Writing Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter SEVEN IS UP! All opinions are welcomed!
- Thread starter Daren
- Start date
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter Four is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!
Lillian is the reporter that is mentioned in the first chapter. She covers the Pokevice release interview. And yes, Jun can drive a boat, I was sorta experimenting with the humor aspect in this chapter.
Lillian is the reporter that is mentioned in the first chapter. She covers the Pokevice release interview. And yes, Jun can drive a boat, I was sorta experimenting with the humor aspect in this chapter.
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter Four is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!
Daren, I can't keep up with you. You write too fast (or you're just uberly dedicated). @_@
That being said, if you wish for critique, I can only tackle your style of writing on the only Chapter I'm reading here: Chapter Four. And I'm going to scrub this down paragraph by paragraph.
Bravo on the description and sentence fluency however.
There needs to be a dash between the bolded words as the two adjectives are linked to form one. Also, I question the word choice of "routine," as it's not exactly a periodic schedule they're following. However, I fail to think of an alternative at the moment (I might have just skipped the entire phrase myself, as you're filled with transistions).
Also, why the ugly "said"? I fail to get it off of my own stories every now and then, but "reasoned" easily fits the description here.
And who dares spending seven days in the stinking hot sun? >_>
"After a minute (which Jun spent eagerly inspecting the boat) of converse amongst the adults, the brains consented and the six piled into the craft."
Noticed how that phrase sneaked in there, and let the reader glance over it instead of going, "Wait. What did he spend?" and spending a second of their own remembering themselves. Study some more punctuation and experiment. You won't be disappointed.
Oh Arceus, I went overboard. I'll get to the rest later, but I know you're a great writer and I can't wait to see you develop beyond what you already are. ^_^
Happy writing
~Zyflair
Daren, I can't keep up with you. You write too fast (or you're just uberly dedicated). @_@
That being said, if you wish for critique, I can only tackle your style of writing on the only Chapter I'm reading here: Chapter Four. And I'm going to scrub this down paragraph by paragraph.
It's "who," which is used for qualifying phrases. Also, a double transition in this case doesn't work; pick on or the other.
Bravo on the description and sentence fluency however.
Sheesh, what a jerk. XD
There needs to be a dash between the bolded words as the two adjectives are linked to form one. Also, I question the word choice of "routine," as it's not exactly a periodic schedule they're following. However, I fail to think of an alternative at the moment (I might have just skipped the entire phrase myself, as you're filled with transistions).
Just a simple suggestion/challenge for you: try to use more than a simple qualifier/modifier per sentence, since you've easily got that part down. For example, in the bold part, trying inserting "rubbing his palms together, wearing a sly smirk on his face." The more you extend beyond with modifiers, the more the descriptions will flow, and the more happy a critic I become (as if I'm not content enough with your work... which I am).
Also, why the ugly "said"? I fail to get it off of my own stories every now and then, but "reasoned" easily fits the description here.
Ravenous describes how hungry the man is, but it doesn't describe the eating of it. "Gluttonous," however, would do well.
And who dares spending seven days in the stinking hot sun? >_>
"Converse" is a verb. You're looking for "conversation," though I might resort to "*a short* conference." One more thing. I noticed that you haven't started to experiment with other punctuation. Take, for example, my favorite punctuation, the parenthesis:
"After a minute (which Jun spent eagerly inspecting the boat) of converse amongst the adults, the brains consented and the six piled into the craft."
Noticed how that phrase sneaked in there, and let the reader glance over it instead of going, "Wait. What did he spend?" and spending a second of their own remembering themselves. Study some more punctuation and experiment. You won't be disappointed.
Oh Arceus, I went overboard. I'll get to the rest later, but I know you're a great writer and I can't wait to see you develop beyond what you already are. ^_^
Happy writing
~Zyflair
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter Four is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!
Wow, thank you Zyflair. I appreciate the critique. I know that I write fast, but with nothing else to do on Thanskgiving break without any City Championships for another two weeks, I have a LOT of time on my hands lol. I will try to make all said changes and fix said errors. Once again, thank you for your opinion.
Wow, thank you Zyflair. I appreciate the critique. I know that I write fast, but with nothing else to do on Thanskgiving break without any City Championships for another two weeks, I have a LOT of time on my hands lol. I will try to make all said changes and fix said errors. Once again, thank you for your opinion.
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter Four is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!
Sorry, this chapter is taking me a lot of time. I want to make it perfect but I'm having wording trouble. It'll be up soon though, probably before next weekend
Sorry, this chapter is taking me a lot of time. I want to make it perfect but I'm having wording trouble. It'll be up soon though, probably before next weekend
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter Four is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!!!
Chapter 5: The Great Marsh: Another Adventure
Mud; just mud. Everywhere they looked, they saw nothing more than the thick, pasty mud of the Sinnoh’s Safari Zone, the Great Marsh. All around them, Yanma, Yanmega, and other such bug Pokemon buzzed in rhythmic synchrony with their dives and glides over the swamp. Darach had paid for six adult tickets and one child (a title that was very displeasing and degrading according to Jun), accounting for the five brains and the boy. The humid summer weather only made the moist and clingy air feel more uncomfortable.
Dahlia looked uncertain. “I’ve had mud baths before,” she exclaimed, “But I think that this qualifies as taking a good thing to an unhealthy level. Why don’t I wait right here at the kiosk while you guys check it out. You know, I’ll guard for bad guys and stuff.”
“I, for one, am of like mind with Dahlia,” Darach added, “I feel it would be best if the two of us remained here. Besides, this marsh makes me feel uncomfortable. I believe that it would be easier for all of us if you didn’t have to wait up on me.”
“Hey, if the two of them are going to be here, then I might as well stay too,” Jun reasoned, backing quickly away from a low diving Yanmega, “I can protect them in case anything happens. And besides, bugs kinda creep me out.”
Mary nodded. “Alright, in that case, why don’t you guys look around here for any clues you can find. Something might turn up.” She suggested.
A meeting place in case of separation was decided on, and the two parties set off on their respective paths. Thorton, Palmer, and Mary headed in the direction of the innermost swamp portion of the marsh. As they progressed, their booted feet began to slowly sink deeper and deeper into the mud. It wasn’t long before the murky marsh reached up to the threesome’s waists.
Going was slow, and talking was kept to a minimum. The swamp seemed to cling to them, and walking alone was a difficult task. Tall trees on either side of the expanse dipped over, almost touching the surface of the marsh, forcing the brains to bend low under the branches to proceed. Nevertheless, they pressed forward.
“Thorton,” Mary asked, “What are the chances that we’ll run into any dangerous Pokemon around here? It’s impossible to see under the surface thanks to all the murk.”
“I’m not sure,” The Factory Head replied, eying the murky water around him carefully, “The Great Marsh is home to many different species of Pokemon, the capturing of which is the Marsh’s central attraction. Trainers come from all over Sinnoh to join in on the capturing of rare Pokemon that are nearly impossible to find anywhere else in the region, like the Yanmega flying above our heads.”
The group came to a sudden halt and Palmer (whom moved at the head of the procession) announced that their path had been blocked. Thorton and Argenta craned their heads to peer around his stocky figure at the cause of their halting. Before them, an enormous log that reached from one bank of the marsh to the other blocked their path. It towered high above their heads and was probably once a redwood tree before it was felled.
“So… What now?” Mary asked.
“Well, there is certainly no reason to just stand here!” Thorton exclaimed, impatiently, “That log is way too big for us to move, too submerged for us to swim under, and too long for us to go around. So…”
“So we go over?” Palmer finished, “Sounds like a safe plan.”
“Whatever we do, it would be in our best interest to do it quickly,” Mary cautioned, “The log combined with the accumulated branches and gunk from underneath the surface is forming a dam. The marsh’s rising quickly. Almost so quickly that it seems the tree must have fallen over the marsh just recently or it would have filled up by now.”
“Either fallen over…or knocked over…” Palmer corrected.
“Right.” Thorton replied, “Which means that whoever kidnapped Argenta could easily still be here now; which means that we really do need to hurry. Palmer’s the strongest, so you should go first so you can help pull the two of us up.”
Palmer nodded his agreement and wrapped his fingers around the first, strong protruding branch he could find up the log’s side. Heaving with all his might, he pulled himself up the side of the log and took a second handhold. A few more heaves upwards and he had scaled the log and stood atop it triumphantly.
