Writing Enigmatic Star (Inactive)

Crystal Hikara

Gone
Member
Hurray for plain titles. :D

The old version: http://www.pokebeach.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=35097

I decided to re-write the story because I'm making this a comic now. :D So I scrapped a lot of the old concepts of what I wanted to do, and I've really thought where I wanna go with this. The prologue's short, but that's because I've separated it from what is the long first chapter. So nyeah deal with it for right now. ;D You'll get your walls soon enough.

Haven't proofread anything, so don't worry too much about my spelling/grammar/excessive detailing for right now. Please. .-.

With that said, here we go on our epic quest!

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Chapter Index:
Prologue- Storms (scroll down!)
Chapter 1- Wish
Chapter 2- Reality
Chapter 3- Rescue

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“The time for me to play my role has come.”

A blistering wind swept through the area, casting frozen droplets of water this way and that. The sound created by the mountain range caused the lands to howl, as though they were in pain from the cold. Standing alone by the entrance of the sole shelter on the near uninhabitable peak was a gray-gold-colored creature. Her long, slender muzzle pointed into the sky as her blue eyes flickered with every snowflake that fell into her face.

Soon her eyes fell from the gray sky back to her den. As she turned around, her nine lustrous tails swished majestically behind her. Taking note of this, she once again spoke to herself, “I’ve grown…ancient waiting here. Waiting to correct the mistake I’ve so foolishly made a thousand years ago…”

By her side floated a glowing object in the shape of a star. It shimmered in the dark light of the cavern with a light of its own. Its silver form seemed to tilt, holding onto its master’s every word. As the beast continued to walk forward, she strode past another magical object. It, too, shone with its own light, but it had the malevolent shine of bad karma to it. It hovered within midair upon its horned pedestal, occasionally flipping to its other side and back.

Suddenly the cave took to dangerous shaking. The creature hesitated, whipping her tails about to maintain her balance. A few stones from the stalactites above unlodged themselves and tumbled down. None struck her way due to sheer luck. Soon the earthquake subsided, leaving her on uneasy paws. Vulpine ears tilting forward and back to make sure that there was nothing more coming, she glanced around. Her eyes rested on the ceiling in worry.

They’re getting worse…it must be done.

Swiftly she turned her head to the mystical object beside her. “Hoshi-No-Tama!” It heeded the call, turning to her and flickering, as though responding. “Source of my soul and my power…seek out your second owner, your true master.”

The Hoshi-No-Tama floated about in hesitation, waiting uneasily for the command. The artifact shimmered in its master’s eyes.

“Now…go!”

Without another moment’s hesitation, the object flew off, towards the cave’s mouth, and then out into the blistering cold. As it soared off, passing the beautiful orange and golden sunset of the nearby lands, still its master continued speaking.

“Please, hurry…for all of our sakes. Go not only for those of the past or for those who fight already for our future- one small step at a time- but go for those filled with hopes and dreams and even for those who have nothing to live for. True master of Hoshi-No-Tama…Only you and your ‘power’ can protect Earth from the great disaster…”

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Comments? I know it's short lol. >_> But it had to be separated...
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

Just started to skim and
“The time for me to play my roll has come.”
I'm very aware that you haven't proof read, but just having a mistake in the very first sentence (and a slightly short one at that) is so awfully distracting. Anyway, I'll actually cook something useful and will post when I have time.
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

Pssst. Your English is failing. ;P

In all seriousness, this -is- the script for the comic, too, minus a few changes. As you can see in prologue page 1, it's slightly worded differently. This is due to bubble-space and the fact that we cannot see that the Ninetales is talking. I'm not sure how it's distracting, though. Elaborate?

I look forward to whatever you cook up ;D
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

Do you play out your roll, or do you play out your role?
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

Skimming along the lines, I just noticed something:

Source of my soul and my power…seek out your second owner, your true master.”
Reading the bolded words aloud, I've come to the conclusion that it might as well could have come straight out of a poem or song: it rhythmically fits as one and the accents are conspicuously placed like a poem. The fact that the next phrases are completely prose just makes it stand out even more.

Of course, I'd probably am going to be the only one saying that it actually is of concern (and since you got this from the dialogue from the manga, it certainly means I let it pass by me at least once), but let's face it: In reality, you speak one way and you don't speak another way out of the blue.

Another obscure thing I noticed was that you called her a "creature" and "beast." Out of the possible choice of words, those two is implying a bit more on the primitive side, especially with all of the ornate vocab around such as "lustrous" and "vulpine" (you wouldn't believe the number of times I've seen "pointy/triangular ears"). However, when I thought of words to replace it, the closet thing I could conjure was "sage"...

Despite the trivial things, I think it's definitely promising as a story.
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

There's actually a reason (I came up with HOHOHOHO) for the poetry part. We won't see why till later, but there will be a reason. Trust me. ;D Just be glad I didn't have the Ninetales speaking like she had in the past version. I had a hard enough time trying to pick stuff outta there, and I'm the writer!

As for the other thing, yeaaaah about that. It's like with the entire 'legendary dog/cat' thing, and the fact that Nintendo only calls them beasts. Does that make sense...? Probably not lolz. SO YOU WIN THIS ROUND ZYFLAIR. I SHALL KEEP MY THESAURUS HANDY NEXT TIME. >D

Anyways, I'll probably be up to writing more soon, so maybe chapter one will be soon? I dunno. I wanna get more of the comic (why does everyone call it manga? It isn't one.) done so you guys will be just as caught up when I post everything up, if that makes sense. :p
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

From what I can manage, a comic is more of a simple line of characters with not much of a plot, rather aimed at parodying or satirizing something. A manga has a storyline...

Correct me if I'm wrong. x|
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

My proof: Runaways, Batman, Watchmen, Superman, Civil War.

Some of those really give you a headache. The true definition of 'manga' is a right-to-left comic book produced from Japan. Anything else is deemed as a graphic novel or a comic. ;D

Regardless, I think we'll keep that as that. I'll hopefully update soon (though more posts would be lovely from you secret readers. I know you're there.)
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

Hm, great adaption from pictures to words. This seems interesting, I love to read more! =)

~NZ (Finally I used the right sign)
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

Kyroid: Haha, thanks. Care to elaborate at all? ;D

NZ: Thanks. Oddly enough it was that way around for this part; I tend to jump into things without thinking about them so the prologue WAS done before I got to writing this. Chapter 1 is different, though. ;D AND YOUR WISH IS MAH COMMAND!

...Hmm. Been a while since I posted a chapter. Yeah, it's only been like what, two months? Bad Crystal, bad! So might as well. :3

I took a little time to go through this one, so HOPEFULLY there won't be as many glaring errors like last time. If there are any major errors, feel free to shoot me correct me. Only major errors though!

I had to split up the next chapter because it was nearing 20 pages lol. So I dunno when I'll post that up :X Still working on 3 and I wanna get more done before then. You'll all have to wait so sorry. Read RQO in the meantime! It's beast!

Mainly just using this as my script for my comic, Enigmatic Star; obviously it was quickly written and junk. I do think this is an upgrade from before, though. :B We get to see a little more of the duality from the comic too! I can't wait to get to that as it plays a kinda important part of the story. Visit the comic! You'll enjoy it!

And nao, Chapter 1- Wish. :D

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Chapter 1- Wish

“Asa…Asa! Stop daydreaming and pay attention to the lesson!”

“Huh?!” Blushing horridly, the young girl whipped her head around to watch her fellow classmates chorus together in laughter. Her previous train of thought was eradicated as she was brought back to reality.

The teacher sighed, calming the class down. “That’s enough, class…we’re on page fourty-two of the textbook, Asa.” After gripping at her temple and fixing her glasses, her hand moved down to the laptop in front of her. The young girl jolted out of her seat as she saw her typing something into the system. “Please read for us about the status condition, ‘paralyze’.”

“Ah, uh, yeah! Yes!” Asa hastily noted as she nervously gripped her book. She stood at four-foot-one with hair that definitely depicted her as a Leo. She twiddled the wavy pieces of her hair as her hazel eyes desperately attempted to trace over the pages to find the entry. “T-the status condition, ‘paralyze’…”

Soon she found the entry, marked with illustrations of an Oddish and a Mareep. “Paralyzed, or unable to move,” she began, thumbing over the page. “Some Pokemon, such as Mareep or Oddish, know paralyze-inducing moves like Stun Spore or Thunderwave.” The illustration showed the Mareep using Thunderwave, leaving the Oddish covered in arcs of electricity. “When a Pokemon becomes paralyzed, not only does it become more sluggish, but it may be completely unable to move at all. Items such as Paralyz Heal and Cheri berries can restore mobility to Pokemon afflicted by paralysis.

