Writing Pokemon: The Pursuit of Power

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PokeChamp

Aspiring Trainer
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Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

The time is 20 years after an unnamed Trainer took the glory of the Elite Four for his own. On his quest to be the very best, he foiled the plans of the villainous criminal-mastermind, Cyrus. The Trainer pursued Cyrus to the top of Stark Mountain, to the confines of the Spear Pillar: a mystical place on top of the mountain, whose pillars were so high they seemed to pierce the very sky. It was here where Cyrus, leader of Team Galactic, used the Red Chain to tear apart the dimensions and summon the great beasts of Space and Time: Dialga and Palkia; but upon doing so he released the malevolent Giratina. Caught off guard, Cyrus and the unnamed Trainer were swept into the Distortion World: a place where the very seems of Time and Space were torn to shreds. It was on this battleground where Cyrus was challenged by the unnamed Trainer. Cyrus put forth amazing effort in the battle of wits that would take place, but just as he was about to take victory against the boy, he stopped; frozen by an unknown force. He suspected deep down that it must have been the spirits of the Beings of the Lakes, whose crystals he had stolen in order to form the Red Chain. Had he not been stopped, that boy would have been crushed; but fate was against Cyrus, and he lost to the hands of that boy. After defeat, Cyrus left the Distortion World and, for that matter, left existence as a whole. Without purpose left in his life, he drifted off into the underworld. It was not until later on that he would reappear, ready to claim the world that had been stolen from his grasp.

Thunder and lightning crashed down upon the Earth. Each bolt made the waves rise and crash upon the boat, shaking and startling the crew. To accompany it, a dreadful sound, like the popping of one million balloons. This was definitely the most severe storm Zarus had ever experienced. He and his men were traveling to the mysterious Shipwreck Grotto, a place where supposedly many sailors had met their doom. It was also the place where the dead could be resurrected; it was their where Zarus had used the Orb of Rejuvenation at least ten times. Each time he brought back someone from the dead, he was rewarded by the Undertaker for his services; the reward of life. For if he didn't do this horrible job, the Undertaker should surely take his life. The only reason Zarus was still living was because he had been chosen by the Orb; rather, Zarus was a young boy when he found it. He kept it safe and felt that it was important to do so, but he never realized why. If Zarus were to be killed, the Orb itself would die. How this worked Zarus was not exactly sure, but apparently the Undertaker knew enough not to destroy the object he needed so desperately. Every time the Orb was used, a body reappeared from the underworld, screaming at its awakening. For the dead do not like to rejoin the living; it is like trying to fall asleep, but failing. And when you finally fall asleep, you are awakened. Zarus was sure it must feel just like that. He hated his job, and rued the day he laid eyes on that Godforsaken Orb. He'd have liked to be able to throw it overboard right here and now, but no matter how hard he struggled, he could not assume the willpower needed for the task. At times, he felt the Orb commanded him. After all, it was constantly on his mind. But this was not necessarily the Orb's doing; Zarus instead tried to find a way to overthrow the Orb. Doing so would mean certain death at the hands of the Undertaker. But Zarus hardly cared anymore.
"What good is a life of misery," Zarus thought to himself. "When all I do is to awaken those whose place I should be in? Will I be punished one day like the victims whom I have so wronged? Will I, too, suffer the pain of being awakened?".

Zarus and his men were actually on a special mission: they were heading to Shipwreck Grotto to revive a particularly interesting subject: Cyrus. Zarus knew the pain Cyrus had suffered; he had lived along with Cyrus as a young child and knew firsthand the wretched life Cyrus had been cursed to. When Zarus heard of Cyrus' disappearance, he suspected as much that Cyrus might no longer be living.
"Perhaps his cruel past finally caught up the poor soul," Zarus mumbled under his breath while repairing the mast of his ship. And now Zarus had to engage in the act of reviving this tormented man. The one person whom should have been left dead, was going to return to the land of the living.