Meanwhile, the water began to steadily gather together below and the surface reached almost up to Thorton and Mary’s chests. Thorton took the second turn and attempted to pull himself from the sticky marsh. The swamp, however, held firm. The mud and filth held his body rooted in place. He was sealed in the marsh. Any attempt to move hard to either the left or right ended without success. Mary met with a similar misfortune. Amid this, the brains watched in horror as the water level began to rise until it reached their collar bones.
“Okay, not good!” Thorton exclaimed.
“This stuff feels like quicksand!” Mary interpolated.
Palmer hurriedly climbed as far down the log as he could without entering the swamp himself and held out hand for the brains to take hold of. Immediately, Mary grabbed his outstretched hand and pulled herself upwards with as much force as she could muster.
Thorton looked on dishearteningly, nervously watching the water deepen around his neck. “We have to hurry!” He cried.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious!” Palmer screamed back, his voice strained from the physical strength exerted on his current task of wrenching Mary from the marsh. At last, when it seemed that Palmer would surely pass out from exerted force, the swamp’s hold on Mary was broken and the two brains were sent careening over the log, only to catch themselves on the opposite side. The water by now had risen high up the side of the dam and it just touched Thorton’s chin.
“Give me your hand!” Palmer screamed down to him, extending his arm at full length for his comrade to take hold of.
“No!” Thorton cried back, “There’s not enough time! Try to break the dam!”
“Break the dam, got it!” Mary replied, “Go! Porygon-Z!”
From one of the Pokeballs strapped around her waist, she released a strange being into the air. The Pokemon was made of many disjointed spheres and other such three dimensional polygons and resembled a robot. It had no legs but hovered in midair.
“Porygon-Z, use Hyper Beam!” She ordered. The robot Pokemon complied and launched from its being a concentrated beam of pure energy at the log dam. The structure groaned under the force of the blast and the wood splintered but did not give way. A spring of water that escaped the hold of the dam through the crack sprouted out from the side of the log. The water on the opposite side of the dam was little more than a shallow stream, deprived of its main water flow.
By now, Thorton’s face was all that remained visible above the surface of the water. He gasped desperately for air, but found none. The surface of the water rose above his face and the world began to spin. He was drowning. He flailed and thrashed wildly to regain oxygen but the sticky marsh clung tight.
The world around him suddenly began to collapse and he was enveloped in blackness. He could hear faint voices in the far distance but they sounded a long way off, almost in another world. Then, the dark silhouette of another being appeared with him in the expanse. It roared, but the sound came like a whisper to Thorton’s ears.
Before he knew what had happened, he felt like he was being rushed suddenly along in a forceful deluge. The next thing he knew, he was coughing up water and mud and was staring up into the eyes of Palmer and Mary.
“What…what happened?” Thorton asked wearily.
“It took to of Porygon-Z’s Hyper Beam attacks to break the dam. Now all of the water is free and the swamp has returned to its original depth,” Mary explained, “From what I’ve seen, that dam was man-made. And the swamp filled up quickly. You could have drowned, Thorton.”
“If I saw what I thought I saw under the water, then we have bigger things to be afraid of than drowning,” Thorton replied, jolting suddenly up. He realized then that he had been floating atop the water above Palmer’s strong arms. A loud roaring sound suddenly directed the attention of the three brains behind them. Atop the shattered remains of the dam, three large, blue figures stood, poised and ready to strike. The Pokemon had large orange and gray fins that extruded from their heads, backs, and limbs.
“Are those…” Mary breathed in horror.
“Swampert,” Palmer finished, “And they look cranky.”
“Swampert are extremely slow on land but move faster than any other Pokemon in swamp. It’s their habitat,” Thorton explained, “We can’t hope to out swim them here! Get to the bank!”
The three Pokemon demonstrated Thorton’s words by diving instantaneously into the swamp and propelling themselves with incredible speed towards the threesome. Immediately, the brains began making their way to the left bank of the marsh. The water was shallow enough that it didn’t reach higher than their waists now and moving was considerably easier.
“They’re following us for sure now!” Mary screamed through the air. Thorton turned to look and found the distance between the Swamperts and the brains growing increasingly smaller with each passing second. It was apparent that the sudden release of the dam’s pooled up waters had sent the brains rocketing a ways down the swamp and a matter of yards of leeway remained between the pursuers and the pursued.
“We need to get out of this swamp! It’s too dangerous!” Palmer cried, surging ahead with long, and surprisingly high strides.
“We can’t!” Thorton yelled back, “The text we got on the way here said that we would get the next message when we got to the center of the swamp! We have to keep moving!”
“They’re too fast!” Palmer replied, “And they’re angry! Fast and angry Swamperts are never good swamp-mates!”
The Swampert were closing in now, and by the sounds of their angry roars and growls, they were angry indeed. Even from a distance, they demonstrated their hostility by shooting balls of thick, tightly packed mud at the brains from their mouths. The balls landed with the force of cannonballs in the water around the brains, causing large waves that overlapped the threesome.
The swamp Pokemon were mere yards away when the brains at last reached the marshy bank and were now supported by dry land. The Swampert progressed on them nonetheless, and launched a flurry of Mud Balls into the sky to fall short feet from the threesome. The Pokemon roared in contempt and began to trudge up the bank and towards the group.
The brains hurried on ahead, the constriction on their movement diminished on the dry ground. It wasn’t long, however, before their path was blocked by a dead end, and another endless expanse of swamp. Turning round, they were faced with three, angry, slowly enclosing Swampert, moving towards them on all fours.
“Anyone have any ideas?” Mary asked worriedly.
“I’ve got nothing,” Palmer admitted, “How about you Thor?”
“An idea? No.” Thorton replied with a sly tone, “A breakthrough? Yes.”
Palmer and Mary followed their comrade’s gaze to a tangled cobweb of undergrowth and swamp plants. Beneath the thick greenery, there could just barely be seen an abandoned Water Jet Ski, rusted and battered looking. The vehicle was nearly entwined in the undergrowth and was thickly wrapped in it, but it only took a moment of hard tugs from Thorton to free it.
“Okay, I’ve officially decided that you are a lunatic,” Palmer stated matter-of-factly.
“I prefer the term visionary,” Thorton replied, whom by now already had the Jet Ski in the water, “Now get in both of you.”
“There’s not enough room for more than one in there!” Mary pointed out.
“Suit yourself,” Replied Thorton, motioning behind them at the steadily approaching Swampert, “After all, I’m sure that it’s not every day that a Swampert gets to sample such a delicacy as human flesh.”
“Good point.” And with that, the threesome boarded the small vehicle and Thorton gunned the throttle. The Jet Ski shot out into the water, the turbines sending a trail of jetted water behind them. The Swampert were eager to reenter the marsh and continued the chase. The motor was strained to propel the ski through the sticky marsh but nonetheless, it beat trudging with heavy legs through the marsh on foot any day.
The Jet Ski was about the size as the average scooter, and the three brains were forced to align side by side to fit on it all at once. The ski was green with a long white stripe running up the side. It appeared relatively new but it was no where nears in good condition. It appeared to have been rather mauled one way or another and abandoned on the shore. How it became enveloped in the plants seemed a mystery.
Suddenly, the vehicle shook violently and Thorton (whom controlled the vehicle) was nearly thrown into the swamp. As a result, the ski banked tightly and swerved hard, only barely evading a small log that jetted up out of the water.
“The Swampert are under the Jet Ski!” Mary exclaimed over the roaring churn of the motor.
“I know!” Thorton screamed back, fighting with the controls, “I think that…Wait a minute! What’s this? Palmer, take the controls!”
Thorton moved aside to allow Palmer passage and climbed onto the front of the vehicle. There, a Pokevice was secured with thick, silver duct tape. Quickly, though with as much care as humanely possible for a man holding onto the front of a Jet Ski, he detached the vice and held it in his hands.
“Palmer!” He cried, “Guide the boat over to the other bank. Then get out of here!”
“Alright. Wait. What?” Palmer replied.
“Just do it!”
“You got it!”
With one swift, hard yank on the control stick, the vehicle veered tightly towards the right bank and Thorton leapt onto the land. The attention of the Swampert was not diverted and they continued to pursue Mary and Palmer through the swamp until they were out of sight from Thorton. Instantaneously, he produced the newfound Pokevice as well as his own and a small black cord. With this cord, he connected the two vices together. Then he pressed the ‘on’ buttons of both vices.
