Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!!!

RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

Monday, December 7, 1992

Joe Albert Ruiz, 19, was arrested in Santa Maria in September. Police said he had broken into a car in the middle of the night and was in the trunk, disconnecting the rear speakers, when the trunk closed and locked him in.

Neighbors reported strange noises, and a police officer called to the scene heard Ruiz banging on the trunk and yelling, "Let me out!"

That was my dad's cousins joke
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

Airman829 said:
KamikazE said:
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
Click to expand...

ROFL
Click to expand...

Thanks...More jokes will be posted soon...
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

A blond girl goes into a library and says “can I have a cheese burger please”. A guy says “This is a library”. So the the blond whisperes “Can I have a cheese burger please”.
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

Two Tourists

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching
Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's
name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they
stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we
order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please
pronounce where we are... very slowly?
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr,
Kiiiing."
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

This is not a joke but a riddle. Please reply!

A murderer is charged in court for killing 20 women.The judge gave him three choices on how to end his life. If you were the murderer, which would you choose and state why.

1. A room fulled of 10 gunmen holding rifle
2. A room filled with lions which have not eaten for two months.
3.A room on fire.
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

Number 1 ?

Anyway, here is one

*smack*
"Uh, why did you just smack me with a trout ?"
"Because the mackerel wasnt fresh."
*drums*
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

I have a joke!

It's a spanish joke but I'll transate it.

Three people are on a island and don't have anything to drink.
One day they found a huge bottle of soda and fought for it.
"Let's have a contest", the first one said.
"What kind", asked the second.
"A jumping contest. Who ever can jump the farthest wins", said the third.
The first person jumps and gets 9ft.
"I could have done better, but this shoes hurt my feet."
The second person jumps and gets 6ft.
"I could of done better,but these shorts were falling.
The third one jumps and got 2ft.
"I would of done better, but I got full from drinking the soda."
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

CrazyAipom said:
I have a joke!

It's a spanish joke but I'll transate it.

Three people are on a island and don't have anything to drink.
One day they found a huge bottle of soda and fought for it.
"Let's have a contest", the first one said.
"What kind", asked the second.
"A jumping contest. Who ever can jump the farthest wins", said the third.
The first person jumps and gets 9ft.
"I could have done better, but this shoes hurt my feet."
The second person jumps and gets 6ft.
"I could of done better,but these shorts were falling.
The third one jumps and got 2ft.
"I would of done better, but I got full from drinking the soda."
Click to expand...

lol good one...
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

Thanks

Here's joke I found on the internet:

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

CrazyAipom said:
Thanks

Here's joke I found on the internet:

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Click to expand...

Good one...How about this

The guy approached a beautiful looking woman in a mall and asked, "You know, I've lost my girlfriend here in the mall. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful babe, my girlfriend appears out of nowhere."
 
what's the difference between a fish and the Godfather?
one has an i and the other an o.
see if you can figure that one out.
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

3 women are stuck on an island, a brunete, a red-head and a blonde. They try swimming to the shore. The brunete swam 1/4 of the way and drowned. The red-head swam 1/2 the way and then drowned. The blonde swam 3/4 of the way, but got tired so she swam back to the island.

Man 1: I just saw the most boring movie ever
Man 2: What was it?
Man 1: Some doccumentary on the dumbest man on the planet
Man 2: That sounds funny though.
Man 1: What's funny about watching George Bush trying to turn on his computer for 5 hours?
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

ok here´s one also it´s a mexican joke but it´s funny:


so a man is running in the street and finds a cop in the corner and yells at him:

man:mr. cop...mr. cop¡¡¡
Cop: whaddya want?
man: mr. cop..there´s a rude man in the other side of the street...and i kindly asked him what time it was...and he said "you have 5 mins to get bent"...
Cop: then you better rush...you only have 1 min left.
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

Serjent_Tankian said:
3 women are stuck on an island, a brunete, a red-head and a blonde. They try swimming to the shore. The brunete swam 1/4 of the way and drowned. The red-head swam 1/2 the way and then drowned. The blonde swam 3/4 of the way, but got tired so she swam back to the island.
Click to expand...

I lol'd so hard at this joke.
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

What is the difference between a Nazi and a Trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
 
I got one...

There is three guys, they work on top of a skyscraper.
The first guy says "If I have a sandwitch for lunch one more time I'll kill myself."
The second guy says "If I have a hotdog for lunch one more time I'll kill myself."
The Third guy says "If I have hamburger for lunch one more time I'll kill myself."
The next day they all got what they didn't want and they killed themselves. It came time for there funeral.
The first guy's wife said "If I knew he didn't like sandwitches I wouldn't have packed it."
The second guy's wife said "If I knew he didnn't like hotdogs I wouldn't have packed it."
Then they all looked at the third guy's wife and she said "Don't look at me he packs his own lunch."

How do you like it?
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

I have an ok one.

Theres three girls about to be executed at a Military camp . One is a blond one is a brunet and one is a redhead. The executers are about to shoot the brunet but she yells out EARTHQUAKE and the gunmen look away and the brunet escapes. The gunmen are about to shoot the redhead but she yells out TORNADO! The gunmen look away and she escapes. Well the blond catches on so when she is about to get shot she yells out FIRE.
 
RE: Tell jokes any make sure its funny!!

ok here is mine
I woman's husband just died.During this same time a different man took a trip down to Texas .Once he got there he was suppose to E-mail his wife and tell her he was ok.So when he got ther he did just that.Exept he put in the E-mail address to the widow.It said..
Hello dear wife,
It is really hot down here.I hope I see you soon.
Love your husband
Later that evening the widow read this letter and then the widow fainted.
 
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