Despite the vicious storm, Zarus was able to make it to Shipwreck Grotto. This was the only place the Orb would work, and he had to go here to revive Cyrus. The Undertaker had commanded him to revive Cyrus for the same reason he had revived all those other people: to strengthen his regime. The Undertaker had been interested in Cyrus, but until he was quite certain Cyrus had gone to the underworld, he didn't attempt to recruit Cyrus. The Undertaker thought that if Cyrus hadn't shown the greatest interest in joining his clan in the living, he might be a bit more persuaded if he had experienced death. All the people revived by the Orb joined the Undertaker. Being half-dead, their minds lost most of their willpower, and they would lose their aspirations. The Undertaker was interested in Cyrus mostly for his incredible brain: many times Cyrus had shown the world how capable he was. Cyrus' ultimate failure was losing to the hands of a boy, but the Undertaker would forgive him that one folly, and allow the mentally-advanced man to join his ranks.

Zarus dug a small hole into the ground, and he filled it with dust: this particular dust was made of the ashes of deceased, and without it, the Orb's power was minimal. Zarus remembered the horrible details of Cyrus' twisted life as he uttered the incantation, and he realized how grave an act he was about to commit.

As he finished the incantation, the ashes began to shimmer. He stooped down on one knee, and he closed in his eyes in horror of what he had just done.

In a place where none can tread, a man was laying down. He did not breathe. He did not speak. He just was. He was in a place of unending light. He would have lain here for all of eternity, but it was not possible. He began to breathe, and he slowly opened his eyes. In horror, he realized he had been awakened. And as he slowly materialized into the land of the living, he gave a shrill scream of agony. Cyrus' journey had not ended; on the contrary, it had only just begun.

Meanwhile, during Cyrus' absence, a new seat of power had been occupied. A mysterious commander named Charon had now become the supreme ruler of Team Galactic. He had schemed to himself to rid the organization of Cyrus and seize power from the organization, but he never was able to exact his plans. But everything had worked fine for him thanks to Cyrus going missing. He now sat in Cyrus' chair, working on his computer. He had schemes of world domination for himself, and with the assembled forces of Team Galactic, he was going to try and conquer the world.

Cyrus had awoken. He was laying in a dank, dirty cave, and dozens of men had their eyes on him. Zarus approached Cyrus.
"Lord Cyrus, former commander of Team Galactic," Zarus greeted him. "The Undertaker greets you. He wishes to offer you endless power." Cyrus laughed: a long, cold laugh. It was now that Zarus got a good look at the evil man. He had narrow, hateful eyes, and his blue hair was spiked. He wore his typical Team uniform, and on his left breast was emblazoned the letter, "G", the logo of Team Galactic. His laugh stopped, and he spoke.
"Your pathetic excuse of a leader offers me that which is already mine," Cyrus said all of sudden, coldly. "For I am Cyrus, master of the universe. Undertaker was never anything more than flea in a world filled with great, powerful beings such as myself." With this, Cyrus cracked his knuckles.
"I see there you have the Orb of Rejuvenation!", Cyrus suddenly exclaimed.
"It's too bad Undertaker never learned to use it properly." The men all laughed heartily. So much to the point where they never heard the incantation Cyrus was now mumbling. Zarus was the only one to notice, but by then it was too late. The last thing Zarus saw was his cursed artifact, the Orb of Rejuvenation, glowing a bright red and enveloping him and comrades in a flash of light. He then realized that he had escaped his poor life, and that he know resided in the cold embrace of death. Cyrus laughed coldly once more.
"Thanks for bringing me back, guys. I appreciate it," he said. "Now, the world gets a second dosage of my unthinkable vision."
 
You sure didn't proofread well. :D
PokeChamp said:
Had he not been stopped, that boy would have been crushed. But fate was against Cyrus.
What is with the broken sentence?

PokeChamp said:
Each bolt made the waves rise and crash upon the boat, shaking and startling the crew/To accompany it, a dreadful sound, like the popping of one million balloons.
What is a slash doing here? :p

But this was not necessarily the Orb's doing; Zarus instead tried to find a way to overthrow the Orb.
If there was a key connection between these semicolon-joined sentences, I missed it.