“Hello again Thorton!” Again, Lillian Sunday’s face filled the Pokevice screen, “Glad to see your progressing on my little adventure, I’ll tell you that it is quite exciting watching your movement along the way. I’m also glad that you’re finally alone.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, but don’t you see, Thor. I only want for you to succeed and it is clear that that is something that will be quite impossible with that ridiculous posse of lunatics tailing you the whole way.”
“They’re my friends.”
“You may call them what you like. But that is beside the point, and trivial talk like this is going to get us no where. I would be interested to know if you are ready to apologize yet.”
“Apologize for what?”
“I see that you continue to remain ignorant. Well, I guess it really doesn’t matter. In the end you will surely understand. Anyways, I suppose that you are wondering what sort of dangerous task I would like you to complete next. Well, I now have a new test for you.”
“I’m listening.”
“Get to the center of the Great Marsh. I can see from the swamp behind you that you are already almost there.”
“Speaking of which, were you aware that I almost died in there?”
“Ah, yes, well, if this quest didn’t come without its fair share of risks then how would I know that you would be willing to truly do anything for Argenta?”
“I would do anything for her and you know it.”
“I’m glad to hear it. In that case, then go to the center of the marsh and you’ll find a cavern opening up in a large tree. Inside this, you will find a tunnel that will take you underneath the marsh. Go there, alone, and I will give you the next clue to finding your friend.”
“You’re wacked. You know that right.”
“Oh, Thorton. I should hope that we were past the name-calling stage of our maturity. Haven’t we come far enough that we would leave that sort of thing behind us?”
“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Of course not. Well, I will see you later, I sincerely hope that you do not think of bringing your ‘friends’ with you because such an action could have serious consequences.”
Thorton was about to reply when the face disappeared and the screen went black. With a deep sigh, he let the vice fall from his hand unceremoniously into the swamp waters. Things were getting complicated. Stakes were getting higher. But his overall goal was unchanged. It was all or nothing now. And Thorton was ready to give his all.
Suddenly, the roar of a motor rose over the silence as the Jet Ski returned from the opposite direction. Thorton turned the face Mary and Palmer, as the Ski was parked on the bank and the two disembarked onto the dry land. Thorton opened his mouth to fill them in on this latest turn of events but Mary cut him off.
“We’ve got a problem!” She exclaimed with the deep huffs and puffs that came from just having sped across a swamp on a Jet Ski.
“Swampert?” Thorton guessed.
“Worse. The Swampert stopped following us a while ago and just left,” She replied, “It’s Dahlia. She’s not answering her phone. She always answers her phone. I think something’s wrong.”
Chapter 5: The Great Marsh: Another Adventure
Mud; just mud. Everywhere they looked, they saw nothing more than the thick, pasty mud of the Sinnoh’s Safari Zone, the Great Marsh. All around them, Yanma, Yanmega, and other such bug Pokemon buzzed in rhythmic synchrony with their dives and glides over the swamp. Darach had paid for six adult tickets and one child (a title that was very displeasing and degrading according to Jun), accounting for the five brains and the boy. The humid summer weather only made the moist and clingy air feel more uncomfortable.
Dahlia looked uncertain. “I’ve had mud baths before,” she exclaimed, “But I think that this qualifies as taking a good thing to an unhealthy level. Why don’t I wait right here at the kiosk while you guys check it out. You know, I’ll guard for bad guys and stuff.”
“I, for one, am of like mind with Dahlia,” Darach added, “I feel it would be best if the two of us remained here. Besides, this marsh makes me feel uncomfortable. I believe that it would be easier for all of us if you didn’t have to wait up on me.”
“Hey, if the two of them are going to be here, then I might as well stay too,” Jun reasoned, backing quickly away from a low diving Yanmega, “I can protect them in case anything happens. And besides, bugs kinda creep me out.”
Mary nodded. “Alright, in that case, why don’t you guys look around here for any clues you can find. Something might turn up.” She suggested.
A meeting place in case of separation was decided on, and the two parties set off on their respective paths. Thorton, Palmer, and Mary headed in the direction of the innermost swamp portion of the marsh. As they progressed, their booted feet began to slowly sink deeper and deeper into the mud. It wasn’t long before the murky marsh reached up to the threesome’s waists.
Going was slow, and talking was kept to a minimum. The swamp seemed to cling to them, and walking alone was a difficult task. Tall trees on either side of the expanse dipped over, almost touching the surface of the marsh, forcing the brains to bend low under the branches to proceed. Nevertheless, they pressed forward.
“Thorton,” Mary asked, “What are the chances that we’ll run into any dangerous Pokemon around here? It’s impossible to see under the surface thanks to all the murk.”
“I’m not sure,” The Factory Head replied, eying the murky water around him carefully, “The Great Marsh is home to many different species of Pokemon, the capturing of which is the Marsh’s central attraction. Trainers come from all over Sinnoh to join in on the capturing of rare Pokemon that are nearly impossible to find anywhere else in the region, like the Yanmega flying above our heads.”
The group came to a sudden halt and Palmer (whom moved at the head of the procession) announced that their path had been blocked. Thorton and Argenta craned their heads to peer around his stocky figure at the cause of their halting. Before them, an enormous log that reached from one bank of the marsh to the other blocked their path. It towered high above their heads and was probably once a redwood tree before it was felled.
“So… What now?” Mary asked.
“Well, there is certainly no reason to just stand here!” Thorton exclaimed, impatiently, “That log is way too big for us to move, too submerged for us to swim under, and too long for us to go around. So…”
“So we go over?” Palmer finished, “Sounds like a safe plan.”
“Whatever we do, it would be in our best interest to do it quickly,” Mary cautioned, “The log combined with the accumulated branches and gunk from underneath the surface is forming a dam. The marsh’s rising quickly. Almost so quickly that it seems the tree must have fallen over the marsh just recently or it would have filled up by now.”
“Either fallen over…or knocked over…” Palmer corrected.
“Right.” Thorton replied, “Which means that whoever kidnapped Argenta could easily still be here now; which means that we really do need to hurry. Palmer’s the strongest, so you should go first so you can help pull the two of us up.”
Palmer nodded his agreement and wrapped his fingers around the first, strong protruding branch he could find up the log’s side. Heaving with all his might, he pulled himself up the side of the log and took a second handhold. A few more heaves upwards and he had scaled the log and stood atop it triumphantly.
Meanwhile, the water began to steadily gather together below and the surface reached almost up to Thorton and Mary’s chests. Thorton took the second turn and attempted to pull himself from the sticky marsh. The swamp, however, held firm. The mud and filth held his body rooted in place. He was sealed in the marsh. Any attempt to move hard to either the left or right ended without success. Mary met with a similar misfortune. Amid this, the brains watched in horror as the water level began to rise until it reached their collar bones.
“Okay, not good!” Thorton exclaimed.
“This stuff feels like quicksand!” Mary interpolated.
Palmer hurriedly climbed as far down the log as he could without entering the swamp himself and held out hand for the brains to take hold of. Immediately, Mary grabbed his outstretched hand and pulled herself upwards with as much force as she could muster.
Thorton looked on dishearteningly, nervously watching the water deepen around his neck. “We have to hurry!” He cried.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious!” Palmer screamed back, his voice strained from the physical strength exerted on his current task of wrenching Mary from the marsh. At last, when it seemed that Palmer would surely pass out from exerted force, the swamp’s hold on Mary was broken and the two brains were sent careening over the log, only to catch themselves on the opposite side. The water by now had risen high up the side of the dam and it just touched Thorton’s chin.
“Give me your hand!” Palmer screamed down to him, extending his arm at full length for his comrade to take hold of.
“No!” Thorton cried back, “There’s not enough time! Try to break the dam!”
“Break the dam, got it!” Mary replied, “Go! Porygon-Z!”
From one of the Pokeballs strapped around her waist, she released a strange being into the air. The Pokemon was made of many disjointed spheres and other such three dimensional polygons and resembled a robot. It had no legs but hovered in midair.
“Porygon-Z, use Hyper Beam!” She ordered. The robot Pokemon complied and launched from its being a concentrated beam of pure energy at the log dam. The structure groaned under the force of the blast and the wood splintered but did not give way. A spring of water that escaped the hold of the dam through the crack sprouted out from the side of the log. The water on the opposite side of the dam was little more than a shallow stream, deprived of its main water flow.