“Humans, too, can be-OW!” Asa’s words fell short as she felt something collide with the back of her head. At once she dropped her textbook and grabbed at the wound. The class briefly laughed at the seemingly invisible ‘attack’. That really hurt…what was that…? Still rubbing her head as the class silenced itself, her eyes traveled to her desk. Resting innocently upon it was a petite, glossy berry. Taking it into hand, her confused expression turned to malice at the irony. A Cheri Berry…

The only two left snickering caught her attention. Whipping around, her eyes fell on the two boys sitting behind her. Quickly they turned their tune from roars of laughter to nervous whistling. Even as they looked away, she could clearly see the trouble makers sharing a secret handshake with one another at their success.

The teacher, as angry as Asa was, rose from her slouch. “That’s enough!” she raged, “We do NOT throw items at other students! I’ll be seeing you two after class, gentlemen!”

Ire fading, she slumped back into her seat. “Now, Asa…please continue.” Even as she heard the complaints of the bad students behind her, the young girl picked up her study book again.

“Ah, okay…” she nervously began again, noting people were finally looking away from her. “Humans, too, can become paralyzed. This can lead…”

…just another day. Same old teasing, same old book, same old lesson…

They treat me like I’m dumb,
she somberly continued her dialogue in her mind. I know I can be bubble-headed at times, but…I’m just sick of it all. I’m sick of this same old life and the expectations of it… Emptily she turned her page. There was only a bit left as the sound of rustling pages chorused through the room. Once again her eyes fell on the illustrations of paralyzing Pokemon.

Oddish, Mareep…they say that these Pokemon have fun when battling. But I just…I just know that they’d enjoy a free life without conflict better. How would I know? I’m human, after all… But, if I could be a Pokemon…I’d want to be something that could soar away from trouble like those boys at the first sign of it. Or, maybe I would just be something that could have the strength to intimidate these ‘foes’ away. …just enough so I could be alone…

A sigh escaped her lips as she finished the passage and plopped herself down into her seat. The teacher’s words were nonexistent on her ears as she was deep in her thoughts.

If I could be a Pokemon…even I know that it could never happen…

Her various daydreams and wishes were shattered as her eyes fell on the clock. “Oh!” The sound of the school bell ringing signaled her brief freedom.

“-Alright, class is over,” the mentor finally got her words through. Asa perked her attention up as she hastily shoved her books and supplies into her Dragonair sack. “Remember, we have that test tomorrow…”

And with that, she didn’t need to hear any more. Slyly she snuck out of the room, off to the side exit before the teacher could pick her out of the crowd for daydreaming. Hasty retreat, hasty retreat, she anxiously repeated to herself. Her heart leapt as she heard the bold reprimanding voice from the front of the room.

“Not so fast, you two.”

Asa began breathing again, knowing the poor mentor’s eyes were locked tightly on the two boys hoping to escape detention. The young girl could hear whispered cries of distaste from the two. She didn’t care; all that mattered was getting out of the building as fast as possible. Soon, bright sunlight engulfed her figure as she left the Academy.

The fresh air of the bustling city filled her lungs as she wandered out onto the gravel streets of Violet City. The afternoon sun was warm and comfortable, typical for a late May day. The violets themselves moved much like the Bellsprouts belonging to local monks due to the pleasing breeze of the area. Various trainers, monks, and townsfolk carried on their business both on the earth and in the sky. Chatter made the city feel alive. Sprout Tower appeared to be the liveliest point of the city, swaying in its peculiar state. Battle cries and shouts of sheer exhilaration almost echoed from the nearby gym.

As busy as it was, Asa couldn’t help a gentle smile. As she concentrated on the nearby pond, she breathed deeply. Wow…it’s such a beautiful day out today. …It’s a pity I have track, ballet and etiquette lessons today…I’d love to just stay here for a while and enjoy the day.

Her daydreaming was cut short as she caught sight of a red-brown feather lazily floating down from the sky. “Huh?” she dumbly questioned out loud, watching its free-fall for a moment, before gazing around. She finally locked eyes with a tiny bird swooping down from a nearby tree. “Oh! Breeze!”

“Karuu,” the bird responded, before zooming to Asa’s side. Covered in a peculiar down that matched Asa’s hair color, the Pidgey wasted no time not only landing on the girl’s outstretched hand, but clambering over to her shoulder and giving the side of her face an affectionate nibble.

“Haha, nice to see you too, Breeze,” the girl giggled as she pet the long crown of the bird. “How’ve you been doing, huh? Getting enough food?”

At the word the bird immediately changed her demeanor; she fluttered off Asa’s hand and onto the ground. She gave a few sharp pecks to the ground, as though pecking at a Caterpie or Wurmple, before casting her stare up expectantly. Asa’s happy face immediately dulled to a deadpan expression.

“Oh, I see how it is,” she began, narrowing her eyes at the bird. Breeze kept staring. “Just trying to mooch off of me again, huh?”

Knowing she wasn’t going to get food that way, Breeze quickly changed her tune again. Her eyes welled up dangerously with tears. Pleadingly she gazed up to Asa and whimpered weakly, “Karuu-gey? Kuu?”

The bird held the position. Soon guilt forced Asa to shake her head slowly. “You’re gonna make me starve one of these days, you know that?”

“Karuu!” the tiny bird happily proclaimed victory at that, and flew back to her friend’s side. The human wandered over to the nearby bench that faced the eastern exit of the city, the exit that lead to Cherrygrove. Soon she settled her bag in her lap, digging anxiously in it before pulling out a small sandwich bag containing bread.

“I hope you’re not sick of bread yet…it’s all I could really afford to sneak out behind Mom’s back for you.”

“Kuugey!” Obviously she doesn’t care, Asa decided as the bird anxiously climbed closer. Even before she could begin to rip the bread into sizable chunks, the Pidgey began pecking at it and attempting to swallow the piece whole.

“Hey! Hey! You’ll choke! Gimme a minute, you little kid!”

“Rrrmph,” Breeze attempted from her beakful. After the first incident, she finally managed to slowly start feeding her friend. Breeze was always careful to pick the bread up without pinching the human’s skin. Asa allowed a full smile to spread on her face. Memories of when she met Breeze, stranded at the bottom of her nest’s tree with a broken wing, flooded her mind. And more importantly was the memories of her taking care of the sickly hatchling behind her mother’s back.

“The way you eat, you make it seem like you have it so hard here, Breeze…but can it really be that tough to get a meal from anyone here?” The aerial creature glanced up from her bread-eating mayhem for a moment to listen to her ‘mother’s’ words. “I know you can’t go back to your nest, but surely you can give that look to other people and get food from them?”

“Karuuf,” she muttered before swallowing. She hastily grabbed another large chunk with her talon and began chewing as best she could with her beak.

“Ah, I don’t even wanna bother. I know you can’t understand me, anyways. Humans and Pokemon weren’t meant to…I’m not sure why. I think it’d be wonderful if I could talk to you. You’re practically my only friend…”

Asa sweat as she glanced back to the bird. Her cheeks were bulging with food as she appeared dizzy.

“See, that’s why you don’t stuff yourself! Quick, come here…”

“Asaaaaaa!”

Seconds after clearing the Pidgey’s windpipe through force, the girl glanced up. “…ugh, Mom…”

“Asaaaaaa! Come here!”

“Agh, I gotta go, Breeze,” she hastily muttered as she shredded the bread into smaller bits, before throwing them down onto the nearby pavement. “Don’t you go choking yourself again, okay? I don’t need you dying on me!”

“Karuu?” Breeze looked up questioningly. As Asa turned to the source of the sound, the bird gave a weird squawk, then hopped down to the earth. “Kuu…”

“Hey, I’ll be back again soon, okay?” As she watched her peck at some nonexistent piece of bread and then stare at her again, she shook her head. “And I’ll bring some more food with me, I promise you.”

