Writing Pulse of the Frontier - FINISHED - The conclusion is up!

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RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Six is up! (Who is Valrem? Find out soon)

I really think that this is a great story and i'm not kidding when I say "Try to make this a real book" because if it was I would look for it at every bookstore around! I think you're a great writer and good luck with the writing contest and I hope you did well at worlds! Keep up the good work!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Six is up! (Who is Valrem? Find out soon)

Why don't you post this on fanfiction.net? I'm sure it would be popular, I think this is great, I'll always look forward to reading this. ^_^
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Six is up! (Who is Valrem? Find out soon)

Thanks a lot guys! I made an account on Fanfiction.net but it won't let me post the story for the next two days. Anyways, I'm finally finished with the seventh chapter (I plan to have somewhere between 10 and fifteen, but then again I might make much more). This chapter sorta makes up for the size of the last few and it will give you some insight on a few of the things that have been up to now mysteries.

Chapter 7: Deoxys: Galactic Lord
Deoxys stood beside his new “accomplice”, Mars, commander of Team Galactic and a noteworthy pawn. The two overlooked the gathering of Galactic Grunts that had gathered below the podium atop which they stood, anxious to hear the news that came from this new addition to their forces. There was no doubt that the disappearance of their leader Cyrus had ultimately driven the team to a loss of hope. He knew from their eyes, that they saw him as this hope reborn. Someone had a plan, someone was going to redeem them, and they would do anything for him. That was all Deoxys needed.

Of course, when the grunts or even Mars looked at it, they didn’t see the legendary soon-to-be lord of the heavens. They saw someone from their own race, a human, a man, for that was the form that Deoxys had taken. Mars turned toward him again and smiled that cheery smile. He had given her a new hope; it was a pity that he would later be required to crush that which he had created. But that was for another time, so for now, he simply returned her smile.

She was so gullible, it was no wonder that she had so many times been used and deceived. She was the perfect pawn, innocent and naïve; yet, something inside of Deoxys’ heart pinched as he thought of what he was to do. She had always been the victim, the one blind to the darkness around; hypnotized by the loving face that asked her to trust him, blind to the wickedness concealed behind. She reminded him of someone else, a powerless, weak, disgusting, abandoned, and betrayed being; dwelling alone in the perilous emptiness of space.

He had only seconds undoubtedly before he must speak if the gathered grunts were not to suddenly lose interest and become anxious. Yet, within these few seconds as he opened his mouth to speak, he reflected on a lifetime of hurt and resentment. It had begun so small; he had begun so small and had grown mighty. Fueled by the powers of hatred, he learned to conquer, to defeat, and to deceive as he had been.

It had happened so quickly. He was a inhabitant of a thriving celestial colony, a powerful empire, and a peaceful civilization. They dwelt within one of the many dimensions making up the realms of space. It was a safe place to live compared to the dangerous climates of the outside world, the vital piece of survival, an element known as Deotide was fresh in the atmosphere and ever renewing. Also, the dimension was sealed, meaning that no outside creature could enter and the colony enjoyed many centuries of tranquility.

It wasn’t until nearly fifty years prior to the date that Deoxys stood atop the podium overlooking the gathered team that something broke the ice. Toraz, the most powerful being and lord of the colony, proposed that worlds beyond their peaceful dimension be explored and conquered, as the world in which they lived currently had become cramped and was far too small to home such an enormous population.

The public agreed readily to the plan and unleashing all of his powers into one magnificent spell, he created an explosion that brought for a moment down the barrier that blockaded the entrance to the dimension. However, the force of the explosion also rocked the firmaments of space, causing great amounts of destruction and arousing the unending rage of the beast that rested inside of the O-Zone; Rayquaza was awakened.

The great serpent attacked brutally the colony and with Toraz sill weak from the casting of the great spell, it was clear that if any we’re to survive, evacuation was necessary. The great portion fled, but Deoxys was instructed by Toraz to take with him the lord’s most treasured possession, a sphere called Instriz that would give him the power to for a matter of minutes, warp the governing forces of time and space in any way that suited the user. It could be used only three times and by three different users, however, and Toraz had called upon its powers once already as he was building the dimension in which they were to live.