By now, Thorton’s face was all that remained visible above the surface of the water. He gasped desperately for air, but found none. The surface of the water rose above his face and the world began to spin. He was drowning. He flailed and thrashed wildly to regain oxygen but the sticky marsh clung tight.
The world around him suddenly began to collapse and he was enveloped in blackness. He could hear faint voices in the far distance but they sounded a long way off, almost in another world. Then, the dark silhouette of another being appeared with him in the expanse. It roared, but the sound came like a whisper to Thorton’s ears.
Before he knew what had happened, he felt like he was being rushed suddenly along in a forceful deluge. The next thing he knew, he was coughing up water and mud and was staring up into the eyes of Palmer and Mary.
“What…what happened?” Thorton asked wearily.
“It took to of Porygon-Z’s Hyper Beam attacks to break the dam. Now all of the water is free and the swamp has returned to its original depth,” Mary explained, “From what I’ve seen, that dam was man-made. And the swamp filled up quickly. You could have drowned, Thorton.”
“If I saw what I thought I saw under the water, then we have bigger things to be afraid of than drowning,” Thorton replied, jolting suddenly up. He realized then that he had been floating atop the water above Palmer’s strong arms. A loud roaring sound suddenly directed the attention of the three brains behind them. Atop the shattered remains of the dam, three large, blue figures stood, poised and ready to strike. The Pokemon had large orange and gray fins that extruded from their heads, backs, and limbs.
“Are those…” Mary breathed in horror.
“Swampert,” Palmer finished, “And they look cranky.”
“Swampert are extremely slow on land but move faster than any other Pokemon in swamp. It’s their habitat,” Thorton explained, “We can’t hope to out swim them here! Get to the bank!”
The three Pokemon demonstrated Thorton’s words by diving instantaneously into the swamp and propelling themselves with incredible speed towards the threesome. Immediately, the brains began making their way to the left bank of the marsh. The water was shallow enough that it didn’t reach higher than their waists now and moving was considerably easier.
“They’re following us for sure now!” Mary screamed through the air. Thorton turned to look and found the distance between the Swamperts and the brains growing increasingly smaller with each passing second. It was apparent that the sudden release of the dam’s pooled up waters had sent the brains rocketing a ways down the swamp and a matter of yards of leeway remained between the pursuers and the pursued.
“We need to get out of this swamp! It’s too dangerous!” Palmer cried, surging ahead with long, and surprisingly high strides.
“We can’t!” Thorton yelled back, “The text we got on the way here said that we would get the next message when we got to the center of the swamp! We have to keep moving!”
“They’re too fast!” Palmer replied, “And they’re angry! Fast and angry Swamperts are never good swamp-mates!”
The Swampert were closing in now, and by the sounds of their angry roars and growls, they were angry indeed. Even from a distance, they demonstrated their hostility by shooting balls of thick, tightly packed mud at the brains from their mouths. The balls landed with the force of cannonballs in the water around the brains, causing large waves that overlapped the threesome.
The swamp Pokemon were mere yards away when the brains at last reached the marshy bank and were now supported by dry land. The Swampert progressed on them nonetheless, and launched a flurry of Mud Balls into the sky to fall short feet from the threesome. The Pokemon roared in contempt and began to trudge up the bank and towards the group.
The brains hurried on ahead, the constriction on their movement diminished on the dry ground. It wasn’t long, however, before their path was blocked by a dead end, and another endless expanse of swamp. Turning round, they were faced with three, angry, slowly enclosing Swampert, moving towards them on all fours.
“Anyone have any ideas?” Mary asked worriedly.
“I’ve got nothing,” Palmer admitted, “How about you Thor?”
“An idea? No.” Thorton replied with a sly tone, “A breakthrough? Yes.”
Palmer and Mary followed their comrade’s gaze to a tangled cobweb of undergrowth and swamp plants. Beneath the thick greenery, there could just barely be seen an abandoned Water Jet Ski, rusted and battered looking. The vehicle was nearly entwined in the undergrowth and was thickly wrapped in it, but it only took a moment of hard tugs from Thorton to free it.
“Okay, I’ve officially decided that you are a lunatic,” Palmer stated matter-of-factly.
“I prefer the term visionary,” Thorton replied, whom by now already had the Jet Ski in the water, “Now get in both of you.”
“There’s not enough room for more than one in there!” Mary pointed out.
“Suit yourself,” Replied Thorton, motioning behind them at the steadily approaching Swampert, “After all, I’m sure that it’s not every day that a Swampert gets to sample such a delicacy as human flesh.”
“Good point.” And with that, the threesome boarded the small vehicle and Thorton gunned the throttle. The Jet Ski shot out into the water, the turbines sending a trail of jetted water behind them. The Swampert were eager to reenter the marsh and continued the chase. The motor was strained to propel the ski through the sticky marsh but nonetheless, it beat trudging with heavy legs through the marsh on foot any day.
The Jet Ski was about the size as the average scooter, and the three brains were forced to align side by side to fit on it all at once. The ski was green with a long white stripe running up the side. It appeared relatively new but it was no where nears in good condition. It appeared to have been rather mauled one way or another and abandoned on the shore. How it became enveloped in the plants seemed a mystery.
Suddenly, the vehicle shook violently and Thorton (whom controlled the vehicle) was nearly thrown into the swamp. As a result, the ski banked tightly and swerved hard, only barely evading a small log that jetted up out of the water.
“The Swampert are under the Jet Ski!” Mary exclaimed over the roaring churn of the motor.
“I know!” Thorton screamed back, fighting with the controls, “I think that…Wait a minute! What’s this? Palmer, take the controls!”
Thorton moved aside to allow Palmer passage and climbed onto the front of the vehicle. There, a Pokevice was secured with thick, silver duct tape. Quickly, though with as much care as humanely possible for a man holding onto the front of a Jet Ski, he detached the vice and held it in his hands.
“Palmer!” He cried, “Guide the boat over to the other bank. Then get out of here!”
“Alright. Wait. What?” Palmer replied.
“Just do it!”
“You got it!”
With one swift, hard yank on the control stick, the vehicle veered tightly towards the right bank and Thorton leapt onto the land. The attention of the Swampert was not diverted and they continued to pursue Mary and Palmer through the swamp until they were out of sight from Thorton. Instantaneously, he produced the newfound Pokevice as well as his own and a small black cord. With this cord, he connected the two vices together. Then he pressed the ‘on’ buttons of both vices.
“Hello again Thorton!” Again, Lillian Sunday’s face filled the Pokevice screen, “Glad to see your progressing on my little adventure, I’ll tell you that it is quite exciting watching your movement along the way. I’m also glad that you’re finally alone.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, but don’t you see, Thor. I only want for you to succeed and it is clear that that is something that will be quite impossible with that ridiculous posse of lunatics tailing you the whole way.”
“They’re my friends.”
“You may call them what you like. But that is beside the point, and trivial talk like this is going to get us no where. I would be interested to know if you are ready to apologize yet.”
“Apologize for what?”
“I see that you continue to remain ignorant. Well, I guess it really doesn’t matter. In the end you will surely understand. Anyways, I suppose that you are wondering what sort of dangerous task I would like you to complete next. Well, I now have a new test for you.”
“I’m listening.”
“Get to the center of the Great Marsh. I can see from the swamp behind you that you are already almost there.”
“Speaking of which, were you aware that I almost died in there?”
“Ah, yes, well, if this quest didn’t come without its fair share of risks then how would I know that you would be willing to truly do anything for Argenta?”
“I would do anything for her and you know it.”
“I’m glad to hear it. In that case, then go to the center of the marsh and you’ll find a cavern opening up in a large tree. Inside this, you will find a tunnel that will take you underneath the marsh. Go there, alone, and I will give you the next clue to finding your friend.”
“You’re wacked. You know that right.”
“Oh, Thorton. I should hope that we were past the name-calling stage of our maturity. Haven’t we come far enough that we would leave that sort of thing behind us?”
“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Of course not. Well, I will see you later, I sincerely hope that you do not think of bringing your ‘friends’ with you because such an action could have serious consequences.”
Thorton was about to reply when the face disappeared and the screen went black. With a deep sigh, he let the vice fall from his hand unceremoniously into the swamp waters. Things were getting complicated. Stakes were getting higher. But his overall goal was unchanged. It was all or nothing now. And Thorton was ready to give his all.
Suddenly, the roar of a motor rose over the silence as the Jet Ski returned from the opposite direction. Thorton turned the face Mary and Palmer, as the Ski was parked on the bank and the two disembarked onto the dry land. Thorton opened his mouth to fill them in on this latest turn of events but Mary cut him off.
