Writing HydroCannon's Poetry (New Poems: Post 48)

Should I make more poetry?

  • Yes! And I'll state reason why below!

    Votes: 13 86.7%

  • No! And I'll state reason why below!

    Votes: 2 13.3%
  • Total voters
    15
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

AoH said:
Shoot. I wish I had read this earlier. That first one is so deep. Let's just say that you write stuff I enjoy to feel, touch, live, and enjoy. It reminds me of some times in my life where someone has been helpless and it may be best to let them deal with it. Great job there, HC.

As for requests, I would like to see something about feelings towards a friend who betrayed the speaker. Your choice on the speaker's attitude/mood, but it sounds like a potentially deep write-up. Good luck if you accept.

~AoH
Click to expand...

Ah indeed! Your feedback is much appreciated! I glad that my poems are reaching out! :) As for your request.... CHALLANGE ACCEPTED! :)
 
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Ok, this is a poem that a friend wrote for me. It is the first poem that a "significant other" has ever written for me. I really like it, and asked her to post it up her, and she agreed. This is her poem:

"The Fine Print"

Love, it's a complicated subject.
Although some people try to make it simple.
It's meaning is a warm personal attachment.
They forget to tell you, there's only real love in fairy tales.

Love is synonymous with one word.
Anguish. That's love.
Love is lying, cheating, crying;
Love is stealing, breaking, dying.

Love is a fine print.
They say, "Love is patient. Love is never ending. Love is kind"
Except it's not.
They say love has no exceptions, but they lie.

Love is infatuational crap.
Love is not joy, it is not good times, it is not merciful.
Love is not permanent.
The fine print for love goes on and on.

"Offer only valid if your a fictional character in a fictional story."
"Offer only valid if you have a perfect life."
I could shorten the fine print.
"Offer only valid if you're imaginary."

Love shows weakness.
Love is accepting weakness.
I am weak.
So now I confess:

Love is admiring that one person,
even if they're not a pretty princess with lots of money.
Love is telling your significant other,
when they have make-up smears.

Love is wanting that person,
who can belch A-Z in one belch.
Love is admiring them for being so imperfect,
that it's perfect.

Love IS patient.
Love IS kind.
It isn't angry.
It doesn't boast.

Love is you,
Love is in you.
Love is in all of us.
Love is something you do.

Love is help,
Love is here.
Love is my friend.
Love is real.






Oh, and yes... I can belch A-Z in one go ( Please do not worry, I have not ever done it for someone outside my family! :D ) I liked it, and want to hear feedback on it. This came from a 15 year old amazing girl, as her first poem. :D
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Not bad, but I personally feel that love poems need to focus more on either the lovey-dovey feelings brought on by romantic relationships or the heartbreak that ensues if things just don't work out. To me it seems like there's a bit of flip-flopping between the first set of emotions and the series of proverbial headaches that come about amidst them while people are in love with one another. I'm not sure how to fully describe it, though...
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Thats true. Im think she was trying to convey how we mis-interpret love, to be something its not. How the world views it, and how it is viewed by her. Choppy, but hey. Better than nothing, I hope. xD I think it does point our conflicts in-between both parties of "lovey-dovey" and "Heartbreak"... And so... Yeah. xD
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Incinermyn said:
Not bad, but I personally feel that love poems need to focus more on either the lovey-dovey feelings brought on by romantic relationships or the heartbreak that ensues if things just don't work out.
Click to expand...

=_=''

Did you really just say "Here's what the poem should have been about?" What?! Poetry is about self expression, not some baloney social conventions or your personal ideas about what a love poem should and shouldn't be.

Poem is great, in my opinion. I don't agree with it on most points, but nonetheless I can understand the perspective of the typical "woe is me" teenager.
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Spammy said:
=_=''

Did you really just say "Here's what the poem should have been about?" What?! Poetry is about self expression, not some baloney social conventions or your personal ideas about what a love poem should and shouldn't be.

Poem is great, in my opinion. I don't agree with it on most points, but nonetheless I can understand the perspective of the typical "woe is me" teenager.
Click to expand...

I stand by my comment. Poetry is subjective, but that doesn't set it apart from other literature in the sense that it can be still analyzed and critiqued! Love poems aren't of particular interest to me to begin with, so I only say things based on how I would've written stuff. That's what most critics do.
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Now guys, let's not get too heated here! :) Apollo was just making a comment on what he thought about my poem. I'm glad he did so. No need to point fingers here. :) No worries!
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Well. I can't tell if you posted this for my request or for her sake, but I must say, for a fifteen-year-old, that's great. I never saw affections portrayed like that before, denying and believing simultaneously. She must care to have that complex of thoughts about what love is. It's bold too - reminds me of Walt Whitman - in that there are few rhyming or syllabic-consistent stanzas. That's supposed to speak out, so I bet there's a strong feeling in your friend. Tell her that this touched me, and that I wish you two . . . well, I bet you can fill in the blanks here. It's funny that you two are both interesting poets, huh?

