Writing (Taking ideas/requests)Kamara's Poem Collection

[Kamara12]

I am a newbie here, but I am a pretty good Poet. Here are some poems I wrote.

Aura

Aura surrounds us
It is always changing
From red, the color of hate
To blue, the color of peace.
Aura is emotion and it is power
to those that seek to control it.


Fighter

Punch for Punch
Kick for Kick
Sweat for Sweat
Those are the traits
of a determined fighter.

Victory is life
Defeat is death
Mercy is weakness
That is the chosen life
of a determined fighter.

More are coming soon

 

[TheOtterBoy]

RE: My Poems

These are pretty great, and the Aura one is beautiful. You must have put lots of thought in these.
Keep 'em coming!

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Kamara's Poem Collection

I liked Fighter myself, but I feel like it should have been a lot longer and possibly written as an epic poem that chronicled the life of a fighter rather than just stating what it's like. Likewise, I think Aura could have been a little longer too and focus on slightly more romantic themes. But then, those are just my thoughts. I'm not much of a poet myself, so I can only make minor remedial suggestions.

 

[Kamara12]

RE: Kamara's Poem Collection

Thanks for the critiques. Next batch...

PEACE

What is peace?
Peace can be a lie
To those that lie
Peace can be hope
To those that hope
Peace can be silence
To those that are silent
What is peace?

 

[TheBugManiac]

RE: Kamara's Poem Collection

I really like Peace. You made clever use of language, stuck to your idea without unnecessary decorum, and generally got an interesting idea across. The only nitpick I have is that it seems a bit too short to repeat a sentence to the letter.

I‘m not nearly as impressed by the other poems though. Aura simply states something as a fact, which basically kills your expressivity. If a poem doesn‘t involve the reader or allow the writer to express a feeling, its beauty has to be in the form. It is OK on that count, but your description didn‘t particularly wow me.

Fighter suffers much of the same problems, but seems a bit more elegant in construction to me.

 

[Kamara12]

RE: Kamara's Poem Collection

Edit: Never mind. That one to me sounded worse than the original.

Next Poem: Forest

Wind Blowing
Dew falling
Pokemon Playing
Humans talking
Spring Morning