School Turf

Ophie

Ophie

Aspiring Trainer
Member
I wasn't sure where else to put it, as there isn't any particular place here for artwork that doesn't concern Pokémon. But I see non-Pokémon-related topics here, so I suppose this is the right place.

Anyway, this is the comic that I've been working on for the past 18 months or so. It's taken me far too long, and I want to get it done soon. It's about 70% complete. This story is also probably the most elaborate one I've ever written; it's drawn itself out for much longer than I thought.

This story concerns a boy named Herschel, whose elementary school has placed a new rule declaring that sweet foods are no longer allowed. Being the opportunist that he is, Herschel decides to start up an operation within the school that sells the contraband to students with a sweet tooth...

Just click the images to go to that page. I'll be updating this topic for every 10 pages that I finish. It's too bad that this place has a 15-image-per-post rule. You don't get to see the images I created I use to link to the pages that I put up on other sites. Also, make sure you have a bit of time, or at least a virtual bookmark of some sort. It's pretty long.

stlogo0.png


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THE END
 
It's been about a year and a half since I started doing this. Progress is slow, since I usually do this between classes.
 
Great comic, you really captured the kid-adult-mafia-like feeling we all remember from those years. I didn't really explain that well but you know what I mean.

Rude word on page 15, though.
 
You ran into a real school Mafia? I never had to get caught up with any of those kids when I was in school, but I knew they were there.

Hey, children know swear words too. This story may be within an elementary school, but its portrayal is too accurate to be aimed at children to read.
 
I was the kid who knew what was going on in all corners but remained neutral on every side :p

It is true that kids know more swear words than adults, but swearing is something we do not allow on these forums, no matter who the target audience is.
 
I'm part of the school mafia :p /joke

No, I ran into them once. Nasty. There is three of them trying to start on up and they are failing very very badly.

The worst thing they did was chew gum.


In the toilets.



On a more relevant note, greta comic. I love the illustrations, you have to have alot of telent to write and darw too.


BTW bacon, doesn't this go in the writing corner?
 
Well FPM the writing corner is kinda off becuase well it is a creation to with the drawings.

Nice comic I LOVE IT! You have some talent.
 
Shall I put a disclaimer, then, regarding the swearing? As it's completely drawn by hand, it isn't easy to change it...though I could put one of those black rectangles and upload it separately. (I had also decided not to have any more swearing past that point, as I had remembered that I had intended for there not to be anything worse than PG to show that it's possible to shock and disturb while remaining within the MPAA's guidelines. It's tougher than I thought to avoid curse words; there's a handful amount of swearing in all of my other stories.) I've forgotten if there are any more, but I think Scott utters one during the Market Day festival.

Thanks for the compliments...but how do you chew gum in a toilet? Wouldn't the water in the bowl go into your mouth? And I would never chew gum that came from a toilet, if that's what you mean. Or is it simply chewing gum while using the toilet?

Also, on Page 80, I purposely didn't describe what a "swirlie" is, since it's not that horrible. Just mildly so. It's a practice done at my middle school in which you'd put someone's head in the bowl of a toilet, the water completely submerging it, then flushing the toilet. It was done by the 8th graders to bully the 6th graders.
 
I'll be updating this story on a ten-page basis. Normally, when I show my story, I use a neat little picture for each page. However, this place has a ten-picture-per-post limitation, so I can only show them as links. But I can show the links as pictures to the updates themselves, as you can see here.



Be warned though: It gets more twisted, disturbing, and weird from this point onward.
 
I find it disheartening that nobody is commenting much in this thread, given how much skill, time and creativity has gone into making it. This is quite bizarre.

Well I for one think it's excellent, so I'll look forward to all your future updates Ophie!

Oh, and I like the Kangaroo- Is this some kind of "in joke"?
 
What a great story. I can't believe I've never seen this topic before. I'll definitely be watching for updates to the story. I think the whole killing with fruit punch idea is kinda funny, but seeing the scene with Gertrude and the firing squad... I felt sorry for her. :eek:

Awesome comic. Keep 'em comin'.
 
To bacon: Joey is a recurring character in the stories I do. He doesn't necessarily appear in every story I make, but he's usually the character I fall back to if I need a trouble-making antihero with super strength somewhere. He's one of a triplet of kangaroos born out of a mad geneticist's experiments living on the fringes of town who happens to like kangaroos. Joey has an ongoing rivalry with Lyle (whose backstory, come to think of it, I've never explained...he just appeared); they spar against each other in fights very often, and Scott takes advantage of that in hiring Lyle. (My stories are not nearly as grounded in reality as this one; they're usually more South Park than The Sopranos. I went out of my way for "School Turf" to keep things within normal human behavior and not to get too outlandish, though I don't think I was able to restrain myself too well.)

To PMJ: You've read that far!? I applaud you; at this point, "School Turf" is no quick read and probably no easy one either. I've always considered this as a comedy, but I do purposely sometimes write it as if I'm taking the characters very seriously like a drama. Whenever something really bad happens to someone, you have to remember that it's just a bunch of kids fighting over candy. Notice that the "camera" never really wanders outside the school; no matter how terrible things may happen in the story, they really only concern one very specific area. In the bigger scheme of things, the events of this story are unimportant and meaningless to even the surrounding neighborhood. What kids don't know is that school is not their lives.

Thanks to everybody who reads this. I never expected it to get much attention anyway, since the title isn't very descriptive, concerns nothing regarding this site, and is a daunting amount of story.
 
Yep. Read the whole thing, in one go, too. I couldn't stop reading it. :D I await the next batch.
 
7 on 7 gunmen eh? Sounds epic!=O It has a "Recess" like vibe to it, you know, how each grade has a class president, and they all seem to be like leaders. The code names for the subjects being different brands of candy was very, very clever. I like how they say "5 bars of 100 grand". It makes it seem like mafia talk using real dough. I'm half way through, and I ain't stopping anytime soon. Your comic making ability Rivals that of Bleedman's. Kudos to you, and may you keep on going!:O

P.S.: I see the "D" word on page 50.=/
 
Guys, this thread is dead. I can't believe 2 mods, did not see this. Go to page 1 and look, at the bottom 2 posts dates.
 
Hmm, looks like people are pretty sensitive to swearing here. It never gets very heavy; Scott does nearly all of the swearing, since I wanted to give the impression that he does not think like an ordinary elementary schooler, but closer to an actual mobster. Shall I put those black rectangles over them and link the pages to the special Censored PokéBeach version?

Recess was indeed an inspiration, and this story also refers to Fillmore! and Hey, Arnold! as well. The idea for grade presidents, however, came from Codename: Kids Next Door. (At my elementary school, no one was really elected for anything.) Of course, the subject matters here are far darker than any of those shows...except maybe KND. That show sometimes got pretty gruesome.

All right, I'll certainly keep on making this; it's getting near the end, though I don't know precisely how much further that will be. I already know the major events that'll happen after this, and the list has become pretty short.
 
Just finished it. Hey I've watched all those shows.xD Knew I was missing something.=/
 
Oh my God.

Did you go to a regionals in SoCal about a month back? Were you working on this comic there?

I think I saw you drawing this! I remember the art style very distinctly.
 
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