Zarus knew the pain Cyrus had suffered; he had lived along with Cyrus as a young child, and knew firsthand the wretched life Cyrus had been cursed to.
If a person is only doing two or less actions, then a comma is not used ("He swam to shore and collapsed on the beach", instead of ("He swam to shore, and collapsed on the beach").

Cyrus' ultimate failure was losing to the hands of a boy, but the Undertaker would forgive him that one folly, and allow the mentally-evolved man to join his ranks.
Did his mind really evolve or is he just a step ahead? ;P

Here's four issues I found at a cursory glance. Maybe I should ask DNA to see if you got verb-tense confusion too. Ah well, go ahead and fix them.

As with the story, I never was a fan of Cyrus, nor is this story changing my mind on the matter. In any case, I won't mind reading more.
 
Zyflair said:
You sure didn't proofread well. :DWhat is with the broken sentence?

PokeChamp said:
Each bolt made the waves rise and crash upon the boat, shaking and startling the crew/To accompany it, a dreadful sound, like the popping of one million balloons.
What is a slash doing here? :p

But this was not necessarily the Orb's doing; Zarus instead tried to find a way to overthrow the Orb.
If there was a key connection between these semicolon-joined sentences, I missed it.
If a person is only doing two or less actions, then a comma is not used ("He swam to shore and collapsed on the beach", instead of ("He swam to shore, and collapsed on the beach").

Cyrus' ultimate failure was losing to the hands of a boy, but the Undertaker would forgive him that one folly, and allow the mentally-evolved man to join his ranks.
Did his mind really evolve or is he just a step ahead? ;P

Here's four issues I found at a cursory glance. Maybe I should ask DNA to see if you got verb-tense confusion too. Ah well, go ahead and fix them.

As with the story, I never was a fan of Cyrus, nor is this story changing my mind on the matter. In any case, I won't mind reading more.

I type fast and I suck at proofreading my own stuff. :p

I'll definitely edit those parts. Maybe I'll even send it to you for proof-reading before I post. xD

But anyway, Cyrus is by far my favorite character in the Pokemon universe. I never understood why, but he is.

Thanks for taking the time to post! Maybe the next few chapters will change your mind...
 
Chapter Two: Inferno

Turning off of Route 214, there was a mystical place called Sendoff Spring. After the defeat of Giratina in its Origin Form, that unnamed Trainer had opened a void near Sendoff Spring in a place called Turnback Cave. It was called such because navigating through the cave was nearly impossible, and most all Trainers turned back in defeat. The cave was quite vacant; and as such, it could now be occupied by the people who now needed a secret base: Team Darkness. This team of organized crime was under the command of the previously-mentioned Undertaker. And it was Turnback Cave where Team Darkness now resided. In his ingenuity, the Undertaker had mapped out the entirety of Turnback Cave, and with much success, for now he had instructed every member of the team on how to navigate through Turnback Cave. In this massive dominion, each sub-area could be used for a purpose. Despite the that fact that it was dark, dank and smelly, in many regards it had the same defensive capabilities as a castle. If any Trainers made it alive across the treacherous wall of the cave, and if they managed to crawl into the water and make it past the trap-filled water, they almost certainly wouldn't make it past those many rooms of Turnback Cave. Most ended up in a circle and went back home, disappointed.

It was Turnback Cave where an agent of Team Darkness, Zelpher, now made his way into the Undertaker's chamber. Zelpher wore a black coat and sunglasses, and his hair was also black, restrained and cut short to minimize any advantage over his body; after all, if your hair was long, it could easily be grabbed by the enemy. And that wasn't exactly a painless process. In any case, Zelpher had now reached the chamber of the Undertaker. He entered, and bowed down low at the presence of the Undertaker; in the room, a man covered head to toe in a black garment was sitting on carved throne. He wore a long, black robe that covered all of his flesh, and if uncovered the hood wood of revealed a masked face. But at the moment the Undertaker's hood was drawn over his head, and as a matter of fact only one person had been brave enough to rip off his hood: Cyrus. It was for this daring act of courage - or as the Undertaker called it, "a progressive act of foolishness" - that the Undertaker was so interested in Cyrus; and also for this reason that the Undertaker would not rest until he had made Cyrus join his dominion. After all, Cyrus would make an excellent addition to the team; the Undertaker was sure of this.