“Karuu!” Breeze happily complied, flapping her good wing gently in a form of saying ‘goodbye’. The young girl grinned gently, before taking off towards the western part of the town. A sad look came across the bird’s eyes, watching her as she left.

It wasn’t long before a sleek black Toyota and a professional looking woman came into Asa’s view. Her lips were pursed in a tight, small frown as her daughter strode up to her. “Asa, where have you..-CHOO!” Knobbly fingers raced to reach into her business suit pocket. She was just in time to reach her handkerchief and bring it to her face.

“To your wishes, Mom,” Asa tried to be optimistic as she maintained a small distance. Guiltily she decided to keep the fact she was with Breeze a secret.

“Thank you-choo! Oh, blast-choo! H-have you been-choo! Been around any-any of those dirty Pidgey-AHCHOO!”

“I’ve heard rumors that there’s a Pidgeotto nest somewhere in the school,” Asa lied, hoping it would be enough. However, her mother’s frown disagreed.

“I’m not paying for-…for Pidgeys…choo! Choo! AHCHOO!” the dark brunette groaned as her sneezing got worse. “Anyways, get in the car. We’re already late for your track meet in Goldenrod. It’s going to mess your entire schedule up…”

“Yes, Mom…” Asa droned, yet was reluctant to get into the car. The girl wasn’t dumb. She knew that there were more accidents per percentage in vast comparison to Pidgeot transport, but the fact that her mother had terrible allergies to the bird line didn’t help. Reluctantly, she was nudged into the back seat of the car by her mother.

“…and things are heating up today for our latest challenger for the Blackthorn Gym!” an announcer on radio ecstatically commented as cheers were heard in the background. “Our last challenger for Clair was no match, but the infamous little hot-head ‘twin’ of her prodigy brother, Kiyo Dustren, is making easy work of the gym’s trainers! I’m sure you’ll agree with me, folks, that the battle between our Ecruteak native and the Elite Four’s strongest member’s sister will be a fierce one! Now, let’s get some details from the MC on the trainer level of the gym…”

“Where to, ma’am?” Asa’s thoughts drifted away from the radio as her mother got in the car. The cab driver punched his timer as she buckled up.

“Goldenrod on thirty-first and fourth, and please make all haste,” she curtly instructed.

“Do what I can legally with the traffic, ma’am,” he tipped his cap before shifting it into drive.

Yeah, I’d definitely be a flying type, Asa mindlessly thought as they merged onto the main road. Cars were travelling half the speed limit. The mindless muttering of the MC was cut off by the local weather report. “…Clouds are expected to roll in at sunset and cover up the night sky. Expect temperatures to dip down from these comfortable, spring-like temperatures to a chilly forty degrees tonight in the Goldenrod region, so be sure to bundle up! …” I just want to be able to do what I please, without living in this cage. It’s so awful, being forced to live under my mother’s expectations…and her allergies. Yep, I’d want to be a Pidgeot…

Again she was forced back into uncomfortable reality as time flew past and the track field came slowly into sight. Asa’s mother only briefly checked her watch, before expectantly glancing back.

“Go on, you’re five minutes late,” she ordered coldly. The girl was eager to remove herself from the dangerous and lifeless vehicle. Slinging her bag onto her shoulder, she quickly ran over to the team.

Time slipped past in her thoughts as she leapt over hurdles, sprinted the two-hundred meter and awaited her turn. I gotta face the reality of this situation… Before she knew it track was over, and she was being whisked away to Ecruteak for ballet. As she practiced each elegant move without thinking it, her thoughts continued. Still, it’s not quite fair. I never asked for this. What seemed to be five minutes later was an hour, and she was dolled up in her kimono, attempting to learn about how to be a lady. Why should I be forced to do something that I don’t want to do just because it’s popular by everyone else’s standards? …If Dad was home, I think he’d have something to say about it…

And boom, she was back in the Toyota before she could blink and in her summer outfit. Mindlessly she twiddled at a piece of her hair. Still sour about the events at school, she felt the small lump on the back of her head from the hard Cheri. Quietly she sighed, but not before Mom caught sight of the action.

“So how was school?” she managed, glancing over her phone for any updates as she did every five seconds.

“Same ol', same ol'.”

“What did they teach you?”

“Something I already knew,” Asa grumbled. Her response to her mother’s question had not changed for the last few weeks. Defiantly she refused to look to her parent.

“I’m sure you must have learned something today…”

“Yeah, that Cheri berries hurt when they’re flung into your head,” she sarcastically replied.

“Now, I will not be hearing any satire from your mouth, Asa. It’s highly unlady-like for one as becoming as you are.”

“Yes, Mother,” she sighed. The fast-paced city life of Goldenrod soon came into view again. Even in the noise-canceling car, the ever-so-present sound of sirens and beeping horns played their tune.

“We’ll continue this discussion when we’re home, you understand?”

“Yes, Mom…”

“...Ma’am, we’ve arrived.” Even though the car pulled up to the three-story condo, Asa didn’t budge. Another lecture was not on her list of enjoyable things.

“Thank you, Steven. Here’s your payment and tip.”

“Always courteously taken, Mrs. L’Étoile,” he tipped his hat.

Once again expectant, emotionless eyes fell onto the girl. She didn’t look back; she just got out of the car, bag hanging loosely in her grip.

As they entered the building, the familiar feeling of the cold foyer greeted the girl. Nervously she glanced up to the small yet fancy chandelier resting on the raised ceiling; for whatever reason it gave her the shivers to think it could come crashing down relatively easy if the city was ever hit with a major earthquake. Floods were more prevalent in Goldenrod though. It seemed none would even pay attention to the two or three smallscale earthquakes they had every month. That’s life in Goldenrod for you, she bitterly noted.

Within moments Asa removed her shoes and plopped her bookbag down in its routine spot on the stairs, before sneaking off towards the TV room. All efforts were in vain as she could hear her mother from the kitchen.

“No TV till your homework’s done…”

“I have a test tomorrow,” she called back. There was no response. Taking advantage of the situation, she hastily grabbed the remote and turned it on to her cartoon show. Blissful figures of magical girls and handsome heroes filled the electronic device…and her thoughts.

Until Mom had something to say about it.

Striding into the room, she disdainfully watched as the lead heroine did battle with the evil Space Pirates. In her daze, Asa could do nothing as her mother slipped the remote out of her grasp. “Hey!”

“If you’re going to be watching TV, at least have it be educational.”

With a small click, the channel changed to Johto Journeys. Asa frowned as the camera was locked on the beginning of a battle in Blackthorn.

“Oooh, already I can feel the tension building! Kiyo has gone through a quick wardrobe change to get used to the heat of the crushing magma sixty feet below our competitors, but will it be enough to keep her head cool in the battle? Already she’s sweating as her Typhlosion, Ty, has been knocked out!”

“Can’t I relax and watch what I want?” Asa frowned and glanced up. The faint sounds of the TV filtered through her head.

“Your trainer test is nearly within a month, Asa,” Mrs. L’Étoile frowned. “You need to be studying up on your battle material for your match against Falkner.”

“But what can I learn from a battle of dragon types and fire types?” she countered.

On screen, the figure of a massive earth creature revealed itself. The challenger took haste in ordering it. “Terro, Sandstorm!”

“Rhydon doesn’t look like a fire type to me,” she coolly responded, walking away with the remote in hand. Asa frowned. She had had enough of this. She rose from her comfortable sitting position on the couch to her feet.

“Now, Flamethrower!”

The last bit of the command caught her curiosity. Turning back, the sand melted together to form a tightly-knit glass net over the opponent Dragonair. It effectively stopped it from moving. Asa shook her head as she focused on her objective as the crowd roared in awe.

Horrid smells began coming from the kitchen as she approached it. Her mother fanned a dish rag at the stove top. Smoke was gently curling from the grease-laden burner. Trouble, Asa grimaced. Whenever Mom cooks, there’s always trouble…

“Mom, why do I-” she began, but it wasn’t long before the phone rang.

“Sorry, Asa… …hello, Felicia speaking…” she quickly answered her phone as she placed a old, burned pan on the stove.

“Mom, it’s important-”

“It’s Silph Co, hunny,” she nearly mouthed, before turning her entire attention to the phone. “Uh huh….yeah…why don’t they find a new trainer to campaign the Pokegear on? It sounds like he’s being a load of trouble. …oh, for goodness sakes, he’s a tramp! Yes, yes I know that a lot of the younger generation like him, but he’s becoming a negative image on our company.”

