Writing Catastrophe In Johto - Chapter 1! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine abou

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grasspokemonmaster

grasspokemonmaster

Aspiring Trainer
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Prologue
Storm clouds wreaked havoc. Thunderbolts flung down to the ground. The rain poured like monsoons.
"A very dangerous squall," said Professor Elm quietly.
New Bark Town was in danger. Gold was about to start his Pokemon journey and to come over to the lab at once. But it seemed impossible. Glass broke all over the lab. Professor Elm was in trouble. The drawers and cabinets all opened. Books fell. PokeBalls broke their seals. Professor Elm clutched the sink in terror.

A masked man walked around the Lake Of Rage in Mahogany Town. He laughed, an evil grin spreading over his terrifying face. Many other half-masked people walked around, wearing black uniforms and a red R on their shirt. The masked man's lust for power was overpowering. Some people swarmed into Mahogany Gym. The darkness was perfect for the man to carry out his catastrophic plan...

Professor Elm gasped. The squall was stopping. Could somebody have controlled it? The sheer power was dangerous.
"Phew," he mumbled, still terrified.
He hoped Gold hadn't left the house yet. Professor Elm started fixing the PokeBalls and putting the books away. There had to be something wrong.

"Mom, I'm ready!" shouted Gold.
"OK, here are your stuff," replied Gold's mom.
Slowly, Gold's mom packed Gold's bag with lots of things, clothes, running shoes, packed lunches and even a PokeGear.
"Good luck Gold," cried his mom.
"Bye mom," said Gold.

Crystal came down the stairs.
"Uncle Elm," she called. "Are you ready yet?"
"No, Crystal. I need to tidy the mess up before Gold comes," replied Elm.
Crystal went back up the stairs and watched out of the window. She saw Gold strolling across the street, humming a tune.
"Uncle, Gold's here!" she cried.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

Short preview from Chapter 1:

Gold finally reacher Cherrygrove Town. Cherrygrove Town was a town not much bigger than New Bark but was big enough to hold a PokeMart and Pokemon Centre. Gold knew better than taking a rest here, even to heal his Pokemon. He was running an errand.
"Come on Gold," he urged himself.

... (random missing paragraph from Preview Ch. 1)

"Gold," said Elm breathlessly through the PokeGear. "Crystal and me saw this person in black and red. A smokescreen. He stole Totodile."
Gold gasped. New Bark Town was supposed to be safe.
"He's approaching Cherrygrove at any moment now," added Crystal.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

Interesting story, although I would advise you to stay away from the plotline of Gold/Silver. Using main characters from other sources is okay, just make sure to vary it a bit from the games. Your descriptions are pretty good, but length could use some work. Overall, not bad.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

Thanks for the advice, PokeChamp!

Major spoilers:
There is no Dark Cave
There are no trainers in any gym
The Olivine Lighthouse has no trainers
The Johto League is similar to the anime
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

It has many grammar issues, but you are very young and I understand. It has a good story behind it, and you have a very strong vocabulary for your age. I like the story, please continue.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

Juliacoolo said:
It has many grammar issues, but you are very young and I understand. It has a good story behind it, and you have a very strong vocabulary for your age. I like the story, please continue.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the comment Juliacoolo.

And I am the best writer in my class maybe because I read alot.

Warning: This is another short preview.

Chapter 1 - Errands To Cherrygrove
"Chikorita!" cried Crystal.
"Cyndaquil!" shouted Gold.
Both Gold and Crystal had chosen their Pokemon and were ready to battle. Cyndaquil had the type advantage but as seen on Gold's TV, the Pokemon with the best variety of attacks usually won.
"Cyndaquil, use Smokescreen," said Gold.
A cloud of black smoke filled the labaratory and Crystal gasped. They suddenly both had remembered that they were still in Professor Elm's lab and not on the streets of New Bark Town. As quick as a flash, a jolt of red and black shot through the window. Gold thought he saw a young boy with long hair. Quicker than ever, the thief snatched the remaining PokeBall containing Totodile and jumped back out of the window.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

As you know, it seems like Silver's stealing twice!!!

Greatly, all will be revealed in the next chapter.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of descrip

grasspokemonmaster said:
Thanks for the comment Juliacoolo.

And I am the best writer in my class maybe because I read alot.

Warning: This is another short preview.