After his bow, Zelpher saluted the Undertaker by raising his hand to his head.
"You were always one for formalities, Zelpher," The Undertaker said in a croaking voice. "What news have you come to bring me?". Zelpher's ace was grave, and despite his being hidden by those shady sunglasses, an expression of terror was on his face.
"Sir, it is to my displeasure to inform you that Cyrus has refused your offer," Zelpher said, and, taking off his sunglasses, revealed that he was missing an eye. In fact, now that the Undertaker had a better view of Zelpher, his entire right side of his face appeared to have been scarred. Zelpher continued, "And as you can see, sir, he has not declined subtly."
"My dear Zelpher," the Undertaker exclaimed. "What has happened to you?".
Zelpher smiled:
"I'll tell all, sir!", he said with a grin on his face.


Meanwhile, Charon was inspecting the new devices he had just made; of course, he had assistance in the making of these revolutionary new devices, but the entire design had been Charon's. His old, shriveled face wrinkled into a smile. He rubbed his hand through his purple hair, a sign that indicated he was thinking deep thoughts. He called in his favored commander with the click of a red button on his desk. It signified his favorite agent: Saturn. Upon pressing it, a microphone popped out. Charon spoke into it:
"Saturn," he said. "I must see you immediately; I'm afraid only your great mind is capable of understanding what I have just done."


Zelpher had told the Undertaker about how Cyrus had been revived, and about how he had used the Orb of Rejuvenation against the barer of the Orb. He also explained about how only just in time he had activated his shielding device to minimize the magical impact of the Orb, but even the the right side of his had been burnt. The Undertaker paused for a while. He then spoke.
"So it appears Cyrus is familiar with the Orb already," the Undertaker mused.
"That will be handy for when he becomes a member of Team Darkness".


Cyrus returned to his hometown of Celestic Town. He was undercover, and none saw him sneak into his old home. The house that he had occupied as a youth was beaten up badly, and the paint was coming off of it. His parents had died while he was still a youth, and in his grief, he turned towards machinery. By the time Cyrus had reached the age of 20, he had built a computer from spare parts. After the death of his parents, the people that knew him were sad, for he had been greatly changed. He become cold, unfeeling, and even a little cruel at times. It was from his computer that Cyrus realized that he had at his fingertips the ability to take over the world! He was a master hacker by now, and he had already stolen funds from many banks. Although the International Police had investigated this stolen money, Cyrus was so good he had already covered his tracks. They couldn't ever find the thief, and in the meanwhile Cyrus had gained an extraordinary sum of money. It was with this that he bribed various people into joining his new organization, henceforth known to all as Team Galactic. First he bribed Mars and Jupiter, both women. In their lives beforehand, Mars had been a scientist and Jupiter a magazine editor. Then Cyrus recruited Saturn, who was a troubled youth. Offered with the chance of joining a glorified organized crime agency (for indeed, Cyrus made it seem like a fine and dandy thing to do) and get payed greatly for doing so, Saturn joined quicker than any other commander of Team Galactic. Finally, he hired a final commander by the name of Charon. Cyrus was not fond of Charon, but what he needed was someone who was capable of thinking strategically: Charon was such a man. Charon, during his prime, was a military Sargent, and through his complex mind he had ordered the destruction of several previously-thought to be invincible opponents. But Cyrus also was under the impression that Charon was looking to do him in, and Cyrus was constantly on the lookout for signs that would indicate such.

