Writing PokeBeach, The Forgotten Story: Rise Against the Darkness

Lenny

its back boys and girls
Member
Note: These are strictly my opinions and views on specific people and it's my story, don't destroy it or make me edit it. I'm mostly talking to one specific person. You should know who you are after you read this.

Note 2: This is just the Prologue which will be followed by the short story. It's not a complete story, because it's only covering one thing.


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Prologue:

The night fell upon the world of PokeBeach yet again. The fights have ended and the result was the death of many innocent, yet brave warriors. HolyStar was brought back into the forums as a Super Moderator and everybody has been living peacefully amongst themselves. Nobody suspected him as a “bad” person. We all thought he had changed for the good, but little did we know what he was up to. The menace would never give up, not even after all the chances that were given to him. He was the perfect example of a villain.

The fight for peace for PokeBeach would never be over with him around, the monster behind it all. He was the darkness that kept evil running through the streets. He was the villain that made people believe the lies that hid the truth. Only a few people suspected anything at all, yet when they tried to lock him up, they only failed and were killed in the process. But a time comes when change must occur and when things don’t get as planned, people rebel, they Rise Against.

Those who have tried to defeat him died horribly, but they were never forgotten. They fought for what they believed in. But sometimes dreams don’t come true. HolyStar was just as powerful, especially with his abilities. His monstrous acts were not democratic like he said they were. The life of PokeBeach doesn’t rely on a debate; it relies on its followers.

He claimed he had changed, but he never did. People don’t just change, especially after killing so many innocent people. People aren’t forgiven for their sins just because they have said sorry, they keep killing until someone takes responsibility and truly puts them down. Responsibility isn’t a choice, it’s a given; you either do it or not.

When the thought of him still in PokeBeach runs through the minds of those with responsibility, it sends chills down their spines. They know they live under a sky no longer blue. When desperate measures need to be taken to defeat such a criminal, the strongest of the strong take action and team up. A one many army cannot take down the united members, the ones that kept PokeBeach alive.

The fight for peace can only be completed when the time comes. It takes time, but time is the key. The dawn may be long overdue, but look at what he has done. Forgiveness isn’t needed, assertiveness is. His time is over. The anger drives the good to keep fighting the bad. The lives they’ve lost and the lives they’ve reclaimed.

He can’t hold them down any longer. What he has done is irreversible. We don’t need your help anymore. We are united, we are one. We can hold ourselves up. We are powerful. You can’t hold us down any longer. We’ll keep quiet no longer and we’ll sing through the day. Open your eyes child and see what you’ve become. The Rise Against the Darkness has begun.

The rebels have never liked HolyStar, even the first day he set his foot in PokeBeach soil. He was a horrible role model in the chat room to those who wouldn’t become dictators when they grew up. His message was a horrible one, yet he never realized why nobody truly liked him. He seemed so aloof of situations sometimes. At other times, he was evil and aggressive; an elitist.

The rebels that died in combat were DukeFireBird, Stigma, and Elite_Riku. Their bravery has never been forgotten and their attempts have only made the resistance stronger. Life wasn’t fair for them, but they did what they believed. They thought they could bring the dawn all over new, but they did not. They were brutally slaughtered for attempts at peace.

The rebels know exactly what they’re rising against. It’s a force they would have never imagined to be fighting. The powers of Darkness and Light mixed together create a monster within someone; a monster that cannot be contained. The rebels held their heads up high and looked to the future. They weren’t as powerful as HolyStar. He had the abilities that no normal person had.

His power was more powerful than Water Pokemon Master’s, to some extent. The rebels knew nearly everything he had done because they had contacts from the inside. The rebel’s leader cautiously approached one of his sources one day and the intense fight for freedom began.

With the downfall of the powerful leader, DukeFireBird, the resistance broke away and never talked about what happened. They cherished their leader from the bottom of their hearts. Some left the resistance for good and hid in the shadows until the time came.

The failed attempts were heart-breaking, but some didn’t give up hope. Hope would never disappear from the new rebels. They would attack the walls of their enemies until peace would light the way to everybody, even if it meant that they would die in the process. They were brave and weren’t afraid to die for what they believed in.

Their story shall never be forgotten. The truth was hidden behind all of HolyStar’s lies. The brave warriors who died were forgotten by some and remembered by some. Others never even heard of HolyStar’s disgusting behavior. His need of power couldn’t be stopped by one or two men like it was tried in the past, they needed a whole rebellion; the rebels.

Their story is soon to be told, but their fate has yet to be determined. They have been practicing in the shadows until the attack would be made. Their contact from the inside has transferred them their own special abilities that could be used to fight of the evil combination of Light and Darkness. They swore to themselves that they would never back down or run away, it will only bring disgrace to the rebellion’s name.

This rebellion shall never be forgotten and the ones who the rebellion is after will never feel safe until they are gone from the world of PokeBeach. The evil some have brought to this world can be forgiven, but at his level of extremeness, forgiveness is not an option. The fate of PokeBeach has been put into these individuals. The gift they have is one that will never be crushed. The world will never look at them the same again…for the good or for the bad.
 