“We’ve got a problem!” She exclaimed with the deep huffs and puffs that came from just having sped across a swamp on a Jet Ski.
“Swampert?” Thorton guessed.
“Worse. The Swampert stopped following us a while ago and just left,” She replied, “It’s Dahlia. She’s not answering her phone. She always answers her phone. I think something’s wrong.”
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter FIVE is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!
I fix rest later, but looking great so far! x3Daren said:Chapter 5: The Great Marsh: Another Adventure [Yaaaay!]
Mud; just mud [Hey! I see you using the semicolon for once]. Everywhere they looked, they saw nothing more than the thick, pasty mud of the Sinnoh’s Safari Zone, the Great Marsh [Fun. x3]. All around them, Yanma, Yanmega, and other such bug Pokemon buzzed in rhythmic synchrony with their dives and glides over the swamp. Darach had paid for six adult tickets and one child (a title that was very displeasing and degrading according to Jun) [Haha, nice], accounting for the five brains and the boy. The humid summer weather only made the moist and clingy air feel more uncomfortable. [Wonderful intro. Decent description with a great voice. Lovely done.]
Dahlia looked uncertain. “I’ve had mud baths before,” she exclaimed, “But I think that this qualifies as taking a good thing to an unhealthy level [xD]. Why don’t I wait right here at the kiosk while you guys check it out. You know, I’ll guard for bad guys and stuff.”
“I[,] for one[,] am of like mind with Dahlia,” Darach added, “I feel it would be best if the two of us remained here. Besides, this marsh makes me feel uncomfortable. I believe that it would be easier for all of us if you didn’t have to wait up on me.”
“Hey, if the two of them are going to be here, then I might as well stay too,” Jun reasoned, backing quickly away from a low diving Yanmega, “I can protect them in case anything happens. And besides, bugs kinda creep me out.”
Mary nodded. “Alright, in that case, why don’t you guys look around here for any clues you can find. Something might turn up.”Sshe suggested.
Plans were made, a[Too vague] They decided on a meeting place in case of separation was decided on, and the two parties set off on their respective paths. Thorton, Palmer, and Mary headed in the direction of the innermost swamp portion of the marsh. As they progressed, their booted feet began to slowly sink deeper and deeper into the mud [Semicolon would be great in linking the two sentences]. It wasn’t long before the murky marsh reached up to the threesome’s waists.
Going was slow[,] and talking was kept to a minimum. The swamp seemed to cling to them, and walking alone was a difficult task. Tall trees on either side of the expanse dipped over[,]to where they couldalmost touching the surface of the marsh[,]and it was necessary forforcing the brains to bend low under the branches to proceed [Bit wordy on that sentence]. Nevertheless, they pressed forward.
“Thorton,” Mary asked, “What are the chances that we’ll run into any dangerous Pokemon around here? It’s impossible to see under the surface thanks to all the murk.”
“I’m not sure,” The Factory Head replied, eying the murky water around him carefully [It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you. x3], “The Great Marsh is home to many different species of Pokemon, the capturing of which is the Marsh’s central attraction. Trainers come from all over Sinnoh to join in on the capturing of rare Pokemon that are nearly impossible to find anywhere else in the region, like the Yanmega flying above our heads.”
The group came to a sudden halt and Palmer (whom moved at the head of the procession) announced that their path had been blocked [NOES]. Thorton and Argenta craned their heads to peer around his stocky figure at the cause of their halting. Before them, an enormous log that reached from one bank of the marsh to the other blocked their path. It towered high above their heads and was probably once a redwood tree before it was felled.
“So… What now?” Mary asked.
“Well, there is certainly no reason to just stand here!” Thorton exclaimed, impatiently, “That log is way too big for us to move, too submerged for us to swim under, and too long for us to go around. So…”
“So we go over?” Palmer finished, “Sounds like a safe plan.”
“Whatever we do, it would be in our best interest to do it quickly,” Mary cautioned, “The log combined with the accumulated branches and gunk from underneath the surface is forming a dam. The marsh’s rising quickly. Almost so quickly that it seems the tree must have fallen over the marsh just recently or it would have filled up by now.”
“Either fallen over…or knocked over…” Palmer corrected.
“Right.” Thorton replied, “Which means that whoever kidnapped Argenta could easily still be here now; which means that we really do need to hurry. Palmer’s the strongest, so you should go first so you can help pull the two of us up.”
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter FIVE is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!
I printed out the rest of the chapter and went over it yesterday night, so I'm going to have plenty of comments. I had spotted several comma misuses and absences, but it's not of major error, so I'll leave those alone.
I printed out the rest of the chapter and went over it yesterday night, so I'm going to have plenty of comments. I had spotted several comma misuses and absences, but it's not of major error, so I'll leave those alone.
That's it! Overall, I enjoyed reading this; enough excitement and suspense for me. Just work on trying not to use the horrible "was" (to be frank, my original edits had some even more changes to remove the rest of them, but that's overkill), and watch the occasional redundant words that I scratched out. Other than that, nice piece!Daren said:
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter FIVE is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!!!
Your writing is simply amazing. You're gifted in ways words can't even express. Get an agent pronto and get this published! This is something the world should hear about.
Your writing is simply amazing. You're gifted in ways words can't even express. Get an agent pronto and get this published! This is something the world should hear about.
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter FIVE is up!!! All Opinions Are Wanted!!!
Chapter 6: The Other Side of the Story: Showdown in the Swamp
If anyone had asked her a week ago what her schedule for this weekend was, she would have curtly replied that she planned on enjoying a quick swim at the local swimming pool followed by a day of non-stop shopping at the Poke-Mall. She hadn’t counted on the stunning turn of events that had taken place over the last two days. And she certainly hadn’t counted on being lost in a swamp, being marched to an unknown location by a trio of abnormally large Muk. Thankfully, Muk didn’t march very quickly.
Lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating the deep, dark grayness of the expanse. It was a heat storm, the lightning and the thunder without the rain; like a turkey and cheese sub without the turkey, depraved completely of anything even remotely beneficial. She hadn’t noticed it before or when it had started and wondered how long it had been going on. Surely it couldn’t have started more than a half-an-hour ago.
A light Poison Jab in the back communicated to her that she was lagging on her thoughts and increased her pace, making careful note to keep a safe distance away from the Muk. Quickly, she caught up with Darach and Jun and strode into step with them. Upon observations of her comrades’ faces, she found that they were filled with signs of anxiousness and worry, as well as contemplation.
Likewise, her mind was swimming in a lake of answerless questions. What was with these enormous Muk? Who were they working for? Why were they marching them? Where were they going? How in Arceus’ name had they gotten themselves into such a fine mess? She decided to retrace her steps over the past hours’ events and perhaps find some clue. After all, it didn’t appear that there would be anything better to do for the next who knew how long.
“Alright, so now what?” Jun had asked enthusiastically a little over a minute after the two groups had split paths. Dahlia shrugged and Darach waved his hand dismissingly. “Oh, c’mon, you’ve got to be kidding me! Ever since we left Iron Island to get here, we’ve been braving storms, fighting wacked Pokemon, playing mind games with mysterious bad guys; the works; twenty-four-seven and now you’re telling me that we’re going to just sit here and wait for Thorton, Mary, and dad to go save the day?”
“That’s what you agreed to isn’t it?” Dahlia countered nonchalantly.
“No!” Jun replied, standing up suddenly from his make-shift seat of a malformed little stump, “I figured that what you guys said was just a cover-up for some daring mission that you weren’t willing to tell the others about because you were afraid that they’d say they were too dangerous. I sort of figured, because of Dad’s story about what you guys did at Mt. Moon that that was the kind of people you guys were.”
After his elaborate and superfluous speech, Jun plopped back down again on his rock seat and stared longingly at the seemingly endlessly stretching marsh. The sun had just begun to set and it cast a blinding luminance over the swamp. Darach and Dahlia glanced back at each other with upraised eyebrows and skeptic expressions.
“Listen,” Replied Dahlia finally, putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder, “We’re not who you think we are. We aren’t super heroes.”
“What are you talking about?” Jun inquired almost accusingly, “You kind of saved the world from Valrem! Dad told me all about it! If you weren’t heroes that night then no one was.”
“But that wasn’t us,” Darach replied, “Or, I mean it wasn’t only us. It was really Brandon and Palmer that saved the day; we were just sort of…there.”