Cyrus entered his home, and images of the abuse he had suffered here filled his mind. Not that it mattered to him in his state of an unmoving, emotionless disposition. He was as strong as a rock, both physically and emotionally, and he hadn't shed a single tear since he was seven years of age. Cyrus had shown much foresight, for he had set up a deal with a grunt of Team Galactic that, if anything should happen to the organization and he to disappear, that upon his return he would contact the grunt and find out what had become of his organization, Team Galactic. He started up his dusty, old computer, and he contacted his agent through a mailing system. He found out that Charon was now the head of Team Galactic, and that they were working on plans of world domination.
"Fool that I am," Cyrus said. "That I did not see this coming!". And in his rage, he threw the computer on the floor and it exploded in flames. As Cyrus exited his old home, he could smell his memories turning to ash. As he walked away, he put a smile on his face, and understood that the time had come to reclaim his lost glory.
 
InfernoBlaze said:
this is an excellent story so far! i can't wait until the next chapter, so post it soon!

Thanks! The next chapter is currently in the works after I took a minor writing break. It should be posted pretty soon, so you won't have to wait long.
 
Well, I normally wouldn't harp this on others, but if you care about grammer, you might want to read a few rules of punctuation on dialogue, since I've noticed quite a few errors on that (at least 50% of your dialogue have something wrong with them in terms of mechanics). Hey, you said you cared. x3

Concerning description, such as that of the first paragraph, I counted seven "was" as the main verb, all of them avoidable. The problem is that "was", being a linking verb, is not sensual powerful, and although it is acceptable in discussions and debates (although it becomes slightly drab in lectures, such as the one you are reading right now), it is pretty much lacking in terms of showing much to the reader.

In the second paragraph, the usage of the weak verbs becomes noticeable. For example, the description of Zelpher:

Zelpher wore a black coat and sunglasses, and his hair was also black, restrained and cut short to minimize any advantage over his body; after all, if your hair was long, it could easily be grabbed by the enemy.
I... sort of see it, but when you strike in unusual verbs (and a bit of personification), something else happens:

A black coat hugged Zelpher, as if trying to suffocate him (in all honesty, it was the humid air making all the clothes slightly soaked and clinging), and sunglasses further concealed Zelpher's appearance, the finishing touch to the man's mysterious aura. His equally black hair, remained glued in place, for Zelpher had cut them awfully short (and the humid air made them unusually heavy); he, no doubt, cut them at such a length for combat, making it difficult - if not impossible - for an enemy to grab it.

Compare the two, and tell me if you really don't think there's a difference.
 
Zyflair said:
Well, I normally wouldn't harp this on others, but if you care about grammer, you might want to read a few rules of punctuation on dialogue, since I've noticed quite a few errors on that (at least 50% of your dialogue have something wrong with them in terms of mechanics). Hey, you said you cared. x3

Concerning description, such as that of the first paragraph, I counted seven "was" as the main verb, all of them avoidable. The problem is that "was", being a linking verb, is not sensual powerful, and although it is acceptable in discussions and debates (although it becomes slightly drab in lectures, such as the one you are reading right now), it is pretty much lacking in terms of showing much to the reader.

In the second paragraph, the usage of the weak verbs becomes noticeable. For example, the description of Zelpher:
I... sort of see it, but when you strike in unusual verbs (and a bit of personification), something else happens:

A black coat huggedZelpher, as if trying to suffocate him (in all honesty, it was the humid air making all the clothes slightly soaked and clinging), and sunglasses further concealed Zelpher's appearance, the finishing touch to the man's mysterious aura. His equally black hair, remained glued in place, for Zelpher had cut them awfully short (and the humid air made them unusually heavy); he, no doubt, cut them at such a length for combat, making it difficult - if not impossible - for an enemy to grab it.
Compare the two, and tell me if you really don't think there's a difference.


I'll read them. I do care about my grammar, and honestly I'm not surprised. Ironically, the one thing that makes a story really shine (that being dialogue) I struggle with the most.

I see what you mean. Honestly, I could cut those weak verbs. And due to my usage of such-deemed "weak" verbs, the story can be perceived in ways that I have not originally imagined.

Thank you once more for you in-depth critique. By far, Zyflair, you have provided me the best constructive criticism to writing since the days of Sixaxis (who you guys probably wouldn't remember, but he helped me a lot with righting. Thank you, Zyflair.


Anyway, guys, chapter three is nearly complete. I just have to do a bit more writing and proofreading (I'll probably fail on the latter), and then I can post it.
 