Chapter 1 - Errands To Cherrygrove
"Chikorita!" cried Crystal.
"Cyndaquil!" shouted Gold.
Both Gold and Crystal had chosen their Pokemon and were ready to battle. Cyndaquil had the type advantage but as seen on Gold's TV, the Pokemon with the best variety of attacks usually won.
"Cyndaquil, use Smokescreen," said Gold.
A cloud of black smoke filled the labaratory and Crystal gasped. They suddenly both had remembered that they were still in Professor Elm's lab and not on the streets of New Bark Town. As quick as a flash, a jolt of red and black shot through the window. Gold thought he saw a young boy with long hair. Quicker than ever, the thief snatched the remaining PokeBall containing Totodile and jumped back out of the window.
Click to expand...

It is very short. A chapter for a reasonable story should be about 3 times more of that at least. Still, from your writing I have seen from the past few months you have improved a huge deal which is nice to see and grammar I like. You are a good writer for your age, and you know how to take criticism very well and put it in your writing. Another piece of advice, try to make an end of the chapter more dramatic to make it more exciting. I would like to read the next chapters and see good progress made which I see. I would this give a 7/10. Good work GPM and would love to see more!

EDIT - Sorry I saw the post about it being an extra preview.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

Chapter 1 - Errands To Cherrygrove
"Chikorita!" cried Crystal.
"Cyndaquil!" shouted Gold.
Both Gold and Crystal had chosen their Pokemon and were ready to battle. Cyndaquil had the type advantage but as seen on Gold's TV, the Pokemon with the best variety of attacks usually won.
"Cyndaquil, use Smokescreen," said Gold.
A cloud of black smoke filled the labaratory and Crystal gasped. They suddenly both had remembered that they were still in Professor Elm's lab and not on the streets of New Bark Town. As quick as a flash, a jolt of red and black shot through the window. Gold thought he saw a young boy with long hair. Quicker than ever, the thief snatched the remaining PokeBall containing Totodile and jumped back out of the window.

Gold blinked. No, it wasn't anybody. Was he just seeing things?
"Chikorita, use Magical Leaf!" shouted Crystal as Gold lost his concentration.
Gold turned round and saw Chikorita release a floating leaf and entangle onto Cyndaquil. Cyndaquil was trapped! Immobilised by the powerful attack, Cyndaquil dropped down, knocked out. Gold sighed. He wasn't that good after all.

Gold finally reached Cherrygrove Town. Cherrygrove Town was a town not much bigger than New Bark but was big enough to hold a PokeMart and Pokemon Centre. Gold knew better than taking a rest here, even to heal his Pokemon. He was running an errand.
"Come on Gold," he urged himself.

"Well, well, what is your name again?" asked the old man, studying and gazing at Gold for the 4th time.
"Uh, Gold," replied Gold.
"Ahh... nice to meet you, Gold," said the old man back.
The old man wore a lab coat and had glasses. He also had grey hair.
"I'm Professor Oak of the Kanto region," he said. "Pleased to meet you."
Gold stuttered. His hero! The great Professor Oak. The one he always wanted to meet.
"Well, I've got an appointment with Mary at Goldenrod City," said Oak. "Take this PokeDex and 5 PokeBalls. That should help, right?"
Then the renowned professor walked out of the door and revealed behind him, the owner of the house who was sitting on a chair - Mr. Pokemon.
"Whoops! I'm sorry but you came here for nothing. You were running an errand for Elm right?" he asked.
Gold nodded.
"Then Crystal reached here before you and took it."
Gold's eyes opened wide with terror.
"Don't worry, I think it was a mysterious Pokemon from Johto. The daycare people - Crystal's parents - said that it was born from a Togetic that strangely, came from Kanto rather than here."
Gold nodded again, then repeatedly and then left the room. Mr. Pokemon bowed and uttered something under his breath.
What did he mutter? thought Gold.

"Gold," said Elm breathlessly through the PokeGear. "Crystal and me saw this person in black and red. A smokescreen. He stole Totodile."
Gold gasped. New Bark Town was supposed to be safe.
"He's approaching Cherrygrove at any moment now," added Crystal.
Gold was right. He had a vision earlier. Gold ran off towards New Bark Town. Something was wrong. It was bad too.

Bump! Gold fell on the floor. Dazed, he got up and saw a figure running away. It was that boy with Totodile.
"Come back thief!" he shouted.
Yes, the thief turned around but no, he didn't run towards Gold. Instead, he sent out his Totodile for a match.
"Cyndaquil, go!" Gold shouted again.
Cyndaquil popped out of the ball and used Flamethrower. A blast of fire steamed Totodile but Totodile started dancing, seemingly unaffected.
"Ember!"
Cyndaquil rained down volcanic ash and still Totodile was dancing. Then Totodile was returned to its ball and the trainer ran away. Gold just puffed and breathed for the battle was too hard for him. Gold just walked on and continued to Violet City.

