Writing Epic short story of the month!

K

Krucifier

Arr! Avast!
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Journeying across the intarwebz on this fine day of December, I stumbled upon an amazing short story... In fact, I thought it was sooooo awesome, I decided to blatantly plaguarize it, giving no credit to the author, for your amusement. So without any further ado, ENJOY!


Today, I felt the need to be the bastard. To crush spirits, and cause panic and disorder. To utterly ruin the beautiful existence of the unprepared. She never saw it coming.

It had began earlier at the supermarket. I was wandering around, buying my groceries, when I felt that villianous pang in my belly. Then I saw her. She was over by the coolers where they have the packaged meat, looking more tempting than anything I had seen in my life. Her soft pink flesh looked cool under the florescent lights, but I knew deep down that there was warmth and joy that I would never know, not in the same innocent way that she did. I walked up, and without a word, grabbed her. As I hastily walked away with my grasp tight, other customers looked on with surprise, but she didn't squirm, didn't fight it. In the end, that may have been the best thing for her. My footsteps hurried until they pounded below me in a full speed run, and as I raced out the door into the crisp night air, the store security yelled out for me to stop. But they could do nothing, I was a man possessed.

I threw her in the trunk and slammed it roughly, if for no other reason than to scare her stunned compliance into outright fear and awe. I raced my car along, checking my rear-view every few seconds. I waited any moment for the call from the store to go through and the cops to be onto me.

I got to my house and opened the trunk, where she still lay there silent, almost quivering in the moonlight. With powerful hands I scooped her up into my arms and carried her across the lawn and through the front door. The foyer and living room was no good, I needed someplace with space and no carpet for what I had in mind.

While I had considered the bathroom, the kitchen was closer, and in fact, more spacious. The linoleum would easily clean from any mess I made and I had a vast islander counter in the middle which I could put to use. I swiped a single arm across the counter, flinging pots and pans across the room loudly. Laying her down, still so innocent, still stunned in silence, I reached across the counter to grab the one last thing I would need to ensure her compliance.

And even though the bread was a bit stale, she was the best ham sandwich I've ever eaten.
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For some reason when the author described the girl as tempting and by the packaged meats, I figured that the guy was very unwell. I'd like to know who wrote it. :F

dmaster out.
 
d master342 said:
For some reason when the author described the girl as tempting and by the packaged meats, I figured that the guy was very unwell. I'd like to know who wrote it. :F

dmaster out.
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Even though it wasn't about a girl. It was about a piece of ham. ;D


We shall never know who wrote it. The guy who posted it goes under the name anonymous. (Assuming the guy I stole it off actually wrote it himself in the first place.) ;P
 
Oh now I fully get it. Jeez Krucifer. Nice find. :O

dmaster out.
 
._.

All I can really say, really.
Good find. Maybe you could make it your goal in life to find the author?
 
I had know idea until the end... that the author was describing a piece of ham.

Someone needs to tell the author to stop epically dramatizing everything, IMO. Someone needs to find the author; that's for sure.
 
I knew it was about a packaged meat product the moment I read, "the coolers". I will admit, though, the writer did a splendid job selling it. :p
 
I never guessed for one second. Seriously, I thought it was a real person about to be attacked vicously with a meat knife. Or something else. Good job whoever wrote this. I challange all of you to find something epicer :O
 
Heavenly Spoon :F said:
._.

All I can really say, really.
Good find. Maybe you could make it your goal in life to find the author?
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Haha. Maybe. But it would be a bad life. D=

Zyflair said:
I had know idea until the end... that the author was describing a piece of ham.

Someone needs to tell the author to stop epically dramatizing everything, IMO. Someone needs to find the author; that's for sure.
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I didn't know he was describing a piece of ham until the end, either. And I had to reread the story again to get it, too. XD

I don't think he epically dramatized everything. It's just well written.

And yeah. I might do a bit of digging and see if I can find who wrote this short masterpiece. :p

~Magma King~ said:
Very nice story. I figured it wasn't a person after the "Soft pink flesh" bit. :p
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"soft pink flesh" or "pink flesh", and many other similiar variations, are often used to describe other people. :p

GODZILLA said:
I knew it was about a packaged meat product the moment I read, "the coolers". I will admit, though, the writer did a splendid job selling it. :p
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Yeah. The cooler bit tends to be where quite a few people get it.

Although, I don't see what's to obscure about a girl standing beside the meat cooler. Come on guys. Can't you believe it for a whole two paragraphs? Lol.

Fridge said:
I never guessed for one second. Seriously, I thought it was a real person about to be attacked vicously with a meat knife. Or something else. Good job whoever wrote this. I challange all of you to find something epicer :O
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Haha. So did I! I had to read it twice before I got it. And I second that challenge. :p
 
~Magma King~ said:
Very nice story. I figured it wasn't a person after the "Soft pink flesh" bit. :p
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Slideshow-Snickers_476x357.jpg
 
Krucifier said:
Zyflair said:
I had know idea until the end... that the author was describing a piece of ham.

Someone needs to tell the author to stop epically dramatizing everything, IMO. Someone needs to find the author; that's for sure.
Click to expand...

I didn't know he was describing a piece of ham until the end, either. And I had to reread the story again to get it, too. XD

I don't think he epically dramatized everything. It's just well written.

And yeah. I might do a bit of digging and see if I can find who wrote this short masterpiece. :p
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I say there's a difference. You can write completely well without treating a piece of ham like a kidnapped women.
 
~Magma King~ said:
Zyflair, it's funnier that way though. ;p
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Yeah, but it makes me wonder if the guy is dying of boredom to make this.
 
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