That was just a prologue? o_O

Can't wait to see how long the chapters will be lol.
 
If you noticed the note, you would realize that this will just be a short story that sums up my views and other people's views. It should be quite lengthy, especially for a short story. Did you like it, though? =]

EDIT: Silly subject matter? Well, I guess it'd be hard to understand for someone who didn't get the "full scoop".
 
Personally, i don't like the "PokéBeach is a real-life location" kinda stories, but it looks good lol.

Dauntless is right about the "getting into it" part though, but then again, i didn't get the "full scoop" either :p
 
Well uhh, my hatred towards HolyStar is quite big, and so are others. To fully get it, you'd have to be a regular in the PokeBeach chatroom and see his attitude (which I don't like one bit). And if you haven't noticed, a lot of these lines are from songs from Rise Against. Their lines and songs fit this "situation" well. I mean, I would tell you everything, but I can't trust you all. You might squeal to HolyStar ;0
 
I barely even know who that is. Honestly. I'll post a step by step proofread in a min.

P.S. Lol, will you read my fic? D: Nobody will.
 
I'll read yours, sure. I didn't even know you had one o.o

It's a Super Moderator, who tried to blow up the forums in '07, I believe and now he's back as a Super Moderator. [sarcasm]Makes me feel so safe[/sarcasm]. But yeah, a step by step proofread isn't bad, I'd like to know what others think about this, though whatever they think I'm writing it ;P
 
If you think that HolyStar is a bad member/mod, you're going about it the wrong way...honestly.
 
Lenny said:
The night fell upon the world of PokeBeach yet again. Maybe more extended and descriptive, it doesn't do a good enough job of pulling you into a particular scene. The fights have ended and the result was the death of many innocent, yet brave warriors. HolyStar was brought back into the forums as a Super Moderator and everybody has been living peacefully amongst themselves. Nobody suspected him as a “bad” person. We all thought he had changed for the good, but little did we know what he was up to. The menace would never give up, not even after all the chances that were given to him. He was the perfect example of a villain.

The fight for peace for PokeBeach would never be over with him around, the monster behind it all.It begins to seem like you're rambling here. "Never give up, never be over..." He was the darkness that kept evil running through the streets. He was the villain that made people believe the lies that hid the truth. Only a few people suspected anything at all, yet when they tried to lock him up, they only failed and were killed in the process. But a time comes when change must occur and when things don’t get as planned, people rebel, they Rise Against. We get it--he's a bad guy. Maybe overdid it a little.

Those who have tried to defeat him died horribly, but they were never forgotten. They fought for what they believed in. But sometimes dreams don’t come true. This next sentence comes out of nowhere...as powerful as who?HolyStar was just as powerful, especially with his abilities. His monstrous acts were not democratic like he said they were. The life of PokeBeach doesn’t rely on a debate; it relies on its followers.

OMG WE GET IT HE'S A BAD GUY WE CAN'T TRUST HIMHe claimed he had changed, but he never did. People don’t just change, especially after killing so many innocent people. People aren’t forgiven for their sins just because they have said sorry, they keep killing until someone takes responsibility and truly puts them down. Responsibility isn’t a choice, it’s a given; you either do it or not.

When the thought of him still in PokeBeach runs through the minds of those with responsibility, it sends chills down their spines. They know they live under a sky no longer blue. When desperate measures need to be taken to defeat such a criminal, the strongest of the strong take action and team up. A one many army cannot take down the united members, the ones that kept PokeBeach alive.

The problem seems to me is that, while these are all different sentences, you're stating the same thing in most of them.The fight for peace can only be completed when the time comes. It takes time, but time is the key. The dawn may be long overdue, but look at what he has done. Forgiveness isn’t needed, assertiveness is. His time is over. The anger drives the good to keep fighting the bad. The lives they’ve lost and the lives they’ve reclaimed.

He can’t hold them down any longer. What he has done is irreversible. We don’t need your help anymore. We are united, we are one. We can hold ourselves up. We are powerful. You can’t hold us down any longer. We’ll keep quiet no longer and we’ll sing through the day. Open your eyes child and see what you’ve become. The Rise Against the Darkness has begun.

The rebels have never liked HolyStar, even the first day he set his foot in PokeBeach soil. He was a horrible role model in the chat room to those who wouldn’t become dictators when they grew up. His message was a horrible one, yet he never realized why nobody truly liked him. He seemed so aloof of situations sometimes. At other times, he was evil and aggressive; an elitist. ...yes. Look, if you wanted to talk about what a bad guy he is, that should all be in one paragraph. Occasional reminders are okay, but NOT this often.

The rebels that died in combat were DukeFireBird, Stigma, and Elite_Riku. Their bravery has never been forgotten and their attempts have only made the resistance stronger. Life wasn’t fair for them, but they did what they believed. They thought they could bring the dawn all over new, but they did not. They were brutally slaughtered for attempts at peace.

