It has been quite a while since I posted my original “How to pick up chicks guide”, I dare not say how long, for, in all honesty, I am not too sure. But what I can tell you, is that since posting that original guide on Pokebeach, I have received countless emails praising my work. Many times I have been posed the question, “Krucifier, when will you write a newer, more up to date guide?” Well, my friends, now is the time. I will now, once more, bestow upon you my awesome knowledge in the new and improved... HOW TO PICK UP CHICKS GUIDE – 2009-2010 EDITION.
If you are reading this guide, you are probably clueless and need a good hand to show you the way. Or perhaps you heard about the success of my first guide, and wish to experience and learn from one of the true masters of this fine art, to hone your skills. Any who, first, we'll start by answering a fundamental question. What are 'chicks'?
Chicks are otherwise known as girls, females, or baby factories. They are the people who you ran away from in kindergarten because they had cooties. Chicks tend to have hair which they like to take care of, and use all sorts of different products known as 'shampoo' and 'conditioner' on it. They also use a product called 'soap', which they claim makes their bodies clean. I say it's a load of rubbish, it's nothing but witchcraft. None the less, perhaps now you have an understanding of what chicks are, and perhaps, now, we can move on to more pressing matters – first impressions.
First impressions are probably the most crucial part, dude. Those first five seconds is when they decide if you are friendzoned, or dudezoned. And dude, you want to be dudezoned. Because all the cool dudes are dudezoned with their wicked sick ability to pick those chicks up! So, before making your approach, you want to try and look the part. First, observe her. You want to know what this chick likes, so you can look the part when the time comes.
How do you go about observation? Simple. Follow these simple steps:
1)Hide in the bushes and watch her at lunch time, observe what she eats. If she appears vegetarian, immediately abandon the mission and find another chick. Vegetarians are evil, evil people. Hitler was a vegetarian. And you don't want to be picking up no Hitler, dude!
2)Follow her home. Find out where she lives. Possibly set up cameras.
3)Follow her around, note the type of people she hangs out with, and what they like doing. If she hangs out with emos and goths, abandon the mission and find another chick. You don't want to be picking up no bag of emotions. Also, make special note of the books she reads and owns, if any. If she reads the Twilight series, abandon the mission immediately and find another chick. You might want to consider setting fire to her house while she is sleeping.
If you've followed these steps and she appears to be a good specimen, you can now use the information you have collected to make one heck of a first impression, dude! You can use your knowledge of this chicks hobbies and interests to your advantage. How do you go about doing this? Well. Let's find out.
Let's talk about the approach, like I said earlier, dude, this is like, the most, like, crucial, like, part of like, the whole thing dude. Because dude, in like, the first like, 5 seconds dude, is like, it's like, make or break dude. And if you mess up, you'll be friendzoned. You want to be dudezoned, dude.
So basically, you want to seem as if you are interested in what this chick is interested in. Even though you aren't, you're just a dude. And you want this chick. You can't help it. So for example, if she's a nerdy chick, say, she likes science, and has glasses, that means you have good taste, and she's probably into some kinky stuff, dude. How can you appear interested in what this chick is? Simple. By your PICKUP LINES.
Oh yes, the pickup lines, dude. This is the most crucial part. I cannot stress this enough, dude. Without your prior knowledge, you are likely to fail, and it is where most dudes do. So I'll give a few examples of pickup lines, dude, but remember, you'll have to use a bit of creativity and create your own that is relevant to the information you gathered. Or you could just use google. You are welcome to use these as well. But anyway, here are a few examples:
“Hey. You. Chick. Yes you. I'm a dude. You're a chick. Let's go catch a movie.”
This one is very general, and can be acceptable if you could not gather much information on her through your observations. Success rate with this one is low.
“Hey, chick. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
This one is also very general, and has a low success rate.
“Hey chick, I'm Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?”
This one is also general, but has a medium success rate.
“Oi chick, I is got the fully sickest sub woofers. How is about you come to me fully sick car and I take you to my fully sick house and you can let the bass from my fully sick sub woofers, fully pound you.”
This one has a very high success rate, as chicks love sub woofers. This one is more effective if you get closer and closer to her, and say it slightly slower as you say it.
I will give you one more example, and this one works like all the time. I use this one heaps, and I get the chicks like, every time, dude.
“Hey chick. Can I get you a drink?”
What's that? Buy her a drink? Why yes. Yes you do. But the secret to why this works so well? It's an amazing pill called Rohypnol. Slip one of those in there, and that chick will be all yours before you know it.
***NOTE : SOME GIRLS HAVE DEVELOPED SOMEWHAT OF A RESISTANCE TO ROHYPNOL, AND THIS IS PROBABLY DUE TO MY EXCESSIVE USE OF THIS PICK UP LINE. IF THE ROHYPNOL FAILS TO WORK, TRY ASKING HER TO SMELL A CLOTH WHICH YOU HAVE DOUSED WITH CHLOROFORM.***
So dudes. I hope you have enjoyed the 2nd edition of the How to Pick Up Chicks Guide. If you follow these steps in this guide, you'll be picking the chicks up in no time, dude. But be careful, I was accused and taken to court over something called “stalking”, I have no idea what this is, but I believe it to be more witchcraft on behalf of the chicks. Be warned.