Jun sighed deeply and collapsed back on his seat. He looked from one Brain to another and crossed his hands in his lap in silent reflection. “You know,” he mused after a moment’s pause, “I always thought that that was what being a hero was all about; standing by your friends until the bitter end, facing unthinkable dangers for their sakes and not yours.”
Here he paused again and let the calm breeze that whistled peacefully in the air toss a strand of blonde hair into his eye. “I think that you guys are heroes, whether you do or not,” he continued, staring absent-mindedly into the distance, “Anyone can defeat an evil villain. It takes true heroes to stick around for the end.”
Needless to say, a few short minutes of debate later, the threesome was off into the swamp after their comrades, marching with all possible confidence, and led by Jun. However, rather than entering the swamp itself, the group was careful to remain on the narrow shoreline, with the dark forest bordering closely on the left side, and the swamp bordering the right. They were forced into single-file due to a lack of capacity for shoulder-to-shoulder marching room.
By now a solid hour had passed since the two groups had parted ways and the sun was sinking slowly in the sky, preparing to give way unto the coming night. The heat, however, decreased little, and the travelers found themselves repeatedly dabbing their sweaty foreheads with a wad of handkerchiefs supplied by Darach.
All of a sudden, the procession came to an abrupt halt and Darach exclaimed that he had found something. Dahlia and Jun turned round (Darach was at the rear of the line) to join the Brain in his examination. The item in mention was half buried in the muddy earth and entangled in undergrowth. Upon inspection (directly proceeding its unearthing), it was determined to be a moderate-sized blue handbag.
“What on earth?” Jun queried.
“It looks like it hasn’t been here for very long, someone must have left it here just recently,” Dahlia deducted, “Do you think that…” Her voice trailed off.
There was no time for further analysis. Suddenly, an explosion sounded directly to the group’s right and the threesome was nearly knocked off its feet. All six eyes darted to the swamp and watched the marshy gunk accumulate together in three separate globs of muck. Then, slowly, large eyes appeared through the globs and locked on the Brains and Jun.
“Um…Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Dahlia whispered, quivering as the rapidly-growing creatures began to loom high over them.
“If you’re seeing three super-Muk, then yes, yes I am,” Jun replied.
“Run! Now!” Darach yelled. Dahlia and Jun didn’t have to be told twice and bolted forward as fast as their legs would carry them. This sudden action acted like a cue for the Muk and instantly, the living globs leapt high into the air and out of the swamp to land unceremoniously on the bank. No sooner had the enormous creatures landed than they began a rapid charge in the direction of the threesome.
Running was difficult even on the shoreline of the swamp, and large roots, stones, and pieces of driftwood often blocked their path. Once, Dahlia’s foot was caught on a thick root and she was flung roughly to the muddy earth. In the tangle, her cell phone flew from her pocket and disappeared into the swamp.
“We can’t outrun them!” She yelled, “We have to battle them!”
“A battle? I’m game!” Jun exclaimed, turning on his heel to face the oncoming Muk. “You guys go on ahead and I’ll catch up!” He ordered, sidestepping to allow the others to pass by. While passing, Dahlia landed a warm kiss on his cheek. This sudden action stunned the boy for a second, and it took him a moment to regain his bearings. By this time the Muk were upon him and were launching Sludge Bombs rapidly.
“You guys want to play do you?” Jun exclaimed, throwing two red and white Pokeballs in the air, “Well you came to the right guy! My dad is leader of the Battle Frontier and my mom is Sinnoh Champion! Sometimes it doesn’t even seem the fair the kind of genes I get. Empoleon, Rapidash, go!”
From the Pokeballs, a lean, strong-muscled horse with a fiery mane, and a stocky and sturdy penguin with blades of ice on its fins and a tall crown on its head were released. The Pokemon screamed their battle cries and stepped into stances, awaiting their masters’ orders.
“Rapidash, use flame wheel and Empoleon, use Hydro Cannon!”
Upon command, the horse and penguin Pokemon delivered their respective moves with incredible speed and ease. The Muk appeared somewhat taken aback by the sudden emergence of such skilled opponents. However, it didn’t take long for them to enter full battle mode and were suddenly busied launching countless attacks on the Pokemon.
“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Jun announced after a short time more of steady-paced battle, “It’s time to end this! Rapidash, use Smokescreen and Empoleon, use blizzard!”
The resulting concoction resulted beautifully as a storm of smoke, ash, and ice; quite impossible to be seen through and also very difficult to penetrate. Jun used the diversion expertly and, after returning his Pokemon to their respective balls, instantly shot after his friends. He overtook them about a half-mile down the shoreline and the threesome stopped for a moment to catch their breaths.
“Do you…have the bag?” Jun wheezed between deep gulps of air.
“Yes, I have it right here,” Replied Darach, displaying the item in question slung around his right arm for emphasis.
“Do you think that the bag guy is here now?” Jun replied with a mixed emotion of excitement and uneasiness.
“That all really depends on the way you look at it.”
The two brains and Jun looked up suddenly to see the speaker, a slender, female figure clad in a dark cloak and sunglasses, descending through the air, gliding to a graceful stop before them. The group took a cautious step backwards and met a wall of glaring sludge. They were surrounded by three Muk and a kidnapper, fantastic.
“Why hello everyone, I’m so excited to finally get to meet you all,” the figure chirped with a mock sweetness that made the hairs on the back of the threesome’s necks stand on end, “I’m so very sorry that I wasn’t able to formally introduce myself at the release interview and I’m afraid I won’t be able to make an introduction now either; not yet at least.”
“Wait, you were at the interview?” Darach asked in surprise.
“Well, more or less,” she replied, “I doubt that you noticed me…no one ever seems to notice me.” Here she paused for a moment and the brains and Jun could sense the dark expression on her face even underneath the sunglasses. “But I suppose that it is not my problems that you are interested in. However, I’m interested in your problems very much.”
“You are our problem.” Jun shot back.
“That was uncalled for,” Replied the cloaked figure icily. Pointing her fingers ominously at the boy, an incredible force was instantly exerted on him and he doubled over in pain. Next, the force took hold of the Pokeballs around his belt and they began to hover through the air before landing gently in her open palm. “Unless you want the same thing to happen to you and your friends, you will all put the rest of your Pokeballs on the ground as well.”
The order was met with reluctant acceptance and, with a flick of the wrist, the balls were sent flying to her palm. “Telekinesis,” she explained, “Cool, huh?”
By this time, Jun was recovering from his unfortunate experience and manage to croak out a “You’re sick!”
“Now I think that that’s a bit premature of you to say before you’ve heard the whole story,” she replied.
“Well then why don’t you tell us the story?” Dahlia countered, “How can you expect us to understand anything that you’re talking about unless you tell us?”
“You are in no position to ask such a thing!” she screamed, extending her hand to prepare another blast of kinetic energy. Dahlia braced for impact and Jun took a defensive step forward to stand in front of her, but the cloaked figure appeared to think the better of it and simply returned her hand to her side. “Perhaps you are correct,” she mused, “Perhaps I have been unjust in keeping so much from you. I will tell you my story and then maybe you will understand.”
“It all started a long time ago, long before you and your other silly little friends battled and defeated Valrem. It was back when Thorton first began his work on the Pokevice. It was perfect. Together, with that device, we had the ability to move mountains, to become all powerful, and to rule the world. And if he had listened to me maybe that’s where he would be now. But instead, he listened to that two-faced fool, Argenta. Thanks to her, our world-conquering invention was transformed into an average, everyday, domestic house appliance.”
“I’ve even got the stupid ‘With over one hundred fun-filled games to play, Wi-Fi communications, a pedometer, a camera, a Pokemon health and friendliness tracker, blah, blah, blah’ stuck in my head!”
“You sure seem to know a lot about the Pokevice,” Dahlia noted.
“Yes, I’m quite attached to mine,” replied the figure, sounding quite happy with herself. She then opened her mouth as if she were about to continue, but she stopped suddenly and stood stone still, her eyes transfixed on Darach. In turn, all eyes locked upon him (including his own) to see what was the cause of the sudden interest.
“Where did you get that bag?” she asked after recovering from her initial surprise, “It belongs to me…please hand it over.”
Darach made a move to offer the article over but Jun held out his arm to stop him. “What if we say no?” he replied coolly.
“Well that’s an easy one,” she answered, “I will kill you. Now give it to me!”
