Writing MissingNo-The Eevee Of Justice

[PokeTowerDefensor]

MissingNo-The Eevee Of Justice

I gasped, hoping fresh air would fill my dry mouth. No, nothing filled my mouth. My whole body was going numb, I could hardly lift my auburn-brown paws up to flail them. Even seeing was becoming difficult. The vision that filled my eyes was blurry and sloppy, and then the tingling sensation began. I was suffocating, I realized, only two minutes after hatching. The slurred images of a horror-stricken Glaceon and Leafeon entered my head, but I couldn't distinguish if it was real or not. I started to see nothing then, pitch-black. Then, my whole body leaped into a black void of nothingness. That was the last time I saw daylight, or so I thought.

"MissingNo, MissingNo, awake!" A voice my head, and black claw pushing against my side. When I opened my eyes, I saw large, grey creature with a tail that had embers leaping off the end of it and vast wings hinged onto its sides. It peered down at me with ice-blue aqua eyes that resembles that of a crystal-clear lake.

This is weird, I thought. How do I know all this... I feel like I've seen and heard all this before...

"Who are you?" I asked warily, then felt my face with my paws. Furry, still brown-wait, but I died? "How am I still alive?!" I asked, rooting my feet to the ground, and fluffing out my chocolate-colored fur.

"I am Fang, and you aren't alive," he replied, resting his long, winding tail on the ground. His face had a long snout, and two horn-shaped limbs on the back of it. Two pooly-blue eyes stared at me,

"Then how am I talking, moving, breathing..." I trailed off at breathing. It was terrifying-especially after going through it. I glared at him, both in anger and confusion. I was angry because I was confused-I mean, come on, I'm only an hour old!

"You are in the Haven World," he began, turning his massive head to stare off into space. "Here, Pokemon rest until able or want to return to thier living self. There's just one catch-you have a 40% chance of being returned to how you were when you died. In your case, you'd be sent back struggling for air again," he finished, then turned to me. "You're okay with the name MissingNo, right?"

"Um, I guess..." I said, turning away. The thought of struggling for oxygen once more made me want to throw up.

"Why did you name me MissingNo? What does it mean?" I asked, pulling my legs closer together as I stood up. How do I know all this...? I mean, I'm hardly an hour old!

"You will know in due time, and why you already know everything I am telling you." It was true, I felt as if I'd met the grey creature before... a Char, something? The image of a Pokemon with a leaf on its head and another with three ice blocks on its head entered me.

"Those two are your parents, Basil and Ron. Basil and Ron once went on a journey that saved all four territories that they live in," Fang continued, staring down at the me from the air. "You will soon be a great one like them, too."

"Wait, you can read minds too?" I asked, feeling stupid. Of course he can! How else would he know the things I've been thinking about!

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What do you think? I really can't do much more at the moment, but I will get to this some more soon!

 

[Zyflair]

Hello, welcome to the Writing Corner,

I'm not even going to bother questioning the name you gave that poor Eevee; even if you don't have a reason, a name's a name. Rather, I'm just a tad more curious as to why Fang would give that name out of the blue.

Overall, the writing is adequate, though unsatisfyingly short. I start to have problems by the second paragraph, concerning this section:

A voice as fresh as Spring but as ancient as the Ice Age stirred me...

Well... erm... I'm not quite sure what kind of comparison this is, because I certainly have not heard a voice that simultaneously holds both characteristics, neither could I imagine it (heck, I think it's impossible). Even more troubling is that we're dealing with a first person tale... only that our narrator is an Eevee that dies at birth. How would he know what Spring or even the Ice Age is? Your apparent main character has too little experience to make a narration from him downright unrealistic.

And this gets weirder. We get a death from the start but he can attempt to go back and beat it (with a supposed 40% chance of just dying the same way... gives a sci-fi virtual reality feel). I am baffled at this opening, which normally results in some people just trying to stop figuring this out (and stop reading). Nevertheless, you're a decent writer, and I'm only looking at a tiny part of the story, so I'll be here for a while. I just want to warn you about the possible negative consequence from starting out so strongly away from the Pokemon world we know. Especially when it starts out as quickly as you made it. Hope I made myself clear.

Happy Writing,

~Zyflair

 

[PokeTowerDefensor]

Well, I can imagine the voice, but I just can't put into words, so I'll just fix that... Yeah, urm,... I forgot a part...

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After he left, I just watched the surroundings. The ground beneath me was an icy-white and the sky above me was a purplish-blue, an almost indigo color. Once more, I reverted to my earlier thoughts. How in the world do I know all this?