Deoxys was to use it to divert Rayquaza while the others escaped; he was promised that he would be plenty capable of escaping alongside them once the great beast had been defeated. Deoxys remembered still holding before him the Instriz, and calling upon its powers, slowing the waves of time for all but himself, and throwing up with the powers of space a harsh gale to tear Rayquaza’s being apart. The effects of the sphere were incredible, rendering the celestial serpent all but powerless. However, the force of the tornado which Deoxys had created was enough to throw the Instriz from his hands, loosing Rayquaza whom was sent plummeting into the far corners of space.

The Instriz was cast down into a separate dimension and lost to Deoxys. He remembered gazing up and seeing the last fleeting pieces of his colony disappear behind the great barrier that separated the dimensions and realized in horror that the door was being closed from the outside. He bolted with all speed towards the slowly diminishing space between the dimensions, but was too late. The door had been sealed and Deoxys was locked outside.

For years he dwelt in misery in the emptiness of the dimension which now he alone inhabited; from which he watched the great beast Rayquaza boiling and fuming from below, desperate for revenge but powerless to enter the sealed dimension. It seemed that a millennium passed between then and the day when at last he caught a glimpse of a strange, orange creature not much unlike itself, hovering not far away. The creature held a striking resemblance to Deoxys’ self although the stranger was far brawnier, and had but two thick tentacles to Deoxys’ four sleek ones. The creature’s body was obviously built more for defense than offence.

The presence of another being in his universe sparked a sudden life and ecstasy into him. He never knew why he did what he did next. Perhaps it was instinct and perhaps it was the work of something more extraordinary. Whatever the cause, with one powerful blast Deoxys slay the bulky stranger and he was left once again alone in the darkness. He spent the next full year in a far deeper misery at having killed a possible companion, not even having given it a chance to speak or to prepare itself for a fight. It had taken life for no reason; and yet somehow it felt…good, the same way he felt when he held the Instriz.

This newfound lust taunted and grated at him for all of the days that he spent alone in the empty dimension until at last, it overcame him and he had no choice but to satisfy it. He threw himself against the hard core of the dimension’s outskirts but was thrown back again. His powers weren’t nearly strong enough to handle such a force as that of space, yet he tried again. For moths he fought to destroy the wicked barrier that kept him locked away from the outside world until at last, as he was ready to give in, he felt a sudden surge of power flowing through his body, the form of which was slowly mutating.

He realized by the muscular makeup of his body and the thickness of his tentacles which had grown together into two, that he had acquired the form of his victim. Stunned, he worked to channel his power in an opposite manner and found once again his tentacles split into four and a far more distinguishable neck below his head. This newfound power filled his heart with determination and at last, he succeeded in demolishing the wall of the dimension. He was free.

He spent the rest of his years roaming the dimensions in search of his old colony, which apparently had moved elsewhere from the adjacent dimension that they had once occupied. Along the way, he developed a name for himself, being now feared as a stealthy murderer, killing ruthlessly and fueling the ever-growing lust that burned inside of him. By then he had acquired many new forms, each with special attributes. He had a form which when he used gave him unmatchable speed, the form of his first victim gave him a rock-hard defense, and his latest kill gifted him with powerful offensive attacks. But still he yearned for more.

Years later, a strange object came hurtling through space. It was made of some strange material and obviously had no life in it, but still, Deoxys was curious and investigated the object. Doing so was a mistake and as soon as he came within a few yards of the metal thing, powerful claws grasped at his body and held him fast. He attempted to call upon his powers to aid him but too late; he began to drift away into unconsciousness.