The rebels know exactly what they’re rising against. It’s a force they would have never imagined to be fighting. The powers of Darkness and Light mixed together create a monster within someone; a monster that cannot be contained. The rebels held their heads up high and looked to the future. They weren’t as powerful as HolyStar. He had the abilities that no normal person had.

Different word here please. power more powerful? o_oHis power was more powerful than Water Pokemon Master’s, to some extent. The rebels knew nearly everything he had done because they had contacts from the inside. The rebel’s leader cautiously approached one of his sources one day and the intense fight for freedom began.

With the downfall of the powerful leader, DukeFireBird, the resistance broke away and never talked about what happened. They cherished their leader from the bottom of their hearts. Some left the resistance for good and hid in the shadows until the time came.

The failed attempts were heart-breaking, but some didn’t give up hope. Hope would never disappear from the new rebels. They would attack the walls of their enemies until peace would light the way to everybody, even if it meant that they would die in the process. They were brave and weren’t afraid to die for what they believed in.

Their story shall never be forgotten. The truth was hidden behind all of HolyStar’s lies. The brave warriors who died were forgotten by some and remembered by some. Others never even heard of HolyStar’s disgusting behavior. His need of power couldn’t be stopped by one or two men like it was tried in the past, they needed a whole rebellion; the rebels.

Their story is soon to be told, but their fate has yet to be determined. They have been practicing in the shadows until the attack would be made. Their contact from the inside has transferred them their own special abilities that could be used to fight of the evil combination of Light and Darkness. They swore to themselves that they would never back down or run away, it will only bring disgrace to the rebellion’s name.

This rebellion shall never be forgotten and the ones who the rebellion is after will never feel safe until they are gone from the world of PokeBeach. The evil some have brought to this world can be forgiven, but at his level of extremeness, forgiveness is not an option. The fate of PokeBeach has been put into these individuals. The gift they have is one that will never be crushed. The world will never look at them the same again…for the good or for the bad.

OK so, those complaints go on for a while. Similar topics are scattered and fragmented-they should be together--and we don't need a reminder of how bad this guy is every other paragraph. It is still written well, but I think the organization is sort of poor.
 
SixaxiS said:
If you think that HolyStar is a bad member/mod, you're going about it the wrong way...honestly.

There is no wrong way to go about it, there are different ways. I'm choosing this way because this is how I express myself. If you have a problem with that then don't read my story. Simple as that.

I understand what you're saying DD. One of the bold things you mentioned, I made a mistake. I forgot to add a little something, I'm not sure what I did actually. Yes he's a bad guy, this is the whole point of this story. I'm saying it in so many different ways so people can understand it and get it into their system. It's also to let the readers know my hatred for him isn't just 'I hate him'. I despise him. Also, the power and powerful thing, I'll edit that. Thanks for catching that :]
 
The way i see it: You're bashing a super-moderator in public view for everyone to see o_O

If you hate a certain member of the PokéBeach society, settle it by PM. This isn't going to help you, especially since it's a staff member you're insulting :p

I'm going to leave it at that though. (If i say any more it might be considered Mini-modding xD)
 
Whoa whoa whoa, mini-modding? What are you talking about? I have done nothing wrong. I'm not bashing a Super Moderator, I'm showing my views on him very thoughtfully. And actually, this will help me. It's a way of expressing how I feel, I state again. They way you see it is fine, I really don't care how you see it. It's how I see it. And I'm not willing to settle it by PM. This is also a good chance for me to enhance my writing abilities, and Dictator Dauntless helped a lot, unlike you have. All you've done is accuse me of bashing another member, which I am not doing. I am simply sharing my views on him with PokeBeach. If you have a problem with that, don't read my story thank you very much.

And Dictator Dauntless, I'll edit up the Prologue so it meets what you said. Thank you very much for actually giving some constructive criticism :]
 
Interesting perspective. The only surprising thing out of all of this, is that I never expected it would be you, Lenny, that would say these things. :[ Anyway, yeah, E_R has gone over to the Serebii side, and they're obviously dead-set on never coming back here. That's the real shame.

dmaster out.
 
A surprise? Really? I thought it would be obvious after he slaughtered my older fic of this kind of stuff. Heh, this story should be exciting, and when I said the fate of the rebellion hasn't been decided yet, I meant it. It hasn't happened yet ;0
 
Oh, I thought you liked his changes. I should've known, I guess.

dmaster out.
 
Liked his changes? Not at all. At first, he was only going to write one chapter. And then he said "I need to fill up all your holes and plot stuff". I didn't like that. So what if I had story issues, at least I was writing. It frustrated me to have him around and eventually I just gave up working with him.
 
The fate of the story has been decided. I am currently writing the first part (will be divided into four parts) and it's turning out pretty well. The last part will have a REALLY big twist that nobody will expect, and this is all based on a true story xD
 
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