Super Smash Bros: CATFIGHT

[bacon]

The year is 2056. Games developers are searching high and low for new game ideas, but even the mighty minds of Nintendo cannot think of anything new. Almost every idea that could ever be concieved for a video game has been done already. Except for...

...the ideas that should never be used anyway.

But times are harsh, and Nintendo needs to create a new game in order to make money. They need to use the forbidden ideas who's lameness streches unto infinity and beyond.

Nintendo settle for a 42nd installment of the SSB series, Super Smash Bros: CATFIGHT. But what new characters can be included? Only the worst of the worst remain left untouched in the deep bowels of Nintendo's history. It's time to dig up those (un)worthy warriors and make a game Nintendo shall never (un)forget!

DR. KAWASHIMA

Power: 8/10
Weight: 10/10
Speed: 2/10
Jump: 3/10
Projectiles: 4/10

Special moves:

B: Piano
B+Up: Speech recognition failure
B+Tilt: Math Problems
B+Down: Coriander
Final Smash: MEMORY 5X5

Dr. Kawashima is a firm believer of "Knowledge is Power". Perhaps this is true in some cases, but when your entire being consists of nothing more than a giant polygonial head there's not much in the way of fighting techniques avialable. Still, his huge head makes him extremely difficult to knock off and the Doctor can bring on the pain with bites and headbutts if he has to.

SLIPPY TOAD:

Power: 2/10
Weight: 8/10
Speed: 8/10
Jump: 8/10
Projectiles: 3/10

Special moves:

B: Fox help me out!
B+Up: I've got an enemy on my tail!
B+Tilt: Help me!
B+Down: Guys, save me!
Final Smash: LAND MEISTER

Slippy's ability to be incredibly pointless and annoying extends to the world of SSB too, you know. Being incapable of inflicting any kind of heavy damage to the opponent, coupled with being one of the most everlasting characters in the game thanks to excellent weight, jump and speed, means he'll be sticking around to harass you for quite a while. His final smash, Land Meister, is exactly the same as Fox's, Falco's and Wolf's- except the Landmaster simply falls from the top of the screen onto Slippy, where he then issues a blood curdling froggy scream that severely hurts any opponents in range.

---

So, post your ideas for the lamest SSB characters you can think of guys!

 

[DawnOfXatu]

Tom Nook:

Power: 1/10
Weight: 2/10
Speed: 5/10
Jump: 1/10
Projectiles: 10/10

Special Moves:

B: Trash Toss
B+Tilt: Net/Fishing Rod/Axe/Shovel Toss
B+Down: Money Toss
B+Up: Tail Teather
Final Smash: House Remodeling

Tom Nook has very little damage to give directly, he does give heavy emotional damage to those who fight him. He makes up for being useless, by having the most un-holy projectiles ever created. All a good Nook player does is camp and toss any assortment of projectiles at the opponent, until they give up and Self Destruct. His Final Smash is an equal to the Snorlax that comes from the Pokeball, except it has a slower fall time. If by some miracle you are hit by his Final Smash, you recieve around 20 damage and Nook is healed by the amount of damage dealt.

 

[Noobnerd]

PEPPY HARE:

Power: 1/10
Weight: 3/10
Speed: 8/10
Jump: 10/10
Projectiles: 1/10

Special moves:

B: Barrel roll (on the spot)
B+Up: Barrel roll hop
B+Tilt: Barrel rollout
B+Down: Burrow roll
Final Smash: Dunno, but you don't need to hit a smash ball. Just press Z or R twice!

Slippy may have been an annoying character, but none can match the worthlessness of Peppy Hare. His power is abyssmal. However, you can exploit his speed by running away to the command center. As expected for a bunny, he has a good jump. His final smash is special because you don't need to hit a smash ball; all you have to do is to press Z or R twice! In order to do this, check ebay out for custom made Wiimotes with R.

 

[Shining Raikou]

MUDKIP:

Power: 6/10
Weight: 3/10
Speed: 8/10
Jump: 5/10
Projectiles: 5/10

Special moves:

B: Pound
B+Up: Tail Whip
B+Tilt: Hydro Pump
B+Down: Fin Slap
Final Smash: I herd u liek Mudkipz?

Mudkip, the mud fish Pokemon. Mudkip uses the sensitive radar receptors on it's head fin to determine whats going on around it. In a pinch, it can brandish enough power to crush rocks. Mudkip is a small, but relentless little fella. Don't let him get a hold of a smash ball, or his final smash will defeat all characters by saying "Mud..Kip..." over 9000 times, which will actually annoy the **** out of the actual player and make them quit playing.

