Writing Pokemon Impossible
- Thread starter Lenny
- Start date
I think you should at least space every time the setting changes. Having one whole big paragraph as a chapter seems kinda n00bish to me. Other than that it is a great story, please continue writing.
Uhhh....for now...I'll keep it as it is, but I'll try right now, spacing....
Anyways, thanks...
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Lucario yawned and got out of bed. He looked at his digital clock and it said 8:10. Someone then knocked on his door. It was his pal Pachirisu.
“What do you want?” whined Lucario.
“The whole New York City had a blackout if you didn’t know!” exclaimed Pachirisu.
“Wait a sec, if my clock says 8:10, that means it is really-“Lucario was stopped by Pachirisu.
“Right, which means right now its 8:55 in the morning and you have to get out of here!” screamed
Pachirisu. Lucario got a bottle of water and ran out the building. Pachirisu followed him, but Lucario was going so fast that Pachirisu became lost after only 8 seconds! “What the heck?” mumbled Pachirisu as he headed back home.
Lucario jumped into the office at 8:59. “Whoa, am I late?” asked Lucario. The door slammed behind him and Primeape had an almost furious face as if he wanted to strangle Lucario. But nobody else was in the office. He must have been earlier than anyone else.
“Sorry Primeape, thanks for letting me use your bathroom” said Machamp as he came back in the room. “Thanks Primeape, I just had to go to the bathroom because my make-up was much distorted” said Ninetales as he came back in the room. “Primeape, thanks for letting me use your phone because I had to tell me sister to turn off the oven” said Ampharos. Primeape looked back at Lucario. Lucario had an extremely embarrassed face.
“So, shall we go now?” asked Primeape. The 5 pokemon jumped into the Helicopter who was being flown by a mysterious Raichu. He had a cut marked like an X on his cheek.
“Alright, here is the mission. Please read it carefully before you make any rash decisions” said Primeape.
“Wait, if we make the wrong decision we get a rash?” asked Lucario. All the pokemon looked at him as if he was a really big idiot, but Primeape wasn’t faking the look.
“Alright, first you must somehow get inside the base, we will drop you 3 ½ miles away from the base, got it?” asked Primeape. They all nodded and Primeape went on.
“You must go in and retrieve the Locked Key. That is the most precious thing to this company, got it?!” shouted Primeape. They all nodded again. “Alright, we are almost at our destination point. Get ready for landing” said Primeape as the huge Helicopter dropped down and the pokemon jumped off.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you guys to come back and don’t worry, we have guns” chuckled Primeape as he started to flex his Biceps.
The four pokemon ran off about 3 miles and they were worn out! “Oh my god! This will take forever! Why couldn’t they put us up only 2 miles!” shouted Machamp. “You fool, you are the strongest one here and you are whining. You make me laugh” said Ninetales as she stated to run more.
All the four pokemon were tired, even Ninetales this time. “Alright, I see the base. Let’s camp out here for a rest” said Ninetales. Lucario just wanted to get inside. He didn’t care about being tired. He cared about the safety of the pokemon world!
“Guys, some pokemon are coming this way!” shouted Lucario. They were two Raichu’s! “Those Raichu’s have those exact same cut marks as the other Raichu in the helicopter so does that mean…uh oh” said Lucario as he attacked the Raichu with Force palm but the Raichu grabbed Lucario just with his own tail and tackled him into the ground. “So, is that how you want it? I’ll kill you in one strike!” shouted Lucario as he used Bone Rush and it was a super effective attack that knocked out Raichu in one slam! “I got this one” said Machamp as he grabbed the other Raichu and threw him in the air and then used Cross Chop on him while Raichu was still in the air. Raichu fell to the ground all cut up and knocked out. “Wow, if they are going to be this easy, I can’t believe Primeape didn’t think of hiring an ant at first” said Machamp.
They crept into the base without being seen. There were other Machamp guards outside. Machamp took care of them. He used Cross Chop on them when they weren’t looking and they were defeated easily. Machamp brushed the dirt of his hands and looked at Lucario.
“What now?” he mumbled. Lucario took a look at his map. It said the key was in a generator in the middle of the base. “We have to get inside though there will be a lot of fighting involved. Are you all in?” asked Lucario. They all nodded and they got close to the door. Lucario broke the door open and wiped his hands on the wall. “Let’s do this!!!!”
