Chapter Three is under two pages with only 709 words. I'll let it slide, but don't let it happen too often.
First grammar rule for you to keep note of (which Aggie had already said, once I looked back): If a number is used to amount a quantity, write it as a word (he is thirteen years old). Route numbers can remain as numbers, however, as it is part of a name.
Concerning mechanics, you have some weird things happening with your spaces and commas every now and then. It's not my role to take a red pen and mark it over (though I used to do it back when I had some life to waste on), so have fun proofreading for weird stuff like:
“Secondly,” the professor continued ,” There is Ligzite, the Flame Lizard Pokemon.” [There is an unneeded space between "continued" and the comma]
“Lig-g-g-g-zite!”, it crowed in delight. [The comma is not needed because there is already an exclamation mark that handles the dialogue; only use a comma if there's no punctuation]
Since Aggie has already pointed out characterization, I suppose it might as well be of a bit more focus. Nowadays, the character is as important as the very plot of the modern story, so there's no harm in working on it. I offer the beginning rule in characterization:
No two distinct characters will
talk or act exactly the same.
A basic and apparently obvious rule, but actually difficult for one reason: you are only one person; you have experienced things your characters have not, and they will experience things that you might can only dream of. They think differently from you, and the best anyone can do is guess how they will behave. Quite obviously, it is specifically your role to mold your characters as close as you
possibly can.
So let's look at our characters: Bennett, apparent protagonist; Naven, his friend; professor; and the apparent antagonist, Omega. Although Naven is Bennett's friend, you rarely seem to mention him, despite his rather energetic nature. Even though the more important characters are usually in focus, those who also tend to be very active have their fair share of attention in the storyline. However, since Naven seems to be constantly in the barkground, we begin to wonder if he's really even there half the time. Omega, power-crazed, speaks like a mini-villian, but the dialogue he gives is a bit... unrealistic, from my perspective. I just can't see the lines of dialogue between Omega and Bennet really happening. I understand that you're trying to give character to one of the most important characters of the story, but the dialogue is off somehow, mostly because no one would really expect anyone to actually say such lines. Maybe he really is just crazy.
Bennet is far from developed, so I'll hope to see you work on him.
Overall, I can't admit that this piece is really wonderful, as the plot outline looks too familiar for comfort, but that could change. You're on a good track. Keep it up.
~Zyflair