 

[DawnOfXatu]

Waddle Dee:

Power: 2/10
Speed: 5/10
Weight: 1/10
Jump: 10/10
Projectiles: 1/10

Special Moves:

B: Light Pound (Jiggly knock off)
B+Tilt: Heavy Pound
B+Down: Spin Kick
B+Up: Short Nap
Final Smash: King DeDeDe Dance

Comming in with overall bad stats, this is the best staller ever thought of. He has 7 jumps, a new record for jumps, and his B+Up, Short Nap, removes 3% damage every time it is used. So you jump around spamming Pound and healing like crazy, until you hit the Smash Ball, once you get the Smash Ball you can use the DeDeDe dance, which brings out an army of D3 to destroy your opponent. Nothing like mashing B+Up to win a game.

 

[Heavenly Spoon]

Spiny:

Power: 6/10
Speed: 6/10
Weight: 4/10
Jump: 7/10
Projectiles: 0/10

B: Roll up, free to decide your direction and stuff
forward-B: Walk forward
Up-B: Get picked up by lakitu and thrown down again
Down-B: Roll up and roll forward kinda fast

The crowd (what crowd?) goes wild, the expected sales double, everyone's super exited, Sakurai's everyone's new hero, SSBCF is predicted not to only be the best game of 2056, but the best game ever made, ever, in the 15 known universes. And this all for one single reason, SPINY JOINED THE BRAWL *crowd goes out of their mind, screams their brains out and starts throwing panties at ...I don't know where, their computer screens probably, that's where everyone spends their entire day nowadays anyway* Spiny excels at being completely and undeniably awesome by totally being better at anything sonic does than sonic the blue hedgehog himself (Who is no longer in the smash series ever since Super Smash Brothers Choke because Lego Super Sonic Brothers III: A sonic to the past failed to appeal even to the fan-boys, probably because the international Chinese government declared sonic fanboyism a sect and all members got arrested and treated in a mental hospital. Everyone knows Jialism is the only true religion), and of course by being the world's most awesome turtle, totally laughing in the face of bowser, twice, possibly even more. Spiny at this point has 52 costumes, because he's so very awesome, nobody would want to have to not play as him because he'd have to be using a costume one of his 51 other friends is using. Sakurai said he's even considering making Spiny the only character in the game. This is quite an improve, which is probably due to the fact that when he declared that he wanted to make Spiny unlockable, he got stabbed 84 times in the back, shot 12 in the face, and got all of his toes and fingertips cut off. Of course, he recovered quickly thanks to our new advanced surgical techniques and other stuff nobody should care about because SPINY'S IN THE GAME, YAY YAY HOORAY HOORAY

 

[bacon]

CD-I LINK

Power: 8/10
Speed: 4/10
Weight: 7/10
Jump: 7/10
Projectiles: 5/10

B: Stupid Grin
forward-B: Oh boy!
Up-B: My stuff!
Down-B: Octorock
Final smash: BOMB SOME DODONGOS

CD-I Link is dragged from a chapter of Nintendo's past that shames us all. If Toon Link is allowed, so is this bucket of arse gravy. And he's just as badly drawn in SSBCF too.

He plays much like the proper Link we all know and love, but this Link has the ability of speech and drives everyone mad with his stupid voice. He's a very good character too, which just makes him even more unbearable because you'll see him used a lot. At least his Final Smash is harmless, because Dodongo's aren't actually included in the game. At all.

 

[PMJ]

JUGEM'S CLOUD

Power: 1/10
Speed: 10/10
Weight: 0/10
Jump: 10/10
Projectiles: 0/10

B: hold to glide
Forward B: Pass through an enemy
Up B: warp like 10 feet up (and stay there)
Down B: camouflage

FINAL SMASH: Retro

Straight out of Super Mario Bros. 3, Jugem's Cloud makes its much-anticipated appearance. It's extremely fast, but extremely weak; its only means of attack is by bashing itself into the enemy, and even then, they take one point of non-flinching damage, and that's only if their back is turned. Clouds aren't really known for their attacking prowess. Also, being a cloud, Jugem's Cloud is in a weight class all its own - it makes Jigglypuff look like Giant Metal Bowser. Jugem's Cloud is so light that even swinging your sword/punching your fist/doing whatever your normal A move does makes Jugem's Cloud go back a little bit due to the disruption of air that your appendage has caused. His Final Smash turns everything on the field into 8-bit graphics - even the music is transformed to some malformed MIDI that sounds like it came from Mario Paint. The effect lasts for the rest of the battle.