When he next awoke, he felt steel rings clamped tight around his body which was strapped to a steel table. A strange being with wearing a white lab coat approached. The being had dirty blond fur atop of his head and two small panes of a see-through material sat atop the creature’s nose. “Hello, Deoxys,” The man said smugly, “I am Valrem. You’re probably wondering what you’re doing here and what on earth I am going to do with you. Don’t worry, you won’t be harmed. Aren’t I merciful? Well, you can…err…should I say, you will repay me for my mercy by doing my bidding. I have brought you down to my planet so that together we could conquer it! Then they will no longer scoff me, they will worship me!”

Now, all of these years later, Valrem’s wish was coming true; more or less. Deoxys at first opposed the idea of being enslaved to anyone but he quickly got the message that that was probably the only way to keep his life. Even better, Deoxys sensed the presence of the Instriz, the sphere with the power for which he longed, upon the planet. Therefore, for the time being he decided it best to play along with this mad creature’s plan. However, when a surprise attack was launched by the members of the Sinnoh and Kanto Battle Frontiers against Valrem, Deoxys quickly slay Valrem and took his body with him into space, where he waited anxiously for the tension to cool and for the people of the planet earth to forget about him.

Now, in Valrem’s body, he had all of Team Galactic at his command, and soon the Instriz as well as control of the universe would once again be his. His reflections finished, he cleared his throat and loudly addressed the gathered Grunts, “My new friends, I am a stranger to you, yet you put all of your trust in me. I promise to repay that trust, by leading you where Cyrus dreamed of leading you! Together we will conquer the world and return it to Alpha. But first, we have a little…expedition to do.”
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Seven is up! The secret of Deoxys revealed!

Great job, Daren! This chapter is very intriguing and vivid...now i know what happened..glad you made a ff.net account, can't wait till the next update! I must say this is great as always!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Seven is up! The secret of Deoxys revealed!

Thanks Ava, I'm glad you liked it. I posted my story on Fanfiction under the name Daren101 (Daren was taken). Unfortunately, I misclicked and named it Pulse of teh Frontier -.-. Do you know if there is any way to edit the title?
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Seven is up! The secret of Deoxys revealed!

I know there is a way to edit the title, but I'm not too sure, ff.net is preventing me from making an acc for some reason...still trying.
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Seven is up! The secret of Deoxys revealed!

NVM, I figured it out, I think...lol, still have to get the hang of that site. Anywho, the enxt chapter should be coming soon!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Seven is up! The secret of Deoxys revealed!

Sounds great! I'm looking forward to it!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Seven is up! The secret of Deoxys revealed!

Chapter 8: Saturn and Charon: Ex-Commanders
“Well, I think I’ve finally figured it all out,” Saturn, former commander of Team Galactic said with a sad shake of his head, “You’re all insane. I have wasted the greater half of my life already working with lunatics. I’m not about to make the same mistake again, so if you want to sneak into Team Galactic, be my guests; but I will have nothing at all to do with it.”

The blue-haired man sat on a large wooden crate in the basement of the abandoned Galactic Veilstone Warehouse where his gang had made its headquarters. He had quit Team Galactic because he was tired of listening to idiots and doing their crummy bidding. He was through with that. Out in the wildest part of Sinnoh, running from cops and leading his own gang onto the number one most wanted list, was where he knew he belonged.

And now, three lunatics from the Battle Frontier come down to his city to ask him to go back to Team Galactic and take them with him. No; absolutely not. He wouldn’t do it. Then they had started offering him money. He had responded to this with a harsh chuckle, reminding them that as head of Sinnoh’s crime life, money was of no concern to him, or his gang. Now he sat, arms crossed in front of him, waiting for his visitors to hang their heads and trudge miserably out of his headquarters.

“I don’t think you understand,” Palmer replied, “Team Galactic is being deceived! If we don’t stop Valrem, then he will use Deoxys to complete his plans to destroy the world and start his own! Do you want that to happen?”

“Funny,” Saturn said, glaring icily at the Tower Tycoon, “I seem to recall someone else having a similar name and last I checked, he was lost inside of the Distorted World and was probably eaten by Giratina!”