More smoke coiled up. It was from the contents of the pan this time. Asa daren’t look; her imagination would make dinner worse if she did.

Asa emptily walked back to the TV room and sat down. The battle had cut to a commercial for Goldenrod’s massive Department Store. “Everyday’s a great one at your Depot!” the main chorus hummed in the background. Blankly she stared at the screen. The battle was soon back on. Both the Dragonair and the Rhydon were gone, replaced with a Gyarados and an Altaria. The battle roars of the two dragon-like Pokemon fell deaf to Asa’s ears as she attempted to think of how to get herself out of the situation…or at least make a point.

The smell of the burning food worsened. The battle was a victory for the challenger as Ice Beams shot across the field and cleared out all remaining opponents. Asa turned off the TV before she watched Kiyo get her final badge. Her mind was steady and ready.

Her mother tugged at the pancake stuck to the pan. Her phone was practically glued to her ear as she attempted to shove the spatula under the flapjack. The other pancake resting on a plate nearby looked half-burned, half undercooked. Asa’s stomach churned.

"...alright, I’m coming in. Call a conference session. I know they’re all still there, they have the night shift today. I’m going to settle this matter once and for all. …will you give me a moment? I’m cooking this pancake and…”

Soon the pancake flew from the griddle and onto the countertop. Picking it up with perfectly manicured fingernails, she pulled the piece of food onto the plate and handed it to Asa without looking at her daughter. The girl glanced down. Not only was it a mutant pancake, but it was burned as well. Batter oozed out from the edges when she prodded it.

“I’ll be there in a half-hour. Thank you. Good-bye.” Click. Now’s my chance.

“Okay, honey, I have a very important last-minute meeting to attend to…”

“Mom, I don’t want to be a trainer.”

She stopped for a moment, finally facing the girl. Her eyes were slightly narrowed. She forced her lips to curl into an unnatural smile. It almost looked painful for her to do so.

“Why is that?”

“Because it’s abuse to Pokemon. I don’t want to have to command them like slaves.”

“No-one said they had to be your slaves. Now, I have to go-”

“But that’s what we’re practically doing!” Asa continued, sliding the poor excuse for flapjacks onto the table. She chased after her mother. “We take them unwillingly from their homes and put them to work, whether they like it or not!”

“Well, why don’t you ask the Pokemon what they think? Nevermind, you can think that up in that dreamland head of yours, can you not? Pokemon are animals that are naturally born for battle. They don’t mind.”

“You and I can never know that for sure!”

“So just assume the happier truth and go eat your supper. I have to leave. There will be no further questioning on it.”

“You just want me to be a trainer like Daddy so you can get more money. That’s all you ever care about.”

The woman spun around, glaring down on the child before she harshly pinched at her jaw.

“Do not disrespect me like that. Go eat. I’ll see to your punishment tomorrow.”

She turned around. She didn’t see Asa’s tears building up. She couldn’t see the wound she had caused.

The door slammed shut.

Silently Asa dragged herself to the kitchen. The pancakes looked worse through blurry eyes. The remote was nowhere to be found, and the girl knew that her mother had slipped it into her purse when she was busy arguing with her. She groaned quietly, her stomach gurgling and whining for nourishment. She couldn’t make anything for herself, nor could she order for take-out without money. Opening up the fridge to find only fruits and snacks that could never fill her up, she slowly hung her head as the searing pain of her chest bubbled up and through her expression.

“It’s…it’s just not fair,” she whimpered to herself, clutching the door to the refrigerator as though it was her emotional support. “Isn’t it supposed to be…a free country? Shouldn’t I be able to do what I want to, and not what my mom wants? …Daddy, where are you? You said that I was your little princess…a-and that you would never let harm fall to me…d-doesn’t this count? I’m hungry…a-and all alone…” Her breathing became more irregular as wetness rolled down her cheeks. The cold was biting at her skin, but it helped against the terrible hotness of her face.

“I just…I just want to be taken far away from here! Far away from lessons, far away from bad food, far away to a place where I can actually make friends…s-so far away I could just be myself for a change!”

Tap tap tap!

Asa jerked her head out of the fridge, hastily wiping away her tears and closing the door. Paranoid, she peeked her head down the hallway for her mother. The noise of tapping wouldn’t make sense though. Her mother would always knock twice with quick efficiency if she needed to get back into the house.

Tap tap tap! T-tap!

“Karuu! Kuuuu!”

“Br-Breeze?!” the girl gasped, making haste to the source of the noise- the back door that lead out to the plain patio. The last few rays of the sun filtered down through the other buildings. Resting on one of the three rusted chairs around the white, circular albatross of a table was the Pidgey, anxiously tapping at the glass. As soon as she saw Asa, she proudly chirped.

“Kuu!”

“Breeze, what are you doing he-” As she moved to pull the sliding door open, the bird fluttered over, attempting to meander her way in. “Ah! Breeze! No! You know as well as I do that Mom’s really allergic to Pidgeys! She’d take you and put you in a Pokeball and sell you to a professor for a starter Pokemon if she ever found out you were here!”

At that, the bird froze, landing back on the table. “Karuuugey, kuu,” she disgustedly clicked her beak, as though understanding the entire sentence. She ruffled her feathers up into a giant puffball of down, before busily preening her wing and hissing off in some random direction other than Asa’s.

“Yeah, it sounds bad enough. I wouldn’t want to be stuffed in a ball either if I was a Pokemon. I’d want to be free like you, free to do as I pleased and not having to worry about battling…”

“Kuuuuu?” Now deaf to Asa’s rambles, the bird repeated the pecking action from earlier in the day before staring up with near pleading eyes.

“Ah, again?! You are such a little Munchlax with that appetite!” The girl couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry, there’s nothing to eat here, otherwise I’d be eating it…”

“Kuuu? Karuugey?” Beady eyes filled with hunger locked onto Asa.

“…Breeze…” Asa sweat from guilt once again, thwarted by the gaze. “…fine, you can have an apple if you want, but you can’t come in!”

“Kuu!” Breeze protested, hopping up and down like a Natu before fluttering to the doorway again. The small amount of wind pouring in from outside made Asa shiver; the chilled night air was starting to pour in on the city.

“I know it’s cold! But….well…maybe I can take you up to my room. Mom never goes up there anyways, unless it’s to take away my video games or something like that. She already took them away recently, though, so there can’t be any harm in taking you up there…but you can’t go pooping up there!” she said very seriously.

“Karuu!” Once again the bubbly happy eyes shimmered from the bird as she attempted one last time to get in. Asa hastily closed the door, waving her finger.

“This won’t become a habit!”

* * *​

“You know, Breeze…” Asa emptily rolled a grape between her fingers. She gazed off into the distance, beyond the sea green confines of her room.

“Kuuuh?” the Pidgey called back with a mouth filled with fruit, hearing her name.

“I have to wonder…what it’s like to be like you. Like a Pokemon, I mean.”

“Kuu,” Breeze boredly announced, before pecking at the red delicious further.

After slipping the grape into her mouth, Asa chewed for a moment in thought. As she swallowed, her hand wrapped around the raggedy Shinx doll her father had gotten for her as a child before he trekked off to Hoenn in search of a challenge. “I mean, I know it could never happen, but still, I have to wonder,” she began, settling down on her stomach. Curiously she eyed the Pidgey. The beady green eyes of the bird darted from her back to her food as she nibbled away. “It blows my mind! To be able to have all these special abilities, to use the forces of nature at your whim, and to be able to communicate with you guys! I’m sure you’d all be friendly to one another, so long as you’re not captured.” The Pidgey lifted her head up in disgust at the word. The human quickly waved to her that it was alright, and Breeze fluffed up her down before resuming her feast. “…I’d like to be something that could fly…or even just run away while the opponent’s dealing with a minor status condition or something like that…I’d love that more than anything else in the world, wouldn’t you?”

“Kuu.”

“Haha, silly me! You can already fly! And Leonardo could do that too, if he was real…” Affectionately she hugged the Shinx doll. The Pidgey rolled her eyes as she attempted to steal a grape from Asa’s bowl. “Hey! That’s enough! This is my dinner, fiend!”