“I’ll tell you what,” Jun continued, his eyes fixed on something a way’s off in the distance, “You tell us where Argenta is right now…or else.”
“Or else what?”
“Or else you never see this bag or what’s in it again.”
“I don’t believe you are in a position to make such an assumption.”
“You don’t believe I’ll throw it?”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Then go fetch!”
Suddenly, with all of his might, Jun flung the bag into the air over the swamp. The cloaked figure let out a little shriek as it flew towards the marshy water. However, at the last possible second, it was caught by Mary, who piloted the Jet Ski. Within a moment, bag, ski, and brain were out of sight.
For a moment, no one on the shore moved, just stared silently at the wake that marked the place where the Jet Ski had been a handful of mere seconds ago. Then finally, turning with an icy glare to face a smug-looking Jun, the cloaked kidnapper broke the silent spell.
“I will tell YOU what,” she snapped in a menacing tone that differed greatly from her prior wickedly sweet one, “From now on you will do what I say and you will follow my Muk to my base or else you and your friends will all die. Does that sound reasonable?”
Chapter 6: The Other Side of the Story: Showdown in the Swamp
If anyone had asked her a week ago what her schedule for this weekend was, she would have curtly replied that she planned on enjoying a quick swim at the local swimming pool followed by a day of non-stop shopping at the Poke-Mall. She hadn’t counted on the stunning turn of events that had taken place over the last two days. And she certainly hadn’t counted on being lost in a swamp, being marched to an unknown location by a trio of abnormally large Muk. Thankfully, Muk didn’t march very quickly.
Lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating the deep, dark grayness of the expanse. It was a heat storm, the lightning and the thunder without the rain; like a turkey and cheese sub without the turkey, depraved completely of anything even remotely beneficial. She hadn’t noticed it before or when it had started and wondered how long it had been going on. Surely it couldn’t have started more than a half-an-hour ago.
A light Poison Jab in the back communicated to her that she was lagging on her thoughts and increased her pace, making careful note to keep a safe distance away from the Muk. Quickly, she caught up with Darach and Jun and strode into step with them. Upon observations of her comrades’ faces, she found that they were filled with signs of anxiousness and worry, as well as contemplation.
Likewise, her mind was swimming in a lake of answerless questions. What was with these enormous Muk? Who were they working for? Why were they marching them? Where were they going? How in Arceus’ name had they gotten themselves into such a fine mess? She decided to retrace her steps over the past hours’ events and perhaps find some clue. After all, it didn’t appear that there would be anything better to do for the next who knew how long.
“Alright, so now what?” Jun had asked enthusiastically a little over a minute after the two groups had split paths. Dahlia shrugged and Darach waved his hand dismissingly. “Oh, c’mon, you’ve got to be kidding me! Ever since we left Iron Island to get here, we’ve been braving storms, fighting wacked Pokemon, playing mind games with mysterious bad guys; the works; twenty-four-seven and now you’re telling me that we’re going to just sit here and wait for Thorton, Mary, and dad to go save the day?”
“That’s what you agreed to isn’t it?” Dahlia countered nonchalantly.
“No!” Jun replied, standing up suddenly from his make-shift seat of a malformed little stump, “I figured that what you guys said was just a cover-up for some daring mission that you weren’t willing to tell the others about because you were afraid that they’d say they were too dangerous. I sort of figured, because of Dad’s story about what you guys did at Mt. Moon that that was the kind of people you guys were.”
After his elaborate and superfluous speech, Jun plopped back down again on his rock seat and stared longingly at the seemingly endlessly stretching marsh. The sun had just begun to set and it cast a blinding luminance over the swamp. Darach and Dahlia glanced back at each other with upraised eyebrows and skeptic expressions.
“Listen,” Replied Dahlia finally, putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder, “We’re not who you think we are. We aren’t super heroes.”
“What are you talking about?” Jun inquired almost accusingly, “You kind of saved the world from Valrem! Dad told me all about it! If you weren’t heroes that night then no one was.”
“But that wasn’t us,” Darach replied, “Or, I mean it wasn’t only us. It was really Brandon and Palmer that saved the day; we were just sort of…there.”
Jun sighed deeply and collapsed back on his seat. He looked from one Brain to another and crossed his hands in his lap in silent reflection. “You know,” he mused after a moment’s pause, “I always thought that that was what being a hero was all about; standing by your friends until the bitter end, facing unthinkable dangers for their sakes and not yours.”
Here he paused again and let the calm breeze that whistled peacefully in the air toss a strand of blonde hair into his eye. “I think that you guys are heroes, whether you do or not,” he continued, staring absent-mindedly into the distance, “Anyone can defeat an evil villain. It takes true heroes to stick around for the end.”
Needless to say, a few short minutes of debate later, the threesome was off into the swamp after their comrades, marching with all possible confidence, and led by Jun. However, rather than entering the swamp itself, the group was careful to remain on the narrow shoreline, with the dark forest bordering closely on the left side, and the swamp bordering the right. They were forced into single-file due to a lack of capacity for shoulder-to-shoulder marching room.
By now a solid hour had passed since the two groups had parted ways and the sun was sinking slowly in the sky, preparing to give way unto the coming night. The heat, however, decreased little, and the travelers found themselves repeatedly dabbing their sweaty foreheads with a wad of handkerchiefs supplied by Darach.
All of a sudden, the procession came to an abrupt halt and Darach exclaimed that he had found something. Dahlia and Jun turned round (Darach was at the rear of the line) to join the Brain in his examination. The item in mention was half buried in the muddy earth and entangled in undergrowth. Upon inspection (directly proceeding its unearthing), it was determined to be a moderate-sized blue handbag.
“What on earth?” Jun queried.
“It looks like it hasn’t been here for very long, someone must have left it here just recently,” Dahlia deducted, “Do you think that…” Her voice trailed off.
There was no time for further analysis. Suddenly, an explosion sounded directly to the group’s right and the threesome was nearly knocked off its feet. All six eyes darted to the swamp and watched the marshy gunk accumulate together in three separate globs of muck. Then, slowly, large eyes appeared through the globs and locked on the Brains and Jun.
“Um…Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Dahlia whispered, quivering as the rapidly-growing creatures began to loom high over them.
“If you’re seeing three super-Muk, then yes, yes I am,” Jun replied.
“Run! Now!” Darach yelled. Dahlia and Jun didn’t have to be told twice and bolted forward as fast as their legs would carry them. This sudden action acted like a cue for the Muk and instantly, the living globs leapt high into the air and out of the swamp to land unceremoniously on the bank. No sooner had the enormous creatures landed than they began a rapid charge in the direction of the threesome.
Running was difficult even on the shoreline of the swamp, and large roots, stones, and pieces of driftwood often blocked their path. Once, Dahlia’s foot was caught on a thick root and she was flung roughly to the muddy earth. In the tangle, her cell phone flew from her pocket and disappeared into the swamp.
“We can’t outrun them!” She yelled, “We have to battle them!”
“A battle? I’m game!” Jun exclaimed, turning on his heel to face the oncoming Muk. “You guys go on ahead and I’ll catch up!” He ordered, sidestepping to allow the others to pass by. While passing, Dahlia landed a warm kiss on his cheek. This sudden action stunned the boy for a second, and it took him a moment to regain his bearings. By this time the Muk were upon him and were launching Sludge Bombs rapidly.
“You guys want to play do you?” Jun exclaimed, throwing two red and white Pokeballs in the air, “Well you came to the right guy! My dad is leader of the Battle Frontier and my mom is Sinnoh Champion! Sometimes it doesn’t even seem the fair the kind of genes I get. Empoleon, Rapidash, go!”
From the Pokeballs, a lean, strong-muscled horse with a fiery mane, and a stocky and sturdy penguin with blades of ice on its fins and a tall crown on its head were released. The Pokemon screamed their battle cries and stepped into stances, awaiting their masters’ orders.
“Rapidash, use flame wheel and Empoleon, use Hydro Cannon!”
Upon command, the horse and penguin Pokemon delivered their respective moves with incredible speed and ease. The Muk appeared somewhat taken aback by the sudden emergence of such skilled opponents. However, it didn’t take long for them to enter full battle mode and were suddenly busied launching countless attacks on the Pokemon.
“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Jun announced after a short time more of steady-paced battle, “It’s time to end this! Rapidash, use Smokescreen and Empoleon, use blizzard!”