“You can’t underestimate Valrem,” Argenta said, “Cyrus was a madman, you said it yourself. Valrem on the other hand knows what he’s doing! With Deoxys under his control, that man is capable of anything. We need your help if we’re going to defeat him!”

Saturn laughed coldly. “You really don’t’ get it do you?” He snapped, “I’m done helping other people! I’m done being second-in-command! I’m done being played for a fool! Being the only sane person left on this dang planet, the options are either I run the show or I’m out!”

Palmer was going to say something else but he realized that Saturn simply would not be bought. Glaring steadfastly at the former commander, whom was grinning smugly, he turned away and was halfway through the door when Dahlia spoke up. “Deal,” She said.

Saturn looked confused, “What do you mean deal?”

“You said that you wanted to run the show Saturn, and it sounds to me like fair play,” Dahlia replied, a mischievous glint in her sapphire eyes, “Oh; and did I mention most of what we do is going to be illegal.”

It was apparent that the Roulette Goddess had caught his attention, as he seemed to be pondering her offer. After a moment of contemplation, the former commander looked the girl in the eyes and flashed a mouthful of glistening, white teeth. “Alright, miss,” He said outstretching his hand toward hers, ‘Well played. I’m in. Give me and my ‘friends’ until tomorrow, I think we can arrange something similar to what you have in mind. Also, tell your blonde friend that he would be wise to pay close attention to the way you argue. I like your style.”
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“Well, there’s just one teeny tiny flaw in your plan,” Charon, former commander apprentice of Team Galactic replied, a skeptic expression on his wrinkled face, “I’m still a jailbird, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it! I don’t care how dire it is that you get into Galactic, it ain’t gonna happen!”

Thorton sighed. This man wasn’t only a lunatic, he was impossible to argue with. He and Darach had been relating their plan to the former Galactic for over an hour and they were getting no where fast. He decided to calm down, and start once more from the beginning. “How many times do I have to tell you?” He said, his face contorted in his best attempt to conceal his impatience and frustration, “You’re old buddy Saturn is going to help us bust you out, in exchange for your services.”

The small man was still unconvinced. “Yeah? Well come back when I’m out of prison then! Then we’ll talk!”

Thorton was going to say something that would surely have jeopardized the convincing of their target, but Darach rescued them by interrupting. “It is imperative that you understand the plan long before our ‘friend’ is ready to release you. There will not be much time after you are freed, and we’ll need every second. You will simply need to trust us for now.”

Thorton wasn’t about to give the man any time to object or say anything snide and so he jumped right in at the tail end of Darach’s words. “The first thing you and Saturn will need to do will be making a scene out of your return to Galactic, that ought to stall Valrem in whatever he’s trying to do. Saturn will take his gang along with him, and we’ll blend into it. When the time comes, we will take Valrem by surprise and hopefully, make him regret returning to earth.”
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Eight is up! Saturn and Charon are in!

Great job again, Daren! You're keeping me hanging here, waiting for more!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Eight is up! Saturn and Charon are in!

You're not the only one, Ava! Great storyline!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Eight is up! Saturn and Charon are in!

My heart is beating with suspense! Please make Chapter 9 soon!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Eight is up! Saturn and Charon are in!

Come on Daren! Where is Chapter 9? The story is great so don't give up!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Eight is up! Saturn and Charon are in!

LOL, don't worry, Chapter 9 is coming soon, with school starting and all, I have found it a little harder to find the time to write, but don't worry, the rest is on its way.
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Eight is up! Saturn and Charon are in!

Chapter 9: Galactic: A plan set in motion
Palmer had never felt so ready for anything in his life and yet he had also never felt such a nagging dread of failure inside of him. Certainly, never in all of his life had he imagined wearing the Team Galactic uniform, being led by Commander Saturn who was accompanied by Commander Charon towards the Galactic HQ. He felt his open hands balling into fists. On either side of him marched a real Galactic Grunt, followed by one of his Frontier Brain teammates. This effort blended the brains unrecognizably into the crowd.