Chapter Three: Skirmish

Zelpher was leaving the Undertaker's chamber. He had been assigned with a very important mission: to find Cyrus and persuade him into joining Team Darkness. This would be accomplished by crushing Cyrus' pride. Zelpher had been trained by the Undertaker personally on how to do battle with Pokemon, and he had raised quite a devastating team; and so it was that Zelpher, agent of Team Darkness, was now leaving Sendoff Spring and searching for Cyrus. How would he find Cyrus? Team Galactic; Cyrus' dream put into an organization. Zelpher knew that where Team Galactic went, Cyrus was sure to follow. There was a base stationed in Veilstone City, and that was where Cyrus had to go. But as he made his way in pursuit of Cyrus, Zelpher also remembered the information one of his subordinates had told him: that Team Galactic was now run by a different man now. Knowing this, Zelpher knew that Cyrus was most likely going to try and take his organization back with force. This would be an opportune moment to put all his practice and theory into action.

Commander Saturn had been elsewhere when Cyrus had disappeared. When Cyrus had gone, he was training, waiting for another chance to battle the Trainer who had ended it all. But when he came back to give him a proper fight, Cyrus was gone. He had never seen Cyrus again. He had bonded with Cyrus through the experience of Team Galactic. The both of them had had troubled lives, and Cyrus was almost like a father figure to the troubled Saturn. Now, the organization known as Team Galactic was being run by Charon. Saturn disliked Charon, but he had faked his way into making the old man think that he and Saturn were friends. It was now that he had been beckoned back by Charon to inspect the new gears that had arrived; it was known to Saturn and Charon both as "the Inventions", and they were going to be part of the new regime led by Charon. For Charon's ultimate goal was world domination. And with these "Inventions", he was going to get it. And Saturn wasn't going to miss out on that piece of the pie. Saturn had finally arrived at the Team Galactic headquarters, located in Veilstone City. He entered the building, and he was greeted at the front desk by one of the grunts. As he informed her of his business with the Supreme Commander, Charon, Saturn could just imagine the new life ahead of him; and once that old man had his guard down, Saturn would claim what was rightfully his. He had to do it. Not only for himself, but for the entire organization; and even for his beloved mentor, Cyrus. Saturn, thinking of the face of his deceased proxy-father, did something he hadn't done in an awfully long time: as his eyes watered up slightly, a tear escaped his solid face.

The Undertaker was in his chamber, awaiting the inevitable arrival of Cyrus. The Undertaker would have to wait a few days, but he was rather confident that Cyrus would join. Crushed once more by defeat, Cyrus' unrelenting vision would cease, and he would be but a broken shell, handy for the usage of the Undertaker. The Undertaker had not always had such plans for the world as he did now; there was a time when he had shown the good side of himself. This was not the only time he had tried to take over the world. He had been stopped before, and he had been convinced that his ways were wrong. But he was convinced that he had a purpose; a destiny; a predetermined fate. For this destiny to be his, he needed the help of the brilliant, yet at the same time stubborn, Cyrus. He unveiled his many layers of clothing, and took off his mask, revealing a distinctly inhuman appearance. He always did this to think properly; the many garments he wore sometimes suppressed his full thought capability. He summoned one of his top-notch assassins, and prepared to take his master plan and put it into action.