“Puugey,” Breeze sarcastically snickered before being forced back to her apple.

“I don’t know…just wish I could be a Pokemon. With or without wings, so long as I was cute or something of that nature and could be free to do what I wanted!” Asa decided as she took a few more grapes triumphantly.

“Be careful of what you wish for.”

The words made the girl hesitate. The man’s voice was indistinct in her head, yet the message was loud and clear. A somber look crossed her face. “Daddy always did say that, didn’t he?”

“Karuu?” the tiny bird Pokemon glanced up at the sudden voice change. Asa had turned her head to glance out the only window in her room. The big sky was a strange color of dark orange and pink, as the clouds were illuminated from the many parking complexes and stores around the city. It felt lonely to her; no stars could ever shine through because of the many lights of Goldenrod.

“Breeze, what can I do? I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to have to go on some stupid trainer mission in a month just to fight against people like Falkner and Clair and all the rest of the Johto Gym Leaders…” Pain riddled her words as she continued to gaze out into the sky, half-expecting some plane to come in for landing nearby.

“Karuugey!” Breeze unknowingly concurred, attempting to make her friend feel better. Asa could only offer a small smile back to her- a fake one. The auburn bird hopped over to the girl’s side, nibbling on her ear and taking a gander outside as well.

“Unfortunately…I don’t think there’s any way out of it. Mom’s an executive for Silph Co., and I’m just a little kid. She’ll have her ways of keeping her eyes on me, I’m sure… …huh? What’s…that?”

Her words trailed off as hazel eyes locked on a shimmering object in the sky. It flew across the sky at a slow speed. “…is that a plane? It can’t be. It’s too far away for it to be one. And it’s too slow…but it can’t be a shooting star…we never see them here, and it’s cloudy!”

“Kuu?!” Breeze fluffed up her feathers at the sight of the mysterious star.

“Quick, Breeze! Make a wish! I think it’s really a shooting star! But maybe someone’s already wished on it. No, people don’t look out their windows at the sky normally! Quick! Wish!” The girl closed her eyes in haste and excitement.

I wish for a way to get out of this set life for me and to create my own dream.

She opened her eyes. The star was gone. She frowned, and turned to the bird. Breeze was having her fill of grapes.

“Augh, Breeze…” Asa groaned as the grapes had disappeared. “Why did you do that? …and why do I not particularlyyyyyyyyy... when did get so late?” As she yawned, she glanced towards her Dodrio alarm clock. It was 21:01. “Definitely bed time…I have to get enough rest for tomorrow’s test…”

Moving the bowls of fruit out of the way, she crawled under her covers, suddenly exhausted by the day’s tolls. The Pidgey, too, seemed tired, and took perch on the nearby windowsill until Asa yanked her down. Screeching from being held soon lead way to grunts of apathy as the bird could feel signs of wetness on her feathers.

“I just don’t want to have to deal with this life. Never,” she whispered, before allowing her eyes to fall shut.



“Ah! Ow! Help!” Cries of distress took to the air as the earth shook violently. Asa lazily opened her eyes to bear witness to countless rocks from a nearby cliff roll down to where the racket was coming from. The shock of the rumbling quickly brought her to consciousness.

“E-Earthquake! Ah!” Asa yelped, quickly rolling away. A particularly large boulder crashed down on the earth she once lay on. Wait, where…

“Hey! Who-whoever that was! Help! I-I’m having trouble breathing!” the voice croaked from the pile of rocks. The quakes died down to an eerie stillness. Asa, still fearing for her life and still half asleep, reluctantly crawled over. Her center still felt uneasy and off balance.

“Are you okay?” she anxiously replied before she grabbed ahold of one of the smaller rocks and began pushing it out of the way.

“I will be once these rocks are off of me! They’re my weakness! Pl-please hurry!” the one in need coughed in pain. Weakness? What’s going on here…? Her mind still in a fog, Asa yanked rock after rock off the pile with all the might her tiny hands could handle.

Soon all the boulders creating a tomb for the living victim tumbled away. Asa peered down into the shadows. The figure was faint in the poor morning light. “Are you okay?” she queried again, her breath nearly gone from the effort.

“Ah, yeah,” the female victim grunted, still gently wheezing for air. “I think I’ll be fine in a little bit.”

Asa’s expression turned from horror to confusion to panic as she saw not hands, but feathered wings clutch the top of the rockslide pile. As the rest of the figure revealed herself to be not human, but a fire chick Pokemon, she felt dangerously faint. “Owww, owwww…my head,” the Torchic groaned, clutching a small spot on her head with her wings. “Hey, thanks for that! I thought I was a goner when that rock slide hit!

No…this can’t be real…

“Huh? What was that? Are you okay?” the little fire bird, covered in shades of golden yellow and red, tilted her head in confusion.

“This can’t be real…” Asa repeated again, slowly crawling away in fear. “N-no…this feels so real, b-but it has to be a dream, right…?!”

“Last I checked this was reality. …are you okay? Where’s your home? I can take you there so you can lay down…” As the Pokemon inched nearer, Asa backed up with all haste.

“Don’t come any closer!” she threatened. Why?! What’s going on?! Where am I?! Why can’t I even remember where home is, or anything besides my name?! Torchic’s don’t speak English, either! Why can’t I wake from this weird, awful dream?!

“Relax! Your ‘Run Away’ ability’s probably kicking in. You’ll be okay, don’t worry…just calm down-”

“Don’t talk to me!” Asa whimpered, rising uneasily to her legs. They buckled at weird angles, and she only rose a few more inches over the Torchic where she should have towered feet over the creature. Anxiously she ran backwards, quickly losing her balance.

“Hey, you’re going to fall in…!” The fire-type’s words were too late; Asa felt her footing be compromised by loose pebbles as she fell backwards. Cold suddenly splashed over her body as it was nearly submerged from the shore of the nearby pond. The interesting sensation of hair clumping to her skin all over her body made her shiver. She attempted to roll up to her feet again, only to feel a large addition to her body throb in pain as she tumbled onto it. Resorting to a side maneuver, it soon became clear that her arms were no longer present and that her hands had been replaced by paws covered in a dark scarlet-brown fur. The feeling of breathlessness was creeping up and over the girl. As the water stilled, the sight before her made her feel sick.

Staring back from the water’s reflection were not her own, but of that of a terrified Eevee. She felt two wet pieces of hair push back against her skull; the reflection of the Eevee mimicked her by folding her ears back in fear and realization. Asa was now that Eevee.

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Gogo comments attracter!
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

I've already read this before, when you hadn't revamped it yet, and yet there is always something new to be found from a second reading (well, something that isn't a spelling error).
I can usually enjoy a story more if I can either associate somehow with the characters, or accurately imagine what they are going through. I'm not fully at that state, but I have started my path down it. I look at how Asa is just thought of as some sort of puppet by her mother, who doesn't truly care about her emotions, but wants to live her life through her daughter. And to have no real opinion or impact as to one's destiny? It tugged at my heartstrings, even though I know Asa is only imaginary. (DNA has emotions? nowai)

I wonder what interesting scenario I could connect with next.
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

I like it, but there was a really odd sentence in the chapter that I couldn't help, but be a bit annoyed with.

Crystal Hikara said:
“Well, why don’t you ask the Pokemon what they think? Nevermind, you can think that up in that dreamland head of yours, can you not? Pokemon are animals that are naturally born for battle. They don’t mind.”

Personally I would change, "you can think that up" to "you can make that up".

~NZ
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

As usual, you're never in need of any basic mechanical guidance (which makes my life harder). So let's dig into some fun stuff; your writing style.

The great thing I love about your fanfictions is that it's completely clear in its descriptions. The downside is that you tend to be a bit too explicit. With that, you set the distance from the reader and the characters very far even with personal thoughts. For example:
“Ah, okay…” she nervously began again, noting people were finally looking away from her. “Humans, too, can become paralyzed. This can lead…”

The spoken words she was reciting seemed to disappear into deafness as her thoughts clouded over them. …just another day. Same old teasing, same old book, same old lesson…
"The spoken words she was reciting seemed to disappear into deafness as her thoughts clouded over them" could be removed and actually have a much more personal effect on the reader, because we immediately become deaf to the spoken words and hear the thoughts of our protagonist rather than being told that. From that point on, every italicized sentence automatically is taken to be one of Asa's thoughts, and no explaining is needed as you've done a bit here and there.