In essence, Palmer was the leader of the group. If the plan didn’t go perfectly right, he would be the one to blame for the outcome. Scott had trusted him enough to give him the title of leadership, his teammates trusted him to lead them, Saturn and Charon were trusting that he knew what he was doing. He was not going to let any of them down. He would be strong this time, he wouldn’t look back. Yet he couldn’t stop his thoughts from drifting backwards in time, to before he had ever had to carry the burden of a team. Had he been happier then? He had pondered the question many times, but even today he had no answer.

As the procession approached the gate of the Galactic HQ, Palmer glanced around at his neighboring Galactics. Their faces were like stone that had been hardened by their past. Palmer assumed the same expression, having no difficulty, for he knew their hearts, he knew the feeling of being hardened by the past. Next, he looked over the faces of his friends. Dahlia was trying to hide the hand that clawed feverishly at the itchy blue hair dye. Palmer knew how she felt too; the Galactic code required that the hair be died that brilliant shade and he felt always the incessant urge to scratch agitatedly at his hair.

Argenta and Thorton walked side-by-side, not bothering to be separated by a grunt. Palmer smiled sadly at them. So powerful was the bond that was their friendship that he felt that he had never seen the likes of before. He refused to be responsible for the destruction of that bond today. He would do whatever it took to make sure that they were standing that same way, looking at each other with those same eyes, forever.

Darach looked the most uncomfortable of all of them. He, like Palmer, had many people counting on him. The two were the men of the group, and Palmer considered him to be something like a brother. He had undertaken an incredible task by becoming the esteemed Lady Caitlyn’s guardian and battler, and in the process, he had created a relationship more powerful no doubt than even the power of Valrem that had brought them all here. Palmer would make sure that the man would see his mistress and friend again.

The procession had halted in front of the great gateway that led to the Headquarters now, and Palmer was sure that Brandon was watching them with his video cameras even now. He wondered if he would recognize them. He hoped not. Over the years, Brandon and Palmer had become the greatest of friends, and friends recognize each other better than anyone. If Brandon couldn’t distinguish the Brains from the Galactics, then there was no way that Valrem would.

Saturn placed his hand upon a digital scanner embedded in the wall and the gate flew suddenly open. The group found themselves in an enormous courtyard, in which Mars and the figure of Valrem stood conversing, their backs to the procession. As the gate clanged shut behind them, the two whirled to face Saturn’s group with wide-eyes. Mars looked like she had been reunited with an old friend, and indeed she had. Looking almost unbelievingly at her old companion, she leapt suddenly forward and embraced him. Saturn looked quite taken-aback and a little freaked out, but he returned the red-heads hug.

“You came back!” Mars exclaimed gleefully, “And just in time! Saturn, I would like you to meet the new leader of Team Galactic, he says his name is Neptune, together, we are about to make history!”

From where he stood, Valrem watched the sudden show of emotion with cold, glaring eyes. ‘Perfect’ Palmer thought, ‘That show should have distracted Valrem and he won’t think of looking over the group for fakes’. That day, Saturn, Charon, and their party were treated to a celebration for their return. Not wanting to stand apart from any of the others, the Brains joined in on the partying. From afar, Palmer could always see Valrem, glaring at Saturn as he and Mars conversed and danced together. It was obvious that Saturn had not remembered that he had missed Mars so much, and that long time without his partner’s presence was enough to re-introduce his affection for her.

However, the next time that Palmer glanced over in the dark corner where Valrem lurked, his eyes met only empty shadows. Suddenly, the attention of everyone in the great ballroom was attracted as a loud sound of clapping into a microphone echoed through the room. Everyone turned to see that Valrem stood atop a high podium overlooking the gathered members of Team galactic and Brains below. He wasn’t smiling. Mars noticed this immediately and the color instantly drained from her flushed face.

“Everyone, may I please have your attention,” Valrem ordered as if a pair of eyes in the room weren’t fixed on him, “I have grave news.”