~AoH

EDIT (to below): Okay. I'm waiting then. Just remember that I'm no 'sir'. I . . . am your age.
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Thank you sir! She will appreciate the nice feedback. It's not your poem, yours is coming up shortly! :)
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

These are so pretty!
I love them all!
You should post some of my poems on here...(aw daaanng where's the strikethrough?!!?)

I actually think the best poems come out of teenagers, because they're still experiencing (i know, it's gotta be spelled wrong) new things and ideas, which gives way for lots of poetic ideas and things.
I write poems for just about everything, mostly when I'm upset, and sometimes for fun. I think it works better than writing a journal when you're upset or a story, because no-one has to know what it means, as long as it makes sence to YOU. It's just cool...it feels good and then you read it later and go, "Wow. I can't believe I made this!"

Bravo, sir!
 
RE: BlastBurn's + HydroCannon's Poetry

Thank you sir! And I wouldnt mind adding your poems to these, if you'd like your own seperate corner on here! I agree with you on the poems. Each is unique to the writer, and conveys emotions pretty well most of the time. I find it a good escape from reality, to write whatever I want! ^^
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #7 "The Fine Print"

Er...I'm not a sir...

And yeah, that's just the point I was trying to get across lol.
Thanks for the offer! I'd love to put poems on here, but most of them are on my iPod. When I can retrieve them, I'll totally drop you a line!
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #7 "The Fine Print"

Oh.... My bad! Totally didn't know that. Sorry!

And yeah, I'd love to post it up here! Whenever you do, let me know! I'll totally add em! :D
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #7 "The Fine Print"

Hey don't worry about it, people do that all the time, I'm pretty much used to it. It's pretty funny though cause they go "woah, he's a GIRL?!" and I laugh...
Yeah.

And thanks so much. I'll be sure to go back and find them poems!
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #7 "The Fine Print"

Haha I'll bet thats fun to get a kick out of... xD

Sweet, sounds like a plan! I will add them and let me know when you do! :D
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #7 "The Fine Print"

When life throws you down,
  You wonder, "Why me?"
You demand an answer from G-d,
  Wondering was this to be?

I fall in my knees,
  You pick me up;
Life drains my energy,
  Yet you fill my cup.

When life gets hard,
  And I have no where to turn,
I call out to You,
  "Lord, what do you want me to learn?"

You make all things,
  Happen for a reason,
Life isn't a game,
  And it isn't always fun.

You give me good dreams,
  Then you take them away,
Was it to show me my idols in life,
  to keep my passions at bay?

I can't answer these questions, 
  And I know you can,
The mind of G-d, 
  Who can understand?

I surrender my all,
  I give it all to you,
I want to be better,
  Lord, show me what to do.

You can help me,
  I believe it with my all,
You can help everyone, 
  All it takes is a simple call.

So Lord, my prayer to you,
  I shall pray it relentlessly,
Lord help me to become the person,
  You want and need me to be."

Added another! :) thoughts?
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #8 -No name-

I love this one! It's a pretty acurate representation of life too~
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #8 -No name-

Thank you. Im glad you liked it! :D Also, another poem! This one is NOT from me, rather from someone anonymous. They asked their name does not go public, so you may only see their work! :D

"Lies"

The world is filled with them,
Blinking, shining and hiding
Anything can be made from them
An alternate reality
Worlds created with them

Lives can be lies
Studded with broken family ties
When nothing but dreams fill your mind,
Through day and night
It seems there's no light.
When all you do is fight,
These lies are shaping the things we thought we knew


When people slant,
The world slants
Everything can be bent.
It takes only a lie
And a chocolate pie
To make someone forget,
The Truth of the matter,
Isn't the lie
It's not the pie.
(A mere expression of deception,
The pie)

Lives can't be lies
They shouldn't be
When the Truth of the matter isn't the Illusion
But what you make of it.
A chilling reality,
But the Truth is the way,
The better way,
To explain the day.
 
RE: HydroCannon's Poetry Added #9 "Lies"

AoH, I have your request finished! :)


Your always on my mind,
  No one else seems to matter;
But the way I pursue you,
  Will lead my heart to shatter.

When you need me, 
  I'm always here for you;
When you needed a shoulder to cry on,
  That I would do.

I would hold open my arms,
  And take you in no matter what;
But in return, I received wounds,
  And kept pursuing, ignoring my cuts.

You are the prettiest thing,
  That I have ever laid my eyes on;
I gave my heart away easily,
  And the person who took it is now gone.

I hold out my hand,
  But no one is there to hold it;
My love was like a small fire,
  But someone extinguished what was lit.

As I sit alone,
  My mind fills with thoughts and regret;
As I sit and wonder,
  Who was I to deserve the most amazing person I've ever met?

I'm not perfect, I'm not cute,
  I'm a sinner, and I make mistakes,
Maybe all I deserve in life is loneliness,
  Or someone who just pretends; a fake.

I don't want to be alone;
  I want someone to love,
Someone beautiful and amazing,
  Someone planned from Him above.

I thought it was you, 
  But I'm not sure anymore,
Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm not,
  I'll have to be patient and see what G-d has in store.
 
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