WART

Power: 3/10
Speed: 7/10
Weight: 7/10
Jump: 5/10
Projectiles: 8/10

B: Acidy bubble spit
Forward B: toss crown
Up B: burp - shockwave pushes you upwards
Down B: spaz

FINAL SMASH: Vegetable Shooter

Yeahhhh Wart, that super-lame boss we all know and abhor from SMB2. Wart's claim to fame is the ability to run and hide like a coward. All of his B moves are projectiles (save his down B, which just makes him run around randomly flailing his arms around like a crazy guy because let's face it - he's a wuss) and his A moves do light damage and knockback on Wart. He is doomed to the bottom of the barrel tier because he is killed in a single hit if you hit him with Peach's turnips. His Final Smash changes the battle music to the VS Wart music from SMB2 and summons that giant machine that randomly spits out vegetables, except instead of random vegetables, they're all Bob-ombs and Peach's death turnips, and Wart isn't immune from either. It's pretty hard for Wart to use the turnips effectively, since if he picks them up, he collapses and dies (-1 stock).

 

[DawnOfXatu]

^Beat me to Wart =(

Phoenix Wright

Power: 10/10
Speed: 0/10
Weight: 10/10
Jump: 0/10
Projectiles: 0/10

Special Moves:
B: OBJECTION!
B+Tilt: HOLD IT!
B+Down: Smashes hand on table.
B+Up: Runs hand through hair.
Final Smash: SUPER OBJECTION!

Phoenix Wright enters the stage sitting behind his desk, and he doesn't leave his desk for the whole matchup. He cannot move nor jump and he has no ranged attacks. All he does is sit there and swing the most deadly attacks ever, destroying everything that touches him, or his desk. His Final Smash KO's everything (including himself) so you better be ahead a life when you use it.

 

[Shade Daroach]

Paper Link

Power: 10/10
Speed: 7/10
Weight: 4/10
Jump: 5/10
Projectiles: >9000/10


B: OMGZ YOUR TAKING ZELDA?!??!
B+Tilt: MAH ZELDA
B+Down: : Hop on Boat
B+Up: Random dungeon exploration

Final Smash: MEGA :O

Paper link from the PH intro appears. With his ability to stand around with an open mouth, he is sure to be a worhty competiter. Jis FS allows him to blow up his head and still have the :O expression.

Watch the PH intro if you don't understand this.

 

[Shining Raikou]

RAIKOU:

Power: 8/10
Speed: 9/10
Weight: 6/10
Jump: 6/10
Projectiles: 2/10

B: Slash
Forward B: Thundershock
Up B: Thunderbolt
Down B: Counterstrike

FINAL SMASH: Summon Thunderstrike

(Warning: Contains "Legend of Thunder" reference.)

Raikou is arguably the most disrespected of the 3 Legendary beasts. Well, In Super Smash Bros: CATFIGHT, he finally gets some deserved recognition. Speedy, and a hard hitter, Raikou can knock any character over on it's bum that has lower speed. The only way to really win against Raikou is to somehow get Team Rocket's electricity absorbing crystal. But, even then, some meddling twerps will rush in and save the day...Oh well....sucks for you.

 

[bacon]

TINGLE

Power: 5/10
Speed: 6/10
Weight: 6/10
Jump: 6/10
Projectiles: 5/10

B: Disturbing Pose
Forward B: Rupee Dash
Up B: Balloon
Down B: Tedious Side Quest
Final Smash: TINGLE TINGLE KOOLOO-LIMPAH!

Nobody really knows why Tingle even exists and what the creators were smoking upon his invention, but he's prevailant in the world of Zelda and so it was only a matter of time before he got his grubby mits on a slice of the SSB pie.

In Cat Fight, Tingle plays as the average all-rounder, but with a couple of tricks up his sleeve. First of all, once his Balloon attack has been initiated, it's impossible for him to pop so Tingle flies off the screen completely and dies of altitude sickness. Secondly, Tingle has a spasm when using Rupee Dash because Rupees are only found in Hyrule and so he has to buy a plane ticket to get there, only to find that the airline he booked with has now gone bust and he lost all of his money. Nobody knows what his final smash is, because nobody wants to play as Tingle long enough to find out.

 

[Guts]

TAILS

Power: 4/10
speed: 7/10
weight: 5/10
jump: 8/10
Projectiles: 6/10

B: Spin punch
Forward B: Windmill dash
Up B: Hover tails
Down B: Whirlwind
Final smash: Cyclone bomber

Tails is sonic the hedgehog's (in every sense of the word) sidekick, and treats him like an older brother (even though he's not.)
Even though he has generally low attack strength, he is fast, agile, and a great dodger. His spin punch can be charged, and if maxed out, dizzies the opponent for a very short while if it connects. Hover tails is a recovery move that lets him fly around for a short period. Whirlwind makes him spin and counters an opponent's attack if they try to hit him while using this move. Windmill dash is a dash to whatever direction you input, getting him to items fast and gives a little damage to whoever he passes. And unlike fox's side dash, you do not fall and die every time you go off the edge. Just hover back up. Cyclone bomber: Tails leaps into his cyclone flyer and drops medium sized bombs onto the field that explode on impact for about 7-8 seconds, and that is more than enough time to KO all players. After it ends, he jumps back onto the field and gives a peace sign, and then continues to fight.