"MissingNo!" I jumped at hearing the name once more, and turned to see a white Pokemon with a black face and tail. An axe-like shape was on his head, and he seemed to be staring at me with aqua blue eyes. Claws were visible on every one of his toes.

"Here we go again... Who are you?" I asked, backing away a little. Something about him I just didn't trust. He seemed to be smirking, as if he was up to something clever and thought no one knew about it.

"I am Noche, the guardian of the Havens. I'm an Absol. You're an Eevee, aren't you?" He asked, very interested. A glint in his sapphire eyes made me shiver.

"Yeah, so what?" I backed away a little, growling very low. "I am an, uh, Eevee, or whatever you called me, but I'd like to know some more about you. Just what do you do?"

"Are you deaf? I am the Haven's Guardian, I choose whether Pokemon stay, or get another chance. And so far, you're more than likely going to stay," he growled, posturing himself threateningly.

"Noche! Stop it, now!" Yet another Pokemon appeared. Down its back and on its heels, fire blazed. Its tail was made completely of flames, and on its head, a horn stood erect from its head.

"Hmph, Josh, what do you want!?" Noche turned around, growling in annoyance. "I am the leader here, not you!"

"You're being unfair, and last time I checked I have more authority than you," the fiery creature replied, then dipped its head to me. "You have much to do in very little time. In five months, trouble will befall the world you left as an infant. You will be returned, but not yet. Before then, we must train you, and make you as powerful as possible."

"But won't I just die again? The char, or, whatever the heck it is told me that I could..." A pointed out, scuffing the ground.

"You still have that chance, and the grey creature you saw was Fang, my counterpart. He is a rare Charizard in deed. Not only is he Shiny, but he has very strange powers. He can see some of the future, as can I, but he can also use telepathy and can read some Pokemon's minds. I am a Rapidash, and I can see the future, but very little of it and I have limited telepathy. That Fang is something else," he finished.

"What am I supposed to do if I do die again?" I asked, annoyed. Everyone was treating me like I was already a teenager, but newsflash, I'm not. "Can't the Pokemon in the, uh, "world I left behind" defend itself?" I asked, even more annoyed. Why am I counted on? I'm sure there are a few completely trained Pokemon in the "place I left behind"...

"You are one of the rarest Pokemon we have ever come up upon! You will never be able to evolve, but you will be more powerful than anyone any of us know of!" Josh snapped, whipping his head around to face me. "You MUST train, and you MUST succeed!"

 

[PokeTowerDefensor]

Josh's intensity scared me, to be quite honest. His eyes burned with ferocity. He was dead serious.

"Now, we are going to train," he said. "I will send attacks your way. You will try to dodge them or to send them back, or make an attack of your own. Understand?"

"Yes sir," I said quietly. Suddenly, the place felt real hot, and in front of Josh's face was a huge X-shaped figure, except it had an extra line on it at the bottom. With a whinny, he sent the flaming figure straight at me. I tried to dodge, but was scorched on my ears, back, and tail. Next thing I knew, I was staring him down. I felt like something had snapped, and fury pulsed from my head to my tail-tip. I felt an odd tingling sensation in my legs and tail, so I looked down at them. My legs had turned blue! Towards when the leg meets the rest of my body, there's the top of a triangular figure where it ends. I looked at my tail, not even wanting to know what had happened. It was orange--and a lot more fluffy than it used to be! Just then, I couldn't look at my tail anymore because a blue collar had made its way around my neck. It felt scaly. Not able to see my back, but able to feel the same tingling sensation there, I lifted my paw to touch it. A sharp pain made me remove it though. Something had pricked my paw. I moved the collar that was blocking my view of my ches, and just barely, I could see a tuft of... green fur? I faced Josh with a horror-stricken face, but he was smiling.

"MissingNo, you are the Power Of Seven. Whenever your body feels you are threatened, it will change. When you were born, and forming in the egg, something went terribly wrong with your genetic structure. Some chemical, although we don't know how the chemical got there, changed you, making your brain think you were evolving into every different eeveellution. But your body can't handle it for very long, so it kept Eevee's regular genetic structure," Josh tried to explain. I just felt fury. Plain fury. I was a mistake. Not meant to happen.

I leaped at Josh, and I could see an eerie glow from my chest area. In my mouth, a large, green ball formed. In it, leaves, sticks, and anything of that nature pulsed through it. I launched it at Josh, and he was hit. He went skidding, and fell.

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Hoped you liked it!