Also, I just have to praise you on your ultra-super-uber-sexyyyy-smooth use of figurative language all over the place. I couldn't (and honestly, I wouldn't even attempt to, as it's not my style) even get close to trying that and sound natural.

Lastly, I expected a certain enigmatic star to make its solid appearance, but I can't be sure if it was there of if it's really just a shooting star. Of course everything would have to be subtle with you. >_>
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

Oh wow I kinda let this die huh. REPLY TIEM

DNA: I'm assuming you won't be able to connect to Asa being a Pokemon, but at least it's good to know I'm getting somewhere with you guys in terms of emotion. ;P Good to know you're enjoying yourself!

NZ: I think someone made a note of that, but in all honesty, I don't think I'll be changing it. It is dialogue, and it's the first thing that Felicia 'said' to me to say to you guys. :B I dunno. I personally don't see anything wrong with it... *shrugs*

Zy: MAKIN ZY'S LEIF HARDUR SINCE 1989 \m/ nosrs time for real business...

And AWESOME that I can have everyone follow what's going on. Hahaha, I'm always worried about that in all honesty. If you can't tell a story, what's the point...?

Regardless, duly noted sir. I totally get where you're coming from and it'll be edited out. :B

And what about figurative language? I apparently do it without noticing hahaha. >> And who knows what the Enigmatic Star refers to...it could always just refer to Asa herself and the mystery of her change.

ANYWAYS! Been a good while so I should post another chapter huh? I have more to write so yeah last chapter for a bit. It's really painful rewriting things. UGH. At some point I'll switch over and just CP parts of old ES for this. I just cannot really write it ALL over.

Let the games begin!

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Chapter 2: Reality

Still sitting in the shallows in an unknown body of water in a foreign forest, Asa was paralyzed in sheer shock. Somehow, she was no longer human. She was now an Eevee. This much she knew. But the thoughts that flew through her mind were muddled and completely confused. This…this is wrong! Why am I an Eevee?! Where am I? How did I get here? I was just sleeping, and…and then what?! Which way to home? Where…is home?! I can’t…remember anything!

“Uh…did you hit your head a little too hard there or something, Miss Eev-” the concerned Torchic Asa had rescued began. She wasn’t willing to listen. Not in the middle of a panic attack.

“I can’t be an Eevee!” she shrilly cut her off. The bird’s golden down puffed up in surprise as the once-human creature leapt anxiously out of the water, and began bolting down the nearest path. “Go away!” Unfortunately, the transformation was still leaving her feeling out of balance; as she attempted to dash away on two hind paws, she tumbled down onto the hard earth. Even on all four paws she appeared like a newly born Ponyta chasing after its mother.

“H-hey, wait! That leads to the Tiny Woods!” the bird called from behind as she fought to catch up to the Eevee. The pursuit made Asa want to run faster, yet her new body still wasn’t responding. Her eyes were locked shut.

Dreaming, that’s it! I have to be. There’s no way I can be an Eevee. It’s just a really, really realistic dream…oh, why can’t I remember anything?! Heavy breaths were drawn in and released as the confused Pokemon attempted to outrun the fire bird. I can’t even remember what I looked like as a human…only that I was one. And, Asa…I can’t remember my last name either! …did I have a last name? Did I have a family? What’s…happened to me?!

Wham! In the middle of blindly running down the path, Asa smacked into a squishy-feeling creature of her height. Body throbbing, she hesitated and her eyes shot open. A bizarre yellow Pokemon gave a small cry as she toppled over, pink and purple leaves instantly protecting her from further harm.

“Sorry,” Asa blurted out (from habit? she wondered to herself), before seeking an alternate route.

“W-wait! Please, don’t go…!”

But the words fell on deaf ears; the talons of the overly concerned bird were drawing near. Unfortunately for Asa, the creature sought to make her plea be heard. Vines suddenly knotted together at her feet, tripping her over and putting a stop to her epic runaway.

“I…I’m sorry, but I don’t know who else to ask! Please forgive me…!”

“Huh…? Oh, Mrs. Cherrim!” Flare questioned as she caught up. The Cherrim withdrew her two large violet petals at the familiar voice. “Oh, goodness…what’s wrong? You look something terrible…”

“Flare, thank the legendaries you’re here!” As Asa climbed back up to all fours, the conversation began to leak through. “I need help! I had caught a ride with Mrs. Jumpluff and her children back to town, but little Leichi, he…he dropped down somewhere into the Tiny Woods!”

“What?!” An audible gulp of nervousness was heard from ‘Flare’. Taking a few steps away into the shadow of a tree, Asa continued to listen in on the plea. Something about the story eased pain away from her current fears. “Where, exactly?”

“It’s in the darker part of the woods! I can’t go get him, though…the sunlight can’t reach through there too well, and I-I’m powerless without sunlight to b-back up my attacks!”

“Calm down, Mrs. Cherrim…have you called a rescue team yet to assist this?”

“T-there’s no time! I j-just leapt down from Judy’s back to come d-down here and g-get anyone that I could help! There…there are so many Pidgey and Ratatta in there, F-Flare! I-If they see him, th-they will…they will…”

At that, she broke down into tears, hiding herself within her petals in remorse. Any efforts made by Flare to calm Mrs. Cherrim were proven futile. The sight of the distraught mother was enough to completely eradicate any selfishness from Asa’s system. Any thoughts of her being in a crazy, scary dream were washed away with guilt and a sense of righteousness.

This…sounds bad…Anxiously, the newly-transformed Eevee glanced down at her paws again. As she lifted one and flexed the muscles within, her hazel eyes traveled back to the grass type. …do I have any right to complain…when someone else’s life could be at stake? No…no, I do not…

Her gaze turned to her paw again, before she replaced it on the earth. With all speed she took off towards the forest, still anxiously trying to get used to the extra balance her tail provided.


“H-hey! Wait! Miss Eevee! Where are you going?!” Flare called from behind.

Her mind made up, the human-turned Eevee shot back, “To the Tiny Woods!”

More warnings of impending danger once again went unheard as trees became more tightly knit with each other and the sounds of the local Pokemon became more apparent. Light filtered down less and less with each moment. An eerie calm covered the area. Asa felt it, and hesitated as she came into a clearing. Her breathing still labored, her eyes darted around. Nothing. Nervously she slunk along the ground. Her ears were kept half-alert, attempting to catch any sounds from approaching Pokemon. The feeling of not belonging there was overpowering her system.

Something’s…wrong, she noted to herself as she cautiously stepped over a raised root as she now strode slower further into the forest. The constant chorus of rustling overhead and fluttering wings from behind her made her feel like a thousand eyes were locked tightly on her. Aren’t…aren’t Pokemon supposed to get along with each other? …where did that thought come from? More importantly, why do I get the feeling like…

Snap! As she clawed her way into another clearing, all sound halted. Her breath froze much like her body. She was too terrified to move, with all those monsters just waiting to take advantage of the poor, lost little Eevee.

It wasn’t good enough just to be still; seconds later a long, heavy strand of String Shot stuck not even a millimeter away from Asa’s leg. “Ah!” she yelped, and quickly regretted. The forest came to life from all angles in the form of more String Shot attacks. Leaping ungracefully out of the way, the next wave moved in as Pidgeys swooped down. Barely clinging to the earth on the mighty gusts, the newly-transformed human shuddered as the calls of a pack of Poochyena ordered they move in for the attack.

Trapped within the clearing and surrounded by too many Pokemon, Asa began to panic and step into bad positions. At last, the sticky stuff latched tightly around her hind foot. She yelped as it pulled at her fur and refused to let go. Get out of here, now! Get out of this forest! her instincts screeched at her as she bat at a Poochyena getting too close. No! her mind countered as she gnawed on the string. We have to save that baby! The gooey substance was starting to loosen, but another strand made her front right paw useless and another shot glued her tail to the nearby tree.

Whether she liked it or not, she was stuck, and left with very few options to defend herself. Wincing away, it was all she could do not to cry out in pain from the continuous pecks, bites and scratches. Her entire body throbbed. Watching the Pokemon close in, she winced her eyes shut, praying for a swift and painless knockout.

