Writing An epic tale (it isn't really)

Fridge

Indie 'Choo's just too cool.
Member
Trapped

There was an ecstasy of space between us, but my first glance of her through the glass sent more than one chill down my tingled spinal cord. She was trapped beneath the frosted glass, condensation a misty haze of separation, the glass a reflection of my own face – enchantment and determination glistening in my wide eyes. Forever trapped there.

I had to have her.

I took one long look up the deserted aisle, examining every corner, every shadow, and every cold glass unit there. It was cruel. Inhumane. But I was alone. My lips a grim twist of desperation, my eyes filled with confusion, anger and fear, I lifted the glass container. Steam drifted up from the chamber to the freezing outside, a smokescreen of blinding confusion that only panicked me further – but I was one step further. Trapped no longer.

She was almost mine.

But her freedom was not certain yet – a cellophane seal separating her from me. But I couldn’t release her now. Not here. I started longingly at her for one last time, touched my forefinger to the cool plastic and whispered a prayer. I moved quickly, efficiently, excitedly. Close to freedom.

She was under my jacket.

I walked briskly to the exit of the prison that had once concealed my prize. The second I stepped foot outside into the open, alarms began to blare, sirens wailed. I cursed under my breath, but ran for all I was worth. I didn’t stop, I didn’t look back, I didn’t slow, I didn’t tire, because one though kept me going all the way. Unrestrained now.

She was to be mine.

I heard the shouting coming from behind me. A muffled voice over the winter fog, and piercing siren still echoing through the evening air. Rain began to fall softly onto me, pitter patter, pitter patter. The beating on my head enthused my new excitement, and I ran in rhythm, far faster than I had ever run. All the chaos around melted away, for I had reached my destination. She was to be unbound.

I had won.

Yet she was not yet free, closed tightly inside her cruel plastic bonds. I stepped into my open front door and slammed it shut, and ominous bang emanated and the doorframe cracked, but I continued onwards. A sharp metal object glinted from the corner of my eye. The key to the ‘cuffs of life imprisonment.

A knife in the kitchen.

A grabbed it, an electric force pulsating through my veins. I slashed down on my prize, I released her from her entrapment and I held her in my hands for an eternity, unable to comprehend what I had achieved.
I stared at her longingly.

Amazing. Enchanting.

The best cheese and jam sandwich I had ever tasted.

******************************

Idea from a story Krucifier posted a few years ago although this is a completely different story just using the idea of it ending up to be a sandwich. So don't go "PLAGURIST"

Just wondering if you like it. As I say the idea isn't 100% original. I'd say more like 49% original.

Oh yeah I still exist. Hope you remember me.
 
RE: Can't really think of a title for this thread

That's amazing. You should title this something serious, to make the people go even firther into the drama, only to realize it was a comedy.
 
RE: Can't really think of a title for this thread

Thanks for the idea, but I have no clue what to title this. Lol!
 
I appreciate the comments guys, but do any of you have any constructive criticisms? I know spelling isn't 100%, I made some edits that probably aren't checked fully.
 
Well, love the story, hilarious ending to something that seems serious. The only thing I can think of that might be a problem would be the first sentence. It says, "...chill down my tingled spinal cord." I think it should be something like tingling or something. I'm only 12, so I have no idea if its the right word there, I just felt it was out of place.
 
^^I think 'tingled' works, but this was literally a quick draft of a much better story I have now procured. Maybe I'll post it up later.
 
Wow. This is actually the funniest story I've read in ages. One minor mistake (I believe). In the third from last paragraph you wrote: "A grabbed it, an electric force pulsating through my veins."
I believe that is supposed to be "I grabbed it, an electric force pulsating through my veins."
 
Back
Top