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Yup, I've edited it.
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Prologue! MUST READ! An amazing story with lots of description to make you imagine about Joht

Next chapter title:

Chapter 2 - Bow Down To You, O Bellsprout

I know it's a strange title but those monks and elder in Sprout Tower worship Bellsprouts ;)
 
RE: Catastrophe In Johto - Chapter 1! An amazing story with lots of description to ma

grasspokemonmaster said:
Guys, Chapter 2 will be up next week.

ANOTHER SPOILER BELOW:


Violet Gym battle is the next chapter!
Click to expand...

Im excited!
Can it be the start of the battle or the full battle?
 
Ahh...

Well, I have changed the title to - Sky High Battle! The Elegant Master Of Flying Pokemon! (Part 1)

The title is tentative. Part 2 will come after Part 1 comes out.

Problem: If I do the full battle, the chapter will be too long so I have to do Part 1 and Part 2.
 
Ehh, since Chap 2 has no preview due to it being made by the members rather than me, here is Chap 3's preview:


Chapter 3 - Sky High Battle! The Elegant Master Of Flying Pokemon! (Part 1)
"Are you all right Gold?" asked the man on his Pidgeot.
"Yes, sir. Thanks for saving me," replied Gold. "I was looking for the gym leader of Violet City but the gym was closed so I came to Sprout Tower."
"Oho!" said the man.
He gave Gold an amused glance and muttered something. Pidgeot landed onto the rooftop of the gym and fluttered its wings to give Gold some air before the man returned it to his Poke Ball.
"I'm Falkner, Gym Leader of Violet City," said the man. "I'm a new gym leader as are many others in Johto."
Falkner opened a secret hatch on the rooftop and a ladder appeared to let him climb down into the gym. Gold climbed down from the side of the rooftop to enter through the front door of the gym.
"Hello, Gold. Elm told me about you. Me and my brothers are all caretakers," was all the man at the door of the gym said. "Good luck!"
Gold walked around and saw no gym leader. There was a platform on the end of the small room. He stepped on it.
"I'm a gym leader" he sang. "Nobody can beat me in a battle. I rule Violet City and am the best ever-er-er-er-er-ererer. This is my gym pedastal and nobody can ever beat me in a battle!!! Oh yeah! I rule! And nobody can ever beat me in a ba - whaghak!"
Little did he know that the platform was rising until he looked down and saw that he was over 30ft of the ground!
"Um, MR. CARETAKER, CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME?" shouted Gold.
Not once did the caretaker look up so Gold turned round and saw a platform in the shape of an 'S'. Around the S was a rectangle. So there were two routes for Gold to choose... and both would lead to the Violet City Gym Leader.

Gold walked round and round the rectangle, ignoring Falkner's calls for a battle until, at last, he stopped, ready to defeat the 'Elegant Master of Flying Pokemon'.

"Choose your Pokemon, Gold!" shouted Falkner.
"Fine then, I choose you, Pokemon!" shouted Gold back.
Both trainers threw their Poke Balls and two flashes of light responded to the opening of the balls.


I'm leaving you in suspense for you need to know what Pokemon they have! Part 1 is a bit longer so this is a preview.
 
Yup, in 4 days, there will be two chapters for us to read.

Gold sings horrible :) He's going to be the humorous character in the story.
 
I've edited Chap 1.

Can't wait for Chap 2 to be up. Just 3 more days! Another preview, this time from Chap 2:

Bells clanged in Sprout Tower, it was an amazing sight! Gold breathed softly. His eyes widened every second.

Yeah, very short.
 
2 days before Chap 2.

I've completed Chapters 3 and 4 so yeah, I'll post it with Chapter 2 instead.


More spoilers:

Shady Silver's gonna get new Pokemon
Gold's got a Rattata, Caterpie, Weedle, Sentret, Hoothoot and his beloved Cyndaquil
 
Just a suggestion, if you have the chapter done, then why don't you just post it? Posting spoilers takes the whole surprise factor (if there was any) from the chapter. You're looking at this as if it was a TV show where there are commercials that reveal small bits and pieces of the episode, but this is a book. It doesn't have the same effect. Plus, it isn't smart to post a preview of Chapter THREE before Chapter TWO is even out.

And now looking at your actual story, your title is very misleading. First of all, there is NOT a lot of description. Honestly, I do not "imagine" Johto when I read this story. You overuse the word 'then' and it is unneeded. Proofread your chapters before posting them. There is also A LOT of dialogue and hardly any description.

I hope you don't use your age as an excuse, but I do encourage you to try harder with your next couple chapters, and maybe focus on only one story at a time.
 
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