“Hey, Worm-breaths, Freaky-Legs and Wet-Nosers! Is one Pokemon so hard for you to take out that you have to gang up on her?!”

Disbelieving the words she just heard, the human slowly opened her eyes. All attackers had hesitated with their finishing blow, and now focused their attention on the new adversary. They didn’t have time to react as sudden flames and heat encircled the forest clearing. Fire seemed to miss the trees by a near foot as the rapscallion Pokemon caught aflame. Howls, squawks and chirping from bugs all synchronized their sounds of pain together. Confused from the sudden chaos, Asa blinked uncertainly (and remorsefully) as Flare, the Torchic from before, shot on over.

“Way to listen to what I had to say!” the fire chick angrily reprimanded as she pecked furiously away at the String Shot binding Asa down. “Tiny Woods is dangerous for a reason!”

“I had to help! Don’t tell me you were just going to sit around and listen to her cry like that!” the Eevee retorted, shaking her now free paw. The sensation was still odd. “And I thought Pokemon don’t typically attack others-”

“They don’t,” Flare muttered before launching another wild fire attack at some angered fiends. They hastily retreated back, and she continued with her work. “I can’t explain now why they are- let’s just get out of here!”

Snap! The transformed human stumbled forward as the last strand of String Shot binding her down was pecked clean. Still feeling guilty from before, she weakly began, “Thank you-”

“We’re even now. Come on, before they decide their anger’s worse than a burn!” Flare nudged Asa off deeper into the forest, and soon the calamity was beyond their ears. Nervously, the fire type sighed while still glancing around. “Ha, I think…we lost them…”

“Hopefully…auuugh…” Asa winced at her wounds; adrenaline had temporarily taken over her system, but now that the chemical was dying away, she was exhausted and in pain. She attempted to grasp at the cuts, but her paw didn’t fair so well in the endeavor. Feeling eyes on her again, the girl looked up. Flare queerly watched her antics with sapphire eyes.

“Just what are you doing? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. Just…ow, it kinda hurts…”

“You’re…really weird for an Eevee, Miss,” the bird idly chirped, still walking onwards.

“Hey, that was uncalled for! And don’t call me that…” Asa groaned. It’s not like I need to be reminded of the situation any more than I already have been…

“Fine, then what’s your name? …I’m Flare,” she questioned, and then added on her name after burning a small amount of dead foliage away from the path.

“Asa,” she simply stated. Flare hesitated, turning around. Her feathers fluffed up and a grin spread across her beak. However, Asa frowned. “What? What’s so funny?”

“Your name,” the bird snickered, though it was apparent she was trying hard not to. “Haha, ah, sorry, I’m, I’m not sure what just came over me…that’s probably mean too…”

“Well, Flare’s a pretty predictable name!” Asa countered. The Torchic just slowly shook it off.

“Yeah, it is a pretty common name for us Torchics and for fire types in general. But, Asa…? Sorry, it just sounds so weird. It’s like nothing I’ve heard of.”

“Well, there’s good reason for that.”

“Oh? What is that?”

“It’s because I’m…” she hesitated. ‘I’m human’ were the words she did want to use, but now they were a falsity. I…guess I can’t say that anymore…

“You’re a what? An Eevee? I’ve never heard of an Eevee with that name…”

“Sure,” she awkwardly answered, before continuing on in the watchful eyes of some local Metapod on a rotting log. The Torchic, finding her answer quaint, hopped over the log and couldn’t put the issue to rest.

“That’s not it, is it. There’s more, isn’t there?”

“No, just forgot…”

“Forgot what? Forgot what kind of Pokemon you were? I’ve heard of Eevees having identity crises before…”

“You can say that.”

“Then you don’t mean it! Come on, what’s bothering you?”

“It’s just a fact of the past. It’s irrelevant!”

“Asa…” Flare began, the name still hard on her tongue.

“Nope, there’s no changing my mind about this…”

“No, Asa-”

“Can we just drop it, plea-AAAH!” Caught off guard by a wet patch of moss growing off the local rock formations, the Eevee lost footing. Her claws scraped the boulders as she tumbled towards a sudden cave mouth, but it was all in vain as darkness swept around her.

“Asa!” Flare cried, watching as her new acquaintance fell what felt to be a good hundred feet. Blinding light filled the cavern suddenly as Embers twinkled down from above. The girl nearly forced her eyes shut, were it not for the glimmers below. Shifting her body enough, she gave a small screech as frigid water reached out to steal her under its surface. Oh…oh no! Not…water!

Splaaash! Droplets of water flew into the sky that Asa had just come from as she sunk. Her mahogany fur hung, suspended in the water as she gave a sharp shiver. A constant stream of bubbles escaped her nose, less she breathe water in. In her state of shock, the transformed human fought to keep her wits about her. The light above was dying out. A few pedals of her paws proved that she was not to become her water evolution any time soon. Her lungs burned and screamed for oxygen as she sunk deeper. No…no! I can’t…die like this! I got to…get to the…surface… Regardless of her will, the pain of her lungs and the darkness of the cave were constantly pulling her closer to an unconscious state. I…can’t…

There was a sudden bump from below. Her mind was temporarily awoken, and automatically she drew in a near lungful of water. Pain was now her motivator. Again, she attempted to pedal in the direction the bubbles were moving, this time with success; the force from below shoved her upwards, back towards the blissful sunlight. The last of her air escaped with a small amount of blood from her expired lungs, and her aid was not a second too soon.

She broke the surface of the body of water in the cave. Heavy gasps of air mixed uncomfortably with the water in her lungs. Weakly she coughed with all her remaining strength, not even paying attention to the fact that she was brought to the shore by her savoir. Still in shock from her near death experience, she didn’t even bother to look at the light above.

“Asaaaa!” the fire chick called from above. She was somewhat slowly fluttering down the shaft, using her wings as a make-shift parachute. It wasn’t long before she landed on her talons. “Oh, by the legendaries, Asa, are you alright?! You’re soaked to the bone!”

All the poor girl could do was cough and nod as a response. She was still wheezing to get the water out.

“You sound awful…can’t you swim?”

She then shook her head, before more of the nasty fluid leapt from her lungs to the outside world.

“How did you get here-”

Her words ended in a soft ‘oh’ as the creature that rescued Asa slunk up besides the two companions. Finally strong enough to lift her head just a little, hazel eyes gazed back to the serpent. The creature was a brilliant violet in color, dabbed in dangerous golden markings. Saffron eyes blinked slowly with a milky white lid, as a small forked tongue flickered the air.

“Uh…were you…the one to…”

“Ssssssave her? Yessssss,” the masculine snake hissed sweetly. The small clusters on the tip of his tail rattled, as though in semi-delight. “You were…drowning, weren’t you, Eevee?”

“Y-yeah,” she weakly managed. “T-thank you.”

“Don’t even mention it,” he slowly grinned, showing that there was the presence of two large fangs. Asa shuddered at the sight. “What ssssssort of Pokemon would I be…if not to help otherssssss in dire need?”

“Good to see someone that can help us here…all the Pokemon we’ve met so far in Tiny Woods have attacked us.”

“Dessssspicable, is it not?” His tongue flickered once more as he slowly continued. “All of thesssssse eventssssss, causssssed by thessssssse natural dissssassssters. It’ssssss not your fault, no…it’sssss ssssso relieving to know we have…resssssscue teamsssss to come to our help when we need it…no?”

“Completely agreed,” Flare nodded fervently. “Well, uh, thank you so much for your help, Mr…?”

“Ekansssss. Jusssst…Ekansssss for now,” he smiled wryly and rattled his tail again. The sound was enough to make Asa force herself to her feet in dis-ease. “And you two are…?”

“Ah, I’m Flare, and this is Asa. Again, thank you so much for your help, but we should get running.”

“Oh? Why the ssssudden need to leave?”

Chills made several of Asa’s hairs stand up on end. Boldly trying not to look so feeble, she stuttered, “Ah, w-well, Mrs. Cherrim lost her boy Leichi in the woods! W-we’re trying to find where he is, a-and make sure he’s not hurt.”

The fake pleasantry suddenly left, as the snake reared his head back in surprise. The rattle shook slowly, dangerously. “Sssssso…you two are a ressssssscue team yoursssssselvessss?”

“N…No, we just wanted to help,” Flare awkwardly responded, catching sight of a small tunnel out.

