Writing Pikachu and Ash 4 ever (chapter one)

P

PikachuFanForever

Pikachu kid(female)
Member
Ash,Dawn and Brock were looking for Pikachu because he was lost.It was getting dark and Piplup was getting scared.They went intothe woods and found Pikachu battling a glaceon.Ash pulled Pikachu back,"What are you doing?!" he asked.They all looked up at a shadow, then they saw a girl, Ash shouted,"May!".It was there old friend May and it was May`s glaceon Pikachu was battling.

Chapter 2 comming soon :)
 
Whenever you have a comma or a period, you always put a space after the comma and period. Also, when you said that Ash shouted to May, since you already have an exclamation point within the quotation marks you don't need to have a period outside of it.

Lastly, what's the topic of this? I mean, is it about Ash coming back again to see May, or just Ash and Pikachu together? The story's pretty short and I'm having a hard time understanding it.
 
But the first chapter is a paragraph long. You need to listen to what Gliscor said-and-make it longer, MUCH longer. Like look at other chapter 1's and such. This chapter one is the length of a paragraph in the prologue of my story, and my chapters aren't even that long. Work on LENGTH AND DETAIL.
 
This is not a chapter. This is a paragraph of bad grammar and no description and lack of coherence.
 
OKAY mabey I have problems with grammar I was going to write don`t judge me.I wrote it down on paper and it was a paragraph :( sorry.
 
The only problem is that the "chapter" is only a paragraph long, you need to make it a bit longer :D.

It's not detailed enough: just a bit of people talking. Remember that comma's are you're friends, keep on working on it.
 
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