Do you like this song i wrote it.

Do you like my song?

  • Yes...its good

    Votes: 1 12.5%

  • No...it could improve

    Votes: 7 87.5%
  • Total voters
    8
  • Poll closed .
Status
Not open for further replies.
4

4puppies4

Aspiring Trainer
Member
Hello, my name is 4puppies4 and this is a song i wrote and i would like to see if you guys like it..i hope to be the next hannah montana..Lol...and this is copy right (c)

(Verse one)I walk into the Carnival and i see all the faces,
They all look so happy and excited,
All the little kids are holding there parents hands,
You can tell they are having a good time because...
They have smiles on their faces
They are pionting their fingers and you hear them ask why, why cant we ride that ride?and the parents say..
(Chorus)You dont meet up to their standard, your not tall enough.
I'm sorry little girl you no that you mean everything to me.
All i can think is,
Isn't that so true, Maybe your not tall enough
Just remember in your parents head your just fine...
(verse two)I just keep on walking,
I pass a group of teenagers,
Picking on a little kid, (talking this) Maybe he was 14
(singing now)All they were saying was..
(chorus..The chorus sometimes changes alittle)
You arn't good enough,
You can't hang out with us,
They pushed him down,
In his head he was probablly thinking:if im not good enough for them then i guess im not good enough for anyone else...
(Verse three)I walked up to him and said,
Your just fine the way you are, dont worry.
He looked up and smiled,
He said, Thank you ma'am but you wouldn't now how i feel right now..
Then he walked away,
(chorus)Poeple always think that they arent good enough for other poeple but i want you to remember that you are always good enough for those who love and care about you
....

thats my song its not that good but its a start please say what i could improve on!..its copy right(c)[/color][/size][/font]
 
This took my quite awhile...It's not that good but i will get better so keep checking for more songs to come!
 
It's hard to hear the song without an actual melody to apply it to. The idea of the song is very unique and there is defenitely potential for a high-quality song. I think unless you are aiming for free-verse lyrics, you might want to make the rhyming of the lyrics more tight because it doesn't match in too many places. Otherwise, I would love to hear the melody if you can show us and then I can tell you what I think of it some more. =D

- Luigi
 
It seems like it would be more of a little kid "Chant" or something. A tune would definently help us evaluate the song.
 
[/quote]
FluffyBlue said:
Yes great song how long did it take to write ? :)
Click to expand...

It took me a very long time acually..well not that long hour...I guess.

Juliacoolo said:
It seems like it would be more of a little kid "Chant" or something. A tune would definently help us evaluate the song.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
How would i give you guys a tune...i'll try though!Well it is a slow song..(sort of).
umm lets see.. :=Note

This is the beat: :: :: :::: ::: :: ::: :: :: :::: ::: :: ::: :: :: :::: ::: :: ::: :: :: :::: ::: :: :::...I think you guys get it now...

(Verse one)I walk into the Carnival and I see all the faces
They all look so happy and excited,
All the little kids are holding there parents hands,
You can tell they are having a good time because...
They have smiles on their faces
They are pionting their fingers and you hear them ask why, why cant we ride that ride?and the parents say..
(Chorus)You don't meet up to their standard, your not tall enough.
I'm sorry little girl you no that you mean everything to me.
All I can think is,
Isn't that so true, Maybe your not tall enough
Just remember in your parents head your just fine...
(verse two)I just keep on walking,
I pass a group of teenagers,
Picking on a little kid, (talking this) Maybe he was 14
(singing now)All they were saying was..
(chorus..The chorus sometimes changes alittle)
You arn't good enough,
You can't hang out with us,
They pushed him down,
In his head he was probablly thinking:if im not good enough for them then I guess im not good enough for anyone else...
(Verse three)I walked up to him and said,
Your just fine the way you are, don't worry.
He looked up and smiled,
He said, Thank you ma'am but you wouldn't now how I feel right now..
Then he walked away,
(chorus)Poeple always think that they arent good enough for other poeple but I want you to remember that you are always good enough for those who love and care about you

The beat is slow though.

Click to expand...
Mr. Random said:
Can we actually hear the song? You only gave us lyrics.
Click to expand...
How whould you hear the song?Would i record a video of me singing it but not the video showing me but the wall..Would that work??
:cool:
Click to expand...
 
Actually, you could just record audio of you and upload it to Youtube. I think that works.
 
Okay, well go on youtube soon and ill have me singing on it...It will be called "Me singing 2 songs i wrote".
 
I can't wait. Let me know once you post it. With music + lyrics, it will be easier to hear how the song actually goes so we can make a better decision on what should be changed. I like it so far though. =)

- Luigi
 
4puppies4 said:
Haha Thanks you guys...Do you think i could be the new "Miley Cyrus" or "Selena Gomez"?
Click to expand...

The song was great, but need a little more development on the feature of the song. You could be the new Miley Cyrus someday, because you have the potential like her if you will certainly make onwards on it. I was also a Miley Cyrus' fan, in fact, I really want to have her new track list.
 
anjeanlery said:
The song was great, but need a little more development on the feature of the song. You could be the new Miley Cyrus someday, because you have the potential like her if you will certainly make onwards on it. I was also a Miley Cyrus' fan, in fact, I really want to have her new track list.
Click to expand...

It was probably better to PM the poster this than post in a dead thread where the last post was made two weeks or longer ago.

*Locked*

dmaster out.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top