If you are reading this guide, you are probably clueless and need a good hand to show you the way. Or perhaps you heard about the success of my first guide, and wish to experience and learn from one of the true masters of this fine art, to hone your skills. Any who, first, we'll start by answering a fundamental question. What are 'chicks'?
Chicks are otherwise known as girls, females, or baby factories. They are the people who you ran away from in kindergarten because they had cooties. Chicks tend to have hair which they like to take care of, and use all sorts of different products known as 'shampoo' and 'conditioner' on it. They also use a product called 'soap', which they claim makes their bodies clean. I say it's a load of rubbish, it's nothing but witchcraft. None the less, perhaps now you have an understanding of what chicks are, and perhaps, now, we can move on to more pressing matters – first impressions.
First impressions are probably the most crucial part, dude. Those first five seconds is when they decide if you are friendzoned, or dudezoned. And dude, you want to be dudezoned. Because all the cool dudes are dudezoned with their wicked sick ability to pick those chicks up! So, before making your approach, you want to try and look the part. First, observe her. You want to know what this chick likes, so you can look the part when the time comes.
How do you go about observation? Simple. Follow these simple steps:
1)Hide in the bushes and watch her at lunch time, observe what she eats. If she appears vegetarian, immediately abandon the mission and find another chick. Vegetarians are evil, evil people. Hitler was a vegetarian. And you don't want to be picking up no Hitler, dude!
2)Follow her home. Find out where she lives. Possibly set up cameras.
3)Follow her around, note the type of people she hangs out with, and what they like doing. If she hangs out with emos and goths, abandon the mission and find another chick. You don't want to be picking up no bag of emotions. Also, make special note of the books she reads and owns, if any. If she reads the Twilight series, abandon the mission immediately and find another chick. You might want to consider setting fire to her house while she is sleeping.
If you've followed these steps and she appears to be a good specimen, you can now use the information you have collected to make one heck of a first impression, dude! You can use your knowledge of this chicks hobbies and interests to your advantage. How do you go about doing this? Well. Let's find out.
Let's talk about the approach, like I said earlier, dude, this is like, the most, like, crucial, like, part of like, the whole thing dude. Because dude, in like, the first like, 5 seconds dude, is like, it's like, make or break dude. And if you mess up, you'll be friendzoned. You want to be dudezoned, dude.
So basically, you want to seem as if you are interested in what this chick is interested in. Even though you aren't, you're just a dude. And you want this chick. You can't help it. So for example, if she's a nerdy chick, say, she likes science, and has glasses, that means you have good taste, and she's probably into some kinky stuff, dude. How can you appear interested in what this chick is? Simple. By your PICKUP LINES.
Oh yes, the pickup lines, dude. This is the most crucial part. I cannot stress this enough, dude. Without your prior knowledge, you are likely to fail, and it is where most dudes do. So I'll give a few examples of pickup lines, dude, but remember, you'll have to use a bit of creativity and create your own that is relevant to the information you gathered. Or you could just use google. You are welcome to use these as well. But anyway, here are a few examples:
“Hey. You. Chick. Yes you. I'm a dude. You're a chick. Let's go catch a movie.”
This one is very general, and can be acceptable if you could not gather much information on her through your observations. Success rate with this one is low.
“Hey, chick. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
This one is also very general, and has a low success rate.
“Hey chick, I'm Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?”
This one is also general, but has a medium success rate.
“Oi chick, I is got the fully sickest sub woofers. How is about you come to me fully sick car and I take you to my fully sick house and you can let the bass from my fully sick sub woofers, fully pound you.”
This one has a very high success rate, as chicks love sub woofers. This one is more effective if you get closer and closer to her, and say it slightly slower as you say it.
I will give you one more example, and this one works like all the time. I use this one heaps, and I get the chicks like, every time, dude.
“Hey chick. Can I get you a drink?”
What's that? Buy her a drink? Why yes. Yes you do. But the secret to why this works so well? It's an amazing pill called Rohypnol. Slip one of those in there, and that chick will be all yours before you know it.
***NOTE : SOME GIRLS HAVE DEVELOPED SOMEWHAT OF A RESISTANCE TO ROHYPNOL, AND THIS IS PROBABLY DUE TO MY EXCESSIVE USE OF THIS PICK UP LINE. IF THE ROHYPNOL FAILS TO WORK, TRY ASKING HER TO SMELL A CLOTH WHICH YOU HAVE DOUSED WITH CHLOROFORM.***
So dudes. I hope you have enjoyed the 2nd edition of the How to Pick Up Chicks Guide. If you follow these steps in this guide, you'll be picking the chicks up in no time, dude. But be careful, I was accused and taken to court over something called “stalking”, I have no idea what this is, but I believe it to be more witchcraft on behalf of the chicks. Be warned.
