”

“Just…give me a sec.”

The other Gym Leaders went upstairs to get dressed while Fantina sat alone in the luxurious room, but admiring the nice furnishing was the last thing on her mind. She took from her duffel a photo of a man wearing a uniform with a bold N on it.

The photo had been put in a secret compartment years ago by her and she retrieved it from under the fake bottom of the duffel. She looked at the heavy-set man with a square chin and eyes of steel.

“To think I was YOUR second in command,” She reflected. “What did you want from me? What more could I have offered…to win you back?” Tears started rolling down her cheeks. She was crying and she didn’t even care.

She glanced at the picture. She could imagine the Cryptothon in his hands and him saying, “Well done, Fantina; mission accomplished.” She even imagined what his voice would sound like after all these years of never hearing it.

That was it.

There was her chance.

She would find him the Cryptothon. She would make him proud.
 
Very good. Short but to the point. FANTINA IS A TRAITOR!!! Aaaah we're all going to die!!!
Good job.
 
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