Now even Palmer could feel the color leave his face. Had they been found out? Obviously so. Should he suddenly order his teammates to make a run for it? And jeopardize everyone? No. Had he already failed? Had he betrayed Scott’s trust? Not yet. For then he had no other choice but to stand silently and wait for Valrem to speak.

“The presence of a traitor amongst our number has become apparent. He arrived today with the procession and is the cause of this party and if his true motives are not uncovered instantly, he could become the cause of the downfall of the Galactic! We must see an end to him now, if we fear for our organization.” He said, his eyes gazing across the crowd, stirring up an uncomfortable stance in everyone that he himself might be this supposed traitor, “It is Saturn!”

A chorus of gasps rose from the onlookers. Mars shrieked and cupped her hands to her mouth. Saturn looked shocked and immediately glared up at Valrem and demanded, “What is the meaning for your accusing me? I’ve done nothing to betray Team Galactic!”

“Lies! All of it!” Valrem exclaimed, “You left Galactic so as to make out on your own and now that you have met with ruin, you come writhing back here to steal our power!”

“No! Saturn doesn’t want to take over Team Galactic!” Mars exclaimed defensively, large tears welling up in her eyes.

“Of course you say that! You don’t care about the good of Galactic either! This organization would be better off without you, and we will soon put it to the test! You grunts will take them both to the dungeon if you know what’s best for Team Galactic! Or maybe you require imprisonment as well!”

The crowd of grunts erupted into a mob. Half of the room quickly complied with Valrem’s unexpected demands, while the other half was too shocked by the sudden outburst and the declaration that the leaders that they had served for so long might have betrayed them. Palmer and the other Brains looked on in horror, but tried to follow the general crowd as the two Commanders were led away and the doors to the ballroom were shut behind them.

“Ah yes, much better,” Valrem declared to the remaining grunts, “I can tell already that the faculty changes are definitely going to help the Team. Now, everyone, listen to me, I am now your leader. Tomorrow, we will set into motion this plan which we have dreamed of so long and before midnight tomorrow, the world will be begging Galactic for mercy! The first step, will be to excavate an old toy of mine.”
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Nine is up! The plan is set into action!

Hm... I have only read the ninth chapter so I'll comment on it only.

I do like your style. If I have anything to comment on it, it would be to continue developing the thoughts and emotions of Palmer not just by saying how he felt, but demonstrating it through actions more often, such as "He felt his open hands balling into fists." I need to see more development and action of his thinking.

On the plot, your suspenseful declaration of Valrem was not so suspenseful:

However, the next time that Palmer glanced over in the dark corner where Valrem lurked, his eyes met only empty shadows. Suddenly, the attention of everyone in the great ballroom was attracted as a loud sound of clapping into a microphone echoed through the room. Everyone turned to see that Valrem stood atop a high podium overlooking the gathered members of Team galactic and Brains below. He wasn’t smiling. Mars noticed this immediately and the color instantly drained from her flushed face.

While this paragraph isn't bad, I can tell you can do better. This shift of bad news only has 82 words. The development of this paragraph just... was lacking. The only detailed response I saw was Mars's and even that wasn't as detailed.
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Nine is up! The plan is set into action!

Great job Daren!
I'm loving this story so far!
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Nine is up! The plan is set into action!

Thanks for the review Zyflair! I’m still a pretty amateur writer but I’m working on it. It helps a lot to get your advice and I’ll try to follow it as I wrap this story up and in my other stories (Like a sequel if I ever make it). :)
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Nine is up! The plan is set into action!

Glad to see criticism taken very well. Good luck on the rest of your fanfic.

~Zyflair
 
RE: Pulse of the Frontier - Chapter Nine is up! The plan is set into action!

Thanks for the chapter, Daren! Who actually is Neptune and is Valrem Deoxys? Those two questions are my main ones for this exciting story. Would Saturn/Charon actually betray the Frontier Brains? Or will Mars get kicked out of Team Galactic? Those are some of my many questions about the amazing story! Keep up the great work!
 
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