“…I ssssssee,” the Ekans hissed once more, deep in thought. “Well…it wasssss mossssst nice meeting you, Asssssssa and Flare…bessssst of luck with your…misssssssion.” Turning away, he uncoiled his body and slithered back towards the black water.

“Ah, thank you again!” Asa called back, her heart pounding.

“Jusssssst remember it,” he called, before he was completely submerged. Asa dropped to her sopping stomach in sheer exhaustion again as the water stilled.

“I thought…he was gonna eat us,” the human-turned-Pokemon whimpered, despising the feeling of water everywhere on her fur.

“I’m not going to lie- I almost thought the same at some point…you are okay, though, right?”

“Y-yeah, just sopping something awful…” Giving into indignity, she cautiously began to lick her fur to remove the moisture. It wasn’t long before she gagged at the fur caught in the sandpaper texture of her tongue.

“I pity you right now. Trust me, us fire types can sympathize with you…for obvious reasons.” The strangely-colored bird held back a moment of wit as Asa rose to her feet and tried to shake the water out of her coat. “…but, I thought most Eevees knew how to swim, especially if there was a Vaporeon in their immediate bloodline. What happened back there?”

“I…I guess I don’t fit in with most,” she awkwardly lied as she shook her hind paw. “I’ve…so far as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of water.” At least that last part’s a truth…I can’t remember much of anything, though…

“Oh, you silly…you’re never going to get dry like that. You don’t seem to like grooming yourself that much either.” The girl glanced up from her grooming session. She hesitated, before she spat out a tight knot of fur. The Torchic couldn’t help a small chuckle as she shuffled over. “Here…just lemme know if it gets too hot for you to handle…”

The evolution Pokemon was about to open her mouth, curious of what Flare was about to do, but soon enough the question answered itself; as she fluffed up her down, heat began to pour in overbearing amounts. The very air glowed with the heat as the Torchic’s image shimmered. Nearby water quickly evaporated completely into steam. Soon, not only was the Eevee dry, but she felt like she was on fire.

“Ack! Okay! OKAY! Too hot! Ah!”

Immediately the fire type opened her eyes. The massive heatwave died down to nothing. The empty cold of the cave made the Eevee shiver. Gathering her wits, her eyes were fixed on the Torchic as she sighed.

“What…was that?”

“Oh, Blaze. It’s my ability, didn’t you know? Every Torchic has it.”

“No, not really…”

“Really? We’re fairly common around the region…”

Clouded vision hampered Asa’s ability to recall any past events with Torchic involved. “…no, never heard,” she muttered. Flare nodded off to the exit way in a fashion that spoke of ‘let’s keep talking as we march forward.’ Still wobbly on her feet, she lethargically paced after her new comrade. “Ah…sorry for yelling at you before…”

“It’s okay…can you just tell me what all this business is about? With you freaking out and everything and then suddenly dashing in to help?”

“…honestly, I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to.”

“Why not?”

“The…the only thing I remember about myself is my name.” And the fact that I was human, she noted, yet kept to herself. “Random facts about Pokemon seem to come to mind as I see them, but other than that, I can’t remember a thing…and it’s really frightening…”

Flare’s crest feathers rose in skepticism as she burned away debris blocking the exit of the cave. Little light now filtered through the forest. She hesitated for only a moment before turning back to her temporary team mate. “That doesn’t explain your ‘I can’t be an Eevee’ outburst…”

Caught dead in the fact she hadn’t spilled the beans about everything, Asa’s jaw wobbled lightly, attempting to find words that would help her to explain the situation. “I…”

“HEEEELP! SOMEBODYYYYY!”

Asa’s ears pinned back against her head at the nearby call. Her heart pounded in her throat in fear and uncertainty. Hastily she glanced over to the Torchic.

“Was that…?”

“Mrs. Cherrim’s son? Think so. Let’s not waste time wondering!” Flare ordered, claws raking the soil in her dash. Asa wasn’t too far behind, becoming more accustomed to her new body by the moment. “Just hope you know how to battle better than you know how to swim!”

“I hope so too!” the human managed behind gritted teeth.

“Wait, what the heck’s that supposed to mean?! Don’t tell me that in your amnesia spell you forgot all your moves too?!”

Asa said nothing.

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...I was thinking of changing the last sentence but I dunno. I just couldn't think of something to change it too D:
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

"There was no response." How's that?

And...I totally forgot I was keeping track of that. Although it is true that I can't fully associate with the human-becoming-a-Pokemon bit, I've played PMD enough times to get an idea.

So yeah. I can see it's much the same as before, except the Butterfree is replaced by a Cherrim with a son named 'Leichi' (the berry is called 'Liechi' though, but I bet you did that intentionally).

This chapter is confusing, but in a good way. It matches the mood of the protagonist - utterly and totally confused about 'what in the world happened?'. I'd be able to think of more, but it's late at night (the time when my brain starts wearing down).

Although, I did catch a few small mistakes - three, to be exact. Let me point them out:

Trapped within the clearing and surrounded by too many Pokemon, Asa began to panic and step into bad positions. At last, the sticky stuff latched tightly around her hind foot. She yelped as it pulled at her fur and refused to let go. (Get out of here, now! Get out of this forest!) her instincts screeched at her as she bat at a Poochyena getting too close. (No!) her mind countered as she gnawed on the string. (We have to save that baby!) The gooey substance was starting to loosen, but another strand made her front right paw useless and another shot glued her tail to the nearby tree.
No spelling mistake here, but my comment regards the last thought, 'We have to save that baby!'. At this point, Asa has gone in alone and Flare has not caught up yet, so there is no 'we'.

Her mahogany fur hung, suspended in the water as she gave a sharp shiver. A constant stream of bubbles escaped her nose, less she breathe water in.
'lest' she breathe water in.

She broke the surface of the body of water in the cave. Heavy gasps of air mixed uncomfortably with the water in her lungs. Weakly she coughed with all her remaining strength, not even paying attention to the fact that she was brought to the shore by her savoir.
'Savior'.

G'nait for now!
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

The only good one off the top of my head is "Silence was her only answer."

I've got not much to say, so here it is.

First paragraph:
Still sitting in the shallows in an unknown body of water in a foreign forest, Asa was paralyzed in sheer shock. Somehow, she was no longer human. She was now an Eevee. This much she knew. But the thoughts that flew through her mind were muddled and completely confused. This…this is wrong! Why am I an Eevee?! Where am I? How did I get here? I was just sleeping, and…and then what?! Which way to home? Where…is home?! I can’t…remember anything!
Check the main verb of that sentence. Hopefully I won't have to explain to you why you should drastically revise it. Or you can just be a bit more subtle like I pointed out earlier and only imply the rest are her thoughts.

Second paragraph has pronoun confusion. It's only a few lines long, so you'll find it quickly. Third paragraph has more pronoun confusion and the last sentence of it has a weak verb. Yes, I'm going to be harping you on your word choice now because you're very capable of it.

Lol-legendaryreferance.

I'm a bit surprised by the Ekan's appearance and saving event; I didn't play PMD, so is there something I'm missing? Because that seemed to be a quick and awkward digression.

Well, I'll definitely be looking forward to reading more.
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

I'm a bit surprised by the Ekan's appearance and saving event; I didn't play PMD, so is there something I'm missing? Because that seemed to be a quick and awkward digression.
...I actually don't remember if that event was in PMD1 or not. It's been a really long time since I've played PMD1.
 
RE: Enigmatic Star

...I actually don't remember if that event was in PMD1 or not. It's been a really long time since I've played PMD1.

I think it was, but I honestly don't remember... It's been way too long since I played the first Mystery Dungeon games, and they really didn't hold my interest as much as the "Explorers" ones (don't get me wrong, they were good, but they didn't hold up much to the sequels at all...at least, as far as I'm concerned...).

Anyways, Crystal Hikara, I started reading this last night and was just blown away! I mean, I thought I was onto something with my Dark Nostalgia/PMD story Biohazard a couple years ago, but this makes it look pathetic. Furthermore, it's based on a comic you're (supposedly) still working on? Whoa...

Normally I'd give a more formal critique, but it seems like everyone else beat me to the punch. Also, I still have to get through the rest of the second chapter, but still I just wanted to say "Excellent Job!"
 
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