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How is that?
Anyways, thanks...
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Lucario yawned and got out of bed. He looked at his digital clock and it said 8:10. Someone then knocked on his door. It was his pal Pachirisu.
“What do you want?” whined Lucario.
“The whole New York City had a blackout if you didn’t know!” exclaimed Pachirisu.
“Wait a sec, if my clock says 8:10, that means it is really-“Lucario was stopped by Pachirisu.
“Right, which means right now its 8:55 in the morning and you have to get out of here!” screamed
Pachirisu. Lucario got a bottle of water and ran out the building. Pachirisu followed him, but Lucario was going so fast that Pachirisu became lost after only 8 seconds! “What the heck?” mumbled Pachirisu as he headed back home.
Lucario jumped into the office at 8:59. “Whoa, am I late?” asked Lucario. The door slammed behind him and Primeape had an almost furious face as if he wanted to strangle Lucario. But nobody else was in the office. He must have been earlier than anyone else.
“Sorry Primeape, thanks for letting me use your bathroom” said Machamp as he came back in the room. “Thanks Primeape, I just had to go to the bathroom because my make-up was much distorted” said Ninetales as he came back in the room. “Primeape, thanks for letting me use your phone because I had to tell me sister to turn off the oven” said Ampharos. Primeape looked back at Lucario. Lucario had an extremely embarrassed face.
“So, shall we go now?” asked Primeape. The 5 pokemon jumped into the Helicopter who was being flown by a mysterious Raichu. He had a cut marked like an X on his cheek.
“Alright, here is the mission. Please read it carefully before you make any rash decisions” said Primeape.
“Wait, if we make the wrong decision we get a rash?” asked Lucario. All the pokemon looked at him as if he was a really big idiot, but Primeape wasn’t faking the look.
“Alright, first you must somehow get inside the base, we will drop you 3 ½ miles away from the base, got it?” asked Primeape. They all nodded and Primeape went on.
“You must go in and retrieve the Locked Key. That is the most precious thing to this company, got it?!” shouted Primeape. They all nodded again. “Alright, we are almost at our destination point. Get ready for landing” said Primeape as the huge Helicopter dropped down and the pokemon jumped off.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you guys to come back and don’t worry, we have guns” chuckled Primeape as he started to flex his Biceps.
The four pokemon ran off about 3 miles and they were worn out! “Oh my god! This will take forever! Why couldn’t they put us up only 2 miles!” shouted Machamp. “You fool, you are the strongest one here and you are whining. You make me laugh” said Ninetales as she stated to run more.
All the four pokemon were tired, even Ninetales this time. “Alright, I see the base. Let’s camp out here for a rest” said Ninetales. Lucario just wanted to get inside. He didn’t care about being tired. He cared about the safety of the pokemon world!
“Guys, some pokemon are coming this way!” shouted Lucario. They were two Raichu’s! “Those Raichu’s have those exact same cut marks as the other Raichu in the helicopter so does that mean…uh oh” said Lucario as he attacked the Raichu with Force palm but the Raichu grabbed Lucario just with his own tail and tackled him into the ground. “So, is that how you want it? I’ll kill you in one strike!” shouted Lucario as he used Bone Rush and it was a super effective attack that knocked out Raichu in one slam! “I got this one” said Machamp as he grabbed the other Raichu and threw him in the air and then used Cross Chop on him while Raichu was still in the air. Raichu fell to the ground all cut up and knocked out. “Wow, if they are going to be this easy, I can’t believe Primeape didn’t think of hiring an ant at first” said Machamp.
They crept into the base without being seen. There were other Machamp guards outside. Machamp took care of them. He used Cross Chop on them when they weren’t looking and they were defeated easily. Machamp brushed the dirt of his hands and looked at Lucario.
“What now?” he mumbled. Lucario took a look at his map. It said the key was in a generator in the middle of the base. “We have to get inside though there will be a lot of fighting involved. Are you all in?” asked Lucario. They all nodded and they got close to the door. Lucario broke the door open and wiped his hands on the wall. “Let’s do this!!!!”
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How is that?
good start, but your descrbtion needs a bit of improvement.
Good luck though. I'll be checking up on this thread to see some improvements.
The chapter 2 was interesting... 
Cannot wait for chapter 3...
Cannot wait for chapter 3...