Meanwhile, after all the events had taken place, Cyrus was heading for Veilstone City. As he went there, his mind schemed of potential ways to defeat Charon. He was sure a few of his most trusted grunts would join him, and Saturn would also most likely betray Charon to retain his former master's trust. But then there were those two female commanders: Mars and Saturn; he certainly couldn't trust them. He even suspected that they had been on it the whole time. He knew that every time one of them smiled at him, one of those fake smiles with mock warmth, that they were scheming to overthrow him. Cyrus needed a plan. He couldn't go to Team Galactic alone; that would surely be suicide. He didn't have the sheer power needed to take the organization by storm, and his cold, calculating mind was far from being able to formulate a plan. After all, he himself had created his own base in Veilstone City (and, for that matter, the base in Eterna City), and he knew everything there was to know. Yet the one thing he wasn't able to think of was a weakness to the base. The only way he would regain control of his organization was to use sheer force; force that he, currently, was not in the possession of. Cyrus' mind overflowed with possibilities. He knew -- quite clearly, for that matter -- that he would have to wage a civil war against his own organization. Then, at that very moment, Cyrus' face grew grim. He had thought of a way to beat Charon at his own game: to become a defect, and to join the forces of the Undertaker and Team Darkness. A blow to his pride, Cyrus was hesitant. But knowing that the Undertaker would go to any lengths to make Cyrus join his organization, the solution seemed practical. He turned back, and headed towards Sendoff Spring. It was there that Cyrus would be able to find Turnback Cave, and the base of Team Darkness, the Undertaker's base. Cyrus also realized that once he had joined, the Undertaker would be far from willing to let Cyrus leave. Knowing the Undertaker's past, Cyrus had the tools to overthrow him once and for all. He would use that pathetic resource that he so desperately needed, and then, he would kill the Undertaker.


~--~


In a very mountainous area of Sinnoh, near the confines of the caves of Stark Mountain, a warrior was training. He had been training almost from his very birth, training to defeat the man of his master's prophecy. He was known to his people as "the chosen one". The individual in question not only had a team of Pokemon assembled, but he also had been trained in martial arts so that, if the need be, he could also physically defend himself. As such, he was physically very impressive, and large bands of muscle covered his arms and chest. He had shaved off his hair, but had it been left alone it would be jet black. His name: Kama. He was chosen by his people to be the savior of his tribe; his master, Toro, had prepared Kama his entire life for the battle that impended. He had been waiting for the signs to be revealed. Then one day, while Kama had been training with his Pokemon, he had been interrupted by Toro. With a grim look on his face, Toro spoke.
"It is time, my Kama," he said ominously, his expression solemn. "The time to defeat the one who would destroy all has arrived."
Kama nodded. "How do you now that it is time?" he asked out of curiosity.
"The dimension of the living and that of the dead have been merged as one. The Orb of Rejuvenation has finally been found."
"Then I have no time to waste," Kama said. "I must find the embodiment of evil, defeat him, and then, I just destroy his very soul."
Toro nodded his head, and he turned back, knowing that Kama understood.
As he walked back to return to his hut and meditate, he knew perfectly well that Kama's target, the man (or rather, when he knew him he was but a boy) known as Cyrus would be eliminated, and the universe restored. He realized that, in a way, he had brought this on to Cyrus. Toro's actions would haunt him for the rest of his life. But he had convinced himself that it was the only way. Toro had lied to Kama about one thing: he himself had not received a vision. He had, instead, translated what he had seen in the cave of origin in Celestic Town. But yet he didn't doubt that the prophecy's honesty lacked in any way. His mind grew foggy as his body yearned for rest; yet, rest was unobtainable. The greater part of hismelf was aware that he had been partially responsible. He remembered the prophecy that he had translated so long ago:

And it shall come to pass that
one being will feel all the pain that can be felt,
and he will be the very destroyer of the universe.
His fate is sealed by those around him, and unable to fight back,
he will inevitably realize his potential. As he destroys all of
humanity, his expression will not be dismal.
Rather, he will rejoice that his purpose has been discovered.
There is another who has caused this pain onto him,
and one could say he is responsible for this prophecy.
Not only will he turn the one being into an emotionless
wall of stone, he will also be the death of him.
And as this cosmic tragedy concludes, we realize one thing:
Unless stopped, the man who wears the gray uniform will
inevitably and quickly crush the world beneath his
boundless grasp.

As he gave in, and sleep finally found him, Toro began to weep.
"My son," he gasped, unable to hold back his flowing emotion, "I am sorry for all that I have done to you, and for what I'm about to do to you."
His tears overpowered him for a moment. But then he recovered, and continued. "It is my fault that you are what you are, and although you may not realize it yet, I am sorry. When we are reunited in death, you and I shall finally make up for what I have done to you."
 