The resulting concoction resulted beautifully as a storm of smoke, ash, and ice; quite impossible to be seen through and also very difficult to penetrate. Jun used the diversion expertly and, after returning his Pokemon to their respective balls, instantly shot after his friends. He overtook them about a half-mile down the shoreline and the threesome stopped for a moment to catch their breaths.
“Do you…have the bag?” Jun wheezed between deep gulps of air.
“Yes, I have it right here,” Replied Darach, displaying the item in question slung around his right arm for emphasis.
“Do you think that the bag guy is here now?” Jun replied with a mixed emotion of excitement and uneasiness.
“That all really depends on the way you look at it.”
The two brains and Jun looked up suddenly to see the speaker, a slender, female figure clad in a dark cloak and sunglasses, descending through the air, gliding to a graceful stop before them. The group took a cautious step backwards and met a wall of glaring sludge. They were surrounded by three Muk and a kidnapper, fantastic.
“Why hello everyone, I’m so excited to finally get to meet you all,” the figure chirped with a mock sweetness that made the hairs on the back of the threesome’s necks stand on end, “I’m so very sorry that I wasn’t able to formally introduce myself at the release interview and I’m afraid I won’t be able to make an introduction now either; not yet at least.”
“Wait, you were at the interview?” Darach asked in surprise.
“Well, more or less,” she replied, “I doubt that you noticed me…no one ever seems to notice me.” Here she paused for a moment and the brains and Jun could sense the dark expression on her face even underneath the sunglasses. “But I suppose that it is not my problems that you are interested in. However, I’m interested in your problems very much.”
“You are our problem.” Jun shot back.
“That was uncalled for,” Replied the cloaked figure icily. Pointing her fingers ominously at the boy, an incredible force was instantly exerted on him and he doubled over in pain. Next, the force took hold of the Pokeballs around his belt and they began to hover through the air before landing gently in her open palm. “Unless you want the same thing to happen to you and your friends, you will all put the rest of your Pokeballs on the ground as well.”
The order was met with reluctant acceptance and, with a flick of the wrist, the balls were sent flying to her palm. “Telekinesis,” she explained, “Cool, huh?”
By this time, Jun was recovering from his unfortunate experience and manage to croak out a “You’re sick!”
“Now I think that that’s a bit premature of you to say before you’ve heard the whole story,” she replied.
“Well then why don’t you tell us the story?” Dahlia countered, “How can you expect us to understand anything that you’re talking about unless you tell us?”
“You are in no position to ask such a thing!” she screamed, extending her hand to prepare another blast of kinetic energy. Dahlia braced for impact and Jun took a defensive step forward to stand in front of her, but the cloaked figure appeared to think the better of it and simply returned her hand to her side. “Perhaps you are correct,” she mused, “Perhaps I have been unjust in keeping so much from you. I will tell you my story and then maybe you will understand.”
“It all started a long time ago, long before you and your other silly little friends battled and defeated Valrem. It was back when Thorton first began his work on the Pokevice. It was perfect. Together, with that device, we had the ability to move mountains, to become all powerful, and to rule the world. And if he had listened to me maybe that’s where he would be now. But instead, he listened to that two-faced fool, Argenta. Thanks to her, our world-conquering invention was transformed into an average, everyday, domestic house appliance.”
“I’ve even got the stupid ‘With over one hundred fun-filled games to play, Wi-Fi communications, a pedometer, a camera, a Pokemon health and friendliness tracker, blah, blah, blah’ stuck in my head!”
“You sure seem to know a lot about the Pokevice,” Dahlia noted.
“Yes, I’m quite attached to mine,” replied the figure, sounding quite happy with herself. She then opened her mouth as if she were about to continue, but she stopped suddenly and stood stone still, her eyes transfixed on Darach. In turn, all eyes locked upon him (including his own) to see what was the cause of the sudden interest.
“Where did you get that bag?” she asked after recovering from her initial surprise, “It belongs to me…please hand it over.”
Darach made a move to offer the article over but Jun held out his arm to stop him. “What if we say no?” he replied coolly.
“Well that’s an easy one,” she answered, “I will kill you. Now give it to me!”
“I’ll tell you what,” Jun continued, his eyes fixed on something a way’s off in the distance, “You tell us where Argenta is right now…or else.”
“Or else what?”
“Or else you never see this bag or what’s in it again.”
“I don’t believe you are in a position to make such an assumption.”
“You don’t believe I’ll throw it?”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Then go fetch!”
Suddenly, with all of his might, Jun flung the bag into the air over the swamp. The cloaked figure let out a little shriek as it flew towards the marshy water. However, at the last possible second, it was caught by Mary, who piloted the Jet Ski. Within a moment, bag, ski, and brain were out of sight.
For a moment, no one on the shore moved, just stared silently at the wake that marked the place where the Jet Ski had been a handful of mere seconds ago. Then finally, turning with an icy glare to face a smug-looking Jun, the cloaked kidnapper broke the silent spell.
“I will tell YOU what,” she snapped in a menacing tone that differed greatly from her prior wickedly sweet one, “From now on you will do what I say and you will follow my Muk to my base or else you and your friends will all die. Does that sound reasonable?”
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter SIX is up!!! Guys Please Post!!! Please!
I'm glad you think so Ava, thank you for the encouragement. This "new person" is the same person that Argenta saw in the laboratory. Sorry if that wasn't made clear.
I'm glad you think so Ava, thank you for the encouragement. This "new person" is the same person that Argenta saw in the laboratory. Sorry if that wasn't made clear.
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter SIX is up!!! Guys Please Post!!! Please!
Well, that's great. All-powerful enemy is making all-powerful moves.
The one thing I like about your writing is that there are no weakness; there's not an actual aspect of writing where I can simply point and say, "Hey, you might like to work on this." You are a balanced writer and this is something I appluad (I would have expected to have said this much earlier...).
Balanced and perfect are two different things, of course. I'm not sure how to help you move on to become a better writer, but the English language in itself has - although exhaustive - a vast number of tools to dazzle the reader. Sadly, this [an attempt to grasp and master these tools] makes writing more challenging and - at times of failure - frustrating, but the end result is an evolution in the story at hand. If you wish for me to pull out a few of some advanced writing tips (that I took years to acquire over time =/), I'd be happy to show you. For instance, brilliant sentence variety could easily be something that could make your writing rich and even more thrilling than it is.
This is optional, really; you can move on without these and still be a good writer. Yet, you have (in my eyes, at least) potential for a more powerful tale. I look forward for your answer, and I shall not disrespect your answer (I am not one of those pompous people that feel insulted to be refused at an offer). Either way,
Happy Writing,
~Zyflair
Well, that's great. All-powerful enemy is making all-powerful moves.
The one thing I like about your writing is that there are no weakness; there's not an actual aspect of writing where I can simply point and say, "Hey, you might like to work on this." You are a balanced writer and this is something I appluad (I would have expected to have said this much earlier...).
Balanced and perfect are two different things, of course. I'm not sure how to help you move on to become a better writer, but the English language in itself has - although exhaustive - a vast number of tools to dazzle the reader. Sadly, this [an attempt to grasp and master these tools] makes writing more challenging and - at times of failure - frustrating, but the end result is an evolution in the story at hand. If you wish for me to pull out a few of some advanced writing tips (that I took years to acquire over time =/), I'd be happy to show you. For instance, brilliant sentence variety could easily be something that could make your writing rich and even more thrilling than it is.
This is optional, really; you can move on without these and still be a good writer. Yet, you have (in my eyes, at least) potential for a more powerful tale. I look forward for your answer, and I shall not disrespect your answer (I am not one of those pompous people that feel insulted to be refused at an offer). Either way,
Happy Writing,
~Zyflair
RE: Pulse of the Frontier 2: Plugged In: Chapter SIX is up!!! Guys Please Post!!! Please!
Wow, thank you so much Zyflair for your offer. As always, I'm definately on the look out for ways to improve my writing, and so I would love to try out any new techniques available. Again, thank you.
P.S. The next chapter will be up relatively soon, I'm trying to balance the leaking of information as much as possible. (I don't want to give away identeties just yet but I can't sit in a stalemate either."
Wow, thank you so much Zyflair for your offer. As always, I'm definately on the look out for ways to improve my writing, and so I would love to try out any new techniques available. Again, thank you.
P.S. The next chapter will be up relatively soon, I'm trying to balance the leaking of information as much as possible. (I don't want to give away identeties just yet but I can't sit in a stalemate either."