I guess tails doesn's suck after all. :/

 

[Lieutenant Houndoom]

LAZOR FACE

Stats:

Power: 10/10
speed: 10/10
weight: 10/10
jump: 10/10
Projectiles: >9000/10

B: SHOOP DAH WOOP
Forward B: SHOOP DAH WOOP
Up B: SHOOP DAH WOOP
Down B: SHOOP DAH WOOP
Final smash: SHOOP DAH WOOP

No, you don't beat him. Everything he does just covers the screen in a massive lazor and you lose.

IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZORS

 

[Yakkov]

Shadow the Hedgehog

Power: 8/10
speed: 9/10
weight: 5/10
jump: 10/10
Projectiles: 2/10

B: Pistol Gun
Forward B: Chaos Spare
Up B: Chaos Control
Down B: Spin
Final smash: Chaos Explosion

Its just a thought.

 

[don()shinobi]

King Harkinian

Power: 7/10
Speed: 2/10
Weight: 10/10
Jump: 5/10

B: MAH BOI
B + < or >: SHIP
B + V: UAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
B + ^: SAVE ME!
Final Smash: DINNER

King Harkinian comes from the wonderful land of CD-i, where people are either insanely epic or insanely crazy. The King happens to be one of the most epic characters in the CD-i universe, and now he's come to play some Smash Bros.

B: MAH BOI
The King drinks a bit of rum and says "MAH BOI". This recovers a bit of health and may or may not annoy your opponent if used repeatedly.

B + < or >: SHIP
Ol' King Harkinian jumps on his ship and sails in the morning. The ship moves across the stage at fast speeds, dealing decent damage and knockback to anybody in his way. He may or may not safely return from his destination.

B + V: UAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
King Harkinian does a counter, similar to Marth's counter. When countering an attack, the opponent takes about 1.5x the damage that The King would've taken. They then trip and can't get up for about 4 seconds. During this time, The King does an annoying laugh, "UAHHAHAHAHAHAHA". This may or may not drive your opponent insane.

B + ^: SAVE ME!
The King calls for help, and so he gets it. Link appears and throws a bomb. If off the stage and close to a ledge, Link throws down some rope to The King and he S.L.O.W.L.Y. climbs up.

Final Smash: DINNER
Words alone cannot comprehend the power of this attack. The power of DINNER has been sealed away for millions of years. Until King Harkinian came. He unlocked the secret power of DINNER. Nobody truely knows what DINNER does since everybody who was a victim of the attack never survived. Rumor have been going around that a giant plate of a well-cooked DINNER falls onto the stage, destroying anything it touches, except the caster. It is so powerful that it is even rumored to destroy the consoles of the other players.

 

[Dark Marc]

Dr Eggman

Power: 7/10
Speed: 3/10
Weight: 10/10
Jump: 2/10

So Sonic's in brawl now, then why can't Dr Eggman? He is the enemy of Dr Eggman that creted Shadow the Hedgehog.

B=Robot Freind
B+< or >= Egg Bomb
B+^= Helecopter escape
Final Smash= Chaos

B: Robot Freind Launches a robot that spins around adn hits in a staight line, it falss of when it reaches the end though.
B+< or >: Egg Bomb Fires a egg that is accutally a bomb. Simple. ^^
B+^= Helecopter escape Similar to Snakes up and B move but this time he gets inside his pod thing and drives it,. It lasts quite a long time, you can fire egg bombs from this!

Final smash: Chaos Chaos is the blue thing with a brain in it';s head. Dr eggman summons it and Chaos grabs hold of someone and then throws them out of the arena!

 

[Dark Marc]

Is anyone going to rate mine?

Don't double post
~Spoon

 

[Mapleboy86]

^?

 

[Mr. Meep]

I'm surprised no one has done this character yet...

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED!!!

BIRDO!

Is it a boy? Is it a girl? The world may never know. Regardless, he she it has joined the catfight!

Speed: 4/10
Jumping: 7/10
Power: 7/10
Weight: 6/10

B: Egg Spit - Birdo does what it does best: it spits an egg. A simple projectile.
B + Side: Bowmerang - Birdo throws the bow on its head, which flies through the air and then returns to it. Works a lot like Link's boomerang.
B + Up: Air Rocket - Birdo exhales air from its nostril to propel itself upward.
B + Down: Birdo Vaccuum - Birdo uses its monstrous vaccuum-cleaner-like nose to suck up an enemy, then spit them out, damaging them. Works like King DeDeDe's Inhale move.

Final Smash: Shocking Revelation - The screen turns black, and all sound disappears. Text on the screen reads: "And so, Birdo revealed the truth about its gender." The sound and screen turn to normal. All opponents' brains have melted from the shock of finding out the truth about Birdo, and they stand there like total idiots (so Birdo can attack them) for about 10 seconds.