PokeChamp said:
Zelpher was leaving left the Undertaker's chamber. He had been assigned with a very important mission: to [When using the colon, the following portion may be a sentence] Find[/b] Cyrus and persuade him into joining Team Darkness. This would be accomplished by crushing Cyrus' pride. The Undertaker personally trained Zelpher [Avoid passive writing with the exception of dialogue] on how to do battle with Pokemon, and he had raised quite a devastating team; and so it was that Zelpher, agent of Team Darkness, was now leaving Sendoff Spring and searching for Cyrus. How would he find Cyrus? Team Galactic[:] Cyrus' dream put into an organization. Zelpher knew that where Team Galactic went, Cyrus was sure to follow. There was a base stationed in Veilstone City, and that was where Cyrus must have went to. [Let's hand you a different transition] However, as he made his way in pursuit of Cyrus, Zelpher also remembered the information one of his subordinates had told him: that Team Galactic was now run by a different man now. Knowing this, Zelpher knew that Cyrus was most likely going to try and take his organization back with force. This would be an opportune moment to put all his practice and theory into action.
And I'm too lazy to proofread the rest (either that, or I'm too busy, as I've got PErNoWriMo on me). Your use of semicolon and colons itself is nice, but keep in mind that punctuation represent different ideas of logic; break the logic with sentences that have irregular or nonexistent relations, and the punctuation loses its purpose. No, you haven't done that yet, but here's where it got close:

It was now that he had been beckoned back by Charon to inspect the new gear that had arrived; it was known to Saturn and Charon both as "the Inventions", and they were going to be part of the new regime led by Charon. For Charon's ultimate goal was world domination.
The movement of these sentences is halting. The semicolon is a minor pause, but it suggests connection. But alas, you're expounding on what the new gear (I believe it should be "gears") are, and the connection is incredibly powerful, yet somewhat unimportant as it's merely a name. A dash might have been a more powerful tool:

It was now that he had been beckoned back by Charon to inspect the new gears - known to Saturn and Charon both as "the Inventions" - that had arrived. These gears were going to be part of the new regime led by Charon to aid him in his ultimate goal of world domination.
In my style, I would have went for the parentheses as a side thought, but dashes work nevertheless. Also, I don't know what the last sentence (which actually was a fragment) was about, so I tagged it to the previous sentence. If verbs are the actors of your show, then punctuation are the background cast, aiding the show, making sure nothing goes wrong so that nothing confusing happens. Misuse your punctuation and the reader will halt and become distracted from the story.
 
Zyflair said:
And I'm too lazy to proofread the rest (either that, or I'm too busy, as I've got PErNoWriMo on me). Your use of semicolon and colons itself is nice, but keep in mind that punctuation represent different ideas of logic; break the logic with sentences that have irregular or nonexistent relations, and the punctuation loses its purpose. No, you haven't done that yet, but here's where it got close:

It was now that he had been beckoned back by Charon to inspect the new gear that had arrived; it was known to Saturn and Charon both as "the Inventions", and they were going to be part of the new regime led by Charon. For Charon's ultimate goal was world domination.
The movement of these sentences is halting. The semicolon is a minor pause, but it suggests connection. But alas, you're expounding on what the new gear (I believe it should be "gears") are, and the connection is incredibly powerful, yet somewhat unimportant as it's merely a name. A dash might have been a more powerful tool:

It was now that he had been beckoned back by Charon to inspect the new gears - known to Saturn and Charon both as "the Inventions" - that had arrived. These gears were going to be part of the new regime led by Charon to aid him in his ultimate goal of world domination.
In my style, I would have went for the parentheses as a side thought, but dashes work nevertheless. Also, I don't know what the last sentence (which actually was a fragment) was about, so I tagged it to the previous sentence. If verbs are the actors of your show, then punctuation are the background cast, aiding the show, making sure nothing goes wrong so that nothing confusing happens. Misuse your punctuation and the reader will halt and become distracted from the story.

Oh, okay. I see now. Those are all excellent points, Zyflair. I'll keep that in mind.

And yes, I did mean "Gears".
 
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